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Mar 20

Breaking Through the Plateau

by Mary Stella

I have a theory. As you know, after a year and a half of stellar, fairly rapid weight loss, I entered a lengthy period of plateau sometime last fall. It was agonizing to me emotionally. So frustrating to work so hard at being clean with my food plan and physical fitness and achieve only painfully slow, small results. I really hit a low last December when I’d only lost a ridiculous four or five pounds in three months! That’s when my surgeon recommended I cut my calorie intake by 25%, which would have put me somewhere in the 600-750 calorie range per day.

I certainly whined and complained about it here often enough. I engaged in some periodic small rebellions, ate more sugar and carb things than usual from time to time. Bitched a little more about the plateau and so on. From October to mid-January, my weight fluctuated from 211 to 216, depending on if I’d eaten more carbs. My body really likes to hold onto carb-induced weight gain.

I did great on my cruise, then hit the fluctuation pattern again for a while. I also got a temporary, “Screw it” mentality and stopped worrying about whether I ate some freaking carbohydrates or good chocolate. As long as I stayed in that five pound range and continued to exercise, I wasn’t going to agonize.

About two weeks ago, I took a deep breath and told myself that playtime was over. I’d reached the allowed time limit on the “Screw it” mentality and knew it was time to bear down again. With a better quality of cleanness in my food plan, including fewer carbs and higher quality in the ones I do it, plus the continued commitment to exercise, I’m now seeing weight loss at a good rate. I’m down from 215 to 208. I feel great not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally. It isn’t a struggle to eat a balanced food plan with the appropriate amount of protein and allowable carbs, even that treat of high quality chocolate when I need some. Recovery is alive and strong.

Here’s my theory. I think that after losing so much weight so fast in the first year and a half after weight loss surgery, my body put on the brakes. Maybe it got too used to the high protein/low carb intake and stopped responding. Maybe I developed a new set point. I don’t know, but the body wouldn’t budge. I theorize that taking the break from the strict adherence for a more extended period, helped me readjust. Now my body is responding again to the formula of low calorie/low carb/higher protein/ample exercise and is giving up the pounds.

I don’t know if any of you have experienced something similar. If you have, I’d love to hear about it from you. I only know that I feel that I’ve truly broken through the plateau and am once more on a great losing pattern.

Body Matters My Progress

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Mar 1

My First 5K

by Mary Stella

I love the community in which I live. We do a lot of events to raise money for various organizations throughout the year and they always seem to be well attended and also supported by the businesses in the area. It’s not like we’re a huge metropolis either. We have maybe 8500 full time residents and the “full time” part is questionable. I think there are a fair number of people who claim their home here is their full time residence but they actually spend a chunk of their time elsewhere. Whatever the case, we collectively turn out to support the area events.

Today was the Sombrero Beach Run to benefit KAIR. This organization runs a food bank for low income people and also a homeless shelter and kitchen to supply meals to homeless folks. Every dollar raised is a big help. When I saw friends sharing about the Beach Run on their Facebook page, the announcements captured my attention and I decided to sign up. Not only do I like to support KAIR, but I also liked the message I was sending to myself. I can do a 5K walk! Two years ago, even though I was post-surgery and losing weight, I still wasn’t in good enough shape to walk so far. I sure couldn’t have done it prior to my weight loss surgery. Now, today? A whole different story!

The overall event had several competitions: 10K Run; 5K Run; 15K Challenge for runners who wanted to do both races; and the 5K Walk. A friend who has done the race before assured me there would be plenty of walkers so I didn’t feel strange about signing up for the least challenging competition.

For me, this wouldn’t be a competition at all, really. I wasn’t walking to win. All I wanted to do was walk, complete the 5K in less than an hour, and not come in last. Yesterday, a friend texted me that she was going to sign up too, so I’d even have a walking partner.

