Weighty Matters

I guess yesterday’s clothing purge began the “Out with the Old” portion of my end-of-year activities.  Tonight, I tried something new — a mamey sapote.  It’s a native Mexican fruit that I’d never  heard of until last month.  I heard of it for the first time last month and I’m glad I heard someone say that its delicious because I’d have passed right over it in a produce section.  The fruit is shaped like a small football with a bark-like outer skin.  Definitely not the most visually appealing food until you cut it open and see the dark salmon-colored flesh.  The texture is sort of like a very ripe avocado.  It tastes sweet and unlike any other fruit I can think of.

Not to go all Food Network chef on you, but the mouth feel of the mamey is luxurious and pairs well with the yummy taste.  I ate a few spoonfuls and then put the rest in a bowl for future enjoyment.  I then went on line to read about it, of course.  Turns out the mamey is high in Vitamins A and C, potassium and dietary fiber.  There are 20 mg of sugar in a cup.  Considering that I ate about 1/4 of a cup, that’s not bad at all!  I liked it so much, I think I’m going to try it in a smoothie tomorrow, too.

So, it’s New Year’s Eve, counting down the end of 2012, unless you live on the other side of the International Dateline, in which case you’re already in 2013.  I had a couple of invitations to go out to open houses and parties but I opted for a quiet night at home with the dogs.   I might still be awake at midnight for the big ball drop.  (A good friend works for Waterford Crystal.  They make the ball for Times Square every year.  I found out tonight that most of the crystals used each year are salvaged and reused, but new ones are always added.)

I stopped making resolutions several years ago, mostly because I always seemed to set myself up for failure.  Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, I’d flunk out on the resolutions I’d made and end up feeling lousy.  That’s no way to live a happy, productive life.   This year, I’m trying something new.  I’ve written down some suggestions and things that I’d like to work on in the days ahead.  Instead of sharply defining these things, I’ve made them more broad-based.  So, you won’t see me say that I’m going to walk two miles every day or that I’m going to drink 80 ounces of fluids each day.  I’m not pledging to lose 20 pounds before I go to Hawaii.

I don’t have an extensive list to begin 2013.  Like my Promise List, I prefer to check-in with myself on a regular basis and adjust as needed.   Here’s what I did come up with for starters.

I intend to practice my Tai Chi, including the foundation moves, at home more often than I’ve been doing.

I’m going to drink more fluids each day than I have been.

I’m going to continue exercising the way that I have been, stepping up as I get more fit.  I need to get in more work on my arms and butt, too.

As much as I hate keeping a food log, I’m going to write down my food at some point every day.  (This is one of the rare, specific “every day” plans.)  Ideally, I’ll write my food plan first thing in the morning.  If the day’s circumstances mean I can’t do that, or if I deviate, I will faithfully enter the details in My Fitness Plan.

I’m going to tackle The Room of Hopeless Clutter, step by step, and finally clear it.  The rest of my house is nice and tidy.  This room is in horrible shape.  Here.  Look for yourself.   

Seriously horrible, isn’t it?  I wasn’t kidding.  Those boxes against the window hold new copies of my two books.  When my publisher put them out of print, they offered me as many copies as I wanted for a very low price, plus shipping.  I bought many, thinking I’d eventually sell them at conferences and conventions.  This was before the e-pub explosion.  Now I figure these will never sell.  I should probably recycle most of the boxes.  That will probably happen this year.

I wish I could figure out how to get all of the text below the photos but WordPress isn’t cooperating at the moment.

On to more suggestions on what I’d like to aim for in 2013.

I want to work with my dogs more than I did this last year.  In improving myself, I didn’t focus on them as much as I should.  Thankfully, they’re reaping some benefit from my increased walking.  That’s something that will definitely continue.  I’m not saying it’s their favorite activity, but it’s good for all of us.  I get bored walking by myself, even with music.

Other suggestions include experiencing more of the things that are on my Promise List, continuing to practice good self-care with medical appointments, skin care, wearing sun block, and treating myself to things I enjoy like facials and therapeutic massages.

Then there’s a category for “Things I Might Like to Try But Am Not Definitely Committing to at This Time”.  Let’s put Pilates and Spinning Class in that category.

The list suddenly seems long, but it really isn’t when I look at the big picture.  Basically, in 2013 I’m going to do the same thing that I did in 2012.  Every day I’m going to live my life like it matters, like I matter, because I do.    Life is good and, no matter what, I’m going to keep it that way.

I’m sitting here a couple of days after Christmas at my brother and sister-in-law’s house.  A gentle snow is falling.  I have a hot cup of tea beside me.  After I write this blog I’ll pack up my stuff and drive over to friends a couple of hours away.  I’ve had a great visit with family and friends so far.  I’m so lucky to live in a loving family.   Even though I live in Florida and only see them a few times a year, when we’re together it’s great.

