Gang, this cold is kicking my ass. In place of an insightful or interesting post, how about I share a video and picture of a baby dolphin that was born earlier today? Click herehere!
Feed a Cold, Starve a Fever?
Show of hands — which is it? Feed a cold, starve a fever or starve a cold, feed a fever? Who thinks that either is total claptrap and has nothing whatsover to do with making us feel better when we’re sick?
I have a cold. I’ve been battling getting sick since last week and thought that I successfully kept illness at bay by boosting my immune system with Vitamin C dosing. After a week of the cold coming in and receding like some germy tide, I honestly thought I’d won. Then I woke up this morning, started sneezing and felt the cold symptoms progressing through my nose, into my head. I’m made of tough stuff, however, and don’t easily give in. I had plans today, damnit, fun plans. Fun, going to swim with dolphins while wearing a Santa hat for my holiday photos, plans. I went, had a great time, got adorable photos (Yes, I will share them when I finish my photo holiday card.) and then came home and wanted to melt into bed like a rag doll.
Ordinarily, I have a powerful immune system and, thankfully, do not often get sick. I think all of the travel and running around finally undermined me and left me susceptible. I’m sure this was not helped by the woman two seats over in my row on the flight to Jersey who hacked, coughed and wheezed for two hours.
The few times that I do get sick, I usually crave specific foods: extra crisp bacon, tomato soup, grilled cheese sandwiches. I figured that a couple slices of extra crisp bacon would not throw me off track too badly, so I made some for breakfast. I then fed at least half of it to the dogs. The hot cup of tea, however, was excellent!
I went off to the dolphin swim and was gone for a few hours. When I returned, I still wasn’t hungry after my shower but knew that my body needed sustenance. I don’t have bread in the house, so grilled cheese was not an option, and defrosting some homemade tomato soup was beyond my ability. I took out two small stalks of celery, dipped one in a scoop of hummus and the other in some soft Brie and called it lunch. Followed by another cup of tea.
At that point I really wanted to collapse in the chair, so I did for an hour or two. Then I remembered that I had an assignment due tonight! Yikes. I brewed more tea and forced my brain to concentrate. This is a little more difficult with a low grade fever and frequent bouts of sneezing, but I kept going.
A few more hours passed. Dinner time came. And went. Totally not hungry, darn it, and I had really been looking forward to some deliciously grilled tri-tip beef! Finally, I got up out of the chair and grilled the meat with a zuccini side dish. Next to chocolate, I love really good beef more than any other food. Do you have any idea how frustrating and annoying it was to lose all appetite after three bites? I couldn’t force another forkful down on a bet. Nat and Pyxi were quite pleased to receive the remainder of my paltry serving.
So, here I sit, forcing fluids like a good patient. I’m not going to say that I’m starving. One would actually need to be hungry and deprived for that condition. I know this condition won’t last long. For now, I guess I’ll just be satisfied to have fed by need to whine.
Thanks for listening.
Downsizing
What a whirlwind week. As you know from my posts, I flew up to New Jersey mid-week and then flew back to Florida 24 hours later. I was there for a family event and I’m so glad that I went. I also realized yet again how much easier travel is now that I’ve lost 130 pounds and am physically more fit. As tired as I was on Thursday after my trip, I can only imagine that I would have been even more exhausted if I’d forced myself to do it with all of that excess weight.
Since I was going to be in New Jersey at the end of November, I knew I also faced different weather/climate than what I’m used to. I blogged last week that while prepping for this trip I found out that I’d lost weight in my feet! Well, I’ve also gone down at least another size in my clothes. Sort of. Depending on the cut of the garment, I can now wear one of three sizes, but the smallest of those sizes simply amazes me. I zipped up a pair of pants smaller than I’ve worn since the early 80s! That’s such a charge! When I had on the pants and a sweater, also a size smaller than I’m used to, the overall effect was pretty darned slimming.
When I look in the mirror, even if I turn sideways, I don’t flinch at my reflection any more. Yes, I still have a long way to go, but I really appreciate where I am right now today. On Wednesday, I had on black slacks and a black sweater. When my brother and sister-in-law first saw me, they both exclaimed how great I look. Emotionally, I’ve reached the point where I can smile and share in the joy.
