Isn’t it odd how some days we feel like we can take on the world and other days like we have to focus all our power on just putting one foot in front of the other?
Tonight at Zumba, I was fully charged with energy. I brought my knees up higher, tried some of the more jumpy or twisty moves and really pushed myself on pace to maximize the aerobic benefit. The hour sped by and class was over before we knew it.
Earlier today I got the dogs out for a short walk and also practiced Tai Chi with a friend for 15 or so minutes.
I felt strong and energized all day. It was terrific!
Tomorrow I might have a power sucking day or another just like today. I’ll deal either way.
I work tomorrow and then have an appointment with a hematologist on Friday. My iron counts are low. This doesn’t alarm me because I have thalassemia trait. My surgeon wants me to see the specialist to make sure that the thalassemia is the cause. I guess it’s possible that the big change in diet could be the cause. The surgeon wants a blood expert to decide if I need supplements or a transfusion.
Filling out the new patient paperwork on line took 40 minutes. No, electronic program, I don’t remember the date or operating doctor of my childhood appendectomy.
I’m having dinner with friends and, if all goes right with planning, will get a new tattoo before I return home. I sent off some research photos and an explanation to the artist tonight via email. It was a lot more fun to gather images than it was to fill out that aforementioned patient paperwork!
How’s everybody doing? Activity challenge, participants, I’m rooting for you!
As much as I can’t stand that the contestants on the Biggest Loser can lose five pounds in a week and cry because it isn’t enough – Oh the pressure! – I still tune in the show most Monday nights. There really isn’t anything else on at the same time that I feel like watching and I at least like hearing contestants talk about the positive changes they’ve learned to make. I also like following the stories of the three kids they’re working with this season. I was those overweight kids. They aren’t being yelled at by trainers, they’re receiving great information and encouraging guidance. I wish I’d had that when I was their age and was the fattest kid in class, if not the whole school.
Tonight the remaining five losers went to their hometowns for two weeks to see their families, have makeovers and to lead their towns in public workouts. This season the Biggest Loser has promoted Challenging America to lose weight and be more active. I’ve watched these same contestants temporarily give up on their workouts or be so unfit and incapable that, as they pushed harder and harder they vomited from the exertion. So, to see them now be able to jog, do pushups and jumping jacks, and encourage groups of others to do the same was truly inspiring. One woman, a 47 year old who has not been the easiest personality on the B.L. ranch, gave a wonderful pep talk to a young man who now weighs over 400 pounds. She said that if all you can do is walk, then you walk. If you can’t do half an hour at a time yet, do 15 minutes. The message was pretty clear that he shouldn’t let the little he could do keep him from doing the little he can do.
There was a commercial break around this time, disguised as a story about a group of people who have come together to walk, weigh in, and do other fitness stuff. In their honor, Walgreens gave them all pedometers so they can see how many steps they do a day. Yes, it was really a couple of minutes of advertising for Walgreens, but there was still value in some of the message.
I’ve heard a lot about the popular idea that we should all strive to walk 10,000 steps a day. As it happens, I took Nat and Pyxi out for a walk after work. I have pedometer app on my smart phone. I don’t always set it, but tonight I did, so I had fresh data. I divided, then multiplied, carried the two, moved a decimal, blah blah arithmetic-isn’t-my-strong-suit, and finally came up with the approximate figures that I have to walk 4.23 miles a day to reach 10,000 steps.
I have no idea how many steps I walk in the course of a day that aren’t part of my concentrated work out efforts whether they come in a short or long walk, Tai Chi practice or Zumba. Now I want to know. I might have to go to Walgreens and get one of those pedometers. (The phone app sucks power from the battery at an alarming rate.)
This got me thinking about how much exercise someone should really shoot for in a week. I did some quick Internet surfing and checked out some reputable sources such as the Mayo Clinic. It seems that most experts agree that 150 minutes of moderately vigorous aerobic activity a week plus some strength training twice a week are good goals with increased intensity of you’re trying to lose weight.
150 minutes breaks down to 30 minutes a day, five days a week or about 21 1/2 minutes a day if you do it every day.
If I keep crunching numbers, figuring in the 60 minutes of Zumba and the two Tai Chi classes, I’ll make myself crazy, so instead I’ll cut to the bottom line. Can I do at least 30 minutes of walking or other “moderately vigorous” aerobic exercise every day that I don’t do Zumba or a Tai Chi class? The easy answer is of course I can. I don’t even have to do it all in one chunk. The experts also say that the time can be broken down into smaller segments like three sessions of ten minutes or two of fifteen – like the woman from Biggest Loser advised that young man.
The real question is, will I? Well, that’s the plan. I’ve decided to challenge myself. Now, if I really wanted to be a hard ass to myself, I’d require it every single day, even when I do my other activities, but I think this sounds like a much more reasonable goal while still being a worthy challenge.
My next question is, does anybody want to commit to the challenge with me? It doesn’t have to be walking or Zumba. It could be swimming or dancing, bike riding or elliptical machines, or anything else that you decide is doable and fun and something that you’ll sustain.
If right now 22 to 30 minutes a day are more than you can accomplish in whatever might be your current physical condition, then whatever you feel you can accomplish is fine. You don’t have to give us specifics.
Nobody is going to monitor your effort. I’m not going to be a watchdog. We’re here for support, encouragement, and cheering to whatever level you want and need. If you want to check in via the comments, just by saying that you did your exercise today, that will be great. If you don’t want to check in, you don’t have to. If you want to send me an email, that’s okay, too. It’s all up to you.
I hope some of you will join the challenge. I’m going to attempt to add a poll to this post. It will be anonymous, but at least we can see how many are participating. Every day, when I set my intention for myself, I’ll send a little energy thought out into the universe that the other challenge participants meet their intention too.
I had a nice talk on the phone with a dear cousin. She’s a couple of years older than I am and, even though we didn’t see each other often when we were kids, we were always close. A few of the most fun summers I had as a teen were when she and her sister came down and spent a few weeks with our family at the shore.
You might remember that last April another cousin of mine was killed by a motorcycle accident. That cousin was one of the younger sisters of the one I spoke with today. That tragic death affected all of us but for J, it sent her a message and gave her the motivation to stop postponing her happiness. She’s made some significant changes in her life since then, designed to reach her own happy. Along the way she reconnected with a special guy. I can hear in her voice how she lights up when she talks about him. They’re amazed that they could have known each other literally most of their lives but only now, in their 50s, have they found each other and are connected and in love.
It makes me so happy to hear her so happy. I can tell that she’s truly relishing her joy.
Our conversation went on for a while and we covered a lot of ground. In addition to not postponing happiness, we discussed faith and spirituality, with and without formal religion. We talked a lot about gratitude and how it’s important to recognize the things that we’re grateful for and to really express it, to show in our attitudes that we’re thankful for our lives with all the blessing and lessons.
My cousin also shared with me that our Great-Aunt Mary passed away last week. She was 101 or, maybe, 102. God bless her! Technically she wasn’t a blood relation. She was married to one of the brothers of our grandmother, but we don’t get hung up by the technicality. We’d known her all of our lives and she was family. This woman was a pip. I remember her as vibrant, out-going, and fun. Decades ago, my cousins and I left a family wedding reception just a bit early to go to jai alai. I’d never been before. Come to think of it, I haven’t been since. Anyway, Aunt Mary was the first of our “greats” to slip us some money with the instructions that we should “wheel the quinella”. (Google it for the explanation.) That bet sounded so sophisticated to me.
My great uncle died many years ago. Aunt Mary eventually remarried but stayed relatively close with the our family. She visited us a few times with other family members. I remember the last time, 20 some years ago. They were with us for almost a week and made a trip to the casinos every single day. Her energy level was amazing. Every night before she went to bed, she had a glass of Christian Brothers brandy. She claimed it was medicinal and that her doctor recommended it for her. Given her great age, he might have been onto something. Even after the death of her second husband, she continued to live on her own, close to her family but independently, until a year or two ago. Again, I say, God bless her. That woman knew how to live a good life.
I will never claim that my life has sucked. It hasn’t. Granted, there were a few times like the deaths of my parents, when it wasn’t its best, but I’ve been blessed for the most part. Every morning before I get out of bed, I say a simple message of gratitude for the blessing of a new day and for my life and every aspect of it.
