Weighty Matters

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Pre-Dawn Goofy Anxiety Thinking

on February 3, 2013

I leave for vacation mid-week.  I’m in the final countdown and doing my preliminary packing today.  It’s natural that my many of my thoughts revolve around the upcoming trip.

You all have read me proclaiming how one of the excursions we’ve planned is a ziplining adventure.   Ziplining has been on my Promise List for a long, long time.  I promised myself that if I lost enough weight to make the weight limit, I would definitely do it in Hawaii.  I was thrilled when we started looking into different options and found that the weight limit was 250 pounds.  I Whoot!  I could do it.  (There are a few ziplining options that have a higher weight limit but they don’t look nearly as adventurous or fun as our top choice.)

This morning, I first woke up around 5:30 a.m.  Normally I can go back to sleep, but today vacation obsession took over and I couldn’t quiet my mind.  I thought about preparing for my nutritional needs while on the cruise.  I have a new can of protein powder and a shaker cup.  In the morning I can run up to the buffet and get skim milk to have a protein drink for breakfast.  Some days I’ll have eggs or yoghurt, but I really want to resist the temptation of a bagel here, some pancakes there, plus bacon or sausage every day.  I also need to pick up some Laughing Cow cheese wedges that don’t need to be refrigerated.  That way I always have an easy-to-eat snack when needed.

So, I was feeling pretty good about my planning when my mind wandered over to ziplining.  I was 243.6 on the scale yesterday morning.  At first that made me really happy and then I thought, “But that’s my morning weight.  My naked morning weight!”  I began to add up pounds in my head.  We always weigh less in the morning, I figure about a pound and a half less.  So, if we’re going ziplining mid-day, that could put me at almost 245.  Add in more pounds for clothes, including jeans, and sneakers.  Suddenly my cushion didn’t feel so cushiony anymore.

My goofy anxiety thinking began to worry about the scale.  Yes, they weigh you at the zipline company.  This is actually a good precaution.   Nobody wants the line to break when they’re 65-80 feet above ground.  What if their scale and my scale aren’t in synch?  Hell, I sometimes have to weigh myself three times in the morning because the number can veer five pounds depending on where I place my feet.  I should probably buy a different scale.

Needless to say, there was no way that my brain was going to calm enough for me to go back to sleep.  I started planning alternatives in my head.  Wear my lightest long pants — workout pants intead of jeans.  Throw in a pair of close-toed Crocs and put those on that day instead of sneaks.  Starve myself and ramp up the exercise to lose more weight before ziplining day!

Goofy anxiety thinking in the early morning does not equal logical, reasonable thought.  Finally, I sat up and told myself to knock it off.  I did some slow, deep breathing and approached this rationally.  When I last weighed myself at night, dressed, I was still less than 250 pounds.  I’ve lost additional weight since then, more than enough to compensate for sneakers.  I will probably lose a couple more pounds before we zipline, since that excursion is 10 days from now and I’m not planning to make vacation an overeating food fest.  I’m going to enjoy my meals without overeating and keep up my activity level.

I will be fine.

Anxiety-fueled, diseased thinking isn’t fun, but I’m trying to look at today’s episode as a good learning experience.  Just like I need to be vigilant about old food compulsions, I also need to guard against “stinking thinking”.  It accomplishes nothing positive and takes me out of my serenity.  I’m happy that I was able to process everything and come out on the side of rational reality.  Hopefully I’ll be able to build on this example and be even more effective the next time I wake up and start thinking from a place of goofy anxiety.

4 responses to “Pre-Dawn Goofy Anxiety Thinking

  1. Hope says:

    Hey, if anything this is good motivation! Anytime you’re tempted by pancakes on the cruise, you can think “do I want a pancake or do I want to zipline?” In my book, ziplining always wins!

  2. Thea says:

    High (punpun) anticipation here over your zipline posts and aloha anticipation over your Hawaii posts!

  3. robena grant says:

    One of my writer pals went ziplining in Hawaii (she’s my age) and loved it. There was a George Clooney movie ?The Descendants set there. Right where the families land they were squabbling over was the site for the ziplining. BTW she loved the experience but I’m not certain that i would. Have a fab vacation.

  4. Skye says:

    Good for you on the thinking front! It can be difficult to combat our irrational thinking, especially when it is ramping up things like anxiety. You’re going to be fine and I look forward to your story of ziplining in Hawaii!

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