Weighty Matters

The wind came up enough for me to not take out the boat for a ride today.  I opted to unpack the box of clothes that I bought last weekend in New Jersey and, while I was at it, purge some more clothes from my closets.  Just for fun, I put on a pair of jeans that were the largest size I ever had to wear.  They fit me like clown pants, which means they don’t fit at all.  If I pull out the waist band, there’s a good eight inch gap between the material and my body.  I could hold out inches of material on either side of the legs.  Into the donation pile they went.  I hope they find a new home with someone that size who badly needs jeans in good condition.  They are also welcome to the two fleece tops, the corduroy pull over, the three pairs of black pants and various other garments I added to the pile.

As you know, I’ve been stressing all week about clothes for the charity fundraiser I have coming up in three weeks.  It’s a Masquerade party and we’re encouraging guests to dress up.  The night before, I have a dressy but less formal dinner to attend.  I mentioned in an earlier post that my friend bailed me out on the attire for that by loaning me a black sheath dress with a blingy light gauzy jacket/wrap.

For the Masquerade, I really didn’t want to spend a lot of money on a new dress that I most likely will not have a reason to wear again before it becomes too big.  However, I don’t want to look like someone who should be on an episode of What Not to Wear either.  So, I resigned myself to parting with some bucks and started looking online.  I found lots of options –in my old sizes!  Apparently I’m now at a popular size so the dress pickings were slim, to say the least.  This was particularly the case because I will not, under any condition, wear a sleeveless dress or one that has those darling little cap sleeves.  There is nothing darling or little about my upper arms.  Although I can see the defined bicep when I flex the muscle, there’s lots of flab still swinging below.  (Add it to the list of body areas that will eventually need surgical “tightening”.)

I said earlier this week that I finally found a dressy top that I liked.  Yesterday a friend gave me the name and number of a seamstress who can take in the evening pants I relocated in my closet.  I figured that I was set.  Today while I was clothes purging, I remembered that I had several dressy dresses from several years ago that could also be sorted through and purged.

These include a lilac evening gown that I’ve never worn.  I bought it on order maybe six or seven, possibly eight years ago for a wedding.  Unfortunately, even though I measured my body parts and ordered the largest size I’ve ever worn, it didn’t fit right.  Since it was an order, the company wouldn’t let me return it.  I didn’t even need to unzip it to put it on today and it is hanging on me like a big old bag.  Seriously, the bodice was down around my waist.  It’s a lovely gown and was not inexpensive.   I think I should borrow a dress mannequin, photograph it and offer it for sale on ebay.

That got me started trying on these clothes from my past.  This turned out to be an interesting, somewhat puzzling exercise.   Remember that I have not been this weight in longer than I can remember.  I certainly was heavier than I am now when I bought all of these dresses.  After trying them all on I have come to believe that, like the national debt things are bigger now than they were years ago.

The first dress that I pulled out I wore to a black tie optional evening in 1997.  According to the size tag, it is only one size larger than I’m wearing now, so I figured it might actually work for the upcoming event.  I slipped it on and it fit great.  I figure that’s because it’s a fairly straight cut sheath so the extra size up compensates for my curviness even in a smaller body.

Next, I looked at a chiffon cocktail dress with heavily beaded bodice that I wore to my nephew’s bar mitzvah in 2000.  According to the tag, this should have been huge.  While I wasn’t my heaviest at the time, I was definitely larger than I am now.  It’s a good thing that I didn’t go by size tag alone or I’d never have tried this one on today.  It’s a little loose, but the cut and style flatter my smaller figure.  Twelve years ago, the bodice and waist were definitely more snug and, as I recall, I needed to wear a body shaper underneath.  Not so today.  I can definitely wear this to the Masquerade if I so choose.

