Weighty Matters

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I’ve been absent from the blog for a few days. I didn’t realize just how many until I looked at the calendar today and the date of the last post. Yes, I’ve had the normal busy life at work and yesterday I took a great day away from everything and took a boat ride out to Ft. Jefferson in the Dry Tortugas (about 70 miles west of Key West). No phone service no high tech anything. Just miles and miles of clear, jewel-toned water and endless blue skies. I’ll share some photos later, but I wanted to get this written part of the post up while it’s on my mind.

Folks, I’m eating the way that I’m supposed to. I’m exercising the way I’m supposed to and have even ramped it up with the bike. I cannot get the scale to move down. I’m frustrated, annoyed and frustrated again. This is not a good place for me to be in emotionally. It absolutely makes me want to eat. How contrary is that?

Compulsive overeating is, indeed, a contrary disorder.

I know intellectually that I simply need to keep doing what I’m supposed to do and, eventually, the weight will drop. I know this, but often emotions are stronger than intellect. At the very least, they’re more dramatic.

So, I’ve now dumped it out here and hope to leave the emotions on the page, so to speak. I’m about to go out for an 8-10 mile bike ride and then come home and spend the day doing things around the house. I’m also going to whisper affirmations in my head and remind myself that eating inappropriately will not advance me to my goal. While I pedal, I’ll think of something delicious and healthy that I can make for dinner tonight. I need to stay on track. That’s the bottom line.

Thanks for listening reading!


The Times When It’s Easier

By “It” I mean the whole practice of taking smaller portions, eating slower, and feeling the satisfaction. It still surprises me when doing everything right, and by right I mean according to plan, isn’t fraught with anxiety, overthinking and the intermittent metaphorical “white knuckling” to remain abstinent and on track.

Today I attended a chamber of commerce luncheon. Friends saved me a seat at the table and we all went through the buffet line. It’s not like the restaurant presented an overwhelming variety of choices They had spinach salad or make your own Caesar, fresh baked rolls, roasted red potatoes, garlic string beans and roast chicken. Okay, there was a choice with the chicken — leg/thigh or breast/wing. 🙂 The challenge at any buffet or in any meal, is portion control. Even though I know my stomach capacity can’t handle large portions and my weight loss plan bans them anyway, there are plenty of times when my eyes literally are bigger than my stomach. I still often put too big a serving of too many different things on my plate.

At this lunch, I did the opposite and it wasn’t a big, agonizing, stressful thing to do. I also didn’t resent doing it. I took the equivalent of a couple of bites of lettuce and dressed it sparingly. I skipped the roll. The roasted red potatoes were cut in small chunks, so I spooned a few on my plate. One not-too-big tongs-full portion of green beans came next and then a chicken leg/thigh combo.

Really small portions and huge amount of white space left on the plate. I chatted with my friends before the program started, but paid attention to the way that I was consuming my food. When I’m not with others, I often forget to eat as slowly as recommended but this time I was being social so I didn’t chew and swallow too quickly.

Even with smaller amounts to begin with, I didn’t finish everything on my plate. Yet, I had plenty and felt satisfied! On the way out I even thought, “Wow, that was easy.” Then I wondered, “Why can’t I do that all of the time?”

The truth is that I can do it all of the time. I just need to remind myself and be aware at every meal. I think it will help if I also remember that it doesn’t have to be hard or a challenge. Like today, choosing the correct foods in the appropriate amounts can, indeed, be easy.


If It Doesn’t Fit

Crazy busy stuff going on again, folks. The last two nights, I’ve been exhausted when I’m finally home and able to relax. Lots of stress involved in everything. It’s amazing that I’m not flinging myself headlong into a tub of double chocolate fudge brownie ice cream.

I’m happy to say that while I might think about doing that as a fake coping strategy, I’m not putting the thought into action. I call it a fake coping strategy because opening up to a binge of compulsive eating is not coping. It’s a distraction. I sometimes think of it as the principle of the counter-irritant. When I used to binge and overeat mass quantities, I’d then feel so bad about the overeating that it would distract me, temporarily at best, from whatever situation was causing me the stress and upset in the first place.

I digress. The bottom line is that I’m stressed and overwhelmed, but I’m not overeating because of it. Points for me.