Food and overeating have not been issues.  I’ve eaten a variety of really delicious food without pigging out.  I’ve had a few too many sweets and carbs than I would normally consume but feel like I’ve balanced them out with exercise.  I was in a hotel one day and hit the treadmill for a half an hour.  On Christmas Eve my older nephew and I walked for almost two miles.  Yesterday, I did Zumba.  All in all, I’m pleased with my handling of my first major holiday with my new lifestyle.

Yesterday I had lunch with a good friend, one I haven’t seen in several years.  She had weight loss surgery two months ago so that is something else that we have in common.  She also understands OA and program so there are many concepts, approaches and thoughts that we share in our approach to recovery.

One of the things we touched on in our conversation was hope.  She’s early in her journey and doing terrific with her weight loss.  (You go, my friend!)  I remember before surgery and even two months after, there were things that I dreamed would happen with weight loss but that I barely could bring myself to hope I’d see.  Now, many of those things are common in my life.  There are more ahead but I’m no longer afraid to hope.  I believe, I know, that I can achieve them as I continue to lose weight and recover.

The rejuvenation of hope has been a phenomenal gift over the last year.  I remember when I was so down and low before making the decision to have surgery.  I had let myself get beaten down by my own disease and my overeating.  As heavy as I was in body, I was heavier in spirit.  Now I am so much lighter in body and soul.

I shared this with my friend because she is still a little in the cautious stage — wanting to hope and believe but still a little afraid to let herself.  I understand this mindset.  When one lives so long in one place emotionally and physically, shedding the fear is incredibly hard.  Taking a leap of faith isn’t easy.  It gets easier with each small step of improvement but it doesn’t happen overnight.

For today, as my holiday week begins to wind down, I’m celebrating the hope that has nested in my heart, perched in my soul.  I continue to look ahead to all that I dream of and know I will achieve as my journey continues.

“Hope” is the thing with feathers –

That perches in the soul –

I’m pushing to finish my last assignment for class so I have no insightful post for the day.  Sorry!  I hope you’ll forgive me because my holiday card is pretty darned cute, if I do say so myself.  Whichever holiday you celebrate, I hope it’s filled with joy.

It’s a beautiful morning.  I’ve already been out with the dogs for a walk on the Old Seven Mile Bridge.  We did 2.25 miles.  I’m now sipping on a fresh smoothie made with a banana, some strawberries, skim milk, protein powder and a little almond butter.

I’m drinking this for a meal instead of the two strips of bacon, scrambled egg and half of an English Muffin I thought about making while I was at mile 1.75 on the bridge.   Honestly, the bacon/egg/muffin breakfast would not have been horrible, but for me this week, the smoothie is the better, healthier choice.

Why did I change my mind between the bridge and getting home?  I started thinking about where I’d like to be with my weight loss at the end of this year and then, a few weeks later, on the one year anniversary of my weight loss surgery.   I’ve made great progress, but it’s been slower in recent months, as I’ve whined talked about here before.   This has been a good lesson.  I’ve sure learned that I know how to eat to maintain my weight loss.  I haven’t gained any of the weight that I’ve lost and that, my friends, is fantastic.  As you know, one of my big fears is that eventually I will screw up and return to my old habits, gain back all of the weight, and waste all of my wonderful effort.

Sometimes FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real.  I don’t want to obsess about it, but at the same time I want to use it to keep myself honest.

So, in this time of holiday parties, never ending supplies of baked goods, and the upcoming change in my daily routine when I go on vacation, I need to continually ask myself, how bad do I want it?

The “it” varies.  In the kitchen at work when I go to get out my healthy, planned for lunch and a loaf of pumpkin bread on the counter tempts me, the “it” could be the pumpkin bread.  Do I want it bad enough to derail my plans for the day?  Is eating it more important than staying on track?

When I come home feeling lazy and don’t want to exercise, the “it” becomes my healthy body.  How badly do I want to keep building  it?

How much do I want it — “it” being a healthy, happy, more fit body and lifestyle — is the big, overall question of my life, when I consider matters.  I asked myself the question a lot last year when I was weighing the decision to have the surgery and going through the months of planning, medical tests, and evaluations.  As you can see, it turns out that I wanted it pretty damn much.  Enough to change my body with surgery.  Enough to commit to the lifestyle change.  Enough to examine my issues and eating disorder, past habits, and new techniques all of the time.

Enough to not eat bacon, egg and English Muffin this morning but to have a healthy protein smoothie instead.

That’s the reality of changing one’s life beginning with weight loss surgery.  Anyone who is considering this step needs to ask themselves the same question.  How much do you want to make the change?  If you can’t answer that you want it enough that you’re willing to go to any lengths and make any commitment to achieve the change, then perhaps surgery isn’t for you just yet.

If you want it and you’re ready, then go for it.