Weighty Matters

I had my every-three-months follow up appointment with my weight loss surgeon. This is the worst period of weight loss I’ve experienced since my surgery almost two years ago. I had ups and downs and the last couple of weeks were better, beginning with the post-Thanksgiving detox. However, overall, the total number of pounds was somewhere between few and pitiful.

Frankly, I’m puzzled. I believe that I’m doing good with my food plan. For sure I’ve stepped up my exercise. Simple math of calories in and calories burned should have added up to more significant weight loss, but my body apparently didn’t get that memo.

I went down the list of info with my doctor, explaining what I eat each day and how much physical activity I do. I don’t know what I was expecting in terms of advice, but I know I wasn’t anticipating that his suggestion would be that I cut out more calories. Seriously? I eat between 800 and 1000 calories a day and between my regular basal metabolism rate I burn more than 2000 calories daily. Honestly, I cannot fathom how in hell I’m going to eat less, take in fewer calories. The doctor acknowledged that I’m taking in quality with high protein and low carb. However, he feels that perhaps my body’s metabolism is lower/slower than normal. He went into a lengthier explanation about how cells of the body, etc. but I had a little trouble following the explanation and difficulty focusing on what he said. I do know that in his mind, reducing volume — cutting by a quarter in his words — is the strategy I should try.

Friends, color me shocked and shade that with some accents of dismayed and confused. Emotionally, I’m in full revolt tonight. I’m pissed off, even though I’m not sure at what or at who my anger is directed. It’s unfair of me, I guess, to be ticked off at my surgeon. I guess I wanted some magic solution that would wipe out the slow progress and put me back on the path of rapid loss. It isn’t his fault that I had unrealistic expectations. He told me what he medically believes. It just didn’t jive with what I wanted to hear.

Pointless as this is, I think I’m angry at my body, my stubborn, holding-onto-fat, cells and my underperforming, uncooperative metabolism. I resisted whining in the doctor’s office but, believe me, I’m whining to myself here at home and mentally stamping my feet in tantrum mode. I don’t want my metabolism to be slow. I want it to rev up and melt the freaking remaining pounds off of me asap.

I can’t let this derail me. I have to reconnect with my own focus and remember the promise to “go to any lengths to get it”. If that means cutting back on the already small portions I eat and compensating with even more water if I’m still hungry, then that’s what I’ll do. Or at least I’ll try my very best to do so and remember to have convenient small snacks available if all of the exercise triggers the need to eat. All that I can do is my best effort and hope that it’s enough to keep me going. I hold onto the thought that even though I didn’t lose the amount of pounds I hoped, at least I lost and didn’t gain. I know I’ve reduced my body size and my percentage of body fat. I am still moving in the right direction, even if I’m moving slowly.

To share a quick funny, in our appointment the doctor cautioned me about the approaching holidays. “It will be tough, he reminded me. “Lots of food around all of the time.”

“Dr., food is all around me all of the time every day,” I replied. “It has to be my choice to not eat it.”

On a brighter note, I ran into Kohl’s while I was “off the rock”. I needed new black pants that go all of the way to the tops of my feet versus stopping at capri or cropped pant length. Before I could get to the Women’s Department with its more familiar clothing sizes, geared toward heavier women, I had to walk right by the Misses Department. I get really confused about all of the different departments in a particular store, but I decided to brave the Misses section and see if I could figure it out. Yes, I know, it sounds on the surface like I’m pitiful. Imagine a grown woman of almost 56 getting confused and intimidated by store clothing departments. Still, if you don’t know and have never shopped them, you really need time or help to navigate and find the clothing you want.

The good news is that I went into the Misses section and found the Simply Vera Wang line. “Oh what the hell,” I thought. I grabbed a gray sweater that I thought was pretty and went to a dressing room to try it on. I’m at a weird place with clothing sizes. In some I’m still an XL, as opposed to a 1X, 2X, 3X or 4X. In other styles or cuts, I’m a L with tops. I can wear a 16 W pant, but still need a straight 18. Anyway, I found a couple cute sweaters from Vera Wang in XL. They look terrific with the new pants I purchased. I’m almost as pleased about my navigation of the store as I am about the clothes themselves. It’s a great advancement for me to take this on, silly as that sounds. I’m so glad I was successful.