Weighty Matters

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Sep 22

Stalled or Self-Sabotage?

by Mary Stella

Yesterday I read a truly outstanding, revelatory blog post by Skye. I couldn’t possibly do it justice in my description here, but you can go and read it too at her blog.

Skye talks about power, protection and progress and how she often diminishes herself, her strengths and talents, largely out of a need to protect herself.

This really made me think. It touched something inside that I need to tug out and study. I have been musing a lot about where it’s my body that’s had me sort of stalled in my weight loss, or if I’m self-sabotaging my progress. Am I having a few more incidents of eating compulsively strictly because I have the eating disorder, or am I using my disease to interfere with my weight loss success?

I’m sort of in a tug-of-war with myself. On the one hand, I bought my bike and am riding it regularly. Whether riding to Tai Chi class and back yesterday, or the half hour bike ride I did a short time ago, I’m definitely increasing the amount of exercise. On the other hand, I know for a fact that I should not buy that snack mix. Even if it has healthy nuts and raisins in it with a sprinkling of chocolate pieces, it is not a good food for me to have in the house because there is a great likelihood that I will snack on it too often.

I bought a bunch of fresh fruit and veggies to prepare for meals this week. I also gave in to the buy one-get-one-free on English Muffins. In my brain at that moment of decision was the thought that, everyone once in awhile it’s okay for me to have a little bit of carbohydrates and at least these were the whole grain, low fat variety. Honestly, these would be okay if I ate half of one. Believe it or not, just that little restraint can be a struggle for me.

Anyway, I am really wondering whether I’m self-sabotaging and purposely slowing myself down. If so, why? I do not have the slightest idea of why I would be reluctant to achieve goal weight. I am so incredibly happy — joyful, elated even — with the progress I’ve made so far. There is no payoff to me in not seeing my way through to the end. There is nothing that I fear about being healthy and at goal weight. At least, there is nothing that I can identify.

This is an interesting conundrum to ponder. In between Skye’s terrific post and her follow up sharing about the rebound and my own musing, I was reminded of the Marianne Williamson piece that says:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

We are all meant to shine. I love this idea.
So, for now, whenever I am tempted to make a poor food choice or grab for a little more of even a healthy snack, I’m going to ask myself why. Why do I want to eat that? What’s the payoff? Why do I think I want that more in that moment than I want to keep making progress toward my goal.

Body Matters General Musings My Progress

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Sep 20

Wow, What a Week!

by Mary Stella

It’s Friday night and I haven’t posted in a couple of days. My apologies, but I will freely admit that by the time I finished work and other obligations every evening, I was physically fatigued and mentally wiped out. The fact that I was only physically fatigued is actually a very positive, huge NSV. Here’s why.

One of the things that I do in my job is coordinate media shoots. Production companies approach us, or I pitch them, about including our center in a television show, documentary, special series, etc. A lot goes into arranging details and scheduling the filming before the day of the shoot. (What they want/need to see has to be done within our normal daily activities.) When the day arrives, I’m out there with the crew all day long, keeping an eye on the schedule, supporting my co-workers who are working with the animals and being interviewed, dealing with potential glitches and many other details. Thank God that I now have an assistant because there’s more than enough for the two of us. Tuesday, we had an all day shoot. (Sorry, but I can’t tell you for what show or network until it’s actually scheduled to air which will be at least a year from now.) I got to work at 8 a.m. to check email. The production crew arrived at 8:30 a.m. We were on the job with very little down time for the rest of the day until we saved goodbye to them in our parking lot at 5 p.m.

Prior to my weight loss, it took everything I had to physically last through days like I just described. Then, when those days were over, I dragged myself home, gulped down 800 mgs of ibuprofen, broke out an ice pack for my knee and collapsed in my recliner whimpering in pain. My ankle and knee joints would throb for hours and my back and shoulders felt stiff as boards. It was hellish.

