Weighty Matters

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When Food Isn’t an Issue

on May 9, 2013

For many millions of people, food is never an issue.  They enjoy it, eat when they’re hungry, stop when they’ve had enough and that’s that.

Then there are those of us for whom food and eating are always issues or challenges because they are not just food and eating.  They’re symptoms or drugs or whatever of other diseases, addictions and what have you.  Even after weight loss surgery, there are still many, many times when I obsess over food, crave things not on my food plan, and/or have to battle the compulsion to eat anything any time anywhere for various reasons having to do with an eating disorder.   I honestly can get crazy over it which totally sucks.  It’s a hell of a way to live, fighting the food demon or, as some people used to say in OA, facing the beast in the cage many times throughout the day.

So, on those days when food and eating are not issues, I really take some time to acknowledge and appreciate the freedom from compulsion.   I’ve had four days like this in a row since returning from Kansas City. This is semi-miraculous, considering that I arrived home to a jammed schedule and plenty of stress-inducing situations.  In other words, I’ve been compulsion-free even though I’ve been smack dab in the middle of things that used to trigger my compulsion and make me crazy in need of food to calm down, destress, and “cope”.

Can I tell you how much I love it when I can face food questions with a metaphorical shrug and “whatever” attitude?  I’ve been able to make my food choices, do my planning and consume my meals without emotional hassles bugging, upsetting, or stressing me out.  This, my friends, is what “normal” people must experience on a daily basis.  It’s a much easier way to live, let me tell you.

The fact that I notice when I’m not compulsion-ridden sort of shows how often the eating disorder impacts my thinking, even when I’m abstaining from the practice of compulsive over eating.  I think it’s good to notice, acknowledge, and ruminate over it too.  The goal for me is to have more days like the last four, than ones where I am fighting the disorder.  Success breeds success.  Each good day strengthens the foundation.

There were so many years (decades) when I was always in a heightened state, usually unhappy and stressed out, about food and eating.  Days like today, I enjoy realizing that I don’t always need to be wrapped up in the old ways.  I always need to be vigilant, of course, but food doesn’t always have to be an issue.

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2 responses to “When Food Isn’t an Issue

  1. lora96litdiva says:

    Super! That must be so great and it’s evidence of all your hard work.
    Personally I can’t imagine what life is like for people when food has never been an issue…I resentfully grump “well good for bloody them!” when I think of the effortlessly slim, the un-neurotic masses whose relation to food is not destructive. People who crave ice and celery instead of sugar.
    I aspire to the level of strength and wellness you have achieved.

  2. