Weighty Matters

Mary note:  I wrote this post last Tuesday but only now discovered that it stayed in Draft format and didn’t post.  Sorry!

I watched my first episode of Extreme Weight Loss tonight.  I’ve seen several episodes each season of Biggest Loser.  Maybe it’s because I don’t watch these series week after week after week, but it generally appears to me that the coaches/mentors/trainers put the main emphasis on exercise.  Particularly in Biggest Loser, the workout routines are extreme as they strive to knock off as much weight as possible in the shortest period of time.

As you know, I’ve really embraced exercise along this journey, so I would never devalue its importance.  I’m just left feeling that these programs don’t show enough of the healthy eating aspects of losing weight and then maintaining the loss.

While watching EWL tonight, toward the end I found myself getting really annoyed. They kept pounding home the crucial need to “step up the intensity” of the workouts in order to make up for a less than expected weight loss at the previous weigh-in.  Run harder, lift more, do more sit ups and pull ups, run some more.  Go, go, go, go.

The really sick thing is that while watching I jumped totally into the frame.  I caught myself thinking, “Hey, maybe I need to step up my intensity.”  I started to wonder if I should join a gym or sign up for sessions with a personal trainer.  I reminded myself that I hate going to the gym and already am short on time in my daily schedule.  No matter.  I could go full out with exercise at home with my DVDs and pilates machine.  (A machine I’m still learning to correctly use.)  Nah, I should rethink that gym membership idea.

The thoughts ran around in my head like a hepped up hamster on a wheel.  That kind of frenetic mental process does not make for clear analysis.  I gave myself a figurative head smack to stop the cycle.  I still exercise a good amount.  Do I need to get obsessive and take on additional routines at a gym?  Honestly, I don’t think so.  Have I slacked off a little from what I was doing a couple of months ago?  Probably.  It’s significantly hotter out so the walks are a little shorter.  Normally, I’d compensate by getting in the pool and jogging/dancing for an hour after work.  Time-wise, that’s been hard.  Still, if I embrace the “don’t let the little you can do keep you from doing the little you can do” approach, I know that I can make some time somewhere to add more minutes of activity each week. So, that’s a goal for the rest of the week.  Seize workout opportunities.  An extra ten minutes a day adds up to a whole extra hour plus in a week.

Back to tonight’s show.  In the last half hour or so, I started to get really annoyed.  Not only did I not feel like they showed enough about the participants learning and practicing better eating habits, but it seemed like all they talked about was the skin removal surgery.  When anticipating the next weigh-in, the trainer/host actually said that if the couple hadn’t stepped up their weight loss, he didn’t feel comfortable taking them in for the consultation with the skin removal surgeon.  The couple, a husband and wife, expressed stress and anxiety over whether they’d lost enough to get approved for their operations.  The wife was practically in tears about whether she’d qualify or what would happen if she qualified and her husband didn’t.  She finally said that if he didn’t qualify, she wouldn’t have it either.

Hello!  What about being delighted because you were on target to lose well over 100 pounds and your husband more than 160 pounds?

Look, I dream of the day when I’ll have my skin removal surgery.  That’s at least a year away, perhaps more.  I need to lose the rest of my excess weight and then maintain the loss for an as-yet-unknown period of time.  (I haven’t asked, but I’m guessing I probably will be told to wait a year after hitting my goal.)  However much I want to have it, that is not the priority.

I can’t believe it was actually the priority of the couple on the show either.  Sure after losing so much weight, they wanted the surgery so they could look their best, but I’m sure that improved health and overall quality of life had to be the prime motivating factors.  Don’t you think?  I’m willing to bet it just seemed like the priority because of the way the producers/directors edited the program.  They probably cut out a lot of other things in order to build the drama.  Will they or won’t they qualify to have their skin removed??  (Cue tense organ music.)

I’m not really sure why this show set me off tonight.  I’m trying not to come off like I’ve learned it all and know it all.  That’s not the case, believe me.  I’m still figuring this out.  I learn more as I go along.  All I know is that the presentations seem wildly out of balance.  I’m concerned for the message.  I’d feel the same way if anyone did a show about dieting that only discussed the eating plan and didn’t discuss the importance of increasing physical activity.  I know I’d howl with anguish if a show about weight loss surgery didn’t delve into both eating and exercise.

Whatever the case, I was annoyed and not inspired by the program.  I think next Tuesday I’ll put the time to better use and exercise instead of watching.

Some months back in a post about shopping for new, smaller sized clothes, I proclaimed my agreement with whomever said that the right bra can change your life.  Today I learned that where I shop for bras can make a big difference too.  Since beginning my weight loss journey, I’ve had two bra measurements done at a woman’s plus size clothing store.  No surprise, the band size number has gone down quite a bit — from a 50 to a 40.  However, the cup size didn’t change.  All this time I thought I was still a D cup so I’ve bought several bras in size 40D.  Each time that I had the measurements done in the clothing store, the saleswomen were helpful, but only to a point where they told me the size, pointed me toward the bra section and told me to let them know if I needed any assistance.