It was so, so different this past Tuesday. Sure, I was tired and, maybe, a little achy, but I wasn’t in pain. I didn’t come home and collapse in a chair with throbbing joints and tears in my eyes while I whined. In fact, I walked the dogs, ate dinner, watched some television and then soaked in a hot bath and went to bed. The next day, instead of stiff muscles and joints, I bounced into the day with no ill effects.

Yesterday, we had another shoot to do. This one “only” went from 8:30 in the morning to around 12:30. It’s rare for us to have two shoots in a week. I normally spend a lot of time in my office working on multiple projects. I always have multiple projects underway. This is brain intensive but not physically demanding. It can be stressful, depending on how many of those projects have strict deadlines and how many other, unexpected things pop up in any given week. (It happens all of the time.)

When today finally arrived, I was so happy. I knew that I could have a good productive day, including reaching completion on some of those projects I’d juggled. Originally, I had plans to go out to dinner but those plans changed. Honestly, this made me even happier. I wanted a free evening where I wasn’t physically and mentally tired and didn’t have to rush off anywhere.

I got home on time, fed the dogs, changed my clothes and set off for a good bike ride. Even though I’d kept up with my Tai Chi and dog walks, I didn’t make it to Zumba and had not been able to squeeze in a ride since Monday. Tonight, I rode up town and then down a long road to the beach before turning around and heading home. By my estimate, this ride measured between eight and nine miles and took me around 45 minutes. Just to round things off, and provide Nat and Pyxi with what they need, when I got home I took them out for a 20 minute walk.

Having the bike has really added a new dimension to my daily life. Looking ahead to tomorrow, I’m already planning to ride to Tai Chi class in the morning instead of driving my car. After Tai Chi, I’ll proceed up the road to the health food store for a protein smoothie for lunch. Then, I’m setting off for a few more miles to visit the animal shelter. After that trip, I’ll pedal all of the way back home. This will probably be a total round trip of nine or ten miles. I’m confident in my endurance. The rides I’ve taken in the last week have demonstrated to me that I’m strong and fit enough to challenge myself with several miles at a time.

So, it was definitely a very busy, wowza of a week, but it has now wound up on a great note. I’m happy, content with my work accomplishments and my attention to my physical exercise. I’m not in misery. Instead, I feel marvelous.

What kind of week did you have?

Body Matters General Musings NSVs

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Sep 15

Free Wheeling

by Mary Stella

Maybe I’m fresh in the honeymoon period with my new bike, but I couldn’t wait to go out for a ride this morning. I slept in a little, then needed to drink my morning protein shake, and then, to be fair to Nat and Pyxi, needed to get them out for a nice walk first. Once those things were accomplished, I strapped on my helmet, grabbed my phone and ID, and pedaled off. (I always take identification, just in case. I probably should also take my health insurance card, also just in case, but that seems like challenging fate or setting myself up for disaster.)

When I shared with some friends about buying a bike, one asked if I’d ridden the Old Seven Mile Bridge yet. Since I only got the bike yesterday I hadn’t yet had the chance, but the idea staying in my mind. That was today’s destination. Before you get totally wowed, no, I was not biking over seven miles of bridge. That would be the “new” Seven Mile Bridge, which was built in the early 1980s. It was built alongside the structure now known as Old Seven. Old Seven is more than 100 years old. It was built by entrepreneur/visionary/business magnate Henry Flagler. His original thought was to connect a railroad down the Keys. There’s a lot of history in that tale. Suffice it to say that the railway did not survive, but his visionary practices opened up the Florida Keys to the rest of the world. (Old Seven was a star of the movie True Lies. That whole chase scene near the movie’s end was filmed on this bridge.)

The old bridge is in a deplorable state of disrepair and everyone is in constant discussion on how to save it, what needs to be done, how many tens of millions of dollars it will cost and, above all, who is going to pay for it. I hope above all that these questions get answered and Old Seven is saved because I think it’s a Florida Keys treasure. It’s great for walking, biking, viewing sunsets and the water with the Atlantic Ocean on one side and the Gulf of Mexico on the other. For safety’s sake, the Dept. of Transportation closed it to vehicular traffic several years ago. We are concerned that they will close it to bikes and people soon, which will be a horrible shame.

