Weighty Matters

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The Birthday Cake Whine

on January 7, 2015

It’s my birthday today.  I have felt the love of family and friends – those of blood, those of choice, long time, newish, work family – they have all surrounded me with good wishes in person, on Facebook, via text message or phone calls.  Truly lovely and amazing to have so many wonderful people care to wish me happiness on this day.

I am honestly humbled and grateful and feel so blessed.

Why then did I title this post the Birthday Cake Whine?  Well, because I guess I’m not a perfect human being and am capable of having a few cranky feelings amid the joy.  I thought about not writing this post, but then ignoring my feelings because I’m castigating myself for being bitchy felt inauthentic and not in keeping with the spirit and intent of this blog.   So here goes.

Nobody got me a birthday cake at the office.  We usually do this and then people from other departments come over to sing and share.  For whatever reason, this didn’t happen today.  It didn’t happen the last couple of years.  I think sometimes someone just doesn’t think of it, however, other times I know that it’s been discussed and decided that I probably didn’t want a cake because I was either trying to lose weight or was eating healthier or maybe shouldn’t eat cake or some other reason unbeknownst to me.

So now I feel bad if people didn’t get cake because they thought they were doing what I’d want.

Here’s the thing.  This taps into my little girl feelings of wanting to be normal — just like everybody else — but feeling different because of my weight struggles and eating disorder.  I feel like somebody else is making the decision about what I should or shouldn’t eat.  I don’t actually know if that’s what went on, but I hate even thinking that it might have.

Look, to be as objective and honest as possible, a lot of people weren’t there today.  The ones that were in the office were incredibly busy — myself included.  I’m happy that even some of them were able to join us for lunch and they got me an adorable, fun card, too.  So, I need to step off the self-pity bus and not be so whiny over a dessert.

Besides, it’s not like I didn’t have cake.  I stopped at the cupcake bakery on the way home, got my variety variety — a salted chocolate cupcake — and ate it for dinner.  Remember when I talked about being abstinent in the behavior of not eating compulsively?  This wasn’t a compulsive purchase and consumption.  In anticipation that the office might once again skip the birthday cake ceremony with me, I decided this morning that a cupcake at dinner would be included and planned for in the day’s food choices.  So, I did not eat that cupcake compulsively.  Booyah for me!

I’ll be over this feeling sorry for myself in a little bit.  In fact, I’m going to go back and reread all of the wonderful, loving, enthusiastic birthday wishes and once more be truly appreciative and grateful.

Maybe someone else controlled whether I had a birthday cake at the office, but I control whether to connect my feelings to the dessert.

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6 responses to “The Birthday Cake Whine

  1. Mary Stella says:

    Thank you, everyone, for your kindness and suggestions after my whine. I don’t blame my co-workers. They celebrated my birthday with me with lunch and the cake thing is, in the grand scheme of things, a little issue. Next year I’m going to order some of the cupcakes that I love and bring them in to share with everyone.

  2. Cathy M says:

    A belated Happy Birthday to you. I can understand the birthday cake dilemma – you don’t necessarily want to eat tons of cake, you just want to be remembered. And your coworkers don’t want to sabotage your healthy eating so they probably didn’t know exactly how to handle it. Maybe you can do what I do with my husband. I tell him exactly what kind of cake I want for my birthday. That makes it really simple. Maybe you can drop not so subtle hints next year as to how you would like to celebrate your birthday.

    Your birthday cupcake sounds delicious.

  3. Lynn Viehl says:

    A belated happy birthday, Mary.

    Birthdays have always been really depressing for me because I can’t have sugar. After years of not being able to eat my own birthday cake (I’d make it and give it to the family) or trying to make do with the sugar-free variety (I hate sugar-free cake with a passion) I asked the doc if I could have instead a hot fudge sundae made with frozen yogurt and sugar-free topping, which I am allowed to have every once in a while. He gave me his blessing for once or twice a year, so now that’s what I have — and since it tastes almost the same as the real thing I’m very happy.

    I’ve never liked birthday parties, either, so when I turned 50 I decided to take back my birthday and do what I wanted. So for the last four years I’ve spent mine either at a theme park or on a road trip with my family, do exactly what I want for 24 hours. Helps that my birthday is in the middle of the summer. 🙂

  4. Susanne says:

    Belated happy birthday!

    At one place I used to work, we’d bring in our favourite cake for our birthday, and that way we’d get what we wanted. Luckily we don’t do the birthday thing where I work now. We used to, and the birthday kid would end up with half a cake covered in lard icing to take home. Oh, listen to me. Who is bitchy now? lol.

    Sometimes it’s tough to be reasonable when we want to have a wee birthday tantrum. Is there someone at work that you can drop a hint? It’s hurtful to be excluded.

  5. Braless Betty says:

    Happy Birthday Mary Stella!

  6. Anonymous says:

    Happy birthday! I was wondering what one did about holiday eating. I saw EASTER candy in the store today, which is always a tough time food-wise for me ’cause I love chocolate maple eggs. But as I’ve only reached the soft food stage today, it’ll be a long time before I’m ready for chocolate!

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