The third dress is a wine-colored swing dress that I bought for a cousin’s wedding in 1996 or 1997.  I’d been on a diet right before then and had lost around 60 pounds.  I still was bigger than my current weight, but something about the style of this dress made it fit me right even though it was a size 22.  I fully expected this dress to look the best on me today.  It didn’t!  The neckline gapped open and the entire dress hung on me like a shapeless sack.  What the hell?

To recap:  One dress that is a size up from my current size fits great.  One dress that by tag should have been way too big fits me well enough that it’s only a little loose but still wearable and flattering.  One dress that should have fit me perfectly looks like an oversized wine-colored bag.

This makes no sense.  I can only surmise that manufacturers have gradually increased their sizes over the years.  What was a size 22 in the 90s is probably a 26, maybe a 28, today.   A size 4X from 12 or 15 years ago might be today’s 6X.  This doesn’t explain the size 26 of yesteryear that fits like today’s 24, but I think that’s a freak occurence and not the norm.

A friend suggests that we also need to take into account that a “regular” size 24 is smaller than a “woman’s” or “plus” size 24.  So it really could depend on what company made or sold the garment.

At the end of the day, I’m still confused, but at least I can stop stressing over that upcoming event.   I have something to wear and whichever of the two outfits I choose on that day, I’m going to look terrific!

The concert was amazing, despite the two hour delay due to a thunderstorm blowing through the area.  Once the threat of lightning spearing performers or people in the audience passed, the PWTB let us back into our seats and the concert started despite the intermittent rain.  Luckily, just hours before I’d purchased a brand new rain coat at the L.L. Bean store.  I was prepared!

Bruce and the band entertained us for three hours and forty-five minutes, doing 33 songs – not counting the entire stadium singing Happy Birthday to the Boss at the end.  Bruce turned 63 today.  I don’t know about his diet, but the man seriously works out.  He is very fit, and has to be to keep performing and touring this way.  (Allow me a shallow moment.  Whatever exercises he does to work his glutes is highly effective.  IMNSHO, the man has an excellent ass.)

Anytime I go to a Springsteen comment, it’s going to be a major hit of happy, but I had some particularly fine moments yesterday.  Again, I celebrated ease of walking.  It didn’t matter where we parked, I didn’t worry about wearing myself out or straining my knee before the show even started.  Our seats were only about a dozen rows from the top of the big football stadium which meant we had to climb up about a dozen rows.  While it was still a bit challenging on my weaker knee, this was not nearly as traumatic as a couple of years ago when I had to stop several times to catch my breath while ascending to my seat.  Good thing because, since they evacuated the “seating bowl” before the storm, we ended up having to do the climb twice.  Like my airplane seat the day before, once I reached my seat I could comfortably sit.  I wasn’t squeezing the people to either side and, when I stood up to dance (frequently), I didn’t feel like I was blocking the view of everyone behind me.  Booyah!

Prior to the concert, I had a great deal of fun with friends.  We went shopping.  The stores up here in the Northeast have their summer merchandise on sale at great clearance prices.   I ventured into yet another department store.  This time it was Macy’s, where I haven’t shopped for clothes for myself in more than 20 years.  This is much easier to cope with when I have friends around to offer support.  I was able to actually zip myself into a pair of quality shorts that are two sizes smaller than I’m wearing now.  The fact that I could get them on and close the zipper was somewhat miraculous.  I won’t wear them this tight, but they’ll be just right in a month or two.  At 65% off, they were also a bargain, as were the khaki cropped pants one size smaller than I’m wearing that I discovered I can actually fit into.  My body is changing faster than I thought!  Taking advantage of the great prices, I found a top on clearance at Macy’s and another pair of smaller pants at Lane Bryant.  This allows me to plan ahead for where I’m heading without spending a boat load of money.

The L.L. Bean trip was necessary and, on the surface, a bit daunting.  The raincoat I have at home is huge on me now, so much so that when I wore it to prepare for T.S. Isaac, rain got in through the gapping collar and I was soaked on all layers.