Last night, I went to the beach to pick up my number, t-shirt, and goody bag. Can I just tell you that I felt absurdly pleased to be so official? I had to think and plan my food for race day. I opted to eat a protein-rich breakfast and got up early enough to make a frittata with sautéed spinach and shallots mixed in and a slice of very crisp bacon. (My dogs love when I make bacon because I always make a slice for them too.) After eating, I had plenty of time to let the meal settle before putting on my socks and walking sneakers. I pinned my number on my shirt, grabbed my water bottle and headed out.

The weather could not have been more perfect! Apologies to those of you enduring endless snow storms and frigid temps. Down here this morning it was in the low-mid 70s with bright sunshine and a cool breeze off the ocean.

The 10K race started at 8 a.m., more than an hour before the 5K, so there were lots of folks milling around while a D.J. played dance music. A couple of people I know and I danced on the beach to the Electric Slide, the Cuban Shuffle and the Cha Cha Slide. Why not? I considered it a warm up routine. What fun to be part of this crowd of people! I knew so many of the folks who were either working the food tents or getting ready to hit the course. The area businesses did a great job. There were platters of cut-up bananas, bagels with cream cheese and various pastries if anyone wanted carbohydrate energy. Other volunteers were grilling hot dogs and sausages and wrapping them in aluminum foil to distribute after the races.

Finally, 9:15 approached and we gathered at the starting line to depart en masse. We were off! My friend and I chatted the whole way and also applauded runners who passed us coming back as they completed the 10K run, and then the 5K. Volunteers and residents along the route cheered and applauded us as we passed and handed out cups of water if we didn’t have any to drink. The energy from everyone was glorious. I was having a blast!

On the way back, I noticed that we’d lagged a little. I think we got distracted by our own gabbing. I urged my friend on and suggested that we should finish strong, so we picked up our own pace. Thanks to that, as we neared the finish line, I saw that we were, indeed, going to finish ahead of the one hour mark. 57:45 to be exact. Best of all, we were far from the last walkers to cross the line! All goals met and I was all smiles. We asked some volunteers to snap this photo as a keepsake.

After finishing my first "official" 5K walk.

After finishing my first “official” 5K walk.

When I think back to my life pre-surgery and how walking any distance physically challenged me, I can’t help but feel big time happy and not a little proud of where I am today. I don’t need to be the first to cross the line in my age class to feel like a winner. Just getting out and doing it at all feels like a win. Having fun and enjoying the effort? Bonus!

I’m going to keep my eyes open for additional 5K walks for other fundraising events. I know that I can beat the time we set today. Like I said, we were gabbing and not paying attention to our pace. That’s just a personal challenge that will make it even more fun. In the meantime, I’m just going to enjoy the glow from entering and completing my first official 5K event!

Body Matters My Progress NSVs

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Feb 23

Better to Light a Candle

by Mary Stella

It’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness. I first heard a variation of that proverb when I was in grade school. A great book came out in 1970 called Light a Single Candle about a teenage girl who goes blind.

I’ve always interpreted the saying as a way to cope when life, or a situation, attempts to overwhelm me. Rather than sit and complain or fret about how huge the problem appears, I try to break it down into smaller areas. It might be too big for me to fix or change all at once, but I can find those smaller areas where I can accomplish single changes and begin my progress on a solution.

Yes, having weight loss surgery was one huge change to one humongous problem. Preparing for it was almost overwhelming with the myriad of different doctors I had to see, the tests that needed to be scheduled and experienced, the follow ups, the evaluations, the planning, etc. It could easily have overwhelmed me but I approached it all one appointment at a time.

When I get super busier-than-usual-busy at work and I wonder how in the hell I’ll get everything done, I make a list. Every project on the list can be successfully accomplished, one at a time. Sometimes each project needs to be broken into a series and schedule of tasks — all single candles in their own right.

I find that the “light a candle” proverb meshes well with the Serenity Prayer. If I’m having a stressful day, I think about what I can change or do and what I can’t. Which candle can I ignite to burn brightly and make the darkness — or the stress, or the workload, or whatever — less oppressive?

