Weighty Matters

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on January 15, 2015

I’m a little disappointed in my mindset over the last couple of days.  For some reason, self-doubts are creeping in every once in a while.

Self-doubt and low confidence in my abilities used to be regular visitors.  To be completely honest, they were ever-present — unwelcome squatters who staked out territory in my head and heart and were determined to get in my way.  No matter what my aim, objective or task, I had to find a way to work around these interlopers and their barriers.

After my first foray into therapy and OA, I gradually succeeded in evicting the trespassers.  In recent years, they’ve attempted to take up space again only on rare occasions.  So the fact that they’re coming around a little more frequently these days is not only inconvenient, but also a little worrisome.

I have a lot on my plate – figuratively speaking.  I’m super busy at work as well as with some extra-curricular responsibilities.  When I’m already in a time crunch, the last thing that I need is to have to take more time to boot out an unwelcome guest like self-doubt.

That whole “super busy” state may have something to do with it.  I feel a little overwhelmed.  I’m going on vacation soon, which is great.  I’m not going to be constantly connected to my email, phone and computer either.  That’s also great and unusual for me.  While I’m looking forward to “going off the grid”, it’s possible that it’s causing me a smidgeon of anxiety too.

There’s also a little chicken-or-the-egg conflict happening.  I’ve been a bit sloppy with my food plan and also not exercising at my accustomed level.  Those things could be opening the door to the reduced confidence and increased self-doubt, or they could be the result.

Whatever the case, I am not pleased.  I do not want to let the negative feelings chip away at the strong foundation I’ve worked so hard to build over the last three years.  Here’s one example.  On my upcoming trip, I have another opportunity to go zip lining.  If you were a blog reader here a couple of years ago, you may remember how zip lining in Hawaii was on my Promise List.  I absolutely LOVED the experience and took it on, believing I could handle the challenge.

Right now, I’m reading the adventure description and feeling a little unsure.  I’m questioning whether, physically, I’m up to the experience.  Quite simply, that’s b.s.  Of course I can.  Just because I’ve been a little off in my fitness routine doesn’t mean that my strength has dissolved.

I can do this.  Those pesky interlopers can only make me doubt my ability if I listen to them.

No matter what the challenge or goal, I have every tool.  Right now I’m pulling out a mental hammer and posting the “No Trespassing” sign.

Self-doubt, move along.  There’s no room for you here in my life.

3 responses to “Self-Doubt

  1. Mary Stella says:

    I love ziplining. I’m over the self-doubt crisis at the moment. That said, I found a two-site snorkeling trip in St. Thomas that I really want to do so I’m opting for that instead. I love snorkeling and seeing what there is to see underwater in different locations around the world!

    Thank you, all, for your support!

  2. Julie R says:

    Hi Mary, my 82-year-old, arthritic, sort of afraid-of-heights, overweight mother had heart bypass surgery last July, and in November she went zip lining for the first time. If she can do it, you certainly can! Don’t let self-doubt deny you something fun.

  3. Exactly the right attitude, Mary. Post that “No Trespassing” sign. Banish self-doubt because when you’re at your mightiest-busiest, that when that self-doubt creature wants in to reestablish its hold. Also consider the part separation anxiety plays. When I’m about to leave my everyday life, that’s when fear and melancholy slips in. Two minutes into a trip, the focus is where it should be: fun ahead.

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