Okay, that’s enough of the history, on to the bike ride. I live about a mile and a three quarters from Old Seven and there’s a bike/pedestrian path along the Overseas Highway. This is a good thing because people, mostly tourists, drive crazy in the Keys. I wouldn’t want to be on the actual road. I’m happy to say that already this morning, I’m a little steadier as my bike riding skills return. (Check the update note I tacked on to yesterday’s post about my close encounter with a hedge last night.) I felt more in control of my steering. That said, when I approach another cyclist moving in either direction, I’m quite happy to be the one to yield.

Once I reached the bridge, I knew I had approximately 2.2 miles to reach Pigeon Key, which is as far as one can go from this side. I haven’t done this ride in 20 years. I so enjoyed the warm stretching of my legs as I pedaled and the kiss of breeze on my skin. It was mostly overcast this morning, so I didn’t have the sun beating down on me, but it was warm and I worked up a sweat. Feeling strong and confident, I decided I’d go the distance, and go it I did!

When I reached the end, I stopped and chugged some water before turning around. That’s when the ride became more challenging. It requires significantly more effort to bike ride into the wind, which was blowing about 10 knots per hour in my face. There was a time when I would have internally whined about this, but this morning, I absolutely relished having to work harder, knowing that my body was up for the challenge. I’m pretty sure I broke out in a smile a time or two when I felt my cardio rate rise and my muscles respond!

When I made it back to the parking lot at the bridge’s beginning, I all but cried out, “Wheeeee!” as I allowed myself to coast for a dozen yards. In the grand scheme of biking, this success wasn’t exactly like finishing a segment of the Tour de France, but I was darned happy!

On the way home, I stopped at a little convenience store to pick up some milk and ran into a couple of serious cyclists. I could tell by their bikes and the way they were outfitted that they were putting in some mileage. It kind of surprised me when the man looked at me and said, “Nice bike.” “Thanks. It’s brand new,” I replied. “You picked a good one. I used to sell them,” he continued and then asked if his wife could take a picture of him posed with the bike that he could send his friends. I agreed and asked if they’d take a picture of me in return. We chatted for a few minutes and I found out that they were biking down to Key West (another 47 miles from where we were stopped) and that their journey had begun in Jacksonville! Holy wow. It takes me eight hours to drive to J’ville! I told you they were serious. I congratulated them on being so close to their destination and then sort of laughed. “It isn’t much in comparison, but this weekend is the first I’ve ridden a bike in about 20 years,” I told them and then explained about my weight loss and how getting a bike is another step in reclaiming my physical health and fitness.

The guy then said something really terrific. “Just keep riding and you’ll get there. You don’t have to go fast, you just have to keep pedaling.” I love hearing that. I don’t have to do this fast, I just have to keep doing it. That’s my new bike riding mantra.

Here’s the picture that the couple snapped of me. The shirt’s about two sizes too big, but loose and comfy felt good on the ride.

Bike

Body Matters My Progress NSVs

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Sep 14

Like Riding a Bike

by Mary Stella

You know that old saying when you try to do something you haven’t done in a while? “It’s like riding a bike,” they say, meaning that once you know how, you don’t really forget.

I put that theory to the test today. Literally. I just bought myself a brand new bicycle! It has been at least 15 years since I rode a bike. I know that because I haven’t ridden once since my mother passed away and that’s coming up on 15 years. It might be closer to 20 years, but who’s counting. Clearly it’s a lonnngggg time.

As you know, my doctor and I want to incorporate even more vigorous exercise into my activity. The challenge is how to do more in my already busy days. I already know I hate the idea of going to a gym. There aren’t additional Zumba classes held at times when I’m not working. I can do more at home, but it just seems to lack a little of the oomph I need. So, I’ve been thinking of bike riding which would be good with my weaker knee, fun, and it’s also something that I can incorporate into other activities by just allowing for slightly more time. For example, if I give myself an extra 15 minutes, at least that’s what I’m estimating, I can ride my bike back and forth for Tai Chi classes. On a night after work when I’m not committed to something else, I can take a bike ride. I can even do so and still also take the dogs for a separate walk. We’ve already established that Nat and Pyxi do not like to keep up quite the pace that I need for cardio.