Today I was at my desk at work by 7:30 a.m. We had a media shoot from 8:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. All great stuff, but it was hot, humid and endless. I felt like a salt block when we were finished. I left work early, vegged at home for an hour and then went to Zumba. Seriously. I could have seasoned a movie theater full of popcorn with the salt on my skin from sweating. Thank goodness I sucked down water all day to remain hydrated.

Okay. Enough complaining.

My thoughts these days are very much focused on whether I need to make some changes in my activities. Not my exercise. I’m talking about the other things and organizations in which I’m involved outside of work. There are a couple of things that I don’t think are a good fit for me and vice versa. I’m paraphrasing an old defense strategy when I wonder, “If it doesn’t fit, should I quit?” If I’m not the person that’s truly what’s needed in this one circumstance, then I should step aside and let the role be filled by someone who will more effectively fit the situation. This is better for all concerned.

If I’m a square peg in this situation, then trying to shove myself into the round hole is uncomfortable and way too stressful. I get bitchy when I’m stressed and overwhelmed and that’s not effective or desirable either.

It’s going to take me a few days to reach a decision. In the meantime, I will not let the emotional turmoil kick me into a binge. The disease and the binge behavior doesn’t fit my lifestyle now either!

Wow, I just dozed off while typing the above sentence. Sorry, folks. That’s a sure sign that I need to get to bed!


Stalled or Self-Sabotage?

Yesterday I read a truly outstanding, revelatory blog post by Skye. I couldn’t possibly do it justice in my description here, but you can go and read it too at her blog.

Skye talks about power, protection and progress and how she often diminishes herself, her strengths and talents, largely out of a need to protect herself.

This really made me think. It touched something inside that I need to tug out and study. I have been musing a lot about where it’s my body that’s had me sort of stalled in my weight loss, or if I’m self-sabotaging my progress. Am I having a few more incidents of eating compulsively strictly because I have the eating disorder, or am I using my disease to interfere with my weight loss success?

I’m sort of in a tug-of-war with myself. On the one hand, I bought my bike and am riding it regularly. Whether riding to Tai Chi class and back yesterday, or the half hour bike ride I did a short time ago, I’m definitely increasing the amount of exercise. On the other hand, I know for a fact that I should not buy that snack mix. Even if it has healthy nuts and raisins in it with a sprinkling of chocolate pieces, it is not a good food for me to have in the house because there is a great likelihood that I will snack on it too often.

I bought a bunch of fresh fruit and veggies to prepare for meals this week. I also gave in to the buy one-get-one-free on English Muffins. In my brain at that moment of decision was the thought that, everyone once in awhile it’s okay for me to have a little bit of carbohydrates and at least these were the whole grain, low fat variety. Honestly, these would be okay if I ate half of one. Believe it or not, just that little restraint can be a struggle for me.

Anyway, I am really wondering whether I’m self-sabotaging and purposely slowing myself down. If so, why? I do not have the slightest idea of why I would be reluctant to achieve goal weight. I am so incredibly happy — joyful, elated even — with the progress I’ve made so far. There is no payoff to me in not seeing my way through to the end. There is nothing that I fear about being healthy and at goal weight. At least, there is nothing that I can identify.

This is an interesting conundrum to ponder. In between Skye’s terrific post and her follow up sharing about the rebound and my own musing, I was reminded of the Marianne Williamson piece that says:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

We are all meant to shine. I love this idea.
So, for now, whenever I am tempted to make a poor food choice or grab for a little more of even a healthy snack, I’m going to ask myself why. Why do I want to eat that? What’s the payoff? Why do I think I want that more in that moment than I want to keep making progress toward my goal.


Wow, What a Week!

It’s Friday night and I haven’t posted in a couple of days. My apologies, but I will freely admit that by the time I finished work and other obligations every evening, I was physically fatigued and mentally wiped out. The fact that I was only physically fatigued is actually a very positive, huge NSV. Here’s why.

One of the things that I do in my job is coordinate media shoots. Production companies approach us, or I pitch them, about including our center in a television show, documentary, special series, etc. A lot goes into arranging details and scheduling the filming before the day of the shoot. (What they want/need to see has to be done within our normal daily activities.) When the day arrives, I’m out there with the crew all day long, keeping an eye on the schedule, supporting my co-workers who are working with the animals and being interviewed, dealing with potential glitches and many other details. Thank God that I now have an assistant because there’s more than enough for the two of us. Tuesday, we had an all day shoot. (Sorry, but I can’t tell you for what show or network until it’s actually scheduled to air which will be at least a year from now.) I got to work at 8 a.m. to check email. The production crew arrived at 8:30 a.m. We were on the job with very little down time for the rest of the day until we saved goodbye to them in our parking lot at 5 p.m.