I wound up with a couple of new bras the last time, but the selection in that size wasn’t extensive.  So, to round out my supply, I shopped online.  Some of the bras fit better than the others or supported better.  On some, well, there was definitely some “spillage” over the cup.  I figured that was because of the some of the excess skin that’s developed as I lost weight and made do.

As you know, I’m “off the rock” for a business conference.  I had some time to kill today before the conference launched, so I cruised around an outdoor shopping center with some nice stores.  For the last few weeks, I’ve seen a lot of television ads for Soma, a store that specializes in lingerie, sleepwear, and the like.  As I browsed the center, I saw a Soma store and thought, “Why not?”

I entered and was greeted by a friendly woman who asked if she could help.  I explained about my recent weight loss and said that I wasn’t really sure I was using the right bras.  First off, she offered me a measurement  and told me that the numbers came up as a 40 DD. Huh?  I’ve never even tried on a DD cup, even at my heaviest.  I just always went up in band size number.  I was a little skeptical but figured I’d see what they had to offer.

The nice saleswoman became my personal bra consultant.  We talked about the clothing I usually wear and what I needed.  She then excused herself to select some options.  Less than five minutes later she returned with four different styles.  She left the dressing room to give me time to put on the first bra and then came back to assess the fit and comfort, adjust the straps, and see what I thought.  We repeated this process four times!  I don’t think I’ve ever had this much attention for any kind of clothes shopping, short of that bridesmaid’s dress that I needed to have made for me to wear in a friend’s wedding.  I sure as heck haven’t received this level of quality service for a bra.

I have to tell you that I have never been this pleased with a bra purchase before.  I ended up with multiple new ones, all of which fit and feel great, provide the right support, and make me look really good.  Happily, the ones that I wanted were also on sale, so replenishing my bra wardrobe didn’t break the budget.

For the life of me I can’t figure out why I didn’t realize that I needed to go up a cup size.  Since I haven’t gained weight in my boobs, I can only conclude that when you wear a 48 or 50 D, the actual size of the D cup is naturally bigger than the cup in a 40 D.  Make sense?  Whatever is the reality of bra design and manufacturing, the double D cup is definitely the right size for me now.  I, and the girls, are very happy.

I’m not one to endorse a particular store, but I will give high marks to Soma and to Rae, the saleswoman.  I listened to other saleswomen with other customers, and this is clearly how this store chooses to deliver service.  I’m sure there are other specialty lingerie stores that also take this approach.  So here’s what I will endorse.  If you’ve never gone into a store where lingerie is their priority and not just a section, I urge you to treat yourself to the experience.  Get the bra measurement and then relax and enjoy while the woman finds what you need, brings it to you, and then helps you assess whether you like what you’re wearing.

We’re women.  Dressing our breasts is important.  Wearing the right bra –one that fits the way that a bra should — completely changes your silhouette and helps your body look its best.  That matters.  We deserve to look our best and we deserve this level of service to help us achieve the look.

Good luck!

I will be without Internet service at home for awhile.  The modem is shot.  I’m switching Internet and television services to a different provider but with an upcoming business trip and other work responsibilities, the first day I can be at home for a few hours for the tech to come and do the work is a week from Friday.  Last night I dragged out my old 20 foot phone cord and tried to go online the old-fashioned way via a dial-up number on AOL.  The connection is spotty at best.  So, I’ll post when I can during the day and hope you’ll all bear with me.  If anyone send me an email, it might be awhile before I can retrieve it.  I can only do that from the home computer and last night the service was simply too uncooperative.  My apologies!

Yesterday I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine who is also a travel agent.  She booked my trips to Alaska and Hawaii.  I haven’t seen her in a few months so the weight loss since last time is pretty noticeable.  I remarked on how much more comfortable it is for me to fly and probably more comfortable for whomever sits next to me on the plane too.  This sparked a conversation about overweight people and airplane seats.  You might remember a few  years ago director/writer/actor Kevin Smith was told by Southwest that he needed to buy a second seat.  Other people have been taken off of planes because of their size and, I gather, because a second adjacent seat wasn’t available for them to buy.

This never happened to me but I can safely say that if I had ever been approached by a flight attendant or gate staff for this, I would have absolutely shriveled and died inside from humiliation.  I will say that I have always done what I could to alleviate inconvenience and discomfort for fellow passengers.  I always took an aisle or window seat and squeezed myself over as far as possible from the person in the middle seat, if there was one.  I used to fly one particular airline a lot.  While they didn’t have a first class, they did offer a couple of rows of “big front seats” for extra money and I paid the premium for those.  For my own comfort, if the flight was more than three hours, I also spent more and flew first class.  Still, whenever I was in a Coach seat, I felt bad about the people I might be crowding.