We have a good bike shop in town, so I stopped in today to check things out. I was honest about my long hiatus from bike riding and what I wanted it for. The guy was great and showed me different models that he thought would suit. “Want to take one out for a ride?” he asked. “Sure,” I answered and wheeled out the door. “If crash, my health insurance card is in my wallet.”

Honestly, it really was like I’d just done it yesterday. I immediately found my balance and tooled around the parking lot, confidence growing with every spin of the tires. We adjusted the seat height (Boy is that a lot easier to do than it was when I was a kid.) and I took another test. That quickly, I was sold.

The new bike is beautiful! Sturdy, simple, well-designed. Bonus — I got it in light purple! The bike shop owner was attaching my accessories (lights, bell, water bottle holder, rack for removeable basket) a little while ago and now I’m going to pick it up and ride home. Planning to be smart about this endeavor, I bought a helmet too.

The next phase of fitness has begun and, in this case, spinning my wheels is a good thing!

******************
So I took my bike out for a spin this evening. I need a little practice because my balance is fine but my steering is a little wobbly. I wasn’t confident when passing someone on the bike path. I sort of overcompensated. I might have crashed, um, closely investigated a hedge. No fall. No harm done. 😜

Body Matters My Progress NSVs

3 Comments »
Sep 9

Pain Free Mammogram!

by Mary Stella

I have a couple of NSVs today. First the one of lesser significance. It’s the first full week of the regular football season. As I write this, my Philadelphia Eagles are battling the Washington Redskins. I’m wearing an Eagles T-shirt that I bought for game days a few years ago. When I got it, I ordered a 3X so that it would fit comfortably. It still fits comfortably, but as a nightshirt rather than a regular T-shirt. Seriously, the shoulder seams hit me at the middle of my upper arms and I could step outside my house wearing only the shirt and not worry about compromising my modesty and flashing the neighborhood. That’s how big the shirt hangs on me now.

I kept it instead of getting rid of it in my clothing purges. It comes in handy as extra sleepwear some nights and can also serve as a bathing suit cover up. Mostly, I just want to hang on to it until I get around to ordering a new Eagles shirt to support my team. Booyah!

The second NSV is brought to you by the letter M, for Mammogram. Given the area of my body that got screened, maybe the topic should be brought to you by the letters DD.

I’ve always been good about going for my regular mammo screenings, even though I hated going when I was my fattest. For one thing, it’s embarrassing to not be able to close the wonderful hospital gowns. What’s more, my upper arms were so big, that the tight sleeves practically cut off my circulation. Then there’s the whole challenge of placing my boobs on the machine and, positioning me correctly in other ways. My large size made the process really difficult for the technician.

Oy, the pain! Older machines called for significant boob compression to obtain acceptable images. My flesh always needed to be compressed even more so that they could get a good read in spite of the fat. Mammaries mashed between the plates, I held my breath and thought of England. Okay, I held my breath and tried not to whine, moan or whimper. It wasn’t the tech’s fault that I was so uncomfortable. I knew she felt bad and didn’t want to make her feel worse.

My friends, I am here to tell you that today was an entirely different experience. Not only am I 170 pounds lighter than I was the last time I had a mammogram (Yes, I’m a few months overdue.), but the hospital upgraded to a new, digital imagine machine! I don’t know if it was all because of my smaller body size or a combo of less flesh and better technology, but the boob compression didn’t hurt at all and it was a lot easier for me to position my arm and the rest of my body. In a much shorter amount of time, the tech was able to obtain clear, good images of my breasts, and I was able to breathe without crying.