Prior to my weight loss, it took everything I had to physically last through days like I just described. Then, when those days were over, I dragged myself home, gulped down 800 mgs of ibuprofen, broke out an ice pack for my knee and collapsed in my recliner whimpering in pain. My ankle and knee joints would throb for hours and my back and shoulders felt stiff as boards. It was hellish.

It was so, so different this past Tuesday. Sure, I was tired and, maybe, a little achy, but I wasn’t in pain. I didn’t come home and collapse in a chair with throbbing joints and tears in my eyes while I whined. In fact, I walked the dogs, ate dinner, watched some television and then soaked in a hot bath and went to bed. The next day, instead of stiff muscles and joints, I bounced into the day with no ill effects.

Yesterday, we had another shoot to do. This one “only” went from 8:30 in the morning to around 12:30. It’s rare for us to have two shoots in a week. I normally spend a lot of time in my office working on multiple projects. I always have multiple projects underway. This is brain intensive but not physically demanding. It can be stressful, depending on how many of those projects have strict deadlines and how many other, unexpected things pop up in any given week. (It happens all of the time.)

When today finally arrived, I was so happy. I knew that I could have a good productive day, including reaching completion on some of those projects I’d juggled. Originally, I had plans to go out to dinner but those plans changed. Honestly, this made me even happier. I wanted a free evening where I wasn’t physically and mentally tired and didn’t have to rush off anywhere.

I got home on time, fed the dogs, changed my clothes and set off for a good bike ride. Even though I’d kept up with my Tai Chi and dog walks, I didn’t make it to Zumba and had not been able to squeeze in a ride since Monday. Tonight, I rode up town and then down a long road to the beach before turning around and heading home. By my estimate, this ride measured between eight and nine miles and took me around 45 minutes. Just to round things off, and provide Nat and Pyxi with what they need, when I got home I took them out for a 20 minute walk.

Having the bike has really added a new dimension to my daily life. Looking ahead to tomorrow, I’m already planning to ride to Tai Chi class in the morning instead of driving my car. After Tai Chi, I’ll proceed up the road to the health food store for a protein smoothie for lunch. Then, I’m setting off for a few more miles to visit the animal shelter. After that trip, I’ll pedal all of the way back home. This will probably be a total round trip of nine or ten miles. I’m confident in my endurance. The rides I’ve taken in the last week have demonstrated to me that I’m strong and fit enough to challenge myself with several miles at a time.

So, it was definitely a very busy, wowza of a week, but it has now wound up on a great note. I’m happy, content with my work accomplishments and my attention to my physical exercise. I’m not in misery. Instead, I feel marvelous.

What kind of week did you have?


Filters and Lenses

Something happened at work today that put me in a slight conflict with someone whom I greatly admire and care about. I can’t go into tremendous detail, but when it happened, it triggered my usual reaction when he and I disagree. I feel like, at times, he doesn’t trust me to do my job. At least that’s what his behavior conveys to me.

That said, a very wise woman with whom I also work, who knows about this issue with me, pointed out that when he and I are in conflict, that feeling naturally comes up for me, because I view his behavior through that particular lens. If the same situation developed with someone else, even if it was also a conflict, I would experience a different reaction and feeling because I’d look at it through a different lens.

I got that. I really did. I’m just trying to process it a little more because, even knowing that my viewing lens and filters, might skew my perception of the situation in that moment, it doesn’t make the feelings any less real or upsetting.

Everything resolved, but I feel like tonight I truly need to embrace the lesson and work on this. See, even if in the past he acted like he didn’t trust me to do my job, and that was hurtful, it doesn’t mean that he’s bringing that into every disagreement. I did it with my filters and lens and created the extra turmoil that I’m sitting with tonight. If I do this with him, then there are probably others with whom I have different triggers. I don’t think this is a big, mysterious thing, or that I’m terminally unique. It might even be natural that we bring the old stuff with us into the new. That said, natural doesn’t necessarily mean it’s healthy behavior. Call me confuddled and confoozled while I try to lay off the dry roasted peanuts.

