By the time last Thursday rolled around, I had officially proclaimed that I was having a WTF (What the _ _ _ _) week. Random, strange, unexpected or otherwise stressful situations and people kept happening. By the time that I got home every night, I was wiped out. Hence the four days between blog posts.
Before I go further, I would like to ask for some positive energy, good thoughts and prayers for one of my aunts. She’s in the hospital in critical condition. She went in with an infection that started in her skin and went septic. This led to renal failure. She’ll be 88 in October. This is a bad situation. We hope that her kidneys will regain their function as the infection is cleared up. Thank you in advance for your good vibes.
So with all of the stress stuff going on, I’m thinking a lot about how I’ve used food and overeating to cope for all of my life. More to the point, I’m really working on not using it in these ways any more. It’s become a different kind of WTF week, as in “Why the Food”? I’m still building on the realizations and acceptance and all of the other emotional work I’ve been doing recently. In thinking about all this, I’ve tried to check in with myself and ask, “What does food and overeating do for me? Why do I keep going back to these coping mechanisms? What’s the positive payoff?” The overriding question in all of this then becomes, “Why do I think I can’t give it up?”
Actually, I know that I can stop doing it, but sometimes it just feels like I can’t, or it scares me to think of letting go of my security blanket. I don’t know what I think will happen to me if I do. I’m not sure what the source of my fear really is.
Then sometimes I think that asking all of the why, why, why doesn’t really get me far. What matters most is that I stop doing it. Understanding might just be the bonus — or maybe the booby prize.
So, instead I’m trying to reframe the discussion and tell myself new truths, as in, “You know, you really don’t need the food to cope. The food isn’t going to help you cope. In fact, it’s a detriment.” I am also reminding myself that I am stronger and more balanced and that I have different, healthier methods. I can take a walk. Dance around the room. Cuddle the dogs. Go for a bike ride. I can do almost anything other than overeat or eat inappropriately that will help me in ways that food and overeating never did.
These are things that I need to reinforce within myself. The whole mindset is a valuable tool to carry around with me the next time I need help coping.
Weighty Matters 
There is a lot of wisdom in what you share and suggest, Skye. The part that resonated with me the most was the idea of asking my mechanisms what they are doing for me. Maybe the next time I’m face to face with an inappropriate food and a desire to to eat it, I hope I’ll remember to look at it before I eat it and ask, “what is this going to do for me”. I already know the answer, which is, “nothing useful or healthy”. Hopefully this will be another way of stopping myself before I give into the compulsive behavior.
Thank you for the healing vibes. She improved a little more today. Keeping fingers crossed and prayers moving.
The talk I had with my psych last week actually seems to relate to what you are talking about here. I have things that have become defense mechanisms; unfortunately, they function to my detriment. In trying to keep me “safe”, these mechanisms keep me from doing anything. My psych’s idea was to talk to these mechanisms. Ask them what they are doing for me and why. Instead of simply going to the next step — getting rid of the mechanisms or taking them apart and using that energy in other ways — asking why might help me communicate with that part inside of me that created and continues to use those mechanisms. My psych expects that communication to aid me in changing or disassembling the mechanisms.
Just throwing that in for your consideration. I think it’s great that you have in mind ways to not eat in a diseased way. I don’t know if exploring the why would help you or not. But sometimes having more tools in the toolbox can help.
Many bright, healing vibes for your aunt on their way!