Weighty Matters

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Mar 1

My First 5K

by Mary Stella

I love the community in which I live. We do a lot of events to raise money for various organizations throughout the year and they always seem to be well attended and also supported by the businesses in the area. It’s not like we’re a huge metropolis either. We have maybe 8500 full time residents and the “full time” part is questionable. I think there are a fair number of people who claim their home here is their full time residence but they actually spend a chunk of their time elsewhere. Whatever the case, we collectively turn out to support the area events.

Today was the Sombrero Beach Run to benefit KAIR. This organization runs a food bank for low income people and also a homeless shelter and kitchen to supply meals to homeless folks. Every dollar raised is a big help. When I saw friends sharing about the Beach Run on their Facebook page, the announcements captured my attention and I decided to sign up. Not only do I like to support KAIR, but I also liked the message I was sending to myself. I can do a 5K walk! Two years ago, even though I was post-surgery and losing weight, I still wasn’t in good enough shape to walk so far. I sure couldn’t have done it prior to my weight loss surgery. Now, today? A whole different story!

The overall event had several competitions: 10K Run; 5K Run; 15K Challenge for runners who wanted to do both races; and the 5K Walk. A friend who has done the race before assured me there would be plenty of walkers so I didn’t feel strange about signing up for the least challenging competition.

For me, this wouldn’t be a competition at all, really. I wasn’t walking to win. All I wanted to do was walk, complete the 5K in less than an hour, and not come in last. Yesterday, a friend texted me that she was going to sign up too, so I’d even have a walking partner.

Last night, I went to the beach to pick up my number, t-shirt, and goody bag. Can I just tell you that I felt absurdly pleased to be so official? I had to think and plan my food for race day. I opted to eat a protein-rich breakfast and got up early enough to make a frittata with sautéed spinach and shallots mixed in and a slice of very crisp bacon. (My dogs love when I make bacon because I always make a slice for them too.) After eating, I had plenty of time to let the meal settle before putting on my socks and walking sneakers. I pinned my number on my shirt, grabbed my water bottle and headed out.

The weather could not have been more perfect! Apologies to those of you enduring endless snow storms and frigid temps. Down here this morning it was in the low-mid 70s with bright sunshine and a cool breeze off the ocean.

The 10K race started at 8 a.m., more than an hour before the 5K, so there were lots of folks milling around while a D.J. played dance music. A couple of people I know and I danced on the beach to the Electric Slide, the Cuban Shuffle and the Cha Cha Slide. Why not? I considered it a warm up routine. What fun to be part of this crowd of people! I knew so many of the folks who were either working the food tents or getting ready to hit the course. The area businesses did a great job. There were platters of cut-up bananas, bagels with cream cheese and various pastries if anyone wanted carbohydrate energy. Other volunteers were grilling hot dogs and sausages and wrapping them in aluminum foil to distribute after the races.

Finally, 9:15 approached and we gathered at the starting line to depart en masse. We were off! My friend and I chatted the whole way and also applauded runners who passed us coming back as they completed the 10K run, and then the 5K. Volunteers and residents along the route cheered and applauded us as we passed and handed out cups of water if we didn’t have any to drink. The energy from everyone was glorious. I was having a blast!

On the way back, I noticed that we’d lagged a little. I think we got distracted by our own gabbing. I urged my friend on and suggested that we should finish strong, so we picked up our own pace. Thanks to that, as we neared the finish line, I saw that we were, indeed, going to finish ahead of the one hour mark. 57:45 to be exact. Best of all, we were far from the last walkers to cross the line! All goals met and I was all smiles. We asked some volunteers to snap this photo as a keepsake.

After finishing my first "official" 5K walk.

After finishing my first “official” 5K walk.

When I think back to my life pre-surgery and how walking any distance physically challenged me, I can’t help but feel big time happy and not a little proud of where I am today. I don’t need to be the first to cross the line in my age class to feel like a winner. Just getting out and doing it at all feels like a win. Having fun and enjoying the effort? Bonus!

I’m going to keep my eyes open for additional 5K walks for other fundraising events. I know that I can beat the time we set today. Like I said, we were gabbing and not paying attention to our pace. That’s just a personal challenge that will make it even more fun. In the meantime, I’m just going to enjoy the glow from entering and completing my first official 5K event!