After work, I drove home and took the dogs out for a walk. I followed the walk up with a 30 minutes bike ride before dinner. The activity cleaned out some of the brain junk. After the meal, I settled in on the recliner. Cuddling the dogs provided much needed soothing, but I also realized that my emotions are bubbling right at the surface. Hence the struggle with the peanuts. I also got downright weepy over Valerie Harper’s bravura attitude on Dancing With the Stars. Seriously. If I cry over someone dancing, it’s a sure sign that I feel sort of rocky.

I’m going to do the best thing for myself and go to bed early. I’m not going to straighten out my old behavior patterns in one night, but at least I can more clearly see the problem. It’s a start.


Free Wheeling

Maybe I’m fresh in the honeymoon period with my new bike, but I couldn’t wait to go out for a ride this morning. I slept in a little, then needed to drink my morning protein shake, and then, to be fair to Nat and Pyxi, needed to get them out for a nice walk first. Once those things were accomplished, I strapped on my helmet, grabbed my phone and ID, and pedaled off. (I always take identification, just in case. I probably should also take my health insurance card, also just in case, but that seems like challenging fate or setting myself up for disaster.)

When I shared with some friends about buying a bike, one asked if I’d ridden the Old Seven Mile Bridge yet. Since I only got the bike yesterday I hadn’t yet had the chance, but the idea staying in my mind. That was today’s destination. Before you get totally wowed, no, I was not biking over seven miles of bridge. That would be the “new” Seven Mile Bridge, which was built in the early 1980s. It was built alongside the structure now known as Old Seven. Old Seven is more than 100 years old. It was built by entrepreneur/visionary/business magnate Henry Flagler. His original thought was to connect a railroad down the Keys. There’s a lot of history in that tale. Suffice it to say that the railway did not survive, but his visionary practices opened up the Florida Keys to the rest of the world. (Old Seven was a star of the movie True Lies. That whole chase scene near the movie’s end was filmed on this bridge.)

The old bridge is in a deplorable state of disrepair and everyone is in constant discussion on how to save it, what needs to be done, how many tens of millions of dollars it will cost and, above all, who is going to pay for it. I hope above all that these questions get answered and Old Seven is saved because I think it’s a Florida Keys treasure. It’s great for walking, biking, viewing sunsets and the water with the Atlantic Ocean on one side and the Gulf of Mexico on the other. For safety’s sake, the Dept. of Transportation closed it to vehicular traffic several years ago. We are concerned that they will close it to bikes and people soon, which will be a horrible shame.

Okay, that’s enough of the history, on to the bike ride. I live about a mile and a three quarters from Old Seven and there’s a bike/pedestrian path along the Overseas Highway. This is a good thing because people, mostly tourists, drive crazy in the Keys. I wouldn’t want to be on the actual road. I’m happy to say that already this morning, I’m a little steadier as my bike riding skills return. (Check the update note I tacked on to yesterday’s post about my close encounter with a hedge last night.) I felt more in control of my steering. That said, when I approach another cyclist moving in either direction, I’m quite happy to be the one to yield.

Once I reached the bridge, I knew I had approximately 2.2 miles to reach Pigeon Key, which is as far as one can go from this side. I haven’t done this ride in 20 years. I so enjoyed the warm stretching of my legs as I pedaled and the kiss of breeze on my skin. It was mostly overcast this morning, so I didn’t have the sun beating down on me, but it was warm and I worked up a sweat. Feeling strong and confident, I decided I’d go the distance, and go it I did!

When I reached the end, I stopped and chugged some water before turning around. That’s when the ride became more challenging. It requires significantly more effort to bike ride into the wind, which was blowing about 10 knots per hour in my face. There was a time when I would have internally whined about this, but this morning, I absolutely relished having to work harder, knowing that my body was up for the challenge. I’m pretty sure I broke out in a smile a time or two when I felt my cardio rate rise and my muscles respond!

When I made it back to the parking lot at the bridge’s beginning, I all but cried out, “Wheeeee!” as I allowed myself to coast for a dozen yards. In the grand scheme of biking, this success wasn’t exactly like finishing a segment of the Tour de France, but I was darned happy!