I don’t have results yet, of course. The images must be looked at by the radiologist. Honestly, I don’t anticipate a problem. Although a first cousin on my father’s side of the family developed breast cancer in her 40s, that is the only family occurrence that any of us know of. I’m able to self-check much more reliably these days and I haven’t felt any lumps or anything else. I’m a few months overdue, but it’s not like I’ve ignored regular screenings for years. So, I’m sure in a week I’ll get the letter that informs me everything’s okay.

In the meantime, I’m so happy that the experience was so positive. It’s another check in the plus column for losing weight and living a healthier lifestyle. I have my annual appointment in a few months with my primary care physician who also does my pap tests. At that appointment, I’ll be able to tell her that I am officially post-menopausal. It’s now been a year and a half since my last period. Booyah! I know that my doctor will now request that I have a bone mineral density test. She suggested I have one after I turned 50, even though I was still menstruating. I couldn’t because, unfortunately, I was beyond the weight limit for equipment for that test at any of the diagnostic centers in a 100 mile distance of home. No such problem now! Are three Booyahs in one post too many?

Next month, October, is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Have you had your annual mammogram? If not, please schedule your appointment and go. If you’ve gone, please ask your friends and family members if they’ve been screened. If not, encourage them to make their appointments. Tell them from me, that today’s improved equipment doesn’t hurt, but even if it does, they still need to go. Enduring a little pain now may save their lives later.

Body Matters My Progress NSVs

4 Comments »
Aug 29

Checking Out Recipes

by Mary Stella

I love the Internet for many reasons, not the least of which is the easy, nearly immediate, access to information. while chatting on the phone tonight with my friend, Janet, I talked about my kale-rutabaga-cannellini bean soup that I invented. This reminded her of watching Andrew Weil cook a super curried cauliflower soup on the Doctor Oz show. She read the recipe to me but I didn’t have time to write it down, but that didn’t matter. A few clicks on my keyboard and I had the recipe.

While I was on the website, my interest was immediately caught by another recipe for a purple power smoothie. Seriously! I love smoothies and purple is my favorite color. Of course I had to immediately check out this recipe too. Strawberries, blueberries and bananas — Yum! One thing it calls for, that I’ve never tried, is firm tofu. That sounds like a good protein boost. Yep, I printed out this recipe too and will pick up the ingredients this weekend.

I made a smoothie this week with strawberries, pineapple and dragon fruit. Isn’t this a lovely morning drink?

dragonfruitsmoothie

I like getting excited about healthy foods and nutritious recipes. This journey isn’t about eating crappy stuff that doesn’t taste good. It’s about nourishing my body with good food, taking time to select and prepare quality ingredients, and sticking to my food plan. There is a greater likelihood that I will, indeed, stick to that plan if I enjoy the things I’m eating and drinking. The trick is just not to eat and drink too much.

Got any nutritious recipes that you really enjoy? I’d love to check them out!

General Musings

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Aug 27

Taking Nothing for Granted

by Mary Stella

I haven’t been to a Zumba class in to weeks because of meetings, renovations to the place where classes are held and then my vacation. I looked forward to tonight’s class ever since I got home from my trip. After work, I took the dogs for a walk, fed them and then went to the bedroom to change into workout clothes. When I balanced on one foot at a time to pull on my exercise shorts, I flashed back to two years ago.

Getting dressed was a challenge. In order to pull on underwear or a pair of pants or shorts, I either had to sit down or I had to hold onto a bed post or table for steadiness. Even with that support, I still need to bend down as far as I could to drag the clothes on over my foot. Putting on sneakers was even more difficult. The easiest way was for me to sit on the bed, bend my leg at the knee and prop it on the bed too so that I could reach my foot. The other option was to again sit in a chair, bend over and sort of contort myself to get my sneaker on. I can remember a time when I had to pause and suck in a breath so I could finish tying the laces.

***** Before I forget, I need to digress a minute. Someone asked me why I share these memories of the way that I used to be when I was at my heaviest, most awkward self. I do it because it’s important that I remember what it was like. It also matters to me in case there’s someone reading who is struggling with morbid obesity. It helps to know that someone has lived what you’re experiencing and understands. I hope it also helps to know that things can be better. *****

Okay, back to the topic. Tonight I changed clothes with balance and ease. Putting on my sneaks was a simple as crossing one leg over the other, slipping on the shoes and tying in a few seconds. No stress or strain, no struggle or shortness of breath. In that moment I thought, “As long as I live, I will never take this for granted.”