For many years I needed to request a seat belt extender from the flight attendants.  I’d like to thank all of those people who always handled this request with discretion, quietly slipping me the extender once I was seated.  They made it a lot less embarrassing for me than it could have been otherwise.  I appreciate it so much.

My friend asked me how I felt about airlines sometimes asking overweight passengers to purchase a second seat.  There are individuals and organizations who decry this practice as discrimination and proclaim Fat Rights!  Upon very careful consideration, I don’t think this is discriminatory.  If I, or someone else, is too big to fit in a single seat, then I think we should buy two.  My friend and I agreed that the person in the next seat has a right to be comfortable in the whole seat they paid for without someone else’s body overflowing onto them or pressing against them throughout the entire flight.

I believe it would be difficult to establish guidelines, however.  How could staff make the decision as to which person to charge extra?  I don’t think you can go by weight itself.   A person 5’5″ who weighs 250 pounds is going to fit differently than a 6′ tall person of the same weight.  Do they wrap a tape measure around a person’s butt and stomach to determine whether they fit in the seat without overflow?  Do they go by body mass index (BMI)?  That’s a really knotty challenge.

When the situation arises, I believe that airline staff can and should handle the matter with professionalism and discretion.  It’s difficult enough for the overweight person to be singled out.  Regardless of how you feel about obesity and personal responsibility, in the words of Plato, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

What do you think?

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie announced yesterday that he had lap band surgery back in February.  I want to wish him the best of luck in his weight loss endeavor and journey to better health and fitness.  Every day I think of the millions of people who struggle with weight problems and I say a little prayer for them to succeed in losing weight.  Governor Christie is now included.  All of us who can say “been there, tried that” know how hard it is.  I like to imagine a universal energy created by all of us in the same fight sending out our support not only to ourselves but to everyone else who needs it.

A lot of people are amazed that he managed to keep the procedure a secret.  Maybe it wasn’t appropriate for the head of a state to not tell his lieutenant governor when he was going to be, shall we say, incommunicado, for a period of time.   I can understand his desire for privacy and wish to announce it on his own time.  For years, his weight has been literally and figuratively out there front and center in all of his public activities.  He has been the target of fat jokes for as long as he’s been a candidate and then in office.  Attention comics and talk show hosts — fat jokes aren’t funny and they’re mean.  Even when the target is a larger-than-life politico in every sense of the phrase and a grown man, picking on his weight is cruel.  As cruel as if he was a teenager or younger.  Take it from a woman who still cringes when she remembers high school and the bully who used to yell, “Thar she blows” across campus whenever he saw her.  It sucks to be the brunt of those remarks.

I hope that Governor Christie’s efforts are successful, for his sake.  I also sort of cringe again knowing that he will be under incredibly intense scrutiny.  When I think of how much I hate the very thought of people watching what, how, and how much I eat, I can only imagine that multiplied three dozen times for the governor.  He’s tough, no doubt.  When the media questioned him on why he kept the procedure a secret, he flat out said that it was nobody else’s business.  He and I have different political ideologies so I don’t know if I’d have voted for him if I still lived home in Jersey, but I admire his straight talk and no bullshit attitude.  The man can get his Jersey on, that’s for sure.  I hope that will serve him well as he faces the questions, the attention, the public-level monitoring of his eating and everything else that will come his way now that people know he’s had the lap-band surgery and is losing weight.

Christie said he made the decision for his health and his future with his family.  Hands down, these are the most important reasons possible and, honestly, the only ones that really matter.  That said, whether he wants to be or not, he is also now an instant role model for countless other people who might be considering taking the same step, particularly men.  I don’t know the stats, but I have a feeling that more women than men undergo bariatric procedures.  I know that when I went to the informational seminar in fall 2011 and at every follow up doctor appointment since, women were the vast majority.  In fact, I don’t think there was a single guy at the seminar.  I know men have the procedure.  I know of three off hand in my own small community, but there are probably numerous more women around here that I just don’t know about.   Christie himself said that he made the decision after talking to a male friend of his who’d had the procedure — NY Jets coach Rex Ryan.   That kind of thing is bound to trickle down.  If Christie can make the choice and do the work, I believe it can open it up to other men.  More power to them.

Role model or not, Governor Christie, please remember that the rest of the overweight people watching are not your responsibility, at least not in relation to their weight loss efforts. (You still need to be concerned about some of them as your constituents.)  In this aspect of your life, you only need to be concerned with yourself.  It’s your recovery, your health and your business.  I hope you can ignore the extra attention, except to say thank you when people begin to compliment you on your weight loss.  I hope that you’ve spiked the guns of the comics who found you to be an easy target.

From someone else who’s on the journey, I offer you the very best wishes and support for your success.  You go, Gov!