Body Matters My Progress NSVs

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Feb 24

Here’s to Taking Care of Ourselves

by Mary Stella

Okay, I’m going to wave a banner, lead a cheer and completely urge everybody reading this to find one great thing that you can do for yourself this week. Pick something that you completely enjoy and that falls in the category of Good Self Care. Then go and do it.

I did some of that tonight by going for a massage. The massage therapist I use is A-Ma-Zing! She pays attention to energy in my body, where it’s blocked, what’s tightened, what needs to release, etc. A session with her is so much more than a head-to-toe rub down. She can tell if an issue is rooted in muscle, tendons or nerves.

Thanks to the work she did on me this evening, I have immeasurably better range of motion in my left shoulder than I’ve enjoyed in weeks. I can’t tell you how much time she spent on the nerves and muscles in my right leg but the flexibility is incredible. That’s my weaker, more arthritic knee and it feels ten years younger tonight. I also am not experiencing the phantom ache I’ve felt in that leg every evening for the last week or so.

Yes, caring for self is a wonderful, positive thing.

Now, some might argue that everything I do is caring for myself. Eating healthier, exercising, working on my eating disorder and food issues — the whole kit and caboodle. That’s a valid argument. However, I will argue that it is incredibly important to also add extras. The additional things we do for ourselves might be physically, emotionally or mentally good for us, but they’re also treats which boosts the emotional benefits. These acts of self-care are great positive reinforcement.

Bi-weekly manicures and a monthly pedicure are self-care for me, but I’ve come to think of them as essential and routine. I guess coloring the gray in my hair falls into this category, too. I’ve always considered massages and facials as “extras”. I’m starting to think that I should schedule them more on a regular, routine basis, too. Ooh, now here’s a slightly indulgent dilemma. If the extra self-care treats are turned in regular occurrences, do I then need to find myself new extras with which to treat myself? Hmmm. I’m sure I can figure out a few ways. 😉

What are a few ways that you can practice self-care this week? Take a bath, find some alone time to read, get a massage, a facial, your nails done? What can you do to reward yourself for just being you?

Body Matters General Musings NSVs

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Feb 17

Gold, Goaled & Golden Arches

by Mary Stella

Some days I’m strong on my food plan and exercise in spite of food thoughts and compulsion assailing me. Those are good days when I can hold onto my resilience and determination even when my disease urges me to eat on impulse. Really good days are ones when I don’t even feel the compulsion of my eating disorder but just go through the day eating as I planned and what I prepared. I’ve had a few really good days lately. I never take these for granted. They are infrequent and precious. It is a lot less stressful to not have to do battle with the disease, even for a day.

My mindset’s been good. I’ve held to my determination to not belittle or denigrate my own efforts. If a negative, or even a slightly-less-than-positive thought tries to creep into my consciousness, I cancel it. I’ve even said it out loud. Cancel! Silly as it sounds, it works.

I know as I’ve lost weight I’ve talked about getting into smaller size clothing or, especially in the beginning, taking clothes to a seamstress for alterations. I soon need to get some other belongings sized down. My jewelry has all become too big. A pinkie ring that at one time had to be cut off before wrist surgery is too big for me to wear. I’ve had it slip off my finger when I reached into my handbag for something. I tried wearing a ring guard for awhile but the guard annoyed me. So, the ring is off of my hand and in my jewelry box.

My other pinkie ring has also gotten too big but I’ve been able to move it over to the next finger and wear it there instead. For the time being, anyway. I noticed yesterday that it’s close to becoming too big to wear at all. I have another valuable ring that I still love to wear but it keeps sliding all over my ring finger. For now, when I wear it I slip it onto my index finger. It’s kind of a cool look, to be honest. I might just continue to do that.

My necklaces used to be the perfect length but now I’ve lost enough inches around my neck that they hit longer than I like. Thinking of all these things, I realize that sooner or later I need to go for gold alterations! I’m not complaining. This is an excellent problem to experience! Unlike clothes, gold can earn me money, particularly at the current price per ounce. When I finally take everything into a jeweler to be shortened or sized down, I’ll be able to sell back whatever is removed. At the very least it will pay for the work. Best case scenario, it will pay for the work and I’ll get a few bucks spending money. Like I said, not a bad problem!