On the way home, I stopped at a little convenience store to pick up some milk and ran into a couple of serious cyclists. I could tell by their bikes and the way they were outfitted that they were putting in some mileage. It kind of surprised me when the man looked at me and said, “Nice bike.” “Thanks. It’s brand new,” I replied. “You picked a good one. I used to sell them,” he continued and then asked if his wife could take a picture of him posed with the bike that he could send his friends. I agreed and asked if they’d take a picture of me in return. We chatted for a few minutes and I found out that they were biking down to Key West (another 47 miles from where we were stopped) and that their journey had begun in Jacksonville! Holy wow. It takes me eight hours to drive to J’ville! I told you they were serious. I congratulated them on being so close to their destination and then sort of laughed. “It isn’t much in comparison, but this weekend is the first I’ve ridden a bike in about 20 years,” I told them and then explained about my weight loss and how getting a bike is another step in reclaiming my physical health and fitness.

The guy then said something really terrific. “Just keep riding and you’ll get there. You don’t have to go fast, you just have to keep pedaling.” I love hearing that. I don’t have to do this fast, I just have to keep doing it. That’s my new bike riding mantra.

Here’s the picture that the couple snapped of me. The shirt’s about two sizes too big, but loose and comfy felt good on the ride.



Like Riding a Bike

You know that old saying when you try to do something you haven’t done in a while? “It’s like riding a bike,” they say, meaning that once you know how, you don’t really forget.

I put that theory to the test today. Literally. I just bought myself a brand new bicycle! It has been at least 15 years since I rode a bike. I know that because I haven’t ridden once since my mother passed away and that’s coming up on 15 years. It might be closer to 20 years, but who’s counting. Clearly it’s a lonnngggg time.

As you know, my doctor and I want to incorporate even more vigorous exercise into my activity. The challenge is how to do more in my already busy days. I already know I hate the idea of going to a gym. There aren’t additional Zumba classes held at times when I’m not working. I can do more at home, but it just seems to lack a little of the oomph I need. So, I’ve been thinking of bike riding which would be good with my weaker knee, fun, and it’s also something that I can incorporate into other activities by just allowing for slightly more time. For example, if I give myself an extra 15 minutes, at least that’s what I’m estimating, I can ride my bike back and forth for Tai Chi classes. On a night after work when I’m not committed to something else, I can take a bike ride. I can even do so and still also take the dogs for a separate walk. We’ve already established that Nat and Pyxi do not like to keep up quite the pace that I need for cardio.

We have a good bike shop in town, so I stopped in today to check things out. I was honest about my long hiatus from bike riding and what I wanted it for. The guy was great and showed me different models that he thought would suit. “Want to take one out for a ride?” he asked. “Sure,” I answered and wheeled out the door. “If crash, my health insurance card is in my wallet.”

Honestly, it really was like I’d just done it yesterday. I immediately found my balance and tooled around the parking lot, confidence growing with every spin of the tires. We adjusted the seat height (Boy is that a lot easier to do than it was when I was a kid.) and I took another test. That quickly, I was sold.

The new bike is beautiful! Sturdy, simple, well-designed. Bonus — I got it in light purple! The bike shop owner was attaching my accessories (lights, bell, water bottle holder, rack for removeable basket) a little while ago and now I’m going to pick it up and ride home. Planning to be smart about this endeavor, I bought a helmet too.

The next phase of fitness has begun and, in this case, spinning my wheels is a good thing!

So I took my bike out for a spin this evening. I need a little practice because my balance is fine but my steering is a little wobbly. I wasn’t confident when passing someone on the bike path. I sort of overcompensated. I might have crashed, um, closely investigated a hedge. No fall. No harm done. 😜


Don’t Be a Boob – Get a Mammogram

Okay, one more post and then I’ll stop harping. (Okay, I might harp one more time when October arrives since that’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month.)

First off — I’m fine. I went in today for the spot compression follow-up. Again, no pain even though the tech needed to compress a little more. We did the image and the tech asked me to wait while she consulted with the doctor. Five minutes later, the doctor came in to tell me that everything was okay. It’s a benign calcification and they’ll see me next year. Boo-to-the-maximum-yah!

The takeaway lesson for me is, no matter what, go for the annual mammogram. I got the all-clear, but if this had been a malignant tumor the fact that I get my regular screenings would mean that it was pretty early stages which only increases my survival chances. So, whether previous ones have been painful or intimidating or embarrassing or what, please go.