It’s no secret that my last year has been particularly terrific as I ride the high of the weight loss and my advancement in fitness. I’m enjoying so much of it but sometimes I feel shards of regret cut through the high. I feel bad that I squandered so many years. But, you know, spending time feeling bad for what I did or didn’t do in the past simply wastes more time. It’s as much of a time thief as fearing what might happen in the future. That’s something else my cousin and I talked about today — about being afraid that something could happen tomorrow or the next day that will rob us of the happiness we have today. I told her that we shouldn’t let our happiness today or our joyful anticipation of the future be held hostage by fear.
I’m going to remind myself of that lesson. I’m also going to remember it when I feel bad about a past that I can’t change. It’s over and done. All I have is today and I’m going to relish every minute of it.
Thanks again to all of you for listening to me when I wasn’t having a terrific day and for supporting me and each other in our little Weighty Matters blog community. It helps. A lot. 🙂
I stayed on track with my food plan and eating the last couple of days. You’d be so proud to see me ignore an open box of donuts at a work meeting and pick up a small yogurt and a couple of strawberries instead. Later on I turned down frozen yogurt with a colorful selection of possible toppings and enjoyed a hot cup of tea instead.
As a result, it’s like all of the systems of my body conferred and said, “Okay, enough bullshit. Let’s act right.” For two days the weight that I put on with the cruise felt like it literally melted or dissolved out of my body. It’s all gone now so I can start fresh in pursuit of my next short term goal.
I’m sure it’s no coincidence that feeling better physically also contributes to me feeling better emotionally. I didn’t resent passing up those donuts or the yogurt. I enjoyed letting myself eat a half portion of some really good popcorn as a treat. I’m enjoying the fresh fruit that I have in the house. I have several apples and, in a little while, I’m going to peel, core, quarter and bake them for my favorite home made apple sauce recipe.
It’s chillier than normal in the Keys this weekend. Chilly and damp, which is perfect soup making weather. I looked up recipes on foodnetwork.com and found a chicken soup recipe by Alex Guarneschelli, a chef that I really like watching on several shows. I hope that Chef Alex wouldn’t be insulted that I cut out the bacon. Yes, I know. What a shocker. I said no to bacon! I thought about getting it at the store but I know if I buy a pound I will make it every day. Even in small amounts, I should not eat bacon every day, no matter how much I might love it.
Currently, my home is scented by simmering thyme, chicken, pearl onions and other aromatic ingredients. This soup is going to make such a tasty, healthy, comforting dinner tonight. Yum!
You might remember that my surgeon told me at my one year surgiversary appointment that he wants me to lose an additional 80 pounds. Mentally, I’ve veered between whining about it and thinking, “Suck it up. You’ve lost almost twice that amount already.” I’ve decided to develop short goals and break down that number so it doesn’t sound so huge and overwhelming.
I only have to lose 20 pounds. Granted, I have to lose 20 pounds four times, but really, it doesn’t seem like such a mountain. In the grand scheme of things, I will get there a pound at a time, but in the meantime, I’m shooting for 20 pounds before my next appointment with the surgeon which is near the end of April. Ten pounds a month is absolutely doable, particularly now that I’ve lost the few pounds I put on. I think they were bogus pounds anyway. Mathematically I could not have physically ingested the requisite number of calories. Plus, I was burning calories just in daily living, plus the extra through exercise.
Back to my point. 20 pounds by late April. I’m on it. As long as I keep doing what I’m doing with my food plan and fitness, they will gradually melt away and I’ll be ever closer to the ultimate goal.
Jumping on to blog before work because I woke up this morning in a strange emotional place. For some undefinable reason, this morning I am tired of being on a weight loss food plan. I’m drinking my freshly made protein drink (fresh, organic strawberries, almond milk and protein powder) which tastes good, but in between sips I’m glaring at it like it’s some noxious medicine.