I then grabbed my water bottle and hand bag and bopped out the door. Millions of people do this every day without giving the ability a thought. It’s just normal for them. Now it’s normal for me too, but I will never forget the days and decades when it wasn’t.

Zumba kicked my ass tonight. Even though I’ve been doing Tai Chi, brisk walking and that 7 Minute Workout, I could feel a reduction in my ability and endurance. I pushed on through to get the most benefit from the exercise, ignoring the internal whimpering. When we finished the cool down and stretching period, I picked up my water bottle and towel, said goodbye and made my way to the car. For a second I slumped in the seat and just felt the gratitude sweep through me. I thought again, “I will never take this for granted.”

I need to appreciate every day, every pound lost, every time I walk or dance or move with control and balance through the 108 moves in the Tai Chi set. I want to remember the times that I say no to eating the wrong thing and yes to healthy choices. It’s all hard work and I’m grateful for the willingness to put in the time, energy, effort and determination.

Recovery is precious. It also isn’t automatically permanent. I have to keep nurturing my progress, reinforcing the healthier practices, and maintaining my determination. I don’t want to lose what I’ve fought so hard to achieve so I can never, ever, take it for granted.

Body Matters My Progress

4 Comments »
Aug 24

Reducing Self-Criticism

by Mary Stella

I’m going to post a really crappy photo.  That’s not a judgment of me.  The quality of the photo is crappy because I took it of a mirror image of myself in low light with my phone.  Here goes:

Mirror picture

Sorry for the lousy quality of the shot, but I didn’t think of this blog post topic until after I was already home from the community function I attended this evening. If I’d thought of it sooner, I would have had someone else take a decent shot. Anyway, onto the reason.

I bought this dress and found the hot pink shrug when I went to Ross some weeks back. I loved the colors and the fit and thought it would be great in my wardrobe. Plus it was on sale for a ridiculously low price which fit with the overall plan to not spend a lot of money on clothes while I’m still losing. When I tried on the outfit in the store, I almost didn’t buy it because the sleeves on the shrug are sort of short and my upper arms are really showing their flab and wrinkly, saggy skin. I do not wear sleeveless tops. Most of the time, if I’m around other people when wearing a bathing suit, I also wear a sun protection shirt or rash shirt. Some of that is to guard against excess sun, but mostly it’s because I don’t like how my upper arms look.

Even though I was unhappy with showing too much upper arm, I still bought the dress. Ever since I’ve looked for a pink shrug with longer sleeves, but I haven’t been successful with that quest.

Tonight when dressing for the event, I almost selected a different outfit, but the colors and pattern on this dress made me smile and I really really wanted to wear it tonight. I put it on and drew on the shrug. Honestly, it was like all I could see were my arms and I wasn’t happy. I looked straight on, then to the side. I even went to a couple of different mirrors. It felt like my upper arms flashed a message that said, “Look at us! Look at us! We’re hideous. Look at us!”

I was thisclose to taking off the dress and putting on my second choice, but all of a sudden I got really pissed off at myself. I see plenty of women down here wearing tank tops, bathing suits, or sleeveless outfits with upper arms that are much larger than mine. Trust me. Their arms aren’t the first thing I notice, and when I do it’s never with the thought of, “Holy crap. That woman has arms like a ham. She’s brave to go sleeveless.”

Nah. I only direct that sort of thinking at myself.

Before I could change my mind and my outfit, I said the hell with it and walked out of the bedroom. I was going to the event in this outfit, short shrug and arms be damned.