J & P last saw me in August. My two aunts haven’t seen me since last Christmas, before my surgery. So, the change is truly radical for them. I guess, truthfully, it’s radical for all of us. 130 pound weight loss means I’ve lost the equivalent of my sister-in-law. I’ve downsized by a person! I met up with a friend that hasn’t seen me since April. When she saw me, her expression and eyes filled with wonder. Even though she reads this blog (Hi, B!), seen pictures, and we’ve talked about my progress, I guess seeing me in person is different.
Since I’m going back up for a week at the holidays, I knew that a quick trip to a clothing store was in order so that I could pick up a couple of sweaters for the colder weather. These are easier for me to get in Jersey than Florida, for obvious reasons. For about 15 years, Catherine’s has been my favorite store for clothes shopping. Even at my heaviest, I could always find a good variety of quality garments. There aren’t any Catherines stores in South Florida, but when I travel to other areas, I check the online store locator and seek them out. I shop at the one near my home area of Jersey nearly every time I go back for a visit, so it was an easy stop for me, even on a short clock.
I selected an armful of possibilities and headed to the dressing room. After trying them all on, with the exception of one sweater and the cropped jeans I snagged from the clearance rack, I had to put each of the garments back on the racks. They were all too big! Even though I’d selected smaller sizes than I used to wear, I had to go down still another size from the one I was wearing just a couple of months ago! Double woot!
I found a couple of sweaters that will supplement other things I have, so I definitely can make it through the holiday week up home. I also found a couple of lighter tops that I think will be great for my trip to Hawaii in February. Yes, that trip is two months off and I’ll have lost additional weight, but these tops are the kind that have some stretchiness. I’m betting that the stretchiness means I’ll be able to wear them even when I’m smaller. Most of the time this is easier to do with tops than pants, as I learned when I went through the TSA security checkpoint at the small airport.
I went through the body scanner, expecting that the officers would pretty much wave me on. Imagine my surprise when they told me they’d have to get a female officer and take me to the office for a full body pat-down. I asked why and was told, get this, “The scanner showed some anomalies in the groin area.”
Huh? I had nothing in my pockets, no belt, no smuggled contraband concealed inside the waistband. Needless to say, I had no clue what could be causing these “anomalies”. The female TSA officer that had to pat me down was very nice and professional, but it still isn’t the most comfortable experience. When all was said and done and I was declared free of weapons, hazardous materials, and explosive residue, I asked her what could have caused the “anomalies”. She told me that sometimes loose clothes bunch up and can cause the problems.
Friends, my weight loss was the root of the situation. Even though I’d only bought these jeans in September, they’re already bigger than I need. No more risk of groin anomalies for me! This garment is definitely going into the “donate” pile.
I’m in the middle of another clothing purge. Everything that still remains in my closet from my life before weight loss surgery, is coming off the hangers and going into the big bag. This time, I’m also pulling out any shoes, trying them on, and then gathering up the ones that are too big. There’s no need, and no room, for these things in my life anymore. I’ve downsized in more ways than one!
There’s something else that I hope to remove from my life soon. The CPAP machine. Last year one of the many pre-wls evaluations I experienced was a sleep test. I don’t have sleep apnea, in that my breathing stops when I sleep. I was diagnosed with a sleep hypopnea and, periodically, my air flow reduces and the amount of oxygen I breathe in drops. The CPAP machine corrects this, but I hate wearing the mask when I go to bed and dealing with the air flow tube. I know I should wear it every night but I refuse to travel with the unit. When I met with the pulmonologist for a follow up over the summer, he suggested we wait a few more months before redoing the sleep test. I agreed as long as I could do it before the end of the year. (My health insurance deductible has already been met for this year and this test is covered at 100%.)
So, last night I drove up to the sleep center for the test. This involves getting hooked up to a dozen or more electrodes/leads on the head, face, chest, abdomen and legs. Then you stretch out on the bed and attempt to get a normal night’s sleep — or as normal as you can when you’re wired like a science experiment and know that technicians are constantly monitoring your read outs and listening to you on the intercom. They woke me up by 6 a.m. today to unhook me so I could get back home here in the Keys for my 9 a.m. Tai Chi practice. Now I wait until the 14th to meet with the doctor and, hopefully, hear that the weight loss has improved the condition enough that I don’t need to use the machine anymore. Wish me luck!