Considering my options for lunch, I stood in front of the open refrigerator regarding all of the options with disdain. Just for today, hell, just for right now at this moment, I feel like I don’t want to be on a “diet” any more. My motivation switch is in the Off position. I’ve been on this effort now for well over a year and most of that time have ridden an incredible high. Even at the end of the cruise when I tasted pretty much whatever I wanted, I still had the motivation to be physically active and get back on track when I got home. Today I feel like I’ve tumbled down from that high big time. I know that I still have more than 70 pounds to go. I’ve lost more than twice that amount, for pity’s sake. It’s not an unsurmountable target. It just feels that way today.
I guess this is normal. Ebb and flow, high and low. It happens. That doesn’t mean I have to like it. This is not a comfortable state of being. It’s also unacceptable.
I’m not done yet. I don’t want to be finished, content with my current weight when I’m still carrying 70 more pounds than I should. The weight loss and fitness have triggered so much wonderfulness and I want to to continue enjoying every bit of it.
I don’t even particularly want to take a break. The more that I stick to the program, day by day by day, the sooner that weight will be off and I can truly transition to maintenance. Plus I’m going to a convention in two months where I will spend most of a week hanging out with friends — many of whom I haven’t seen since last April. I’d love to be even 20 pounds closer to goal by the time that I leave.
My motivation hasn’t died. It’s just hibernating this morning. I need to wake it back up, focus on the long range goal but remember that I can only get there in the future if I take care of business today. The good news is that I chose to come here and blog about it instead of making inappropriate food choices. I could have taken a bagel out of the freezer and fixed that for breakfast. Instead, as I have morning after morning after morning, I made a protein drink. I have healthy choices packed for lunch and snacks at work. I know what’s on the menu for dinner. I’ll be fine.
Even if today I don’t like following the food plan, I’m going to follow it anyway. In the end, even though I’m weary of the effort, I still want to meet my goal more than I want to stop. That’s all that matters.
I had to stop at the supermarket on my way home from work to pick up a few things. I’ve gotten much better about making lists and following them when I shop. Before I would wander around the store picking up anything that caught my eye or sparked a “yummm” response.
I’ve heard it suggested that we should shop the perimeter of a grocery store first because that’s where the freshest, healthiest products are displayed. The inner aisles are where the processed foods are stocked, apparently. I think there’s a lot to this theory, but it isn’t 100% true. For example, when I enter the better of the two local supermarkets, I instinctively turn right. This leads me right into tables of baked goods. One needs to navigate around cookies, cupcakes, cakes, danish rings and other sugary, buttery things.
I’ve gotten pretty good at looking beyond this section and heading into the appetizer/deli area. That’s where I can find some good hummus and the treat of good quality cheeses. (Okay, it also brings me by the shelves of wine. I like to keep a sauvignon blanc chilling in the house for when friends come over.)
After that, I’m in the healthy zone of produce. I gravitate to the organic selections first for whatever vegetables and fruit I might need. I didn’t have to get anything today because my co-workers and I belong to an organics buying club that delivers our orders every two weeks. So yesterday I got a delivery of strawberries, blueberries, watermelon, bananas, kale and sweet potatoes.
Still following the perimeter, produce is followed by dairy. This section is a mix of the good and the bad, don’t you think? Sure there’s yogurt, milk and healthier substitutes for butter. (Confession time: On this food plan, I use very little butter so I refuse to switch to a substitute. The little bit that I eat is not going to harm me and I justify it by thinking of the better flavor.)
However, mixed in with that essential dairy stuff is the entire refrigerated dough products display. Cookie dough, the makings of breakfast buns, tubes of chocolate brownies and so on. I can remember a time when I’d buy them to bake at home and end up only baking half because I’d eaten a bunch of the dough raw. I like my sweets as much as the next person, but I think from now on, if I’m going to eat this stuff and give myself treat on rare occasions, I want it to be really delicious and not made out of overprocessed goo. In my store, I need to dodge this display in order to get to the Greek yogurt. That doesn’t seem to jive with the “the perimeter is the realm of the healthy theory”, does it?
Milk, eggs, cheese, and “fresh” pasta come next. Then, all of sudden, you’re in seafood land and heading for the meat department. Not too bad. Everybody needs their protein and I’m definitely a carnivore. After adding some selections to my cart, I took a left at the end and found myself in the second aisle of frozen foods — the one that has shelf after shelf of ice cream, frozen pies, cakes, and so on and so on and so on.