I’m not used to being able to walk into a “regular” store and find stuff.  I knew that I could order what I wanted from the catalog, and I was fairly confident that I now would fit into a woman’s 1X or 2X size raincoat.  My friend suggested we try the store first because there’s no sales tax on clothes in Jersey and I could feel and assess the garment when on.  Imagine my delight when I found exactly what I wanted and could actually wear it!  Bonus, it’s a two-in-1 which means it has a fleece layer that I can leave in or zip out.  I’m going to be up in the North again at Christmas and my winter coats are also way too big.  I’ll be able to use this coat to stay warm on that trip.  Not only do I now feel that I’ve gained a functional coat, but each time I shop a store that is not specially designed for “plus size” women, it builds my confidence.

This weekend, I’ve been really social which means eating out for most meals.  Everyone I was with knows that I had weight loss surgery.  They’re all great, loving, supportive friends.  I don’t wig out over what they’ll think about my food choices.  The ones on Friday specifically asked if there was anything special that I needed.  At this stage of my recovery, I can eat almost any kind of food if I want as long as I remain careful about how I eat and the quantity I consume.  This creates less stress.  I still travel with my standbys — cheese wedges and peanut butter — but most of the time I’m confident that I can fit my needs pretty much everywhere.

Take Cheesecake Factory for example.  We ordered mostly appetizers which provided a selection of yummy food without overloading our plates or tempting me to overeat.  I was able to create a tasty, adequate lunch for myself out of steamed edamame, white bean hummus, and beet & goat cheese salad.  My friends shared and then also had appetizers of their own which they were willing to share if I was interested.  Even with three of us, we had plenty of edamame and hummus left.  The friend who was going to the concert with me took the hummus home since I didn’t have access to a fridge for storage and snacking where I’m staying.  She also took home the edamame to transfer to a resealable plastic bag.  We brought that with us to the concert so I had some protein to much on for the evening.

Today at lunch with friends, we went to a restaurant that offered a wide range of dishes, including several small plate selections.  I had lamb sliders with feta.  There were three on the plate but I was satisfied with two, leaving behind the buns.    A friend and I shared a dessert — yummy chocolate truffle cake of which two bites more than satisfied my craving.  Tonight’s dinner included beef teriyaki.  I’m happy that Janet’s mother is going to enjoy the large portion of leftovers from my dish. 🙂

With all of the activity of visiting with friends, shopping, eating out and a terrific concert, I’m happy to say I haven’t neglected my exercise.  We hoofed around a lot yesterday, to say the least.  While it might not exactly have been a workout, from walking around a mall to climbing all of those stadium steps, I feel like I wasn’t lazy.  This morning I took advantage of the hotel’s health club and logged good cardio time on the recumbent bike and treadmill.  I can squeeze in another session tomorrow before I head to the airport for the flight home.

Hearing that I’m doing so well could be getting boring for everyone.  I hope not, but if so, please stick with me.  I’m sure that sooner or later I’ll run into a stumble, obstacle, or new realization.  In the meantime, I continue to practice recognizing the positive progress and acknowledging it to myself.  Success begets more success.  I want to keep building onto and strengthening my foundations and perpetuate more success in the future.

I’ve mentioned Springsteen in the past.   Not long after I began eating solid foods again last February, a friend and I did a road trip to Tampa to see him and the E Street Band in concert.  I’m going again this weekend, flying up home to New Jersey.  That’s the reason for the timing, but honestly, I’m even more excited about getting to see several friends who I normally only visit with about once a year.   Some of them have been my friends since college years, just about the time my fandom of Bruce and the band started.  Some of them have been friends since the mid-90s.  One I’ve known since 2006.

With the exception of the ones I’ve known since college, none of the friends I’m seeing this weekend have every seen me at this weight.  They’ve seen my recent pictures, but I believe the changes are more noticeable in person.  We’re all excited to spend time together.  Since the time I shared that I was having the surgery, even across miles and states, every single one of them has provided love, encouragement and support and they’ve celebrated my progress and success.  It’s going to be so much fun!

