Weighty Matters

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If It Doesn’t Fit, Ship!

It’s really been an up and down week, hasn’t it?  Sadness and turmoil in the beginning, finding balance mid-week, now finishing up on good, happy notes.  For someone who tends to eat over emotions, getting myself on track and not continuing with that behavior was a challenge, but ultimately, I feel successful now.

Wearing size 18W capris is nothing short of amazing to me.  I had another clothing NSV too.  I’d ordered two dresses in what I was sure was my new smaller size.  They arrived yesterday and I absolutely love one of them, except it’s too big!  Too big as in I can’t even fake it through wearing it this coming weekend and then getting it taken in.  (I tried talking myself into doing just that but a friend talked me out of wearing it at all in this size.)

I really do need the even smaller size.  I thought about just taking this one to the seamstress and having it altered, figuring that would be cheaper than shipping it back and paying for shipping for the new garment, but now I’ve decided to just start fresh.  If I didn’t like the dress so much, I wouldn’t bother, but it will look really nice when I wear it to a conference in the beginning of May.

I’m discovering more than new sizes and am venturing into brave, newer territory on style and design.  I have to say that this requires me to expand the boundaries of my comfort zone.  I’m used to decades of trying to hide my weight, not that I ever really could, but I believed that at least I dressed size-appropriate and looked as good as I could manage.  I covered up the flaws as best I could.  I didn’t wear blouses that were so small the buttons strained to keep the garment closed and gaps showed anyway.  My pants weren’t too tight and dresses hopefully masked the worst bulges and bumps.

Maybe this all worked and maybe it didn’t, but at least I believed that it did and that helped.

Now it’s time to rediscover style and try new things to find out what flatters me at this current size.  The dress that I’m going to order in a smaller size has a banded waist so, it actually shows my waist.  Some of the new blouses I bought are more fitted in the midsection too.  The dress that I bought a couple of weeks ago, which I will now definitely wear next weekend at the event, came with a wide, stretchy belt that again, accentuated the waistline.  I actually have a waistline now.  Who’d a thunk?  I hate the belt, but not because it’s wide and stretchy.  It’s a bright limey-yellowy green which is one of my least favorite colors and definitely not in my color palette.  If it was neon blue, purple, turquoise, cherry red or something else that I liked, I’d be set.  I’ve searched for other wide, stretchy belts but no luck.

I found a belt that has cute bedazzling on cream colored grosgrain but was concerned that it wasn’t wide enough.  I tried on the ensemble for a friend last night.  She and I decided that this belt will honestly look pretty.  I don’t want to tie it in back so she’s going to help me measure off what fits and then I’ll sew in some snaps.

The only part on which we disagree is whether I need to wear panty hose.  Down here in the Keys, you can get away with wearing pretty much anything and not adding stockings.  However, this dress is not only fitted at the waist, but the length is also above the knee.   The good news about my weight loss is, well, that I’ve lost so much.  The bad news is that I am beginning to see some skin sag and wrinkling in areas of my body.  When I had the dress on last night, I immediately saw the wrinklyness (made  up word) of my skin between the hem and my knee.  My friend thinks nobody else will notice, but I know it exists.  Because I know it’s there, I’m going to be self-conscious about it.  So, as much as I dislike pantyhose, I think I will be much more comfortable putting on a pair for this event.

What’s the point of wearing a great, new, sassy dress that makes me feel good about my weight loss and fitness efforts if my pleasure will be tainted by worry about saggy skin?   I know myself well enough to know that I’ll obsess about it all week and all of that night.  Far better to make the hosiery decision now and be done!

I have to say that it’s a fun adventure to consider clothes in styles that I would never have dreamed of wearing when I was heavier, if indeed they were even available in large enough sizes.  If requires some self-trust, too.  I need to be confident that I’ll know whether I honestly look good in something I’ve put on.  I also have to fight the old tendency to go for looser, roomier garments and remind myself that even the prettiest dress won’t look good on me if it’s too big.  That’s what I had to learn and accept yesterday and what will help me as I move forward into the future.