The Olympic Ice Dancing finals are on television tonight while I write this post. I already know the outcome so I’m not experiencing anxiety-by-proxy for the athletes. I can relax and enjoy the performances and programs without fretting that some team will fall or make other heart-wrenching errors. I don’t know about the other sports, but it seems like most of the figure skaters start when they’re kids. I marvel that this dogged determination to pursue sports excellence not only begins so young but also stays with them for so many years.

I had multiple dream jobs in mind by the time I was 11. I can’t imagine sticking with one of them for most of my life. These skaters set their goals early and committed their lives to achieving them, no matter what. Hours upon hours upon days, weeks, months and years of practice, hard work, sacrifice of other activities all to become the best that they can possibly be.

It’s inspiring. If they can commit their entire lives to their gold goal, surely I can stay committed to achieving my goal weight and then maintaining for the rest of my life.

Finally, as my day of gold and goaled thoughts comes to an end, I need to say that I groan every time a commercial for McDonald’s comes on during the Olympics broadcast. As you can imagine, this means I groan a lot. I don’t mean to be hypocritical because, Lord knows, I used to be a regular customer of the golden arches drive through. In my worst days of overeating, I’d go through the drive-thru and order two sodas, hoping the staff member would assume I was ordering food for two people. With the exception of a yogurt and fruit parfait that I had last month, I haven’t eaten from McD’s in more than a year. My stomach can’t handle it and foods that I once loved hold no appeal anymore.

That said, for some reason, I find it distasteful to see the ad that has athletes playfully biting the medals as if to judge the quality of the metal and then see people biting into chicken nuggets. They look for all the world as if they think the questionable chicken is the gold standard for edible food. Eat fast food or don’t, it’s a personal choice, but let’s not fool ourselves that the food items on the menu are healthy and good for us. The majority aren’t.

General Musings My Progress NSVs The Past is the Past

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Feb 16

Cheer Every Effort

by Mary Stella

The other day in a conversation with a friend I heard myself say, “I only rode my bike for seven miles last night.” My friend gaped at me and I heard my words as if with someone else’s ears. I looked at her and said, “I need to change the way I think and talk about my exercise.”

She vehemently agreed. Really. I only rode my bike for seven miles?? Only? On the one hand, it’s funny that I would think any physical exercise is less than, that I would diminish any effort. Two years ago I could barely walk up stairs and had to help myself by pulling up on railings. The slightest walk had me breathing hard. I hadn’t ridden a bicycle in more than 15 years. On the other hand, it’s not funny at all that I introduce negativity into any of my thoughts about my effort. By the way, that evening that I rode seven miles capped a day that started with 45 minutes of brisk walking. I was hardly slacking on my physical fitness routine!

I’ve been thinking about it ever since. Negativity breeds negativity. I can’t afford to let that mind set or energy develop. If it grows, and takes hold, it could easily mess with my emotions. When my emotions get messed up, I reach for food.

So I’ve committed to framing the messages that I give myself in positive terms and removing the diminishing qualifiers. There will be no more “only did this much” nonsense. I will cheer every effort, every exercise session. Whether I reach 10,000 steps, 15,000 or more, I will declare, “Booyah!” and celebrate.

For the record, I’ve been super active this weekend. My apologies to all of you suffering the series of snowstorms, but the weather’s beautiful in the Florida Keys. A little cool by our standards but sunny with light winds. Yesterday the dogs and I did two miles/45 minutes of a nice walk along the beach road. Later in the day I added a six mile bike ride just because it was so nice in the late afternoon.

A couple of weeks ago, I signed up to participate in a 5K walk/run to raise money for the organization that provides services and a food bank for people in need and oversees a homeless shelter and meal program. I’m not competing to win anything, but I don’t want to be last in my age group. I’ve declared myself “in training” for that walk. Pyxi was limping last night and this morning and she appears to have strained a muscle in our walk yesterday so I needed to keep things easy on her today. The dogs got a shorter walk and then I headed out for the Seven Mile Bridge and walked about 3.25 miles.

After doing some stuff around the house, I realized that it was again a beautiful afternoon, so I rolled out on my bike for 10 miles.

I find that I dearly love these outdoor exercise sessions. I don’t want to lose these feelings so the more that I do things that I enjoy, the more my enjoyment grows. No “only” about it.