Now onto Bruce.  From the time I became a fan in 1975 with the release of the Born to Run album, I’ve been drawn to his music because of the lyrics and his remarkable ability to create characters and tell stories in his songs.  Even though we did not share a common background, except that we’re both Jersey born, he tapped into universal struggles, goals, aspirations and obstacles.  Whether someone is the son of a bus driver or the daughter of a doctor, everybody dreams of who they want to be and what they want to achieve.   Wealthy doesn’t shield you from a broken heart and a working class background doesn’t make your dreams less worthy.

So even though I’m not the character in his song (Although, please note that he has frequently named female characters Mary.  Just sayin’.), I can still crank up the volume, belt out, “I’m pulling out of here to win!” and feel the determination deep in my soul.

I have never physically lived in the South Dakota Badlands, or even visited, so I don’t visualize the setting in Bruce’s song “Badlands” when I sing along.  Instead I remember when I was in a tough situation, feeling heartsick, lonely, frustrated and all the more determined to break free of the turmoil and find joy in my life.  That’s why I identify and sing along with the lines,

For the ones who had a notion, a notion deep inside
That it ain’t no sin to be glad you’re alive.
I wanna find one face that aint looking through me
I wanna find one place, I wanna spit in the face of these Badlands

I could pull out lines from dozens of songs that have inspired me over the decades.   I hope to hear many of them Saturday night.  You can bet that I will be on my feet, singing and dancing to every song.  Bruce shows aren’t just concerts to me.  They’re celebrations and I enjoy every minute.  (I’ve lost count but this is either the 19th or 20th full length Bruce concert I’ve attended.  Maybe the 21st.  The first was in August 1978 at the old Spectrum in Philly.)

That dancing’s going to come a lot easier this year.  Hell, just climbing the steps to our seats will be easier to accomplish.  That’s another thing to celebrate, along with the simple fact of being glad that I’m alive.

Childhood obesity is a growing (no pun intended) problem in this country.

As it is with human kids, so is it a concern with four-legged furkids.  I took a good look at Pyxi today and realized that she’s chubbed out some.  She’s a petite English Cocker Spaniel so extra weight shows up, even accounting for the fact that both she and her brother, Nat, are shaggy right now and need their extra fur clipped.

I haven’t changed their portions for breakfast and dinner.  I don’t overload them with treats.  I’ve even asked the kennel tech where I board them to be mindful of how many treats they get during the day.  She’s a wonderful woman who adores all of the dogs in her care and my two love her — but she spoils them rotten.   In the last month or so, I’ve noticed that if Nat walks away from his food bowl without finishing, Pyxi sneakily goes over and helps herself, as long as he isn’t in the kitchen.  Still, the few times that she got away with it before I discovered her pilfering and took away the bowl weren’t enough to make her chunk up.

So, I took a good hard look at the only other thing in the equation and the reason smacked me upside the head.   They aren’t getting enough exercise.  That, my friends, is squarely my fault.

When we first became a family back in 2007, I was obese, but hadn’t reached the “ohmyGodI’mtoofattowalk” stage that I hit when I amassed an additional 35-40 pounds on top of my already high weight.  Those extra pounds were the final straw when my knee and my breathing said, “No can do” to any form of extended exercise.  Prior to that point, I could still manage a mile or two.  A couple of evenings a week I would take Nat and Pyxi out when I got home from work and we’d go up to the Seven Mile Bridge for a nice walk.   They are always excited to go out and go for a car ride.  They were still excited when we got to the bridge.  After about half of a mile, however, they’d start to slow a little, turn around and look at me as if to ask, “Are we done?”  Bless their lazy little doggy hearts.

