Weighty Matters

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Food, Fat and Fitness Focus

Before I launch into the real topic, I just want to circle back and say that, yes, I got out on my boat yesterday!  The day was not without its challenges, like one of the two engines not wanting to stay running and then, when engaged, not wanting to kick up to full power.  However, at least the second engine ran great and, between the two, we were able to get to our destination.  It was a beautiful day so none of us truly minded that it took longer there and back.  Here are a couple of photographs from the day.

P1010117 Sea Fans & Parrotfish

SgtMajors

Now that I got in a good day of boating and snorkeling, I’m prepared to take care of my heel with that plasma rich platelet treatment and wearing the restrictive boot for the prescribed length of time.  Hopefully the treatment will accelerate the healing of my damaged tissues.  At the same time, my boat mechanic can work on fixing the engine.  See — bonus!

For today’s topic, I thought I’d talk about the overwhelming amount of emails, spam ads, and just plain internet exposure I see to all things having to do with diets, food, and getting in shape.  We seem to be a people in dire need of help.  It’s not like I don’t know that obesity is a prevailing health challenge; that it is the underlying cause of several other illnesses and health risks.  I get that.  For some reason, however, I am recently even more aware of the fact that this is all a huge business for a seemingly endless number of people and companies.

It’s like everybody wants a piece of the crisis, or a piece of addressing the crisis.  The ads that I see in the newspaper are often full papers in full color.  Wow, are those expensive.  Helping people lose weight is profitable.

If shows like The Biggest Loser and Extreme Weight Loss didn’t score strong ratings with lots of viewers, they wouldn’t last on television, would they?

I wish they could all get on the same page for what works best and what is the healthiest plan to follow to lose weight and maintain weight loss.  It would certainly cut down on the information onslaught.  Perhaps I’d  be satisfied if we only achieved consensus on how much fruit in a day is too much.

It feels like we overcomplicate matters.  Why can’t it just be “eat fewer calories and exercise more consistently”?  Instead, it’s “eat fewer calories and make sure that they’re 30% this, 40% that, 20% this and 10% the other stuff” or “eat fewer calories but stay away from w, x, y, and z and eat all you want of a, b, c, & d” or some other plan.

I’m not sure why I’m so annoyed by this tonight.  I’d like to put out a strong reply to those numerous emails that I get practically every day and write letters to the editors of allllll the publications at the check-out lines of supermarkets.  the message is: Please stop trying to sell me a product or plan that only you provide.  Perhaps you can get all of your brains together and devise THE plan.  Even three plans to suit different ages and accompanying health-conditions, but that’s all.

I like the K.I.S.S. rule – Keep It Simple, Sweetheart.  It’s hard to maintain focus on food and fitness when our brains are besieged by an overabundance of info.

 

 

 

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Perspective and Attitude

When the scale was moving steadily down and I got to my current weight, I was over-the-moon delighted and excited.  I felt powerful, supercharged, able to take on the world and pursue any activity or adventure.  Oh, it was glorious!

All those wonderful, positive feelings really fueled me in the first couple of years.  Since I’ve had this long period of off and on struggle, I’ve noticed another way in which the situation and my disease messes with my head.

Me at this weight when on a losing trend felt strong in body, fit, healthy and beautiful.

Me coming back to this weight — really only a few pounds in the grand scheme of things – feels weak, out of shape, out of sorts and not attractive.

So which is the truth?  Which is the real Mary?

The one I choose.

This comes down to perspective and attitude.  Thank goodness I realize this, even when beset with diseased thinking.  Once more I make the choice to not be defined by my eating disorder and, furthermore, not permit that disorder to poison my self-esteem and self-view.

I’m not where I want to be, but I am still a whole lot better than I was.  I have challenges, but I keep making the effort.  It’s not great right now, but it’s not as bad as it was last week.  My attitude is definitely improving.

In other news, I had a follow up with the foot doctor today.  I have some improvement but not as much as I’d like.  There are times when I can walk more easily mixed with times when each step is uncomfortably tight in the tendon and sharply painful in the heel.