Body Matters My Progress NSVs

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Feb 3

Cruise Days Six and Seven – At Sea

by Mary Stella

On the Friday and Saturday of the cruise, we were at sea making our way from St. Maarten back to Fort Lauderdale. I was never bored! The entertainment company that put together this cruise loaded it with activities. I walked and exercised every morning, ate mindful breakfasts, and then after showering and dressing went non-stop through the day. Game shows to watch, more interviews and panels with performers, line dancing classes . . . you name it. If it was available to attend and enjoy, I did it. The few times when there were gaps, I usually ran into someone I’d previously met or done an excursion with and could sit down and chat for awhile.

Friday I went to a songwriters’ panel featuring The Warren Brothers. Even if you don’t know any other of the vast number of hit songs they’ve written or co-written, you might be familiar with Red Solo Cup. According to them, it’s the dumbest song they’ve ever created. Maybe so, but it was a big hit for Toby Keith and they’ve made great money on their royalties. As a writer, I loved hearing them talk about their process. It’s fascinating. It was also quite amazing to find out just how many wonderful songs that I love came from these brothers. Mega-talent in the two of them, that’s for sure. I also enjoyed hearing them perform their own music. They played another show late on Saturday, too. That included a big sing along with all of us in the audience on Red Solo Cup. Lots of fun.

Friday night was the Gatlin Brothers time to shine on the main stage. Unfortunately, Larry had come down with a cold and wasn’t able to sing at his peak level. He has a wonderful tenor voice and the three brothers sing in beautiful harmony with each other. I sure hope it isn’t 15 years before I hear them sing again. Speaking of colds, I could feel myself coming down with one too. Larry had joked about getting his cold from Vince Gill. He apologized to anyone he might have hugged and passed on the cold too. I was one of the people he hugged, so I’m claiming that at least my germs are star quality.

After the Gatlin Brothers, I went to the late show by Anita Cochran. She is truly outstanding. I gave my contact info to her friends in case they get down to Key West. Performers Ty Herndon, Andy Griggs and Jamie O’Neal were also at her show, supporting their friend. That’s very cool! After her performance was over, they all ran up to the Lido Deck for the All Star outdoor jam session. I’m sure it did me no good health-wise to sit outside in damp air (sporadic rain drizzle), but the show was awesome! Different musicians flowed on and off stage, joining together to perform classic rock and country. Warren Brothers, Wade Hayes, Bryan White, Ty Herndon, Andy Griggs, Jamie O’Neal, Anita Cochran, guys from Restless Heart – all jamming on songs by the Rolling Stones, Tom Petty, Journey, Loretta Lynn and others. It was an amazing experience!

I’ve sort of jumbled the days together in this post. Sorry for that, but I was so involved in all that the cruise offered that I ran the recollections together in my journal too! One thing that I did keep thinking during the whirlwind two days is that I can remember vacations in the past when I’d get busy and involved and sort of blow off whatever food plan or diet I was trying to follow. It’s like I gave myself permission to go crazy. This time around, I was really pleased that I didn’t go “hog wild”.

I continued to practice mindful eating, even cutting portions in half and pushing the half that would be too much away to the edge of my plate. I noticed that I am still always tempted by bread and rolls. These honestly are useless carbs. They fill my stomach without providing a bit of nutritional benefit. Honestly, if I’m going to eat something that doesn’t rack up great nutritional benefit, I’d rather pick something better tasting and more satisfying like really good chocolate. By the way, every night at dinner, I ordered dessert. (They don’t come in large portions on ships.) Even then I didn’t finish the entire thing, but had enough bites to make me happy.

This must be how “normal” people eat, I say with a joking smile on my face. I don’t mean to make myself sound abnormal. Perhaps I should say that it’s how people who don’t have eating disorders and food issues usually eat. It appears to be a learnable skill, even after decades of compulsive overeating. That, my friends, is even more reason to celebrate.

General Musings My Progress NSVs The Past is the Past

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Feb 1

Cruise Day Four – Mindful Eating and San Juan

by Mary Stella

I slept in and missed the morning Wellness Program but still took a good four-five laps around the promenade deck to make up the steps. I’ve focused on mindful eating (reading that again in my journal reminds me that I still need to do this all of the time, whether at home or out) which means that I stop before I eat, close my eyes and remind myself to eat slowly, chew thoroughly, and stop eating when I’ve had enough. Doing this demonstrated to me that it is indeed possible to be satisfied with one small waffle and two skinny sausage links. Yes the waffle is just a carbohydrate and I had a little bit of syrup on it, but I figured that I would more than compensate with the one hour line dancing lesson. Besides, after my deck walk, I’d skipped the elevator and taken the stairs to the buffet restaurant — up six decks!