Right now, I evaluating my food plan. Things are going pretty well and I want to stay on this roll. Sometimes, my mind gets a little overwhelmed with all of the elements that create my successful recovery. So, I’m breaking them down into smaller pieces to keep going with what works. These little candles become more manageable goals.

This week, there are two actions that I want to make sure I continue with in terms of my food. They contribute positive success to the overall goal of not eating compulsively and staying within my calorie and nutrition plan. One is to continue incorporating more vegetables than I have been eating. (I realized that most of my daily fruit and vegetable servings tended to be fruit and not veggies. More sugar was creeping in than I needed. Now I feel like I have it in better balance.) The other thing is to continue preparing my work meals (mid-morning snack, lunch, mid-afternoon snack) the night before. I started doing so last week and it really helped! I plan better when I’m not rushed as I tend to be in the morning.

These are my two candles for the week. More veggies/less fruit; Advance preparation. These actions are clearly not overwhelming. They are easy to manage and the results are great.

So, anybody else have a lot going on that might be less overwhelming if broken down into single candles? Feel free to share!

General Musings

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Jan 26

Jumped In and Cruised

by Mary Stella

Everyone, I’ve been away from home for a week without internet access. I wrote the last few posts before I left and scheduled them to appear while I was on vacation. In the past I’ve said flat out when I’ve been away, but several friends and other stories convinced me to, perhaps, not be quite so open about the absences. I’m sure you understand.

I think I mentioned several months ago that I booked myself as a solo traveler on a Country Music Cruise. I’d mentioned the thing to some friends but either they didn’t have the desire, the time, or the budget to go. I thought about what it would be like to go by myself without knowing anyone else on the ship. I also kept going to the entertainment company’s site and reading about the incredible lineup of performers scheduled to appear, including some of my long time favorites. I really thought about how I would feel on January 19th if I was sitting at home while the ship sailed and decided to jump in and book. I figured that I’m outgoing and sociable enough that I would easily be able to talk to people and have a great time even without friends and family.

Friends, I cannot find adequate enough adjectives to describe how fantastic a week I just enjoyed! Every single day was packed with activity, adventure and abundant fun! I also enjoyed some extra special experiences, felt significant spiritual reconnection, and got in touch with some new or additional awareness.

During the week, I was on total digital disconnect. I turned off my smart phone when we left Ft. Lauderdale rather than invest in an international calling/data plan. My computer remained at home and I never went to the ship’s Internet café to log online. When we reached Puerto Rico on Wednesday and could access my regular mobile plan, I briefly turned on the phone, did a cursory check of personal email, spent five minutes on Facebook, and sent a couple of text messages to family, but that was it.

Instead, to stay connected to my process and journey, I kept a journal. The notes, comments and insights will help me as I share some of what I experienced in future blog posts. I need to go over everything again, but honest to goodness, I’m exhausted tonight from all of the adventure and fun.

One important thing that I will report is how incredibly well I did managing my food plan, my eating, and my exercise. My goal was to enjoy the delicious food but not overindulge or overeat. I wanted to get through the cruise without gaining weight. Every morning I woke up and walked the promenade deck for between one to two miles. I took the stairs, going up and down, 98% of the time. I went to the hour-long wellness class four of the seven days, took several hour-long line dancing classes, and walked allll over the ship. How did this activity measure up? Well, on Wednesday I racked up close to 21,000 steps. I also did a 90 minute kayaking excursion.

So you know that I couldn’t resist getting on the scale when I got home. Not only did I not gain weight, I lost a few pounds. In a word, Booyah! It was a true reaffirmation that I can actually be in the presence of massive amounts of delicious food items and not dive into diseased eating disorder mode. That is a huge NSV and source of encouragement to realize. I’m determined to bridge this back into my home life. Granted, I won’t walk around all day long like I seemed to do on the ship. After all, I do need to sit at my desk and work. However, I can continue to focus on my mindful eating, my healthy food choices, and impetus to be active whenever the opportunity presents.

