I figure that I was never big on being vain. Heck, even if someone told me they meant it, I wouldn’t think a song was about me. 🙂
Honestly, how could someone who remained obese most of her life be vain about appearance? That’s my reasoning, anyway. I don’t think in my head that I often looked in the mirror and thought that I looked good. Pretty much, I’d internally qualify it as, “All things considered, you look good enough” or at least “You look as good as you can, considering”.
Even now when someone exclaims, “Wow, you look great!”, I mentally add “as compared to how you looked three or four months ago”. Or I change it in my head to, “You look better!”
Better. That I can definitely accept.
While I’ve never been vain about my appearance as a whole, there have been some aspects about which I will admit to some degree of vanity. I love my nails to look good. I know that I’m fortunate to have really good skin. I never had bad acne breakouts when I was a teen. As an adult, I successfully combat blackheads, most whiteheads, and know that my skin’s in great shape. I also have great hair. It’s thick, a bit coarse, and naturally wavy — although now I do keratin treatments so it’s mostly straight, but still has shine and swing to it. I’m growing it longer these days and want to see if I can get it to the length where I can pull it back if I need to.
So, what prompted the musing over vanity today? My hair. People who have had weight loss surgery before me warned me that this time would come. About three months post-surgery with the rapid weight loss, they said, be prepared to lose hair.
Oh yes, the time has come. I noticed it last week when I washed my hair. Multiple strands tangled in my fingers when I worked in the shampoo. More hair scatters on my skin when I get out of the shower. Even more strands are filling up my brushes. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
Logically I know that I am not going to lose so much hair that I’m bald. I’ve already been assured of that by others. Plus, this will stop happening in just a couple of months. I honestly have no business bitching. God knows, people who go through chemotherapy have a much, much worse time of it when they lose alllll of their hair. Seriously. How vain am I to even complain a little?
Color me human. I pull the strands from the brush, wipe up the shower and sink, sweep the bathroom floor and think, “Holy wow, I’m really losing my hair!” In dismay, I stare at the mirror to reassure myself. Yes, there’s still a full head of hair in my reflection. Enough with the vanity. Instead, I’m going to concentrate on gratitude that I have so much hair to start with that nobody but me and my hairstylist will even notice the difference.
Not let’s go on to my skin. I am fortunate that, according to most people I know, I do not look my age. I’m 54 and have had multiple folks tell me they thought I was in my early 40s. I smile, thank them, and say that I could tell them it’s because I’ve led a good, clean life, but that would be a lie. 🙂
Even I can see that I have far fewer wrinkles and lines than a lot of people around my age. I attribute this luckiness to a few things: Genetics; not smoking; and the fact that the fat in my face plumped out the wrinkles so that not as many show.
I’ve definitely lost weight in my face and I think that includes at least one of my extra chins. At the RT Convention, an artist told me that I have high cheekbones. I never realized that, probably because I’ve never had a good look at the bone structure beneath the chubbiness. To be honest, I’m starting to wonder how much the skin in my face will sag as I continue to lose more weight.
I already know that I’m going to have pounds of excess, hanging skin around the rest of my body. I’m prepared to have surgery to remove the excess in a couple of years. In the meantime, I’m sure I can hide most of it underneath my clothes or, if need be, inside some compression garments. Spanx might be my new best friend.
It’s harder to hide sagging skin on my face. So right now I’m hope that bone structure, genetics, and the fact that my skin’s retained a fair amount of resilience over the years, all combine to minimize sagging. Please, please, please, let that be the case, at least for the next year. I don’t mind eventually needing to nip, lift, and tuck. I’m just vain enough to not want to look like a hag until I’m completely finished with the weight loss and can go do something about it.
Seriously, after spending so much time and effort having surgery and following a strict plan, I’d like to revel in looking better than I ever have.
Is that too much to ask? Am I really so vain?