Weighty Matters

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Battling Discouragement

Friends, pardon me while I spew. I am as close to complete discouragement as I have been since this entire weight loss journey started, pretty much three years ago. Yes, it’s almost three years since I made the decision to investigate weight loss surgery.

It doesn’t matter what I do, how careful I am to adhere to my food plan, or how much exercise I do, my weight loss is stuck. Mired like my feet are encased in concrete blocks, sucked into a thick, swampy goo. I don’t know what else I can do, or what I can do differently. I. Just. Don’t. Know.

I’m so close, so very close to getting to One-derland. I can see it right there on the horizon. Shiny, sparkly, tantalizing and all I have to do is run to the border and get there. I feel a little like Dorothy, running toward Oz, and then getting knocked out by the poppy fields.

Maybe there is such a thing as a set point and my body decided that 211 is it. Maybe I’m doing something wrong with my food plan and eating but can’t figure it out. My body doesn’t react the way that it used to.

I’m confused, frustrated, annoyed, wistful and so discouraged. I either want to cry or eat, or maybe just say screw it. Stop trying to lose any more and simply work on maintaining the fabulous weight loss I’ve already achieved.

I’m tired of the strict effort. I’m fed up with thinking that if I have a small slice of bread, a spoonful of potato or a quarter cup of rice that I’ll derail my progress. I just want to eat like a “normal” person with a great variety of foods in appropriate portions for my stomach and maintenance.

This totally messes with my head and my emotions. The one thing that I refuse to do is backslide into weight gain. In all that I’m experiencing internally right now, that’s the solid foundation to which I can hold. It’s a positive. Maybe I’m not losing, but at least I’m not gaining.

I can only hope that I’ll feel differently tomorrow. That I’ll wake up with renewed faith that if I continue to do what I’m supposed to do, the weight will again begin to decrease. Right now, I’m a little short on that kind of faith. I am, however, holding on to that maintenance determination. No matter what else happens, that is essential to my health and recovery.

Thanks for listening. Anybody have any suggestions or words of encouragement?

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No Progress Frustration

It’s Day 6 of my 31 Day Challenge and Day 6 of the healthy cleanse. I have really and honestly been vigorous in following the program. Each day, I’ve drunk (drank?) the cleanse liquid. I’ve had protein shakes for breakfast and lunch. At night I’ve eaten chicken with mixed greens and a veggie. My snacks have been healthy – veggies, fruit, nuts sometimes. I’ve had a couple of small pieces of dark chocolate over the six days.

As suggested to me, I haven’t eaten red meat. The only dairy products were small splashes, and I do mean small, of half and half in my morning tea. I haven’t had any potatoes, rice, bread — not even as much as a single cracker or chip.

You would think with such rigorous adherence to program, I’d have seen some great results. In terms of the scale — I’ve fluctuated up and down in a one-to-two-pound range. Internally, my system remains sluggish. I’m frustrated as hell.

If I didn’t mentally feel so encouraged by my abstinence from compulsive eating, I’d be downright pissed off. Tonight, I’m craving the positive reinforcement of weight loss for my solid effort. Instead, I have to reinforce myself by continuing to focus on the fact that I was in recovery all week and stuck to my plan. In lieu of progress and satisfaction, I need to remind myself that if I keep doing what I’m doing, the weight loss will come. Go on faith, so to speak, while I wait for the results to happen in fact.

I understand that at age 56, my metabolism is slower than it was when I was younger. I also completely get why the weight melted off so rapidly in the first year after my weight loss surgery and then gradually slowed. I just didn’t expect it to slow so much that it feels like the equivalent of rush hour on the busiest highway in America when a traffic accident has closed down two of the four open lanes.

Right now, my mind is the biggest risk. Overcoming the “I was so good this week and nothing. Oh screw it” mentality takes effort. I’m engaged in some mental “white-knuckling”, struggling somewhat to keep my mind and thoughts clean, healthy, and focused on the ultimate goal.

I’ve read up on yo-yo dieting, or more properly called weight cycling. Studies in post-menopausal women have shown that years of yo-yoing don’t mean that you’re doomed. Given the right formula of calories and nutrition, I absolutely will lose weight.

All things considered, while frustration isn’t fun, it beats the emotions I’ll experience if I give into any emotional eating. If I do that, I’ll be angry, disappointed in myself, and sad — all heaped on top of the frustration. Instead, I need to “keep on keeping on”. One of these mornings, I will wake up and see progress.

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