I didn’t take that many pictures, but will share what I can. I’m going to work on downloading them tonight before I crash into bed so that they can accompany the week’s posts.

In the meantime, I hope that you all had a great, strong week. I missed you. I also knew that you’d all be happy for me. Trust me, I carried you and your support with me on my fantastic cruise adventure.

By the way, yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of my weight loss surgery. The journey has been amazing thus far. I can’t wait to experience whatever lies ahead. Thank you for being part of the trip.

Body Matters General Musings My Progress NSVs

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Jan 14

Feeling Pretty Good

by Mary Stella

I managed to keep my inefficient worrying under control the last couple of days. I prepared as much as I could and let go of the rest. The meeting I anticipated might contain some uncomfortable conflict went smoothly. I facilitated well and received feedback that supported my self-assessment. It’s behind me now and so is any of the slight stress that I had retained.

Best of all, I did not lose sleep and I didn’t dive into food to manage the worry. That rates a double booyah as far as I’m concerned. I feel good, strong and positive. I actually said a strong, firm “no” to a sweet, sugary treat a couple of hours ago and reminded myself that I could enjoy a frozen fruit treat at home instead.

Did I tell you all about one of my Christmas gifts? One of my nephews gave me a Yonana machine. It takes frozen fruit and blends it into the consistency of frozen yogurt or frozen custard. No added sugar, other than what occurs naturally in the fruit. No fat, no junk, no nothing. After my evening commitment, I came home and thoroughly enjoyed the fruit snack with a small scattering of chopped walnuts on top. Yum.

Find that I still need to educate myself on portions. Even though it’s been almost two years since my surgery, I’m still retraining my brain. The instinct is often to prepare the same size portion as before. That would be fine if I could always trust myself to eat only a half or less of what I prepare. Even if I can only physically eat the smaller amount, if I have the rest in front of me, I’m sometimes tempted to keep going. Forcing the issue is not a good thing for many reasons. For one, eat too much and I not only feel wicked uncomfortable, but I’ll also need to throw up. Forcing larger portions too often over time could eventually stretch out the stomach pouch. If I increase my stomach capacity, I will lose the terrific tool that the smaller sleeve provides. Don’t want to go there, not one bit! Forcing the issue also doesn’t help me learn anything useful to encourage long term success.

Stopping before I serve myself helps me think it through, rather than just plopping too big a portion on my plate. “Stop before I serve” makes for a good mantra, I think. Like tonight. I had a change of plans today when a dinner date was rescheduled for Thursday. I thought about what starches I’d eaten during the day and realized that I had two plain saltine crackers with my soup at lunch. That was all. I didn’t have a lot of food in the house but thought that I could make a simple grilled cheese sandwich. I’ve learned to keep bread in the freezer so that I am not tempted to eat it frequently just because I think I’m hungry and it’s available. It takes more effort to pull a slice from the freezer, defrost it and then do something with it before eating.

While I was opening the bag to take out two slices, which would be the automatic portion in the past, I stopped and thought, “No. You don’t need that big a sandwich. Half is plenty.” That’s what I did. One slice of bread, split into two smaller pieces with some good quality cheddar, toasted in a non-stick pan coated with cooking spray.

It was delicious and satisfying. I reduced the fat, carbs and overall calories by stopping and thinking. It’s important to transfer this kind of behavior to as many food and eating situations as possible. Even when I go out to dinner, it’s good to separate the portions on my plate so that I don’t keep picking at the food in front of me and end up eating more than I want or need. I haven’t quite gotten to the point of getting a To-Go box right at the meal’s outset, although I’m sure if I try that a few times I won’t feel conspicuous — or at least won’t care if I am. In the interim, it’s easy enough to physically push some, often most, of the food to the side of the plate and focus solely on the appropriate size portion that remains. If I’m at a buffet, I need to remember that I can still sample a wide variety of dishes as long as I limit myself to dabs and not load up the spoon or stab a huge forkful.

