Weighty Matters

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Still Working on that Funk

on August 5, 2014

I have not been overwhelmingly successful in taking back my joy yet. I have good segments of time when I’m able to shake off the “I can’t lose weight no matter what I do” funk, but not enough segments, or long enough chunks of time, to sustain me. I miss the feeling that I enjoyed where every day I jumped out of bed excited about my progress, leaping into my physical activity and relishing the new ease and strength of my body. My spirit and my physical self still feel heavy, weighted down.

That said, perhaps I’m making some progress. I’ve determined that I do better in the daytime than I do at night. When I’m home after dinner I am often beset by the urge to eat even after my meal. Not only do I want to eat more, but I seem to want to eat inappropriate foods. It’s like any of the negative feelings coalesce in the evening until I’m sad and frustrated. Then, when I end up eating more than I should or eating something that I shouldn’t, I get even more blue.

Sounds pitiful, doesn’t it? Actually, realizing the timing gives me some hope. I’m by nature a fixer. Admittedly, I’m often better at fixing someone else’s situation, or a work situation, than I am at fixing myself, but identifying a specific time of day gives me something more concrete on which to focus. I can develop a strategy so that I don’t eat compulsively after dinner but stick to my plan.

This might sound silly, but I even set a reminder in my phone calendar for 8 p.m. tonight that says No More Eating. Since when I compulsively eat, I do it without much thought, or without being able to interrupt the action before I’ve done the damage, I thought a reminder might help me be more mindful. We’ll see.

It’s a process. As long as I keep working on it, I’m not giving up.

One response to “Still Working on that Funk

  1. Pink pelican says:

    It takes a lot of time and effort to instill those mental changes, and that’s when you don’t have the eating disorder issues on top of things.

    When I was on Atkins a few years before the surgery, I lost about a hundred pounds and then hit a Plateau of Doom. I journaled every bite of food. I adhered to an 1800 cal/day diet with a beautiful balance of proteins, veggies, low glycemic fruits, and small amounts of whole grains. No sweets. No sodas. No HFCS. I walked 2 miles a day five days a week at work. I went to the gym at least 3 evenings a week doing a mix of cardio and strength training.

    4 months, nothing changed. Not weight. Not measurements. Nothing. I couldn’t find any useful info for breaking that plateau. I wasn’t cheating and 275 was not my “normal set weight”.. It drove me crazy. I was so frustrated, so angry at how hard my body was fighting me when I was being so damn GOOD.

    I started working on my head. Working on building a mindset that even if I never lost another pound or inch, I was lighter than I had been in years, I was in great shape, I looked SO much better, and it would be good.

    I worked hard on that mindset for those 4 months, but then my mother in law died and the emotional and logistical upsets of that just blew me out of the water. The mindset change hadn’t had enough time to set in and old habits came roaring back.

    I don’t tell you this to discourage you, but to let you know you aren’t alone. It’s hard fighting your body. It’s hard when nothing works. It’s hard when nobody seems able to give you helpful ideas. It’s hard fighting your mind on top of everything else.

    Keep working on your mindset. Perservere. It’s worth it in the long run, which isn’t much comfort right now. But you’ve achieved such amazing things so far. I know how hard it is right now, but I also know you will come through this. You aren’t alone.


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