From the time I picked up my boss/friend to the moment we left, saying goodbye to people we knew at the event’s end, I didn’t hear one negative comment or see anyone recoil in horror. All I heard were compliments on how pretty I looked, how great I looked, how much someone loved the outfit — all 100% positive. If anyone noticed the part of my upper arms that showed beneath the shrug sleeves, they didn’t mention it. I’m pretty sure that nobody cared. If they gave it any thought it all, it might have been, “Wow, she’s lost so much weight, she’s a little saggy in some places.” Honestly, I think the only person it was an issue for was me.

I didn’t worry about it at the event. I certainly didn’t obsess. Instead I just enjoyed myself, hugged a lot of friends, spoke with several acquaintances — you know, all that regular interactive stuff people do at such events. It was a fun evening.

On the way home I took a few moments to bask in the afterglow of the compliments. That’s when I thought of using the experience as a blog post and decided to take a photo when I got home so you could all observe and give feedback.

My takeaway message from all of this is that even now, I am my own harshest critic and when I think negative thoughts, it’s a good indication that I’m not being objective. I can do better. Moreover, I owe it to myself to keep working on reducing this form of self-criticism. It serves no healthy purpose. I can foster much more positive reactions to my changing, evolving body and build on them for the future.

Body Matters General Musings The Past is the Past

6 Comments »
Apr 20

Exercising Options

by Mary Stella

As usual, you all were terrific with your support when I definitely needed it.  Thanks again!

The last 24 hours have been a fun exercise in, well, exercise.  Yesterday, I had a work thing going on that necessitated me being on my feet for three hours straight.  Let me just tell you that this is a whole hell of a lot easier to do since I lost weight.  Overall I just move with greater ease and less pain.  It isn’t a chore for me to escort people around and handle the physical aspects of the job.  After one of those types of days, I also no longer need to go home, knock back 800 mgs of OTC pain relief, put up my feet and whine about my throbbing knee and ankles, stiff back and overall exhaustion.

Sure, I still get a little tired and my knee might be a titch more stiff and sore, but it’s definitely better than it’s been for me in years.  As a matter of fact, after I got home, ate dinner, and three a load of laundry into the machine, I leashed up the dogs and we all went for a nice, relaxing walk.

I then returned home and became engrossed in the live news coverage about the second suspect in the Boston Marathon bombing.   The most bizarre aspect was discovering that I really didn’t need to watch the television knew.  Friends in Boston learned of each development first via their police scanners and posted on Facebook.  We knew the suspect had been taken alive before the networks announced it as breaking news.

I was busily trying to keep myself awake because I had plans to join friends for a late night Zumba session.  Zumba at night?  Yep!  Last night was our area’s Relay for Life to raise money for the American Cancer Society.  My Zumba instructor friends arranged to entertain the crowd at 10:30 and wanted regular class participants to come and dance with them, so I agreed.  Once the music started, a couple of dozen other people — mostly middle school and high school students — joined in.  It wasn’t easy doing all of the steps on the field — harder to pivot — and sometimes I was a little self-conscious about doing the routines all out in public instead of the dance studio.  However, for the most part I had a “Who Cares?” attitude and just threw myself into the exercise and fun.  I think we went for about 40 minutes and had a blast.

When we were finished, I hurried home, washed up and went right to bed, setting the alarm for 6 a.m.  I had to meet up with friends by 7:30 to drive up the Keys for a Tai Chi intensive.  We did three hours of Tai Chi, with one short break.  First off, two full sets, each of which takes about 15-20 minutes.  Then the guest instructor took us through “foundation” exercises.  While some of these do not require a lot of full body movement, in each some part of your body is always moving.  The Dan Yus involve a move much like a basic squat — really good for leg strength, particularly when you do 25, 30 or more of them like we did today.  I also lost count of the number of repetitions we did of a move called Go Back to Ward Off Monkey.  A few dozen, maybe more.  Then we finished with another full set.

It doesn’t matter that each Dan Yu, Tor Yu or other foundation is done slowly and deliberately, or that we aren’t running marathons when we perform a set.  We were bodies in motion again and again and again.  I have to say that I feel incredibly limber and stretched out from all of the Tai Chi.  Between that intensive this morning and the Zumba last night, it’s safe to say that I’ve worked out this weekend, don’t you think?