I believe it’s obligatory to play Bingo at least once when cruising, so I did. Lost but had fun, which was also pretty much my reaction to my less-than-successful visits to the ship’s casino. After Bingo, I ran over to the line dance lesson. Then I went down several flights of steps to take my cowboy boots back to my room. I then went up four flights again to grab a light salad, again eating mindfully. (At this point, those waffle calories were definitely gone!) We were pulling into port in San Juan, Puerto Rico which is an American territory. So, for the first time since leaving Ft. Lauderdale, I turned on my phone and did a quick check of personal email and Facebook. I did not, however, check my work voice mail.

I’d taken my salad outside to the sundeck since it was such a pretty day. On my way to get more water, I ran into country start Jo Dee Messina. In her concert she’d shared that she and her siblings are caring for their ill mother. She’s very nice and we ended up chatting about being caregivers to our parents. I also ended up giving her and her husband a quick tutorial in QR codes and how she could use them in her Facebook marketing. (Yes, you can take me away from work but you can’t take marketing instincts out of my brain. If her soon-to-be-released album has a QR code on it, you’ll know why. 🙂 )

My excursion for San Juan wasn’t scheduled until 3:50, so I simply sat in the sun for awhile, writing in the journal and reflecting on what I terrific time I was enjoying so far. It’s like I carried around this little bubble of happiness. I was having fun and also feeling incredibly good about myself, my eating, my activity level, and everything else.

I had this big realization while sitting on that deck. Nobody on this cruise knew me as a super obese woman. I’m not sure why, but that wowed me. It was both exciting and cool to think about it, even if I’m not exactly sure why it tickled me so much. Maybe it was the complete absence of lingering shame. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn’t doing any of my leftover projecting. Whatever the case, it was extremely freeing.

When it was time to gather for the excursion, I got in line with everyone else and just started meeting the people I’d be with for the next several hours. We’d signed up to go on a night kayaking trip to the bioluminescent bay. To get there we had to first take a 90 minute bus ride from the ship. This meant we had lots of time to get to know each other. I first met a 30-something year old woman named Emily. Since she was also a solo traveler, we paired up to paddle together in the two-person kayak. This cruise was filled with lots of friendly, interesting people. Emily is a project manager for construction companies and had recently quit her job to return to school. her goal is to work for nonprofit organizations, preferably Habitat for Humanity.

Also on the bus was Dave, a sound engineer for the Gatlin Brothers. The three of us talked a lot.

Kayaking at night was fun and I was thrilled beyond measure to discover that I no longer have the slightest bit of discomfort sitting in a kayak. My legs used to go numb after a while, but not anymore. My body has strengthened even more in the last year than I realized, at least for kayaking. We paddled out through a mangrove channel to get to the bay. Emily and I cracked jokes, sang river and water songs, and I did my impression of narrators for BBC nature shows. The bay itself was cool! Dinoflagellates in the water fire off a photon when disturbed — one sparkle of light per 24 hours. When you stick your hand in the water, or your kayak paddle, the water starts to glow. Not so great for pictures, but pretty to see.

The kayak trip took about 90 minutes and then we had another hour plus back to the ship. We were very late and missed most of the Vince Gill concert. As it was, we ran to the theater in our kayaking clothes. Thankfully, my bathing suit bottoms had mostly dried in the towel I’d wrapped around myself so they didn’t dampen my shorts when I pulled them on. I’m sure I looked like a sticky, salty hot mess, but we just stood in the back of the theater. If anyone gave us funny looks, I didn’t notice.

None of us had eaten any dinner to speak of so we went up to the buffet for the late night offerings. Seriously, if there is food put out, people will eat — even if they don’t normally show down at 11 p.m. when at home. A light snack satisfied me and we spent most of the time chatting some more before calling it a night.

Remember when I said I thought I’d work off the morning waffle? Well, before I went to bed, I looked at my FitBit. For the first time ever, I logged close to 21,000 steps in a single day! 21,000 steps plus 90 minutes of kayaking. Booyah to the nth degree!

