Holy cow. I weighed myself one final time this morning because, for all of my brave talk yesterday, I wanted, needed to know my number before I embarked on giving up the scale and not focusing on the number. Oh sure, if I’d been really strong I wouldn’t have gotten on the scale this morning, but I caved. I’m glad that I did because I received the reassurance that I did not gain weight on my cruise. So, Booyah for me on that point.
After I saw the number, I got off of the scale and nudged it under the dresser. There it will remain. I am determined that I am not going to weigh every day, or even once a week. I think I should go for 30 days of abstinent living and not weigh myself for a month.
Can I tell you that the thought of going that long tenses me up? I haven’t even gone a regular 24 hours without weighing myself and I’m already feeling some separation anxiety.
This is ridiculous. Clearly I am even more obsessed with my weight number than I realized — and I thought I’d realized that I am pretty damn obsessed. Friends, let me tell you. Feeling this stress and tension drives home the point that I really need to take this action and break my scale number addiction. In appropriate doses, the scale number can be a healthy measure of progress. What I’m doing, this fixation, is not healthy. So, changing the behavior is, I think, a step in the right direction. I am even more determined to focus my attention and effort on eating in an abstinent manner — making it my daily goal to be abstinent for the day, each day, one day at a time.
Abstaining from compulsive overeating is the essence of my recovery. Losing excess weight is the happy extra benefit. (Hah — can I be my own friend with bennies? Bad joke. Sorry.)
Okay. Here we go. I’m going to make a commitment. I honestly don’t know if I can hold out for a whole month, so I’m going to shoot for a shorter commitment but still one that’s a significant amount of time to count. I will not weigh myself again until Monday, February 16th. Two weeks. I can do this. Instead of obsessing over my weight number, I will concentrate on my abstinence and recovery. Every day. One day at a time.
By the way, I had a great abstinent day today. I don’t want to let my scale issues cloud the acknowledgment that today was a good food day.
Tomorrow, I wake up and do it again.
Weighty Matters 
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