I ran into the supermarket to pick up a few groceries for the weekend. While I was in the produce section, a woman I know from around town walked by. I said hello to her and she turned back, blankly looking at me as if I was a stranger. She didn’t recognize me at first because of my weight loss. That’s the first time it’s happened to me. I wonder if I can expect to experience this more often as I continue to downsize.
Travel Difference
I’m back in Florida a short 28 hours after I left. Before I tumble into bed I have a few observations about traveling The whole process is simply a helluva lot easier when the only baggage I have to haul is a suitcase on wheels.
Having now lost 130 pounds, I no longer feel like I’m on an endless march of pain and aggravation. It was fun to get on the plane and realize I could walk straight down the aisle without having to twist semi sideways. I’m much more comfortable in the seat. Not only can I buckle the seatbelt, there’s some room to spare.
Considering that I’m flying direct to Hawaii in a couple of months, knowing I’ll be much more comfortable is a blessing.
One drawback, and it’s relatively minor, is that I need to make sure that I don’t wear clothing that’s too loose. This is a bit of a challenge as my clothing sizes rapidly change. Yesterday I had on a pair of denim cropped pants that have become a bit loose in the waistband/stomach/hip region. When I went through TSA and the body scanner machine, the scan reported some “anomalies in the groin area”. I had nothing my my pockets, mind you. I asked and they said it could be that material bunched up some. Whatever the case, I had to go to a private room with two female officers and get a full body pat down. The woman did her best to be sensitive to the fact that she was touching parts of me that strangers normally don’t and, of course, it was a lot less invasive than a gyno exam, but still not high on the list of experiences I want to repeat. I think for the Hawaii flight I’ll wear yoga pants — comfortable but not “bunchy”.
All in all, this trip was a great experience, made so by the weight reduction. Those of you who might have cut back on travel but are now losing weight, I hope this gives you something to look forward to. It absolutely does get better!
Former Food
I’m at the airport for a 24 hour trip home. Typing this on my iPhone so please forgive sentence fragments and typos.
I was hungry when I arrived and surveyed the restaurant choices to supplement the cheese wedge I brought. I’d planned for this and only needed a little chicken or turkey.
While in line I couldn’t help looking at the array of pizzas at one place. Pizza was always a big binge food for me. On my worst days I could plow through an entire pie. I’ve had it maybe three times in ten months under very controlled conditions.
Looking at the platters of pies tonight I was amazed at the hugeness of the portions. A single slice looked twice as big as I remembered. My stomach turned just thinking about it.
Then I remembered that previously a huge slice wouldn’t have stopped me. In the past, I could and did eat that much, washed down with soda and followed by dessert. Now I get full just by looking
I walked away still thinking about it and then wondering about the calorie and “nutrition” data. The guy in front of me ordered a stuffed pepperoni slice.
You can google almost anything these days. So I did. Almost 1000 calories with some ridiculously high fat count. Sodium was off the charts too.
More than I eat in a day hit that man’s stomach in a few minutes.
Tonight I am incredibly grateful that I’m not eating like that ever again.
Rejuvenation
As discussed over the weekend, I’ve begun to write down my food for the day first thing in the morning. By “write down” I mean that I type it into the Notes feature of my iPhone. I did this yesterday and today and have followed the plan exactly as, well, planned. It’s a wonderful thing to not deviate. Even when I opened up a desk drawer and saw the emergency cheese cracker package in there, I didn’t grab them and open them up. I stayed the course.
It’s amazing that some days can be a constant struggle to stay on track and other days are as easy as breathing. All in favor of more easy days, please raise your hands.
After a few days of no struggling, I can honestly feel how much I was battling my compulsion in recent weeks. To great degree it was like someone flicked the switch on my motivation and shut it down. Now the switch has toggled back to the “On” position and I’m doing better once more. I know this is not meant to be a sprint, but I don’t like thinking of it as a marathon either. I want to embrace it as a daily journey and not a race of any length.
