Warning. I’m blue and down on myself. Understandable, considering Friday. This is compounded by not having been pristine on my food plan. Yes, I’m still cutting myself some slack, but falling off the wagon affects me emotionally as well as physically.
At some point over the weekend, I was mulling over things and suddenly thought, “You know, the last five months have had a lot of suck in them.” In early May I had the car accident. Soon after that, the plantar fasciitis got really severe and I started getting treated. Then I get that handled and my dogs get sick. (Natty had a battle with a persistent ear infection while Pyxi had the bladder infection.) In the middle of all this, we discover that one of my boat engines is blown and can’t be repaired so I have to start the process of arranging finances to buy a new one. Pyxi gets worse, can’t recover, and we have to say goodbye.
Through it all I was also in a pretty significant relapse into my eating disorder and food addiction. Add it all up, and yes, it weighs more heavily on the suckitude side.
I don’t like to wallow. When I wallow, I get more mired into food and inappropriate eating. I start to not want to get my ass off of my couch and move. My whole attitude drags down and that affects my spirit.
So, I’m working on lifting myself up. It’s okay for me to still be sad about Pyxi. Grief has its own timetable, but I have to keep moving. Not only do I need it, but so does Natty. I think he put on the weight that his sister lost. He is definitely more pudgy than he should be. Yes, I’ve embraced the rowing classes and I am not going to let myself make excuses to not go. I’ve booked my three classes for the week already. My food wasn’t great this weekend, but I can climb back up onto the wagon and eat right again. Back to the basics — pre-planning my meals, logging my food, working program, reaching out to the support groups.
I’m also getting in touch with my gratitude. No matter how bleak or upset or towered I feel, there are always reasons to be grateful. I think I mentioned a long time ago that when my mother was dying, before I went to bed each night I would think of five things for which to be grateful. Sometimes I really had to dig and search but I’d find five things. I can’t explain why doing this helped me, but it did. It got me through.
So, for today, here are five things for which I am grateful:
- Nat. He is a warm, fluffy, hug-me-Mommy, cuddle-pup and this comforts me. We have each other.
- The overwhelming love and support shown to me by friends, family, co-workers, blog readers, just everyone.
- The willingness, opportunity, and physical ability to work out or take walks.
- The Philadelphia Eagles won today!
- The knowledge that no matter how badly I think I screwed up with my eating this weekend, returning to recovery is as close and simple as the next choice. I can get back up on that wagon and I will.
Weighty Matters 
I hope that things are getting better for you each day. I’ve had a few days of suckitude recently, but the downside of things is far outweighed by the good in my life. I’m trying to adopt my husband’s attitude that yesterday is gone and any day he wakes up, he is thankful to God and will take it from there. What I would like is a protective umbrella that would shed the $*%* that sometimes rains down. 🙂
I’m trying to work on making good choices in my life and not beating myself up for not so good choices. As the auto insurance commercial says, nobody’s perfect.
Hoping you and Nat continue to comfort each other and keep the joy in your lives.
Embracing gratitude, even when there’s been a fair amount of suckitude has helped me in the past. Sometimes I might have to stretch to find the things to be thankful for, but naming them creates a good energy. Good luck and big hugs.