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Step by Step, Day by Day

Three good days under my belt, each accomplished one day at a time. It’s amazing how much more balanced I feel in my head and emotions.  The scale is much more balanced, too, as the bloat/water weight has come off.  The only thing that’s lacking a little this week is my exercise.  Zumba class was cancelled and we hit some cruddy weather that reduced the opportunity to walk as often as I like.  Still, I made Tai Chi class on Wednesday, practiced a few times on other days, and got the dogs out for walks when I could.  So, I’m not going to beat myself up about it.  I can make up more exercise time tomorrow and Sunday.

I’m really proud of myself for getting back on track with my food.  What’s that proverb that it isn’t important how often we’re knocked down, but how often we get up?  That’s how I feel.  So far, whenever I hit rough patches, I’ve managed to pull myself together.

Going back to basics helps.  Remembering powerful tools like one day at a time, give me a useable method.   I chanted it like a mantra in my head and it got me past some temptation.  I looked at foods that aren’t on my plan and said, “No, not this time.  Not today.”

I didn’t whine about it.  I didn’t resent having to say no to certain foods.  I cultivated an attitude of, “What’s more important at this moment, today?”  That is always an easy answer.  I am important.  My recovery remains more important than food.

I’m not going to gain back all of my weight.  I’m not going to stay at my current number.  I’m going to continue to lose and get to my goal.

After three good days, I experienced a tremendous NSV.  A friend has been staying with me for a couple of weeks.  She’s also losing weight.  We’re at about the same number but with different body types.  She’s a few inches taller than I am so if we way about the same, the weight distributes differently on each of us.  I got home from work today and said that my size 20W denim capris are starting to feel a little loose.  She went to her room and brought out a pair of denim capris in 18W and suggested that I try them on.  “Oh, I’m not ready for this small a size yet,” I said, but I tried them anyway.

They fit!  Even more so, they’re comfortable and look great!  Do you know how long it’s been since I could wear an 18W?  You don’t?  Well, I don’t either, but it was a helluva long time ago.

Because of the differences in our shapes, the 18Ws are too big for her and she can fit into a straight 18.  Guess who now has a new pair of cute denim capris?  Yes, she gave them to me on the spot.

This positive reinforcement strengthens my determination to have another strong day tomorrow.  Step by step, day by day, I can keep building a successful life.

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One Day at a Time

Checking in to say that I had a good day yesterday food wise. This morning I’m geared up for another one. Thank you again for your support and encouragement.

One day at a time is a basic but effective approach to dealing with addiction. It reduces the enormity of a future into simpler more manageable steps. I don’t have to dwell on how to keep this up for months or how much weight I’ll lose and how fast. I only need to concentrate on what and how I eat today.

Day by day by day I can establish a string of successful days. The rest of the issue will then fall into line.

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Rocky Road

I’ve been absent from the blog for a couple of days.  I didn’t want to post and be a downer but today I remembered that this blog isn’t about me being all sunshine, rainbows and bright lights all of the time.  It’s about being honest and authentic as I continue on this journey.  So, here I am tonight, warts and all.  I’m struggling with my food plan and have absolutely no idea why.

I’ve been doing well and don’t know what rock on this road tripped me up.  I haven’t had a major crisis.  Nothing in the universe reached out to smack me.  There isn’t anything big to trigger me screwing up my plan.

When I thought about the journey being a rocky road I remembered something that I learned a long time ago.  Sometimes it isn’t the big rocks that throw you off stride.   It’s the small pebble beneath the rock that makes it unstable and out of balance.  I haven’t identified the pebble yet either, but in the end, the why of it doesn’t matter as much as what I do because of it.  More to the point, it’s what I don’t do that really matters, as in not going off track.