In other things, I’ve noticed that if I do indulge in carbs a little, my body reacts. I might have mentioned this before but, honestly, after 500 plus posts I don’t always remember everything I’ve ever discussed. Back over Christmas week, I know that I ate more carbs on more days than I do in probably a month. My body reacted my putting on some water weight and bloated pounds. I almost want to call them fauxpounds. I know the math of calories. In order for me to gain five real pounds, I’d have to eat 18,000 more calories than I burn. Over a week, that would be more than 2500 calories more a day! Folks, I’d have to drink multiple milkshakes to consume that many more calories. Plus, I was also walking every day and keeping up with my 10K plus steps for calorie burn.

Even fauxpounds can be a little stubborn about giving up their grip on my body. It got to the point where getting on the scale in the morning started messing with my head. Even though I knew it was water weight, the number can upset me. I decided not to weight myself for a few days while I carefully stayed on track. This worked. I finally vanquished the fauxpounds. My body’s back to an authentic weight. I’m starting to see some additional definition (underneath the sagging skin that will only disappear with surgery) from the strength training routine with hand weights.

All in all, I feel pretty good!

Body Matters General Musings My Progress NSVs

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Dec 22

Life Changes

by Mary Stella

I had dinner last night with a dear, long time friend whom I haven’t seen since June. My body’s changed a lot since then.

Over our meal, she asked me about how my life has changed because of my weight loss surgery and transformation so far. It’s one thing for me to say how much better I feel physically and emotionally. I can talk about the increased physical ease and the reduction in aches, pains, exhausting effort.

But last night, I was struck by something even deeper when talking about the amazing positive changes. I asked her to imagine what it would be like to always, almost constantly, be hyper-aware of body size. To think about having to make continual assessments about almost everything. Would a chair hold my weight? Would the car I rented have a seat belt long enough to go around me if I was wearing a coat or jacket? Could I fit in the space between two tables in a restaurant? Would I be able to keep up with my friends when we went somewhere? If I fell and hurt myself at home, could I get up? Would I fit in a chair? How long would it be before my right knee gave ou completely? What did people think when they saw me struggle to go up stairs? Think about trying to disguise the effects of simple exertion on my breathing.

Think about constantly having your brain and feelings dealing with such a barrage of questions and assessments for decades.

Then think about not experiencing any of that any more, ever again.

The reduction of stress and pressure has been enormous, like I was caught between a boulder and a granite shelf and then suddenly freed.

In addition to my body feeling better, my mind is just so much more relaxed and at ease. It’s amazing.

Over the last two years at work, I feel like I’ve stepped up my game. I was never a slacker and always was a productive, efficient, even dynamic asset. (That’s not bragging. My boss would say the same.) However, I can look back and see where I’ve grown, matured, and developed into even more of a leader. You’ve heard the expression about all ships rise with the tide? There were also other things at play, but when the opportunities to grow and develop opened up, I was better able to step up and grow with them. I don’t know if this would have happened if I’d still had all of the other horrible mind clutter getting in my way.

Stress is a killer. It creates tension, contributes to poor health, triggers adverse body chemical reactions. The reduction of all of that stressful thinking, has lightened my spirit like losing pounds has lightened my body.

Change is good. The life changes I’ve experienced and continue to see are great.

Body Matters General Musings My Progress

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Dec 19

Getting Over the Sulk

by Mary Stella

Yes, I’ve been sulking ever since last Friday’s appointment with my weight loss surgeon. I’m a grown up, even if sometimes I give into slightly less mature behavior like sulking. At least today I’m willing to own it. I’m also setting a time limit on it. A week is more than long enough. So, the sulk indulgence ends as of now.