I don’t remember exactly when I stopped this routine.  It might have been a couple of years ago when we were doing dog classes.  It was a time thing.  When I got home from work, we trained and practiced, which was still, I guess, enough exercise.  I guess it was really about a year and a half ago after classes stopped (the trainer relocated) and we hit summer season when it was honestly freaking hot — too hot for them even in their shorter hair styles, and dangerous hot on their paws.  (Rule of thumb, or soles — if pavement is too hot for you to walk on it in bare feet, it is too hot for the pads of your dogs’ paws.)  Plus, I had increasingly more difficulty walking even short distances.

So, here we are.  I’ve lost weight and am much more fit with more energy than in a number of years.  I’ve focused a lot on my exercise routines, getting moving, trying new things and so on.  My muscles are more toned and my cardio ability has improved a great deal.  Yay for me!

Unfortunately, I’ve been neglecting my dogs’ exercise needs.  That’s horrible!  I love my dogs and am ashamed that I’ve let their fitness slide.  Rather than weep, moan, tear out my hair, and castigate myself, I’m focusing on improving the situation as soon as possible.  They’re five years old and prime health and fitness is definitely attainable.

Today I worked most of the day at home on my next paper for class.  Around 5 p.m., I finished the first draft and shut down the computer.  It’s been overcast most of the day but at the time didn’t appear to be threatening rain anytime soon.  I figured that the bridge would not be too hot, so I put on my walking sneakers, grabbed a couple of doggy bags, leashed the pooches and headed out.

Good Lord, but it’s worse than I thought.  I have more energy in my stride than I realized.  Nat and Pyxi?  Not so much.  By a quarter mile they’d gotten over their, “Oh, wow!  A walk!  What’s that smell?  Ohh, I wanna go over here.  No over there.  Wait, what’s that?” excitement and were plodding along.  Before we hit the half mile mark, they’d slowed and looked around at me a few times.  I was definitely catching up and had to keep urging them along.  I knew that it wasn’t hot enough that they were actually suffering, they just weren’t used to a steady walk of any distance.  (Mind you, when they’re out in the yard, they rip around, chase each other and come barreling back to the house at full speed when I call.)

I started thinking about it like I would if they were people who were just restarting a regular exercise routine.  I decided we’d start with a brisk mile and build our way up.  I was definitely the most brisk of the three of us on the last quarter mile, but they made it without flopping on the ground and asking me to carry them.   We arrived home, they slowly ate dinner and then enjoyed their evening chew treat.  Now they’re sacked out taking naps.

From this point, I need to decide on a strategy and that includes figuring out how to work regular walks into a schedule already crowded with work, school, Zumba, Tai Chi, manicures, and other commitments.   Here’s the reality for this week, I am not going to make it back to the bridge with them because of after work commitments and a trip out of town for a few days.  However, there is no reason that I cannot at least get them out for walks in the neighborhood.  I can get up earlier some mornings and be more efficient.  Instead of just letting them out to play in the yard, we can take a walk before I hit the shower and get ready for work.  It’s a safe neighborhood, so there’s no reason that I can’t walk them around even if it’s dark when I do so because I have a commitment earlier in the evening.

Trip schedules aside, I usually do not have other things already scheduled on Mondays, alternate Thursdays, and Fridays after work.  Those are going to be our regular “bridge walk” evenings.  If  something comes up on one of those days, or on the weeks where I’m commited on a Thursday, we’ll make it up on the weekend.   We’ll start with a strong mile for a couple of weeks and then increase the distance, even if we reduce the pace toward the end.  Once we’re able to maintain the brisk pace for the whole distance, we’ll go a little further.  And so on, and so on.

As the days get shorter I’ll find a way to go into work earlier so that I can leave earlier and still get in those walks.  This will be a good replacement routine for me, too.  My pool isn’t heated so there are a few months of the year when the water is simply too cold for me in the late afternoon/early evening.

Nat and Pyxi, trust me.  Eventually, you’re going to feel better about this walks.  You’ll enjoy more than the car ride on our outings.  The Stella Family is going to get fit together.

Brother and sister cuties – Nat & Pyxi