By the time last Thursday rolled around, I had officially proclaimed that I was having a WTF (What the _ _ _ _) week. Random, strange, unexpected or otherwise stressful situations and people kept happening. By the time that I got home every night, I was wiped out. Hence the four days between blog posts.
Before I go further, I would like to ask for some positive energy, good thoughts and prayers for one of my aunts. She’s in the hospital in critical condition. She went in with an infection that started in her skin and went septic. This led to renal failure. She’ll be 88 in October. This is a bad situation. We hope that her kidneys will regain their function as the infection is cleared up. Thank you in advance for your good vibes.
So with all of the stress stuff going on, I’m thinking a lot about how I’ve used food and overeating to cope for all of my life. More to the point, I’m really working on not using it in these ways any more. It’s become a different kind of WTF week, as in “Why the Food”? I’m still building on the realizations and acceptance and all of the other emotional work I’ve been doing recently. In thinking about all this, I’ve tried to check in with myself and ask, “What does food and overeating do for me? Why do I keep going back to these coping mechanisms? What’s the positive payoff?” The overriding question in all of this then becomes, “Why do I think I can’t give it up?”
Actually, I know that I can stop doing it, but sometimes it just feels like I can’t, or it scares me to think of letting go of my security blanket. I don’t know what I think will happen to me if I do. I’m not sure what the source of my fear really is.
Then sometimes I think that asking all of the why, why, why doesn’t really get me far. What matters most is that I stop doing it. Understanding might just be the bonus — or maybe the booby prize.
So, instead I’m trying to reframe the discussion and tell myself new truths, as in, “You know, you really don’t need the food to cope. The food isn’t going to help you cope. In fact, it’s a detriment.” I am also reminding myself that I am stronger and more balanced and that I have different, healthier methods. I can take a walk. Dance around the room. Cuddle the dogs. Go for a bike ride. I can do almost anything other than overeat or eat inappropriately that will help me in ways that food and overeating never did.
These are things that I need to reinforce within myself. The whole mindset is a valuable tool to carry around with me the next time I need help coping.
Weighty Matters 