I have no further time nor energy to give to it. I have places to go, holidays to enjoy, workouts to continue and weight to lose. Is it possible to shift one’s attitude this quickly? Yes. It’s a matter of mind over emotions. I’m not going to invalidate the way that I’ve been feeling. As far as I’m concerned, I had a right to it, but I also know when I’m on the verge of tipping over into useless, even damaging, wallowing. When I rebel by eating inappropriately, I’m hurting myself. That is unacceptable. Not only will it hurt me in my weight loss efforts and affect my body, but I’ll begin to emotionally feel lousy. So, it’s time to shake it off and move forward.

I’m really looking forward to the holiday week in which I plan to see many family members and friends. Most of the planned get-togethers will include meals. For once, I’m not looking at these events as license to eat anything, everything, and as much as I want. I’m looking forward to the social aspects and the company and to eating good tasting food in appropriate amounts and balance. Food isn’t the focus. That’s what I need to remember.

For a full week I’ll be out of my regular routine. I’m a little concerned about keeping up with my 10,000 steps a day since getting around to see everyone will involve driving a lot. However, I can and will suggest some walks and will definitely have opportunities to pop in one of my workout DVDs. I think I’ll look forward to the challenge of keeping up with exercise along with everything else. That too I can embrace and enjoy figuring out a strategy.

I’m over the sulk. There are good times with people I love in my immediate future.

I may not blog as regularly, but I promise to do so as often as I can. In the meantime, I want you all to know that I wish you all the very best this holiday season. May love, joy, and peace be yours. Thank you for being part of my blog, my journey, and my life.

Holiday Card 2013

General Musings

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Dec 18

Losing My Doctor

by Mary Stella

No, I’m not firing the bariatric surgeon who suggested I cut my calories back by 25% to get me through this weight loss plateau. I’m talking about my primary care physician. She’s leaving the area so today was my last appointment with her.

I’m so bummed. I’ve loved her being my doctor and adore her as a person. She’s the first primary care doctor with whom I’ve ever felt truly comfortable, no matter where I was with my weight. Dr. S. always has a caring, compassionate, willing to listen and spend time attitude. She could be up front with me about my super obesity without being judgmental and harsh. Never once did she make me feel like a useless idiot for not losing weight. She also was never one to jump to medications without discussing other treatment possibilities. I hate just throwing drugs at a problem. Bonus about Dr. S. is that she’d do my pap tests which meant I didn’t have to consult a separate gynecologist. This was a big convenience here in the Florida Keys. The closest gynecologists are an hour away from where I live.

Two plus years ago, when I came to her and asked her to help me with my plan to have bariatric surgery, she recommended the surgeon that I eventually chose. She’d worked with him previously with some of her other patients. (I might be disagreeing with him now but he really was a great surgeon for me.) We talked over so many things after my first consult with him. She helped me get set up with all of the evaluations that I needed. She offered me caring and support the whole way. Every time I’ve seen her since, she’s continued to be loving, compassionate and supportive. I was blessed to have her in my corner as my primary care doctor through the weight loss surgery journey.

I care about Dr. S. as a person. I’m really happy for her that she’s making this move and will live close to her daughter, granddaughters, and other family members. I’m just sad for me because I’ll have to find another primary care physician. For right now, I’m transferring my records and care over to the doctor with whom she shares an office. I saw him twice a couple of years ago. He’s primarily a cardiologist, so I went to him when I needed the cardiac evaluation prior to my weight loss surgery.

Down here specialists also frequently do primary care. It’s not like we’re a hugely populated metropolis with plenty of patients around for specialists. Since I had my annual physical today, I don’t actually need to see the new doctor until a year from now, unless I get sick and need something more current. I’m also not up for any major diagnostic tests. So all should be good. I’m sure that the new doctor and I will do fine together, particularly if I only need to see him once a year.

Other than the sadness over Dr. S. leaving, my appointment and physical went well. My blood labs are terrific! I have been off my blood sugar and high cholesterol medications since my weight loss surgery. I’ve now also been off the two meds I took for my high blood pressure for a year. My blood pressure was actually a little on the low side this morning. My fasting glucose was 80 and hemoglobin A1C level was also in the normal range so I no longer show any indication of Type 2 diabetes. The different cholesterol and triglyceride numbers are in the desirable ranges too. Yes, the co-morbidities continue to be resolved thanks to the weight loss and improved fitness. Booyah to the nth degree!

