Weighty Matters

Mahalo means Thank You. It’s said even more often than Aloha. I need someone to teach me You’re Welcome in Hawaiian. My reflex is to thank them back.

When we got to our stateroom yesterday afternoon we found the envelope holding all of our excursion tickets. In the front was a slip reminding us that Ziplining trips have strict weight limits and instructing us to fill in our names, heights, and weights. We have to turn in the slips tonight.

I guess that gives them time to verify that we meet the limits for the trip we chose. I have to tell you that I’m a little freaked out again.

I know that fully clothed I’m still less than the top weight but my mind has returned to the dreaded “what if”? I keep telling myself that I’m not overeating and I’m getting in my exercise.

We walked all around the ship last night, including up and down stairs. Today I snorkelled for at least 90 minutes. I’m sure I’ll be fine but can’t help wishing I’d lost an additional 10 pounds so it wouldn’t even be a tiny worry. I just have to put it out of my mind so that it doesn’t negatively impact the rest of the trip.

Today’s excursion from Maui was phenomenal. We went on a snorkel trip that included a lot of whale watching. Humpback whales were all around us and very active with breaching and pec slapping. Awesome!

The water is so clear! We snorkelled over corals that formed colorful seascapes with several species of beautiful fish. At least half a dozen green sea turtles also swam by.

Photo evidence will have to wait as all my pictures are either on my real camera or the underwater disposable. I promise to share after I get back.

We’re now showered and relaxing. In keeping with vacation mode I plan to nap before dinner. More whale watching tomorrow! Mahalo, Maui. It’s been a great day.

We arrived late Thursday after an uneventful but long direct flight from Newark to Honolulu. I don’t think I would have attempted so many hours in a plane when I was 386. I would have been miserable.

It was dark when we arrived so not much to see but we woke up to a beautiful Waikiki beach view. We heard chanting at 6 am and thought it might be some island custom. Turned out to be the Navy running beach drills.

We picked up our rental car and drove up to Diamondhead and several scenic points beyond. Saw the first whales blowing!

We are surrounded by beauty. It’s good to be here.

Tomorrow morning I get on the plane for the first part of my journey.  A trip to Jersey with an overnight stay to meet with my dear friend and traveling buddy, and then on Thursday we board the lane for Honolulu!

I have completely lost all perspective on my packing.  I made a list, checked it twice, and then checked things off as I put them in my suitcases.  I had my other list of non-clothes stuff like my snorkel and mask, dry bag, extra camera battery, camera battery charger, etc. etc. etc.  I have everything I need.  I think.  Like I said, I’ve lost all perspective as to whether I packed too many or too few clothes, or whether I have the right clothes for all of the different activities.

Now I’m holding onto the logical thought of, “So what?”  I either have it or I don’t.  If I do, great.  If I don’t, it’s not like I’m launching on a voyage and won’t see land for weeks.  I’m going to Hawaii.  There are stores.  Rumor has it the cruise ship even offers laundry service so if I need to get clothes washed, that can happen.  What a shocker!  Here’s the best part.  If I need to buy something, I’m now at a size where I’m not limited to Lane Bryant, The Avenue, Catherine’s or some other specialty store for plus-plus-plus-sized women.

There is such freedom in that reality.  I’m decided to not stress about it one more second.  I’m ready.  Honestly, I’d be in worse shape if I left my snorkel home.  Yes, I know there are plenty of snorkels to rent in Hawaii, but mine’s a dry snorkel and I love it!

I’ve already shared about the different adventures we’ve planned to try.  I promise that I will take as many pictures as possible, but in the interest of full disclosure, I don’t know how often I’ll post while I’m away.  I’m taking my travel computer, but Internet rates onboard ship are exorbitant.  I hate not checking in for the whole time that I’m gone.  It feels like I’ll leave behind some of my accountability and I refuse to do that.  This blog and our community matter to my recovery and it’s important that I not let my attention to recovery lapse while I’m off on my vacation.  Although it’s not easy to do long blogs on the tiny touch screen keyboard of my iPhone, at least I will be able to post.  I promise to do so, even if the posts aren’t overly long.  I’ll make sure to also take some pictures with the phone so that I can include them from the road.

I also promise to write full reports when I get back.  Until then, I’ll be here as often as I can!

Aloha, friends.  Talk to you soon.

I leave for vacation mid-week.  I’m in the final countdown and doing my preliminary packing today.  It’s natural that my many of my thoughts revolve around the upcoming trip.

You all have read me proclaiming how one of the excursions we’ve planned is a ziplining adventure.   Ziplining has been on my Promise List for a long, long time.  I promised myself that if I lost enough weight to make the weight limit, I would definitely do it in Hawaii.  I was thrilled when we started looking into different options and found that the weight limit was 250 pounds.  I Whoot!  I could do it.  (There are a few ziplining options that have a higher weight limit but they don’t look nearly as adventurous or fun as our top choice.)

This morning, I first woke up around 5:30 a.m.  Normally I can go back to sleep, but today vacation obsession took over and I couldn’t quiet my mind.  I thought about preparing for my nutritional needs while on the cruise.  I have a new can of protein powder and a shaker cup.  In the morning I can run up to the buffet and get skim milk to have a protein drink for breakfast.  Some days I’ll have eggs or yoghurt, but I really want to resist the temptation of a bagel here, some pancakes there, plus bacon or sausage every day.  I also need to pick up some Laughing Cow cheese wedges that don’t need to be refrigerated.  That way I always have an easy-to-eat snack when needed.