Body Matters General Musings NSVs

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Jan 26

Jumped In and Cruised

by Mary Stella

Everyone, I’ve been away from home for a week without internet access. I wrote the last few posts before I left and scheduled them to appear while I was on vacation. In the past I’ve said flat out when I’ve been away, but several friends and other stories convinced me to, perhaps, not be quite so open about the absences. I’m sure you understand.

I think I mentioned several months ago that I booked myself as a solo traveler on a Country Music Cruise. I’d mentioned the thing to some friends but either they didn’t have the desire, the time, or the budget to go. I thought about what it would be like to go by myself without knowing anyone else on the ship. I also kept going to the entertainment company’s site and reading about the incredible lineup of performers scheduled to appear, including some of my long time favorites. I really thought about how I would feel on January 19th if I was sitting at home while the ship sailed and decided to jump in and book. I figured that I’m outgoing and sociable enough that I would easily be able to talk to people and have a great time even without friends and family.

Friends, I cannot find adequate enough adjectives to describe how fantastic a week I just enjoyed! Every single day was packed with activity, adventure and abundant fun! I also enjoyed some extra special experiences, felt significant spiritual reconnection, and got in touch with some new or additional awareness.

During the week, I was on total digital disconnect. I turned off my smart phone when we left Ft. Lauderdale rather than invest in an international calling/data plan. My computer remained at home and I never went to the ship’s Internet café to log online. When we reached Puerto Rico on Wednesday and could access my regular mobile plan, I briefly turned on the phone, did a cursory check of personal email, spent five minutes on Facebook, and sent a couple of text messages to family, but that was it.

Instead, to stay connected to my process and journey, I kept a journal. The notes, comments and insights will help me as I share some of what I experienced in future blog posts. I need to go over everything again, but honest to goodness, I’m exhausted tonight from all of the adventure and fun.

One important thing that I will report is how incredibly well I did managing my food plan, my eating, and my exercise. My goal was to enjoy the delicious food but not overindulge or overeat. I wanted to get through the cruise without gaining weight. Every morning I woke up and walked the promenade deck for between one to two miles. I took the stairs, going up and down, 98% of the time. I went to the hour-long wellness class four of the seven days, took several hour-long line dancing classes, and walked allll over the ship. How did this activity measure up? Well, on Wednesday I racked up close to 21,000 steps. I also did a 90 minute kayaking excursion.

So you know that I couldn’t resist getting on the scale when I got home. Not only did I not gain weight, I lost a few pounds. In a word, Booyah! It was a true reaffirmation that I can actually be in the presence of massive amounts of delicious food items and not dive into diseased eating disorder mode. That is a huge NSV and source of encouragement to realize. I’m determined to bridge this back into my home life. Granted, I won’t walk around all day long like I seemed to do on the ship. After all, I do need to sit at my desk and work. However, I can continue to focus on my mindful eating, my healthy food choices, and impetus to be active whenever the opportunity presents.

I didn’t take that many pictures, but will share what I can. I’m going to work on downloading them tonight before I crash into bed so that they can accompany the week’s posts.

In the meantime, I hope that you all had a great, strong week. I missed you. I also knew that you’d all be happy for me. Trust me, I carried you and your support with me on my fantastic cruise adventure.

By the way, yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of my weight loss surgery. The journey has been amazing thus far. I can’t wait to experience whatever lies ahead. Thank you for being part of the trip.

Body Matters General Musings My Progress NSVs

4 Comments »
Jan 14

Feeling Pretty Good

by Mary Stella

I managed to keep my inefficient worrying under control the last couple of days. I prepared as much as I could and let go of the rest. The meeting I anticipated might contain some uncomfortable conflict went smoothly. I facilitated well and received feedback that supported my self-assessment. It’s behind me now and so is any of the slight stress that I had retained.

Best of all, I did not lose sleep and I didn’t dive into food to manage the worry. That rates a double booyah as far as I’m concerned. I feel good, strong and positive. I actually said a strong, firm “no” to a sweet, sugary treat a couple of hours ago and reminded myself that I could enjoy a frozen fruit treat at home instead.

Did I tell you all about one of my Christmas gifts? One of my nephews gave me a Yonana machine. It takes frozen fruit and blends it into the consistency of frozen yogurt or frozen custard. No added sugar, other than what occurs naturally in the fruit. No fat, no junk, no nothing. After my evening commitment, I came home and thoroughly enjoyed the fruit snack with a small scattering of chopped walnuts on top. Yum.