Once I stumble, life can be a treacherous, slippery slope.  Going off of my food plan slows my progress which adds to my emotional upset and frustration.  Then I start feeling bad, get angry with myself for not keeping in control and that makes me want to eat more.  All of that is crap and totally unnecessary.  Really, I can save myself a lot of aggravation and upset if I don’t tumble down that slope, but it’s hard not to fall in with what is so very familiar.   Destructive or not, addictive eating is very familiar.

That, too, is crap.  Everything about this journey involves changing old behaviors and staying far, far away from the way I used to act and the poor choices that I made.

I reached out to a long time, dear friend of mine who is on the same journey.  She also has a lot of years in program.  I simply shared that I’m struggling and could use some good thoughts, energy and prayers.  I received what is easily the longest single text message I’ve ever gotten.  It was loaded with shared understanding, support and excellent reminders.

The best reminders are simple.  One day at a time.  Stay in the present.  Remember that the pain of food is greater than any imaginary soothing.

Tomorrow is a new day.  When I wake up, the day is an opportunity to start fresh without addictive eating, negative feelings, frustration or sorrow.  I’m going to promise this to myself that it will be a good day on my food plan.  I’m not thinking ahead to whether I’ll lose weight in a day, or have gained it because of yesterday and today.  I’m not planning what will happen on Thursday.   All that matters is that tomorrow, Wednesday, be a good day on my food plan.  I’ll stay in the present and do it one day at a time.

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Venturing Out Solo

You all know that I’m single and in my 50s.  I have numerous friends, but a lot of the local ones are younger and married and there are many more who live a few hours away.  So, it isn’t always easy for me to call someone up and make spontaneous plans for an evening out.

Over the years I’ve learned how to venture out solo if there’s something that I want to do and don’t have a friend to do it with.  When you’re a single woman, this is a valuable asset.  Otherwise, you spend a lot of time sitting home, often resentful because you really want to be out… there…doing…something…fun.

I will admit that when I got to my way high weight, I ventured out solo less often and avoided some activities unless they were ones with which I was very familiar, like to a local movie theater.  Funny how the whole solo thing can become more of an issue at night, right?  I’ve never thought twice about it when a day time event like a festival or a craft fair is involved.  Fat or thinner, I won’t eat alone in restaurants around my home area, but I don’t have an issue with it if I’m traveling.  Another odd aspect of the whole venturing solo deal.

Anyway, back to today.  I’m venturing out alone tonight.  Some people I recently got to know through a business-connected program are involved in a fundraising event up the Keys.  The organization is raising money for scholarships for kids to teach them fishing, marine conservation and the like.  The party is a casino night.  I love casino nights, particularly those that take place in actual casinos with real money, but, hey, black jack is black jack whether the chips you cash in result in actual cash or in prize points.  When the announcement/invitation was issued, I decided to accept.  I asked a couple of friends if they wanted to go but the ticket price was a little more than they wanted to spend.  I refused to let absence of a companion get in my way.

The theme is country western.  I even dug through my closet and found my boots.  I haven’t worn them in about 10 years.  At some point my feet got a little too big to maneuver through the boot shaft.  I tried them on yesterday and, ta da, they fit again!  My jeans fit me well so all I need to do is decide what top to wear and I’m set.

Even more than the outfit, I have my attitude in place.  I refuse to feel uncomfortable or awkward because I’m flying solo.  I have no problem socializing with people I know or introducing myself to people I don’t.  Sitting at a card table without a partner is not as obvious as a dining table at, say, a wedding.  I am 100% open to the feeling that this will be a fun night.

Whether the cards go my way doesn’t matter.  I already feel like a winner!

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Dispelling the Fat & Jolly Myth

There’s long been a myth that fat people are jolly.  You see happy obese people in books, movies, television shows.  It’s almost a stereotype.  However, logical, reasonable people realize that being overweight does not create an abundance of happiness.  I’m not saying that all of us who are or were overweight are miserable all of the time, but we’re not Ho, Ho, Hoing all over the place a disproportionate amount of our lives.