That’s an important mindset for me to continually cultivate and reinforce. My effort doesn’t end when I hit goal weight, whatever weight that ends up to be. Changing one’s life means transforming ourselves and then maintaining the transformation for the rest of that changed life.
In OA and other 12 Step Programs, we learn that we do this all one day at a time. Success isn’t about tomorrow, or a week from now. Two months from now don’t matter as much as right now, today. For today, I am grateful to have regained my motivation and to have enjoyed several “easier” days. I abstained from compulsive eating today. Tomorrow when I wake up, I will commit to abstaining again.
I can do this. I am rejuvenated.
Victory in Da Feet
First the detox-cleanse final report. I made it through, perfectly, for all three days. This morning I woke up feeling terrific emotionally and physically, and then stepped on the scale to discover I’d lost seven pounds. That’s a heck of a lot in three days. I lost even more than Dr. Oz lost, but I’m bigger than he is to start and he probably didn’t do Zumba two days in a row when he did the detox-cleanse. Whatever the case, my system feels flushed and I’m happy. I don’t know that I’ll do a three day detox again, but I noticed on his website that he has a 48 hour one, too. Maybe I’ll try that next time.
Over the months of this journey, I’ve seen so many changes in my body, most of which I’ve mentioned here. My collar bones have emerged. When I lie down I can feel my ribs. I’ve lost a couple of chins. Even my forearms are thinner. I’ve dropped several sizes in clothes. Today I experienced something completely new! I have to make a quick trip up to New Jersey this week. Seriously quick, as in I fly up one night and fly back the following night. I was going through clothes today to check the outfit that I plan to wear when I’m up there. My sister-in-law got a number of pairs of pants and capris from a co-worker who recently lost a lot of weight. I’m grateful because they’re in the next two sizes I’ll fit into. Living here in the Florida Keys, I usually only wear pants that actually reach all the way to the tops of my feet when I go home to the Northeast or off to a writers conference. The rest of the time, I’m in capris, shorts, cropped pants and so on, with flip flops, sandals or sneakers on my feet.
I had one of the pairs of pants recently hemmed, specifically so I could wear them this week. I thought it would be good to try them on again tonight (Size smaller!) with the shoes I intended to wear. I haven’t worn these shoes since April. I put them on and realized that they are wayyy too big. So big that I can’t keep them on when I walk. My feet slide around and the heels slip off.
I’ve lost weight in my feet! How cool is that? I don’t know why I didn’t realize it before. The only thing I can think of is that I didn’t notice a change in my sneaks because I wear sweat socks. I assume that the thicker socks fill in any extra space right now. I’m probably pulling the laces tighter, not realizing that I’m compensating.
Amid my excitement, I also had an “oh shit, what do I do” moment. I wear, or wore a 10 1/2 double wide. This is not a size regularly available at most stores and we don’t have “real” shoe stores anywhere close to where I live. I could have been in serious footwear trouble but I rummaged around the closet and found a pair of ankle-height boots. I’ve never worn them because they were too tight last year, but I forgot to return them for a credit. Good thing! They are a little big now but because they lace up and aren’t “broken in”, I can tie them tightly and wear them without a problem. Whew!
If these boots can get me through this trip and my vacation at Christmas, I won’t need close-toed shoes until the end of April. By then I will probably be down to a shoe size that isn’t likely to change on me again. I can’t describe how terrific this feels. All of my life, getting shoes has been a challenge. Finding shoes that fit and don’t look like they should be worn by someone in their 90s is even more difficult. Reducing my foot size even a little bit will definitely open up more footwear options. It’s a wonderful NSV and I’m psyched!
Still Serene
I’m winding down the last day of the three day detox-cleanse. It’s been another good, serene day. I started with a Tai Chi class this morning and then went down to a local crafts-arts fest and picked up some pretty holiday gifts. I also saw a friend there for the first time since February. (She only lives part of the year in the Keys.) There’s obviously a big difference in my weight since the last time she saw me, so you can imagine her reaction. Her first words after, “Oh my God, Mary!” came as she hugged me. “I can put my arms around you.”