I’m hoping for decent weather tomorrow morning so that I can get the dogs out for a good bridge walk.  If it’s too hot for the bridge when I get up, then I’ll make it up to them with a walk later in the day.  I find that around 7 or 7:30 is a great time.  The sun’s mostly down so it’s cooler but there’s still enough light.

Zumba dancing, Tai Chi, or simply a nice walk have become my three favorite forms of exercise.  I might not usually do all three of them in a relatively short number of hours, but I really like that I enjoy them all and want to do at least one of them, maybe two, almost every day.

It’s great to have options.

Body Matters General Musings

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Apr 12

Finding New Ways

by Mary Stella

I just realized that I last posted on the 9th and it’s the 11th.  The last couple of days are a blur of work, commitments, stress-inducing crisis, and more work.  I’m physically and emotionally exhausted.  I can’t speak in depth about the stress-inducing crisis because it involves an organization with which I’m involved, but I can assure you that it isn’t the one where I work.  I feel a tad overcommitted this week, and by tad I’m underexaggerating.  Not only did I work every day but I had evening meetings on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.  Even Tai Chi on Wednesday wasn’t its usual relaxing self but something else I needed to do, somewhere I needed to be.

I am so glad to be home tonight just puttering around the house, cuddling the dogs and watching my Phillies play the Miami Marlins.

Whenever I had weeks like this in the past, I used food and overeating to help me deal.  There is no empirical evidence that compulsive eating every actually helped me deal with anything even once, but it was my crutch so, excuse or no, I used it.  That’s not my way anymore.

Recovering from any addictive disorder means not falling back into the addicting substance or behavior.  When the going gets tough, the tough need to develop new coping mechanisms.  This week, I decided that I would treat myself well with a massage.  I earned it, I deserved it, and, most of all, I needed it.  I went this afternoon after leaving work and it was worth every minute of time and every dollar I spent.  My body feels so much better and I’m definitely not physically holding onto the stress any more.

I passed the cupcake bakery on my way to and from the massage therapist but I didn’t stop in and buy something with too many calories to console me for my tough week.  Although I thought about it, I decided that the best tasting cupcake in the world wasn’t worth eating when I’d worked so hard to lose weight this week.

Food wise, I had an excellent week.  Yes, even with all of the crap going on and my general, over-extended busy-ness, I stuck to my plan to eat mostly “full” liquids for breakfast and lunch and then low carb meals for dinner.  Honestly, I didn’t eat very substantial meals for dinner either, often having some yogurt or fruit or something light.  Tonight I could have put together a salad (see recipe that appears below) but I wasn’t all that hungry when I got home and had a couple of carrots and some hummus for dinner instead.

It isn’t always easy to find new ways to deal with the random stuff that often comes with life.  I’m glad when I can pick a substitute behavior instead of eating, and that’s honestly the key thing to remember.  What I do is not as important as what I choose not to do.  Whichever coping mechanism or coping assistance I employ, the only sure thing that I need to lock onto is that I need to choose not to overeat.  Everything else is secondary.

Now for the recipe, that I absolutely plan to make for dinner tomorrow.  I have the ingredients prepped and ready to go.  This recipe comes courtesy of Karen (Betty Bear).  Many thanks!

Kale Salad

1 bunch of kale (the original recipe asked for lacinato, aka elephant, kale, but curly is easier to find and tastes just as good)

⅓ c. pine nuts, toasted

⅓ c. dried cranberries or cherries

3 oz. ricotta salada cheese, grated (mild feta works fine)

1 T. minced shallot

1 ½ T. lemon juice

5 T. extra virgin olive oil

Whisk together lemon juice, olive oil and shallot. Wash kale and remove stems. Slice horizontally VERY thinly. Toss kale, pine nuts, cranberries and cheese. Toss with dressing.

Notes: this makes a LOT of salad, enough for 5 or 6 people. If you’re making for yourself, prep everything else but only do as much kale as you want for your salad and add other stuff accordingly.

 

 

General Musings The Past is the Past

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