We’re happy sometimes.  We’re sad sometimes.  We can be jolly and upbeat and the opposites also hold true.

Just like with other people.

Now, there are no doubt many overweight people who put on the show of being smiley, happy, full of joie de vivre and perennially upbeat, regardless of whether we’re actually feeling those things.  I spent years going out of my way to do whatever I could so that people would like me.  I was convinced I had to work harder at this.  I had to put out this shining, everything’s great, whatever you want I’ll go along with it demeanor.  That’s how positive I was that being fat literally and figuratively outweighed my perfectly fine, loveable qualities.  Yes, that was all the bloom of that stinkwood known as lousy self-esteem.

To the friends who knew me and stuck with me in those years, loving me for me no matter what, you have my love and my gratitude.  I wish I’d understood myself better and been able to accept myself the way that you always did and continue to do today.

This is not the real root of this post.  It’s just something that came to mind while I was processing some other emotional stuff that’s been going on for me this week so I thought I’d put it out there.  I don’t actually have a conclusion or anything wise to say about the fat and jolly myth, but it’s better that I put the bleckidy blurk blurk out in the post than keep it inside.

Anyway, the last two days have been fairly crappy for me emotionally.  I even had a mini-meltdown about it yesterday.  In retrospect, I can laugh.  When some people have meltdowns, it’s like emotional lava spewing up and then running down the sides, destroying everything in its path.  When I was much younger, if I’d stuffed anger for too long and then something triggered the eruption, it was ugly.  When I finally expressed that I was really, really mad, everybody around me knew it.  Hell, everyone in a three block radius probably heard it.

Now, with, *cough* maturity, I’m much more contained.  This is not the same as repressed.  It’s just that I don’t keep a lid on things until the steam pressure builds and explodes.  I’ll vent appropriately to a friend.  If the situation has reached the point where I feel overwhelmed or overcome, I shut the door and have a nice, private cry.

So, it’s been that kind of two days.  While the emotional stew has bubbled I have, naturally, wanted to eat everything in sight.  I’ve been good about resisting the food urges for the most part.

I’m glad it’s the weekend.  I’m really glad that I have an evening where I can take my tea and my dogs out onto my porch and just chill out.  I’m also going to be honest with myself and say that, overall, I’m grumpy as all get out.  Seriously irritable and prickly, and it’s obvious.   I went to get a polish change on my nails.  While the polish dried, I was enjoying some relaxation in the massaging pedicure chair, just sort of zoning.  Someone in the salon walked over and just sort of proclaimed, “Wow, you look tired, Mary.”

I really hate when someone says that to me.  Nice Mary would have given her a small smile and a polite, “It’s been a long week” response.  Tonight, I instead gave her a somewhat, “I can’t believe you said that” look and a moderately sarcastic, “Gee, thanks.”

A few moments later when I was leaving, a perfectly nice woman who just saw me a few days ago said, again loudly despite the fact that there were many customers in the salon, “You’ve lost even more weight, Mary!”   Well, the truth is that I haven’t since she saw me a few days ago.  I could, and probably should, have let the comment lie with only a polite, “Thank you”.  But instead I said, “No, not really.”  At least when the other woman then said, “Oh, but you look wonderful anyway”, I was able to find a scrap of my normal graciousness and thank her for the compliment.

I thought about this and the last couple of days while I ran into the supermarket, when I got home, as I ate and tried to figure out what is bothering me the most.

Then I read Jenny Crusie’s Good Wolf Lunch post on Reinventing Fabulous.  I realized that my Bad Wolf is telling me that I was a bitch and haven’t been playing nice with others.  The Bad Wolf wants me to think I’m wrong for being pissed off about some stuff that happened this week because, after all, fat people aren’t supposed to be pissy.  We’re supposed to always be jolly.  The Bad Wolf says, “You know better.  Suck it up.”