That really touched me – literally and figuratively. I know what it feels like to have lost more than 125 pounds. I experience it countless ways every single day. Today was the first time I thought about someone else experiencing the difference in a way other than just by what they see. I have to say, it’s pretty cool to think of being able to share better hugs with people I care about.
In addition to booths of pretty, hand-made items, the festival had several food vendors. The whole, “stick to the written plan” approach worked. While I would have loved some souvlaki or a bit of baklava from the Greek vendor, and the crispy thick grilled cheese sandwiches with shot of tomato soup looked damn appetizing, I just shrugged them off. Nope, food, not for me today.
I’m on a roll.
I don’t know how much weight I’ve lost with the detox. On the Dr. Oz show, people lost between three to five pounds. I’ll find out tomorrow morning. It will be nice to see few pounds come off quickly, although that wasn’t my main reason for doing this detox. Honestly, I don’t know if I’m supposed to feel super great and energized or what. (TMI alert!) I have to believe that the toxins are being flushed out of my body because I’ve had to pee at least three times as frequently each day. If my kidneys were sentient, I’m sure they’d be positively gleeful.
Did I talk before about incorporating some of the ingredients into my regular food plan? It looks like unsweetened almond milk has fewer calories and carbs than skim milk and no cholesterol. I think I’m going to start using it in my daily morning protein shake. It has fewer grams of protein, but I’m also going to add a tablespoon of ground flax seed which will not only help the protein count but will also add a few more grams of fiber. I realllllly need to get more fiber into my daily diet. (Second TMI alert!) Constipation continues to be an issue most days. Since I continue to eat mostly protein and not a whole hell of a lot of vegetables, I need to work on a solution. I already add a fiber supplement to my morning protein shake, but I guess I can look into other places to add it. Every gram will help!
Can you tell that I’m in general musing mode? That’s probably because I’m still pretty serene. It was a wise decision to arrange this long weekend for myself. I’ve had great “me” time, done a few things that I wanted to and not much else, worked in daily naps, and, in general, enjoyed peaceful quiet. This has all been important because I have a very busy week ahead, including a 24 hour round trip to New Jersey.
Starting tomorrow morning I’m going to pre-plan my food choices for the day, which will give less things over which to stress. If things get hectic and crazy, I’ll look back on this weekend and remember the healing power of serenity.
The Serenity of Not Obsessing
It’s around 9 p.m. and I’ve effectively completed my second day of the three day detox-cleanse. (www.doctoroz.com) I’m finishing off with a last cup of hot green tea and soon will go in for the nightly epsom salt bath that is recommended as part of the program. The process continues to be a whole lot easier than I expected. I got up, blended the ingredients for the breakfast drink, and drank it slowly. Then I went off to another Zumba class. It’s the first time that I’ve done Zumba two days in a row. This morning’s class was a “Gold” variety so it was a little less intense but still beneficial.
After my manicure appointment, I lingered over the remainder of yesterday’s lunch drink. I think it’s deliberate that the mid-day drink has the most solid ingredients. It really was a lot. A few hours after lunch, for the “snack” drink, I mixed up a less-packed version of the mid-day recipe, mostly to use up the rest of the green apple before it turned brown. I got some work done around the house, caught up on some class discussions, and then treated myself to a nap.
Naps can never be overrated. Since I didn’t sleep later than usual, I consider being able to take a little “lie down” in the afternoon a wonderful treat on a day off from work. When I woke up, I played with the dogs, then settled in to chat on the phone with a friend and savor the dinner drink.
This all sounds like my day revolved around my food intake, but honestly, it didn’t. There’s a difference between devising and then executing the plan and constantly obsessing about food. Trust me, I am a champion obsesser when it comes to food. I know whereof I speak. When I am at my best with abstinence, I don’t constantly think about food. (By abstinence, I mean abstaining from compulsively eating or binge eating. It doesn’t mean that I’m abstaining from food itself.)
Because I committed to doing this detox, the entire decision process was completed before my first day even began. I’d read the plan, purchased everything I needed, and only had to execute when I woke up yesterday. For each liquid meal, I simply had to pull out the right ingredients and follow the recipes, then consume the blended drink. I didn’t need to figure out before each meal what I was going to have. I already knew. The only decision was whether to stick with the plan or not, and I’ve been strong in my commitment.