Find that I still need to educate myself on portions. Even though it’s been almost two years since my surgery, I’m still retraining my brain. The instinct is often to prepare the same size portion as before. That would be fine if I could always trust myself to eat only a half or less of what I prepare. Even if I can only physically eat the smaller amount, if I have the rest in front of me, I’m sometimes tempted to keep going. Forcing the issue is not a good thing for many reasons. For one, eat too much and I not only feel wicked uncomfortable, but I’ll also need to throw up. Forcing larger portions too often over time could eventually stretch out the stomach pouch. If I increase my stomach capacity, I will lose the terrific tool that the smaller sleeve provides. Don’t want to go there, not one bit! Forcing the issue also doesn’t help me learn anything useful to encourage long term success.

Stopping before I serve myself helps me think it through, rather than just plopping too big a portion on my plate. “Stop before I serve” makes for a good mantra, I think. Like tonight. I had a change of plans today when a dinner date was rescheduled for Thursday. I thought about what starches I’d eaten during the day and realized that I had two plain saltine crackers with my soup at lunch. That was all. I didn’t have a lot of food in the house but thought that I could make a simple grilled cheese sandwich. I’ve learned to keep bread in the freezer so that I am not tempted to eat it frequently just because I think I’m hungry and it’s available. It takes more effort to pull a slice from the freezer, defrost it and then do something with it before eating.

While I was opening the bag to take out two slices, which would be the automatic portion in the past, I stopped and thought, “No. You don’t need that big a sandwich. Half is plenty.” That’s what I did. One slice of bread, split into two smaller pieces with some good quality cheddar, toasted in a non-stick pan coated with cooking spray.

It was delicious and satisfying. I reduced the fat, carbs and overall calories by stopping and thinking. It’s important to transfer this kind of behavior to as many food and eating situations as possible. Even when I go out to dinner, it’s good to separate the portions on my plate so that I don’t keep picking at the food in front of me and end up eating more than I want or need. I haven’t quite gotten to the point of getting a To-Go box right at the meal’s outset, although I’m sure if I try that a few times I won’t feel conspicuous — or at least won’t care if I am. In the interim, it’s easy enough to physically push some, often most, of the food to the side of the plate and focus solely on the appropriate size portion that remains. If I’m at a buffet, I need to remember that I can still sample a wide variety of dishes as long as I limit myself to dabs and not load up the spoon or stab a huge forkful.

In other things, I’ve noticed that if I do indulge in carbs a little, my body reacts. I might have mentioned this before but, honestly, after 500 plus posts I don’t always remember everything I’ve ever discussed. Back over Christmas week, I know that I ate more carbs on more days than I do in probably a month. My body reacted my putting on some water weight and bloated pounds. I almost want to call them fauxpounds. I know the math of calories. In order for me to gain five real pounds, I’d have to eat 18,000 more calories than I burn. Over a week, that would be more than 2500 calories more a day! Folks, I’d have to drink multiple milkshakes to consume that many more calories. Plus, I was also walking every day and keeping up with my 10K plus steps for calorie burn.

Even fauxpounds can be a little stubborn about giving up their grip on my body. It got to the point where getting on the scale in the morning started messing with my head. Even though I knew it was water weight, the number can upset me. I decided not to weight myself for a few days while I carefully stayed on track. This worked. I finally vanquished the fauxpounds. My body’s back to an authentic weight. I’m starting to see some additional definition (underneath the sagging skin that will only disappear with surgery) from the strength training routine with hand weights.

All in all, I feel pretty good!

Body Matters General Musings My Progress NSVs

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Jan 3

Clothing Convenience

by Mary Stella

I’m going on a cruise in a few weeks. I’ve been looking forward to it for months, but I’ve been so darned busy that I haven’t gotten down to the important preparation. This means that I have no idea what I’m packing for the trip, other than my bathing suit and snorkel gear.

That will make for a very casual outfit on formal night with a very strange accessory.

I’ve purged so many clothes from my closet because they were much too big to wear, but I’ve been careful not to buy too many new clothes while I’m still losing. Sitting here writing this, I honestly don’t know if I have enough appropriate outfits to cover all the events. Oh wait. In addition to the bathing suit and snorkel, I do have that great dress I bought for the wedding. That covers me for the “formal” dressy night. Whew. One night down, six others to cover.