The Good Wolf says, “Nobody on the planet is required to be in a good mood all of the time. ”  The Good Wolf reminds me that I’m perfectly allowed to be cranky sometimes and to respond with authenticity even if authentic at that moment does not mean sunshine and roses.

So, tonight I give myself permission to just be however I want, to feel my feelings whether negative or positive, and to not feel badly about myself for any reason.  That’s how tonight I will live in reality instead of myth.

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Pictures

A co-worker and I went to a business organization meeting last night to accept a donation check.  Pictures were taken.  I just downloaded them to my computer, looked them over and thought how nice it is that I wasn’t trying to hide behind the oversized cardboard “check”.

I still have more photos to go through from the Hawaii trip but in thinking about photographs, I remembered how different my attitude was on the journey.  Now that I’ve lost so much weight, I don’t internally cringe when someone points a camera in my direction.  I wanted photos taken of me on the adventures we had in on our trip.  I like having the picture reminders of the good times we enjoyed and also remember that I was a full and active participant!

Such a different attitude, I can’t even tell you!  Prior to this weight loss, I haven’t really enjoyed seeing myself in pictures since as far back as 1997 and even then it’s not like I walked around thinking, “Camera!  Photo Op!  WOOHOO!”

For years I wanted to hide in back of people, or in back of anything.   When I was so overweight, it’s not like the “camera always adds five pounds” mentality that we hear so much about.  I was more like, “Oh my God, I don’t want this evidence, these reminders.”  I hated looking at myself and didn’t want anyone else to see me in photos either.

Enjoying photos and not having my first thought be, “Eww.  You’re so gross” is such a pleasure and an extremely welcome change.  It’s so much better to look at a photo, remember the good times, and be happy that I can see myself having fun.

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Supplemental Ensurance

Following up on the greens, fruits, veggie antioxidant conversation, let’s talk vitamins and other nutritional supplements.  Do you take them?

I know that people who had the gastric bypass surgery really need to combat malabsorption of vitamins and other nutrients because the operation reroutes their digestive system.  With the VSG that I had, that malabsorption isn’t a major issue, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t need to take some supplements.

Even if you haven’t had weight loss surgery, there are probably vitamins that you are, or should take, right?

At the moment, I have an impressive variety of pills that I’m supposed to take.  There’s a full multi-vitamin that consists of three honking big pills.  We wls patients need to take B12 but that’s not a “regular” pill because something’s now missing from our stomach that helps it properly absorb.  I have a sublingual variety that I pop under my tongue and let dissolve.  That sounds like a little thing but I’m having problems with the timing.  More on timing later.

Calcium is another must.  I don’t worry too much about Vitamin D because I get sun exposure for at least 15 minutes a day just in walking around in the morning before I’ve slapped on sunscreen.

Over the last several months, I’ve begun to experience more dryness in my eyes.  Fewer tears mean more debris which makes my contact lenses uncomfortable.  I finally spoke to the eye doctor about this last week.  She suggested a step by step approach to the problem.  She recommended some rewetting/lubricating solutions that are preservative free.  There are some drops I’m supposed to use when my contacts are out before I go to bed and when I first wake up.  Then she instructed me to take this vitamins that are high in Omega 3s.  I don’t eat seafood so Omega 3s are a good supplement for a number of reasons but these pills are also large and I have to take two each day.

In order to keep my digestive process, umm, moving along on a diet that’s high in protein, I take Colace capsules and a probiotic tablet in the morning too.  This combo has been an enormous help on a “regular” basis.  I’m hoping that increasing my supplemental greens will also help in this area.  (Quick aside: I went to the health food store and consulted the owner.  She suggested a super concentrated powder made of quality greens that can be added to my smoothies or even plain water.  In addition to antioxidants, it’s also helpful in that digestive area.)

Anyway, If I take all of the supplements that I’m supposed to, it means choking down ten pills, including five big honkers, in the morning plus the dissolving B12.

Holy pill popping, Batman!  Oh, I almost forgot.  I’m also on a dissolving probiotic to help with gum health but I usually pop that one in before I hit the shower so that it’s gone by the time I brush my teeth.