Stepping down from the soapbox.

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences and offering your support and encouragement.

I have to say that when I left the hospital after my test, I experienced two “signs”, or what I choose to interpret and receive as signs from the universe. I got in the car, and turned it on while I texted the “all-clear” message to my bosses, sister-in-law, and friend who knew I was going for the test. The song playing on the radio was Live Like You Were Dying by Tim McGraw. You know what, even though I do not currently have a life-threatening disease, this song is a universal message to make the most of every day, not put off the things we want to experience and to make sure we love deeper and sweeter with the people we cherish.

It occurs to me that when I let my super obesity severely narrow my life experiences and activities, I was more living like I was dying. That, my friends, is no longer acceptable. Now I will continue to seek out the experiences I’ve put on my Promise List, mark them done, and keep adding to the List.

After I texted, I put the car in reverse and looked around before backing up. Parked a little behind and to the right was a tan Chevy El Camino. Chevy stopped making these cars in 1987. They’re basically station wagons (Remember those in the pre-SUV era?) with a truck bed instead of back seat and luggage area. My father got his first El Camino when I was 14 in 1972. It was a comfortable ride, like a car, but gave him the cargo space to tote fishing rods, the dog boxes, etc. Daddy taught me to drive in that car. He liked the models so much that he replaced that first one with another sometime when I was in college and drove it until his death in 1983.

You don’t see many of them on the road today. I always smile when I do. I think I’ve mentioned before that Daddy’s medical specialty was radiation oncology. So today, as I left the hospital after getting the all clear on my mammogram, seeing a car like one of his was like getting a little nod from him. It was almost like a confirmation from him, saying, “You’re okay, sweetheart.” Fanciful thinking or not, I’ll take it.


Doughnuts are Not Medicinal

Okay, gang, I’m mildly freaked-out about something. That reads like an oxymoron, but what I really want to impart is that I have a slight nagging concern emotionally, while logically my brain is saying don’t borrow trouble and odds are everything is fine.

Here’s the thing. I went for my mammogram on Monday, as you know, and had a great experience. I figured in a week or so I’d get the “everything’s fine” letter. Instead, I got a call yesterday from my doctor’s office to tell me that the radiologist identified something called a microcalcification cluster on my right breast. I need to go in for a spot compression to provide additional views.

Mentally, rationally, logically, I know that this happens all of the time and the odds are really, really good that this is not a big deal. Emotionally, of course, I’m going, “Oh my God! I might have breast cancer!!” If you drew me into a cartoon yesterday, there would have been giant letters in a horrified font with a dozen exlamation points. Then I took a deep breath and texted my sister-in-law to see if she had a free moment. She’s a nurse practitioner, experienced in women’s health. I explained the situation to her. We agreed that it was way too soon for me to freak out. She promised to do some additional research.

I wasn’t wound up like a tight spring all last night, but it’s a good thing there wasn’t a handy one-pound bag of M&Ms anywhere around. No sense in tempting a compulsive eater with a favorite drug of choice during an emotional time. A good friend reminded me that women really do get called back for further screenings all of the time that end up being nothing malignant. I slept well and this morning, my s-i-l called me back. It seems that most of the time, these microcalcifications really do turn out to be nothing of concern. She told me that after the spot compression, even if they were pretty sure there wasn’t a cause for concern, they might still want me to have a biopsy procedure just to be completely sure.

Having this information prepares me and, in the long run, helps me remain more calm. I’m working toward a state of “don’t borrow trouble, all will be well, no sense worrying until there’s something to worry about”. Honestly, I’m a lot better than I was yesterday.

The thing is, when I hit an emotional upheaval like this, it triggers me to want food. Whether I’m home or out driving in the car, it’s like I still think I need the food to calm myself down. I have to work through the process so that I don’t compulsively eat. That’s when I remind myself that doughnuts are not medicinal. Candy is not a sedative. I do not need cake to soothe me.

Instead, I need to breathe deeply, do some Tai Chi, take the dogs for a walk, sit on the porch, talk to loved ones. Those honestly help me where food is only a false remedy.

I got for my follow up test tomorrow morning and will probably hear on Friday if anything further needs to be done. I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, please say it with me, “Doughnuts are not medicinal.” 🙂