So, here’s the really great realization that I had while musing over all of this. In the past, when I needed clothes, I had to plan several weeks in advance so that I could order from catalogues or online. Ten years ago, when I needed a dress for my nephew’s Bar Mitzvah, I actually drove more than four hours away to get to the closest location of my favorite plus-size women’s clothing store. Come to think of it, I made the drive the morning after a sleep dentistry session for a tooth extraction.

If this was two or three years ago and I was unprepared wardrobe-wise just a short few weeks before a major trip, I’d be a stressed out mess, frantically browsing websites and paying extra for rush shipping. Tonight I’m just thinking that I can hit that local clothing store on Sunday and pick up a few things. I’m that confident that I can find enough choices locally in my current size to satisfy what I need. How abso-freaking-lutely cool!

I also know that if push comes to shove, and I still need a couple of things after shopping local stores, I can go up to the mainland a day early and hit one of the area malls I love knowing this is the new reality. Being thinner is not only healthier, it makes so many aspects of live simply more convenient!

***********
Just wanted to let everyone know that Nat is greatly improved. He enjoyed going to the office with me today and was perfectly behaved. I suspect he dearly loved all of the attention, petting, and sympathy he got from the many co-workers who stopped by my office to ask him how he was feeling. Oh, let’s be honest. He looked up at them with his soulful, slightly droopy, spaniel-eyes and milked it for all it was worth.

Body Matters General Musings My Progress NSVs

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Jan 2

Rolling with What Comes Along

by Mary Stella

Well, not exactly. So yesterday was my lazy day to recover from all of the excitement, walking and hours of standing that made up for my unique New Year’s Eve experience. After writing the post, I had a lovely soak in the tub, scented by the great lavender bath salt bomb. The only problem was that the product was so natural, it included dozens of lavender seeds. These made the cleanup a little bit of a challenge, but it was worth it.

I settled in for a good, relaxed night’s sleep. Around 2:30 a.m. I was awakened by the gawdawful stench of doggy diarrhea. My poor Nat didn’t even have time to whimper and wake me up, that’s how bad it was for him. Between waiting for his system to settle a little and cleaning up, it was a good hour before I got back to sleep. 4:30 a.m. – round two – but this time, he was able to warn me and I got him outside in time. 6:30 a.m., yes again. That time I just stayed up.

There are many reasons that I love my job. One of them is the fact that, since we are an animal facility as an organization, everybody understands and cherishes the importance of our animal family members. Whether the finned and flippered ones at work, or the furry ones in our homes, they matter. If one needs to go to the vet’s office, we can take the time as paid sick time, just like we would if it was a human child. I also have remote access so I can log onto my computer at home and connect to our work servers and a mirror of my desktop. This, coupled with my bosses’ understanding, made it possible for me to stay home, monitor Nat’s condition, and wait for his vet appointment. I could do this and still accomplish a great deal of work. It was a great thing, too, because Nat had to rush outside at least three more times before the afternoon vet visit.

He has a bacterial infection and is now on antibiotics and anti-diarrhea meds. They are already helping. Tomorrow, he’s coming into work with me so that I can continue to monitor him and get him outside if he has a sudden, pressing urge. Again, that’s how we operate with regards to our furry family members. It’s a blessing.

Dealing with a sick dog didn’t get my new year off to a bright, shining start, but it is what it is. I made the best of it by being productive on work projects. I was also able to accomplish my exercise. Nat was still enthused about going out for a couple of walks, as was his sister Pyxi. (Thank goodness his illness is bacterial and not contagious. It’s tough enough to deal with one sick pup. I don’t need two!) At the end of the day, enough time had passed since the last bout, that I felt comfortable leaving him for a short amount of time and I got out for a short, five mile bike ride. After dinner I did my weight training routine and some extra in-home walking to make my 10,000 steps commitment.

Through it all, I remained in a good place with my food and am serene in my emotions. Sure, the unplanned illness created challenges, often messy and smelly ones, but that doesn’t mean that I have to get so upset that I eat over them. I was concerned for my sweet boy, but concern doesn’t need to lead to a binge or eating inappropriately. when stuff happens, it’s important to roll with it, get it handled, and go on with life as desired.

Tonight as I prepare for bed, I’m pleased to know that I did all that.

General Musings NSVs The Past is the Past

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