Anyway, I know that all of these supplements are important and I need to incorporate them into my program, but I want to manage them better.  I’m currently reviewing which need to be taken on a full stomach, which shouldn’t be taken together, and some other factors.  Then I want to see if I can split up the big array and take some in the morning and the rest at night.   believe that will be a doable, but more convenient schedule.

How about you?  What are you supposed to take?  Do you?  Got any good scheduling strategies?

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Eating O’ the Greens

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone.  I don’t have a drop of Irish blood in me, so it’s not like this is a big celebratory day for me.  I’m also not a big fan of beer — green or otherwise, although I do love some good corned beef and cabbage.

My topic today comes courtesy of the letter A, as in antioxidants.  Last week, I had a regular deep cleaning and scaling of my teeth at the dentist’s office.  Thanks to genetics, I have a tendency toward problem gums so I go four times a year for this care.  It’s a constant battle at home, waged with good brushing habits, special solutions in my hydro-floss, flossing, etc.

On this trip, the hygenist also talked to me about fighting the fight on the nutritional front, too.   Now, I already knew that antioxidants are important in preventing or combatting a whole bunch of diseases and problems including heart disease and cancer.  I just never thought of them in terms of gum health.  Those free radicals that contribute to those problems are rotten little bastards and antioxidants help our atoms and cells wage war.

The office now offers a quick scan to determine the level of antioxidants in your body.  It takes five minutes while a machine scans your palm and produces the reading.  I guess it’s no surprise that my level is low.  Not only do I not eat much, but the foods that I eat are more focused on protein.  I need more colorful veggies and fruits in my diet to build up my antioxidant levels.

The challenge is how to accomplish the increase.  Smoothies help because I can get in fruit servings in pureed form which slides into my stomach without stuffing it.  Good soups also work too.  There are also numerous opportunities to incorporate good greens.  I’m trying to use more kale, baby spinach and other leafy greens.  I throw handfuls into the blender with the smoothies.  I sautee a little baby spinach for a vegetable side dish at dinner.  I also drink a couple of cups of green tea each day.

It’s important for me to remain cognizant of this aspect of my overall nutrition.  So, a couple of times this week,  I made egg salad and hummus wraps using romaine lettuce instead of tortillas.  Less carbs, more antioxidants!  I also drink a couple of cups of green tea every day.   In recent weeks, I started eating prunes every day to help with my digestive system.  Nice bonus to discover that they are high in antioxidants too!

I just made a pot of onion soup a la Bobby Deen.  Even though I got the recipe from a book, I incorporated additional things that I saw him do when he made a dish on his Cooking Channel show.  He used vegetable broth instead of beef broth to reduce the sodium and then added rainbow chard.  I didn’t have chard so I used a mix of greens including spinach, kale, arugula and so on.  The onions also add antioxidants.  The good thing about the greens is that they appear to have good concentrations of antioxidants but are less in volume.  Their flexibility lets me build them into my limited food quantity.

I can practically feel my antioxidant atoms charging around and sharing their extra electrons with those free radicals to build my body’s defense system.

In the info provided to me by my hygenist, I found this list of the Top 20 best antioxidant foods:

  1. Small red beans
  2. Wild blueberries
  3. Kidney beans
  4. Pinto beans
  5. Blueberries (I assume the non-wild kind.)
  6. Cranberries
  7. Artichokes
  8. Blackberries
  9. Prunes
  10. Raspberries
  11. Strawberries
  12. Red Delicious and Granny Smith apples,
  13. Pecans
  14. Sweet cherries
  15. Black plums
  16. Russet potatoes
  17. Black beans
  18. Plums
  19. Gala apples
  20. Walnuts

There are a whole bunch of other things like antioxidant vitamins — Vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin E;  Vitamin cofactors and minerals including Coenzyme Q10, Selenium, Zinc and Manganese; Carotenoids; and Flavanoid polyphenolics.