So, I was feeling pretty good about my planning when my mind wandered over to ziplining.  I was 243.6 on the scale yesterday morning.  At first that made me really happy and then I thought, “But that’s my morning weight.  My naked morning weight!”  I began to add up pounds in my head.  We always weigh less in the morning, I figure about a pound and a half less.  So, if we’re going ziplining mid-day, that could put me at almost 245.  Add in more pounds for clothes, including jeans, and sneakers.  Suddenly my cushion didn’t feel so cushiony anymore.

My goofy anxiety thinking began to worry about the scale.  Yes, they weigh you at the zipline company.  This is actually a good precaution.   Nobody wants the line to break when they’re 65-80 feet above ground.  What if their scale and my scale aren’t in synch?  Hell, I sometimes have to weigh myself three times in the morning because the number can veer five pounds depending on where I place my feet.  I should probably buy a different scale.

Needless to say, there was no way that my brain was going to calm enough for me to go back to sleep.  I started planning alternatives in my head.  Wear my lightest long pants — workout pants intead of jeans.  Throw in a pair of close-toed Crocs and put those on that day instead of sneaks.  Starve myself and ramp up the exercise to lose more weight before ziplining day!

Goofy anxiety thinking in the early morning does not equal logical, reasonable thought.  Finally, I sat up and told myself to knock it off.  I did some slow, deep breathing and approached this rationally.  When I last weighed myself at night, dressed, I was still less than 250 pounds.  I’ve lost additional weight since then, more than enough to compensate for sneakers.  I will probably lose a couple more pounds before we zipline, since that excursion is 10 days from now and I’m not planning to make vacation an overeating food fest.  I’m going to enjoy my meals without overeating and keep up my activity level.

I will be fine.

Anxiety-fueled, diseased thinking isn’t fun, but I’m trying to look at today’s episode as a good learning experience.  Just like I need to be vigilant about old food compulsions, I also need to guard against “stinking thinking”.  It accomplishes nothing positive and takes me out of my serenity.  I’m happy that I was able to process everything and come out on the side of rational reality.  Hopefully I’ll be able to build on this example and be even more effective the next time I wake up and start thinking from a place of goofy anxiety.

Cooking Channel is running back to back to back episodes of Not My Mama’s Meals with Bobby Dean.  Months ago I professed my love of that man.  Okay, I’m sure a shrink would have a field day with me developing a crush on a man who can prepare and feed me healthier meals, but I don’t care.  It’s not like I’m going to camp outside his apartment and stalk him when he goes to the market.

On the other hand, Bobby, if you ever google your name and run across this blog how about an episode on small plate dishes?  I’ll come and help you cook.  Ok, my name isn’t a draw.  Maybe Al Roker will help?

Anyway, the man was practically birthed on butter, heavy cream and Southern food cooked by his mother, Paula, who never met a cow product that she didn’t love.  I’ve watched her show in the past and practically salivated over some of her recipes.  However, although they might be good comfort food for the emotions, you and I both know that they aren’t the healthiest for the body and heart.

God love the Dean family.  They realize it too and have amended their cooking and eating habits.   They’ve all lost a great deal of weight and should be applauded for sharing their stories.  I’m sure that butter has not been banned from any of their households, nor should it be.  Sometimes you just have to have a pat.

Ok, back on topic.  In each episode of NMMM, Bobby shows us his mom’s original versions and tells us the astronomical number of calories and fat grams in each serving.  Then he demonstrates what he does to lighten the dishes and slash the numbers.

All of the numbers talk tonight sent me over to my phone to check the myfitnesspal app.  I log my food intake and exercise pretty much every day.  If you’ve never used mfp, there’s a summary feature that shows you the nutrition goals based on the total calories you’re shooting for each day.  It lists fat, total carbs which are then broken down between fiber and sugars, protein, cholesterol, sodium, various minerals and vitamins, etc.

In reading the numbers, I realized that I’ve been following the original food plan for so long that I don’t really know the current recommendations for a healthy, balanced diet.  I know that I’m still eating far fewer calories than I will on a maintenance plan, but I figured there was no harm in looking at numbers now.  I wanted to see how the figures stack up in mfp too.  I did some research and it looks like the official dietary guidelines recommend that protein make up about 10-35% of your daily food; carbohydrates should be 45 to 65%; fats 20 to 35%.  (Yes, if you add the top numbers in each of those ranges, the total comes to greater than 100%.   Hmm.)

Based on 1000 calories, mfp set my daily goals at 38g of protein, 138g of carbs, 33g of fat.  Math has never been my strong suit, but I swiftly figured out that if I was going to figure out the percentages, I needed to know how many calories are in each respective gram.

Gotta love the internet for swift research.  There’s an easy 4-9-4 formula.  One gram of protein = 4 calories.  One gram of carb = 4 calories. One gram of fat = 9 calories.

So, multiply by X, carry the X and, voila!  According this the guidelines, mfp is pretty much on target, except that they set my goal on the low end of the protein range.  At 38g, that’s only 152 calories or roughly 15% of total calories.

Has the arithmetic bored your brain yet?  Yes, mine too.

Right now, I’m supposed to be higher on protein and lower on carbs, so it’s actually good that I went through this configuring exercise.  I still need to shoot for more than 60 grams of protein, but that’s doesn’t mean I can do that and keep the higher carb count too.  On a daily basis, I’ll adjust to up protein and dial back carbs.

I honestly don’t like to get too caught up in the numbers.  It makes my head hurt.  I just like to know the general target for the main components.  If I can consistently hit those, and do the general reminders of shooting for lean proteins, healthy-not-empty carbs, go for healthy fats, I’ll be good shape.  Literally and figuratively.

If Bobby Dean can do it, so can I. 🙂