When all is said and done, there might be healthy nutritious food stocked on the perimeter, but there’s a helluva lot of temptation in the form of the things that I shouldn’t be eating. In years past, my cart would fill with those things because, well, I had little resistance in the face of that temptation, not to mention the thousands of other things shelved in the interior aisles.
Nowadays I think of the supermarket as an obstacle course. It’s a challenge that I need to get through without shoving food that I don’t want and shouldn’t eat into my cart. Absolutely, keeping that list is the most helpful tool. Not shopping when I’m really hungry is another. When all is said and done, the food doesn’t leap into my cart by itself. As with all other choices, these are also up to me.
I’m not caught up yet with the rest of my Hawaii photos so today’s post comes without picture illustration and metaphor. My thoughts are all over the place, so I’m freewheeling a little here tonight.
There’s a saying that I run across in various places at random times. It asks the question, “What would you attempt if you knew you couldn’t fail?”
I tend to be hard on myself, which I’ve discussed here before. I hate the mere thought of falling short of expectations – my own or anyone elses. To compensate, there was a time in my life when I didn’t push or expect much of myself. If you don’t set high-reaching goals, you don’t set yourself up for disappointment when you don’t succeed. I see now where I spent a number of years living to a level of diminished capacity. It’s ironic because one thing I hated to hear from my father was that I was not living up to my potential and abilities. On further thought, maybe it wasn’t irony so much as rebellion. I’m no longer sure. I just know that this way of life was neither affirming nor rewarding. If anything, it reinforced my poor self-esteem.
In more recent times, I realize that I’ve developed a new strategy. Don’t get me wrong. I still hate falling short of expectations, but I don’t shy away from setting a high bar. I think it’s okay to demand strong performance from myself, to push my reach beyond my grasp, and to strive for excellence. Taking on challenges invigorates the mind and spirit. It’s just not okay to beat myself up if I don’t always make it to the nth degree.
If I give my best effort, that counts. I also have a lot of faith in my best effort being pretty darned good. Results will ensue.
I’ve also gotten to the point where I don’t let fear of failure stop me from making the attempt, from embracing the venture. What a difference a few decades can make. Fear of failing can be so strong that it locks you in place, renders you inert. The only thing that I can imagine is worse is when you are also afraid of success and end up self-sabotaging.
My takeaway for today is to remember that I don’t need to know I won’t fail in order to fling myself into the effort. I’ll launch myself regardless and go for the gusto.
After our ziplining experience in Kauai, I shopped in their little store and bought a t-shirt. It says Embrace the Adventure and has a graphic of someone ziplining. Nothing could more perfectly describe how I felt about the whole day, unless there had been a sub-line that said, “And Be Grateful that You Can!”
I went through all of my photos from the day to resize them into manageable files for uploading and was telling a friend about the day. Once I knew that I’d made the weight limit, I wasn’t scared or even particularly nervous, but I was incredibly excited. We climbed the suspension bridge to the first ramp and, one-by-one, we were hooked onto the first zipline and sent on our way. I knew that I was completely secure with my harness, the straps, the heavy-duty carbiniers and the actual cable that is airplane rated to sustain 12,000 pounds. I stood on the edge of the platform, looked down, down, down, and took a deep breath.
This was the moment of truth when I would trust the equipment and take a step off of the platform into air.
“Here you go, Mary, this is what you’ve been waiting for!” I said to myself and stepped off to zoom across the line high above the ground. I yelled, “WOOOOHOOOOO!” and grinned from ear to ear. I couldn’t wait for the next zipline. The suspension bridges might have been a little wobbly but, again, they were strong, so I wasn’t afraid. I was happy that I had the strength and balance to make steady progress.
Every time I look at the photos, I smile again and my heart glows. It was so much fun and, even more, I am proud of myself and my friend for embracing the adventure. I know what effort it has taken for me to get myself to the weight and fitness level so that I could physically engage and I’m proud of that too. My friend is a bit leery of heights, but she also faced down her fears to zipline.