So, I’m continuing with the running sneaks.  Oh, how happy I was to at least find jazzy ones with purple and pink!  Hey, if I have to wear them all the time, I should have ones that make me smile, right?  I’m staying away from sandals, wearing the splint at night, and so on.  I flex on the steps to loosen my calves.  I might whine to myself about it a lot, but I’m doing what I’m supposed to do.  After meeting with the doctor today, I’m 95% sure that I’m going to proceed with the Plasma Rich Platelet injection therapy he recommends.  My health insurance policy covers it and the doctor is sure that it will speed and intensify the healing.

He would have done the therapy today but I put it off for a week.  The downside is that I have to wear a boot for a week to ten days after the shot.  That will drastically cut down on my mobility.  Next week I have a couple of things going on at work that definitely require me to be more mobile.  I can suck it up and deal with the pain in order to get those things accomplished.  Also, darn it, it’s supposed to be really nice this weekend and I am determined to go out on the boat.  I didn’t get out last weekend due to a slight problem with the engine but that should be fixed now.  I can’t imagine that I will be able to clamber on and off the boat when booted, so I’m taking this opportunity while I can.  I need that boon emotionally and I know that it will do me a world of good!

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Extended Funk Part Deux – and the “D” Word

First I want to say that you all are terrific and I am grateful for your concern.  I appreciate you checking on me. This funk and the food relapse have really taken hold and I’m having more trouble than I anticipated fighting my way through it all.

I haven’t wanted to post because it’s been difficult for me to face facts and talk about them, but my agreement with this blog, myself and everyone that reads it is that I don’t come here and post bullshit.  I’m not going to come and lie that all is great with sunshine, roses, and sparkles when all is not great.  This blog is my gut-check honesty place.    So, rather than lie, I emotionally isolated.

My relapse continues and it’s the worst it’s been since before my weight loss surgery.  I’ve gained weight, although I don’t know how much because I haven’t stepped on the scale.  I can feel it in my clothes and in the way my body feels.  More than the physical results, the emotional and mental effects are the worst.

I know I’ve said this all before and I’m like a broken record right now, but there isn’t anything original about binge eating disorder.  Relapsing sucks.  Feeling out of control messes me up in a myriad of ways.  I’m unhappy and that also has an impact in other areas of my life.    Also shared before is the chronic heel pain from which I’ve been suffering which severely limits my ability to exercise.  Not only do I not reap the physical benefits, but I’m lacking those uplifting endorphins.

At least I took positive action for that condition and saw a doctor last week.  I’d properly self-diagnosed the condition – plantar fasciitis.  I am now following the doctor’s instructions – wearing good sneakers, stretching to loosen the tight calves, taking over-the-counter anti-inflammatory meds, using a splint at night.  I am mostly following the no bare feet/no flip flops directive although that’s honestly the most challenging.  I hate wearing anything on my feet when I’m home.  However, he told me I can wear original Crocs so I truly am trying to be better about this too.  I want the condition to get better.  Constant pain is, well, a pain, and limiting the types of exercise I can do interferes with my recovery plans.

Yes, I do have recovery plans.  I can’t let all of my hard work and effort fall apart.  It is never too late to begin again, unless I’m dead, and good Lord willing, I’m not going to die anytime soon.

I need to go back on a diet.  The dreaded “D” word used to describe programs and methods of eating and making food choices to result in weight loss.  That runs counter to a lot of my accepted knowledge about having an eating disorder and being in recovery.  Heck, it runs counter to a lot of popular medically-influenced thought these days.

On the other hand, it can also mean, to me, an actual plan that embraces healthy food choices  with frood eaten in planned-for, structured, non-binging, non-compulsive ways.  That’s the kind of diet I need.

However, I also know that, as much as I hate admitting it, I need that validation of seeing pounds come off of my body, seeing the number go down on the scale.  Sure, keeping to my food plan of healthy eating and abstaining from compulsion should be enough positive reinforcement and engender the feel-good spirit and emotions that keep the abstinence rolling.  But, I’m human.  At least in the beginning, if I see that I’m losing weight again, I will feel better.  I am less likely to then engage in attacking myself with ugly thoughts, angry labels, and shame-inducing negative comments about my weak character.

So, here I go again, my friends.  Once more into the breach.  This really is a never-ending journey, an eternal process and, to be honest, a constant effing struggle.

It isn’t easy and never will be.  However, it is always and absolutely worth it.

Thanks for hanging in with me.  How are all of you doing?

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