Friends, pardon me while I spew. I am as close to complete discouragement as I have been since this entire weight loss journey started, pretty much three years ago. Yes, it’s almost three years since I made the decision to investigate weight loss surgery.
It doesn’t matter what I do, how careful I am to adhere to my food plan, or how much exercise I do, my weight loss is stuck. Mired like my feet are encased in concrete blocks, sucked into a thick, swampy goo. I don’t know what else I can do, or what I can do differently. I. Just. Don’t. Know.
I’m so close, so very close to getting to One-derland. I can see it right there on the horizon. Shiny, sparkly, tantalizing and all I have to do is run to the border and get there. I feel a little like Dorothy, running toward Oz, and then getting knocked out by the poppy fields.
Maybe there is such a thing as a set point and my body decided that 211 is it. Maybe I’m doing something wrong with my food plan and eating but can’t figure it out. My body doesn’t react the way that it used to.
I’m confused, frustrated, annoyed, wistful and so discouraged. I either want to cry or eat, or maybe just say screw it. Stop trying to lose any more and simply work on maintaining the fabulous weight loss I’ve already achieved.
I’m tired of the strict effort. I’m fed up with thinking that if I have a small slice of bread, a spoonful of potato or a quarter cup of rice that I’ll derail my progress. I just want to eat like a “normal” person with a great variety of foods in appropriate portions for my stomach and maintenance.
This totally messes with my head and my emotions. The one thing that I refuse to do is backslide into weight gain. In all that I’m experiencing internally right now, that’s the solid foundation to which I can hold. It’s a positive. Maybe I’m not losing, but at least I’m not gaining.
I can only hope that I’ll feel differently tomorrow. That I’ll wake up with renewed faith that if I continue to do what I’m supposed to do, the weight will again begin to decrease. Right now, I’m a little short on that kind of faith. I am, however, holding on to that maintenance determination. No matter what else happens, that is essential to my health and recovery.
Thanks for listening. Anybody have any suggestions or words of encouragement?
Weighty Matters 
At times like these I invoke Winston Churchill: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
Expectations are something my spirituality group is working on in August. We’re supposed to toss all the ones we have in the sea (zenfully speaking.) And yeah, I can’t really see me doing that. I have so many expectations of myself I keep a running list in my daily planner right next to the desk calendar, the reminder note pad and the spare-time to-do list. As much as I would love to let go of my expectations and “be” in the moment I don’t think I’m wired that way.
What I have learned to do is chuck whatever I’m failing to accomplish aside and do something I love. Today bad weather killed the power and kept me off the computer, which wrecked my writing schedule. I was livid about it, too; it’s the first day I’ve had to myself to work all week (visiting family just departed) and I’m trying to update my weblog and get a proposal finished and write three more chapters and it was *not* happening, not today.
So I took out a crazy quilt project and worked on it (and sulked a bit, too.) After a while I stopped thinking about all the work I could have been doing and just got into the piece. Quilting does that for me, every time. And by the time the power came back on I was feeling much less aggravated, to the point that I forgave myself for getting almost zero work done and got a little bit of blog tinkering accomplished before it was time to make dinner.
Tomorrow I’ll try again. That’s the best I can do — that anyone can do.
Don’t be hard on yourself for feeling disappointment and frustration, as these are natural. But don’t let them take over and make decisions for you now, either. They’re temporary; you’re in charge. Wait. Do something that either makes you happy or will at least keep you busy. And give yourself permission *not* to think about this for a time. I really think it can help you get to a better place.
Mary, Hang on.In a couple of days I will be around and we’ll hash this out together/ I can’t help but think that this time of year in Florida. it is particularly difficult to loose weight. I think that with the heat our metabolism slows down to deal with it. As soon as a little chill in the air returns; you will feel that kick-start begin. I love you and look forward to seeing you. You can do this. You have done so much, so far. Keep it going. I shold be rolling in Friday at 2pm. I’ll call you when I get there.oxoxox
Having traveled down a similar road I think you may be at a “reboot” point, similar to rebooting a misbehaving computer. Your body is in the best shape its been in, and it’s gotten comfortable with the exercise and calories. It may be time to switch it up. Try some different forms of activity, ie; dancing, light weights or other things that you enjoy doing. Not necessarily in addition but as a temporary substitution. Eat your small meals but change the content, more healthy carbs,veggies, fruits, a little less protein. Your body has gotten “used” to the things you’ve eaten as well and is slower to metabolize them. Try it for a week and see how things go. Hopefully the change will do you good mentally and physically! Try not to stress about it either as that can be counterproductive to your overall goal.
Think about how some married couples struggle to conceive and just when they have made the decision to adopt and have relaxed a little from the pressure if getting pregnant, voila! They become pregnant! The mind/body connection is a powerful thing indeed!
Relax, enjoy your healthy body, breathe……repeat!