This morning I think that this is all a big metaphor for approaching life. Here’s what ziplining reminds me to do. Seek out adventure. Challenge yourself to go outside your own norm, your own box. Set your goals. Identify your allies/guides/mentors/coaches. Surround yourself with supportive people and be supportive to them as well. Trust your preparation. You have to launch yourself into space before you can fly. Your early landings might not be graceful, but as long as you arrive safely, you win.
Don’t be held hostage by your nerves or fear. Feel them and do it anyway.
Those are my lessons from ziplining. I’m taking them with me into the future while I seek out new adventures. You can bet I’ll also zipline again, any chance I get!
What adventure or goal would you like to experience, physically challenging or otherwise?
I’m still working through photos and will get some more up online sometime this weekend.
It’s been a rough week. Not only did the jet lag completely kick my ass, but I also had some weird illness going on. I didn’t feel sick like with a cold, but starting from when I was on the cruise ship, I had an intermittent “productive” cough and lots of congestion. When I slept at night, it wasn’t a good sleep and my butt definitely dragged all week at work.
Work itself was stressful. I knew when I got back that I had to make deadline on a few projects and, of course, other things came up. While I was away we also lost one of our co-workers suddenly and unexpectedly to a heart attack. They’d contacted me in Hawaii to let me know but it didn’t quite feel real until I got back.
So, anyway, my emotions have been a mix of sadness, stress, and the residual high of a great time on vacation. My body was a bit of a mess. I ended up gaining some weight when I thought that I hadn’t, but I think this could have been water bloat. Even though I got in two Zumba classes and Tai Chi, I still felt sluggish and yucky.
I’ve been trying to clear up my system. Earlier this week I talked about wishing I could do a three day detox and cleanse, but I had committed to going out to dinner last night and tonight with friends. I love these friends and want to spend time with them so I was an odd mix of happy anticipation and internal whining about the whole food thing.
This morning it hit me. There is no rule that says I have to eat a full meal when I go out to dinner tonight. I’m under no obligation to even order an entree. Maybe they’ll have a soup that I like, or I can pick on of their salads and then pick at it.
The important thing is that I should enjoy the social aspects and the company of these friends and not worry about the meal itself. This is a very freeing realization. I now feel much better about the whole thing. I’ve had a good day so far with food. Protein shake for breakfast and some homemade, healthy soup for lunch. I’ll assess my protein intake for the day before I go to dinner. If I need more but don’t want to ingest meat or something heavy, I can always have another protein drink and then, like I said, nibble on veggies and salad.
Whew. I really do feel a lot better emotionally now that I’ve worked this out.
It’s 9:20 p.m. as I write this. I’ve made it through the day with perfect adherence to the food plan as I designed it first thing this morning. Booyah! Now I just need to do it for a day tomorrow! I wish I could do a three day detox-cleanse this weekend but I have two different sets of friends in town and agreed weeks ago to have dinner out two nights. Oh well. I can do restaurants and still stick to the plan, which is just what I will do.I’m not quite as tired today. I guess my brain just has to make up one time zone. Yay! It’s been truly rough at work because I needed to concentrate. Catching up on work when one has been away is a challenge on the best of days. Doing it with a brain that refuses to fire on all cylinders is a pain in the ass. I managed, but will be happy to have the weekend again after tomorrow.
I’ve been going through photos for a couple of hours tonight and I’m still not done! I’m not even resizing every single shot of the almost 400 that I took, but this still takes time. I’m enjoying the process, however, because I so loved everything that I saw.
I promised to post a few photos tonight. Sad to say that I do not have one of me ziplining. My friend has it on her camera. Eventually we’re sending each other all of our photos on flash drives. In the meantime, I asked her to please email me just one of my ziplining in action so perhaps I’ll have that tomorrow.
Meanwhile here are a couple of whale shots, some scenery, and a couple pictures of the view from the platforms 65-80 feet in the trees. I don’t quite have the hang of positioning photos in my blog posts, but I don’t think you’ll care. Enjoy!
On the way to Waimea Canyon.
View from amid the trees.
This whale breached about 60 yards off the stern of the snorkeling boat.
Yes, we climbed those bridges high up in the trees.
See the two different sizes of pectoral flippers? That’s a mom and her calf.
Weighty Matters 