Dr. S. and I discussed the surgeon’s calorie-cutting suggestion. I received the last bit of agreement that I needed. The surgeon is officially overruled. I will keep on doing what I’m doing and have faith that I will eventually bust through the plateau. I might get frustrated some times, but I just need to keep going and believe that the weight will come off. After the holidays, I might start off the new year with another detox, but I actually enjoy living on smoothies for a few days. It isn’t a big deal.

Being healthy. Making good choices. Pursuing my plans. These things add up to the true big deal. Maybe the next time I see Dr. S, and I hope that I do when she visits here sometime in the future, I’ll be at my goal weight! In the meantime, I pray that the move is all that she wants it to be and I wish her nothing but the absolute best on this next phase of her life’s journey. Her new patients in her new town will be so lucky!

General Musings

5 Comments »
Dec 13

Emotional and Physical Revolt

by Mary Stella

I had my every-three-months follow up appointment with my weight loss surgeon. This is the worst period of weight loss I’ve experienced since my surgery almost two years ago. I had ups and downs and the last couple of weeks were better, beginning with the post-Thanksgiving detox. However, overall, the total number of pounds was somewhere between few and pitiful.

Frankly, I’m puzzled. I believe that I’m doing good with my food plan. For sure I’ve stepped up my exercise. Simple math of calories in and calories burned should have added up to more significant weight loss, but my body apparently didn’t get that memo.

I went down the list of info with my doctor, explaining what I eat each day and how much physical activity I do. I don’t know what I was expecting in terms of advice, but I know I wasn’t anticipating that his suggestion would be that I cut out more calories. Seriously? I eat between 800 and 1000 calories a day and between my regular basal metabolism rate I burn more than 2000 calories daily. Honestly, I cannot fathom how in hell I’m going to eat less, take in fewer calories. The doctor acknowledged that I’m taking in quality with high protein and low carb. However, he feels that perhaps my body’s metabolism is lower/slower than normal. He went into a lengthier explanation about how cells of the body, etc. but I had a little trouble following the explanation and difficulty focusing on what he said. I do know that in his mind, reducing volume — cutting by a quarter in his words — is the strategy I should try.

Friends, color me shocked and shade that with some accents of dismayed and confused. Emotionally, I’m in full revolt tonight. I’m pissed off, even though I’m not sure at what or at who my anger is directed. It’s unfair of me, I guess, to be ticked off at my surgeon. I guess I wanted some magic solution that would wipe out the slow progress and put me back on the path of rapid loss. It isn’t his fault that I had unrealistic expectations. He told me what he medically believes. It just didn’t jive with what I wanted to hear.

Pointless as this is, I think I’m angry at my body, my stubborn, holding-onto-fat, cells and my underperforming, uncooperative metabolism. I resisted whining in the doctor’s office but, believe me, I’m whining to myself here at home and mentally stamping my feet in tantrum mode. I don’t want my metabolism to be slow. I want it to rev up and melt the freaking remaining pounds off of me asap.

I can’t let this derail me. I have to reconnect with my own focus and remember the promise to “go to any lengths to get it”. If that means cutting back on the already small portions I eat and compensating with even more water if I’m still hungry, then that’s what I’ll do. Or at least I’ll try my very best to do so and remember to have convenient small snacks available if all of the exercise triggers the need to eat. All that I can do is my best effort and hope that it’s enough to keep me going. I hold onto the thought that even though I didn’t lose the amount of pounds I hoped, at least I lost and didn’t gain. I know I’ve reduced my body size and my percentage of body fat. I am still moving in the right direction, even if I’m moving slowly.