Those of us who have an eating disorder face a challenge that addicts with other drugs of choice do not. I think I’ve said this before. An alcoholic does not need liquor to survive. Neither does someone hooked on drugs. When they first get clean, they need to cope with breaking the physical addiction and, God knows, that’s a battle, but once it’s over their choice at any given time is: drink or don’t drink; dope, don’t dope.
Compulsive overeaters do not have that choice. We have to eat food every day. Several times a day, for most of us. In OA, we used to call it letting the beast out of the cage. Please understand that I’m not minimizing the struggles faced by any other addict. One addiction isn’t worse or easier than the other. It’s just different. My choice with every meal isn’t eat or don’t eat. It’s “I’m about to eat, but what and how?”
Over the course of a lifetime, some of the diets that I did the best on were the ones that greatly restricted my choices. Take Optifast, for example, when I didn’t eat solid food. I just drank the drink. I did great for a period of time and lost a good chunk of weight — until I stopped and went back to eating actual food. In college I was on liquid protein for several months. Noxious, horrible tasting stuff that I knocked back like a shot of liquor. When that is the only choice, it’s an easy choice to make — until the need to chew something becomes overpowering.
Back in the early 1980s when I lost 100 pounds, I ate real food, but only protein and a half cup of vegetables a day. I ate so much broiled chicken and turkey that year, it’s amazing that I didn’t cluck or gobble like human poultry.
Okay, I’m digressing. Sorry. Back to today and my point. Doing this detox reintroduced me to the serenity that comes when I don’t have to obsess about my food choices. My brain has not been under attack by a gagillion thoughts of food. I’m not beset by cravings for things that I can’t have for these three days. I can be around foods that aren’t on my plan and ignore them. I’m not warding off a barrage of “want want want”.
This is so much easier on my mind and emotions. I’m relaxed and at ease, and I know this is how it must feel most days to people who don’t have eating disorders. The contrast is staggering. I realize that for the last couple of months, I’ve been back into obsession mode. No wonder I’ve had trouble. When I think so much and so often about food, it wears down my resolve and makes me susceptible to the cravings. Then, nearly unconsciously, I’m working in a few carbs here, a little extra serving there.
Since I can’t always live on a liquid diet of blended fruits and veggies and, honestly, don’t want to, I really thought about this. I’ve been good over the last 9 or 10 months about having the foods I can eat readily available. I make lists for the grocery store. I take my lunch to work. These are all good, effective tools.
I started thinking about the years when I first went to OA. I didn’t “diet” per se, but I followed a food plan. Every morning, I wrote down what I would eat that day. I physically created the plan and committed to it that morning. As long as I followed the plan, I could count myself as having been “abstinent” that day. I believe that made the difference. By writing down the plan in the morning, I determined my choices. From that point on, I didn’t have to think about different foods. I only had to execute the plan. Without consciously dieting or eliminating specific foods, by following that practice one day at a time, I lost 50 pounds.
I haven’t been doing that step. I’ve logged foods into My Fitness Plan after eating so that I could track calories, protein, carbs, etc. However, that’s not the same thing and doesn’t have the same effectiveness.
Allow me a moment for a eureka, “a ha” moment. I’m going back to thinking about my progress in terms of abstinence. I get to count yesterday and today because I have the printed plan from Dr. Oz in front of me and have been following it. That represents having it written down. So, I have now been abstinent for two days. I will follow the plan again tomorrow. Starting Sunday, before I eat or drink anything, I will write down my food plan for the day. Although I will have a wider variety of foods from which to choose, I will plan each food choice and not deviate.
This works for me. Even with more variety, the choice becomes “be abstinent or not”. Believe me, that’s easier than, “what food when”. That guards against my own compulsion and relieves me of obsession. This paves the way for serenity. With serenity comes greater success.