Can I do all of this all of the time?  Oh hell no!  Can I do more of them more consistently in my daily food plan.  Certainly!

That’s the plan.  Just like I’ve reduced the amount of sugar, bad fats and carbs in my diet, I can make choices that include good, healthy, disease-fighting elements.  I love many of the foods on that Top 20 list already.   The question is whether I can physically ingest enough each day to make a difference.  My challenge for the next few months is to do what I can on a daily basis without overeating and while still getting in my required protein.  When I return to the dentist, we’ll repeat the scan and see if my numbers have improved.

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Disconnection

I don’t guide my life by my astrology charts, but I have to admit that I think there is some strange cosmic validity to Mercury in retrograde and the way that things get messed up during those times of the year.  I think of it as planetary Murphy’s Law.  Communications, paperwork and stuff that should just be simple to accomplish all go screwy.

A week ago on Friday, my iPhone blinked and when it returned, my phone contacts had vanished.  I didn’t have my main laptop with me on my weekend jaunt to Miami so I had to wait until I returned home on Sunday in order to resynch my phone.  Even then, because I am truly bad about remembering to back up my phone, I lost any numbers that I’d added since last June.

My brother recommended that I activate “The Cloud” to make a backup accessible from wherever.  I truly meant to do that last week but I was formidably busy both at work and in the evenings.  I thought I’d be fine and went about getting in touch with some colleagues and asking them to resend their phone numbers to I could replace the numbers that were still missing.  In the meantime, the wind blew up around the Keys and, for reasons I am yet to figure out, that messed up my home Internet service.  I couldn’t stay online for more than a few minutes at a time before the service would go out, reset, come back, go out, resent, come back, lather, rinse and repeat.

The long and short of this tale of woe is that yesterday, at almost the exact time as the previous week, when one factors in that we leapt forward an hour, my phone blinked again and my contacts once more disappeared.  I called AT&T and then spoke with Apple.  The only thing Apple could suggest was that I restore my phone as if new.

Last night was a long, drawn-out affair of  resynching, then uploading to the Cloud (three hours!), then restoring the phone which also involved upgrading to the latest operating system and then synching back my contacts, apps, calendar, etc. etc. etc, blah, blah blah.

I persevered and everything appears to be fine.  Let’s see if it remains so after 9:00 a.m. eastern time next Friday.

So what does all of this complaining have to do with my weighty matters?  I had a really good food week last week with a steady weight loss, as you know.  Then, beginning last night and continuing through to today I’ve had a consistent urge to snack.  I also wanted more carbs and chocolate.

I do not think this is coincidental.  It just goes to show that no matter how far I come and how much success I achieve in this journey, I still need to battle compulsive eating.   As important is that I need to battle the things that trip my trigger.  Stress is one of those trip wires.

When I think about it, it’s honestly ridiculous to let phone and communication challenges throw me off track.  I’ve definitely been offline.  Time to reboot, restore and resynch myself.

I’m not going to punish myself with stinking thinking, castigating myself for being human and fallible.  I went to the supermarket tonight and bought “healthy” goods that are on my good plan.  I’m already planning out the next few days of meals.  Tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day.  I’m not planning to indulge in wild partying, although I am going to a local St. Patrick’s Day Parade.  Actually, I’m walking in it.  I’m on the Board of Directors for the organization that runs the local animal shelter.  The executive director asked a few days ago for volunteers who were willing to come and walk some of the shelter dogs in the parade.  The weather’s supposed to be really nice and I know this is a great opportunity to show off some of the animals that need to be adopted into new “furever” homes.  I’ll walk my own pups in the morning for our mutual exercise, and then enjoy the parade stroll.

After, I’ll stop by one of the local restaurants for a quick bite of some corned beef and cabbage, but avoid the beer.

While my Irish friends and those who want to be Irish for the day connect with the holiday, I’ll reconnect with my journey and goals.

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