To share a quick funny, in our appointment the doctor cautioned me about the approaching holidays. “It will be tough, he reminded me. “Lots of food around all of the time.”

“Dr., food is all around me all of the time every day,” I replied. “It has to be my choice to not eat it.”

On a brighter note, I ran into Kohl’s while I was “off the rock”. I needed new black pants that go all of the way to the tops of my feet versus stopping at capri or cropped pant length. Before I could get to the Women’s Department with its more familiar clothing sizes, geared toward heavier women, I had to walk right by the Misses Department. I get really confused about all of the different departments in a particular store, but I decided to brave the Misses section and see if I could figure it out. Yes, I know, it sounds on the surface like I’m pitiful. Imagine a grown woman of almost 56 getting confused and intimidated by store clothing departments. Still, if you don’t know and have never shopped them, you really need time or help to navigate and find the clothing you want.

The good news is that I went into the Misses section and found the Simply Vera Wang line. “Oh what the hell,” I thought. I grabbed a gray sweater that I thought was pretty and went to a dressing room to try it on. I’m at a weird place with clothing sizes. In some I’m still an XL, as opposed to a 1X, 2X, 3X or 4X. In other styles or cuts, I’m a L with tops. I can wear a 16 W pant, but still need a straight 18. Anyway, I found a couple cute sweaters from Vera Wang in XL. They look terrific with the new pants I purchased. I’m almost as pleased about my navigation of the store as I am about the clothes themselves. It’s a great advancement for me to take this on, silly as that sounds. I’m so glad I was successful.

Body Matters General Musings My Progress

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Dec 11

Was Weight Loss Surgery Really Necessary?

by Mary Stella

A little less than two weeks before I had my surgery, I was already doing the “full liquids” part of the preparation. Pounds were melting off. A good friend who was going through a very stressful time experienced a lot of anxiety over me having the bariatric surgery. When I shared that I was doing great with the full liquids diet, she asked me why I couldn’t just keep doing that and lose all of my weight instead of having a risky operation.

Speaking from the heart, I explained that I knew I would never sustain the weight loss effort long enough, or I would have done so before then. I also shared that I feared losing a lot of weight and then gaining it back yet again.

Next month I’ll hit my two year “surgiversary”. I probably won’t yet be at goal weight. Someone asked me today if I was sorry that I’d had the operation when it was still taking me so long to lose all of the weight that I wanted. There was nothing malicious about the question. I believe they were just honestly curious. I guess somewhere in their brain was the idea that I could have been able to lose it anyway so the surgery might not have been necessary.

I don’t agree. I still believe, just as strongly as I did two weeks before my vertical sleeve gastrectomy, that I would never have lost 175 or so pounds without the surgery. Was the surgery the magical cure-all? Of course not! Have I still had to work hard on every level to be successful to this point for so many months? Absolutely.

Was the surgery necessary? Was it worth it? Hell to the yeah! I can’t affirm it strongly enough. Surgically reducing my stomach capacity proved to be the tool, the key, the foundation on which everything else stands. To some great extent, it’s the security net when I teeter and fall off of the tightrope. It keeps me from completely hitting the ground and going splat. Because it limits how much I can physically eat, it’s an effective means for stopping a food relapse and prevents binging.

The physical control, or speed with which it helps me regain control when I periodically veer off course, has kept me in recovery and on a losing path for far longer than I have experienced at any other time. The longer time period has given me the opportunity to slowly and effectively make other lifestyle changes. The improved fitness and healthier food choices have developed over the months. I think this process means that the changes are better integrated and more sustainable. I don’t feel like the devotion to exercise is a flash in the pan. It takes time to grow new habits and that’s what I’m doing.

Maybe having bariatric surgery started out as my last ditch effort; the desperate attempt to save my life and improve its quality. Last ditch or not, it was absolutely necessary. I view its effects as the best way that I could open up my spirit for long term lifestyle changes. Simply put, it set me up for success and I’ve taken it from there.

Body Matters General Musings My Progress

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