Observations
In a short while I’ll pull out the ingredients to make up the “dinner” drink on the detox cleanse plan. For those of you who haven’t seen the Dr. Oz thing, there are three different drinks consumed each of the three days. All have combinations of fruit and vegetables along with other ingredients like coconut water, coconut oil, almond butter, almond milk and flax seed. Not all of the ingredients are in each drink. The recipes vary.
The morning drink was pretty and good. The lunch drink was very green and, holy wow, a lot! Even spreading it out with sips over an hour I couldn’t finish it all. My stomach just won’t handle the volume, despite it being liquid. Four stalks of celery, half a green apple, a cucumber, a cup of pineapple and some kale — even liquified, that’s too much. I finally gave up and put the rest of it into the fridge for tomorrow. Tonight I’m going to reevaluate the ingredients and see if I want to do slightly less than the amount called for. I might even leave out the quarter of an avocado since avocado is not among my favorite foods.
So, for today, I’ve had two cups of green tea and two healthy, generous smoothies. I could have had three at this point since we’re allowed an afternoon snack smoothie but, honestly, I wasn’t hungry. I’m sure that I’ll be satisfied with the dinner drink. Calorie wise I’ll hit around 900 for the day and, unlike the way that I usually eat, I’ll be higher in carbs and sugar because of the fruit, and lower on my protein.
In no way would I plan to follow this for any more than three days. I need more protein. However, it is a detox cleanse so that plant matter has a job to do.
I went to Zumba class this morning, which means that I’ll pretty much be at a net of 0 or negative calories for the day too. I probably should have consulted the doctor before deciding to try this but, again, three days aren’t going to kill me and if it ultimately does my system good and resets my metabolism, so much the better.
Here’s the key thing that I realized this afternoon when I was savoring that green smoothie. I wasn’t obsessing about these drinks and being limited to them for the entire day. I wasn’t hungry and I didn’t experience cravings. I didn’t sip smoothies and fantasize about grilled rib eye or crisp, perfectly salted french fries. I didn’t dream of turkey, stuffing, mashed rutabagas, gravy and pumpkin pie with whipped cream.
When I realized that I wasn’t obsessing, I immediately wondered, “Why the hell not?” I am pretty motivated to follow my food plan and move ever closer to my weight loss goals. However, on a daily basis I experience either physical, mental or emotional cravings for foods that are definitely not on the plan. That happens on days when I have more choices. If I bring yogurt to work for lunch, invariably I wish for something crunchy, crisp and savory. If I prepare that perfectly seasoned, grilled piece of rib eye for dinner, I can’t help but think that a baked potato would go great with it right then.
So why was today different? I’m not done pondering, but here are some possibilities. I geared up for this detox. It was a big switch from normal routine. I got it in my head last week that I wanted to do it, even talked about it with a friend, and planned it out. It’s kind of like last January, two weeks before my weight loss surgery, when I had to go on the “full liquid” diet.
What’s similar about the two events? The only things I can think of are that they’re both liquid plans for set amount of time.
Maybe this is why the recent weeks of my “normal” food plan have been more challenging. I’ve been following that plan for several months now and whether it’s boredom or something else, I don’t wake up every day with the same “Let’s do it” attitude. This is disturbing since I still have a good chunk of weight to lose. Now is not the time to slow my progress. I know that, eventually, I’ll transition to a maintenance plan where more carbs are included but, until then, I need to be vigilant.
Further pondering reminds me that it’s also normal for the super fast pace of weight loss to slow a little as the body grows more accustomed to the routine, so I shouldn’t beat myself up about this. Goal-motivated people need rewards and if the returns have diminished a little on my effort, it’s harder to maintain the super motivation.
Here’s my happy realization for the day. I can still do it. Clearly if I’d lost all drive and desire, I wouldn’t have gotten through today. I’d have grabbed a cracker or piece of cheese or something. So, I’ve learned something important that reassures me because, honestly, I was getting a little worried.
Maybe in addition to cleansing my body, these three days will also clean my head. If I can gear up for a three day liquid smoothie detox, I can gear up again for a protein-loaded/miniscule-carb food plan. When I’m back to eating meals and not drinking them, I’m going to remember that I absolutely can resist cravings and stick to the plan. The motivation switch has not toggled to “Off” in a locked position.
Weighty Matters 