It’s Day 8 of the Lean-Green-Clean effort. So far so good, mostly. I’m still refraining from chocolate, refined sugar, junk carbs like white bread or potatoes, cakes, cookies, etc. I’m eating more vegetables, fruits, and lean proteins. My body feels great. I lost seven pounds in the first week. My head and heart are serene and happy. My spirit is encouraged by my ability to stay on the program.
I won’t pretend it’s been easy all of the time. Some nights I need to guard against the compulsive behavior, even if the extra food I’m tempted to reach for is something healthy from my plan. The behavior is as much of a risk to me as the actual food items.
Cravings pop up from time to time. It’s always important for me to analyze whether the craving is real — a physical desire for a type of food (salty, sweet, crunchy, whatever), for a specific food, or if it’s a mental/emotional craving.
I’d put together a lean, healthier version of a meat loaf to bake for dinner tonight. Lean ground meat augmented with chopped peppers and onions and spinach. Driving home from a doctor’s appointment, I thought about that protein and started thinking about how I’d always served it with mashed potatoes and gravy. All of a sudden, the broccoli I’d planned to steam as a side dish had zero appeal and I started craving creamy mashed potatoes, darn it.
It wasn’t a physical “want” but a mental and somewhat emotional or associative desire. Potatoes stayed in my mind while I ran some errands and then inspiration struck. I could buy some cauliflower and mash that instead which would keep me on the low-carb/more veggie path but, hopefully, satisfy the craving. I made the conscious choice to allow myself this substitution from the broccoli and drove to the supermarket to get the cauliflower.
Once I was in the store, I started thinking about chocolate. Rich, dark, chocolate. Not a lot, just a single piece. It won’t hurt, my eating disorder said to me. You’ve been so good and on point, it cajoled. Go ahead. Really. It’s okay.
In the short line at the checkout, I went so far as picking up a bar and then putting it back. “I never liked chocolate with cherries in it,” I said to myself. Right before the employee started scanning my other purchases, I picked up another bar – one which I darn well knew I loved. You can bring this home and trust yourself to only eat a square of it, my disease assured me.
My disease lies. Oddly enough, it was that lie that snapped me out of the compulsion. I put back the chocolate bar and finished my purchase, then immediately left the store.
Sometimes recovery isn’t achieved day by day, it’s minute by minute. Definitely choice by choice. Today, I prevailed. By the way, the healthy meatloaf and mashed cauliflower were delicious.
In other news, I restarted treatment for my bad knee. The orthopedic doctor injected me with Euflexxa, a hyaluronic acid product, to hopefully restore some cushion in my knee joint. Getting the shot honestly isn’t that big a deal. He numbs my knee with an icy spray first so I don’t even feel the “pinch” of the needle going into my leg. (The two inch long, somewhat thick needle, I might add, with a nod to my toughness. :-).) It’s a little sore tonight but I’ve complied with the instructions to rest and ice it for 20 minutes at a time for five or six times. I’m on restricted activity for 48 hours which, unfortunately, means I can’t do Tai Chi for a couple of days, but I’ll be back on it by Friday.
It’s all worth it if the full course of treatment improves my overall knee condition, reduces the pain, and helps me maintain a strong level of activity.
Weighty Matters 
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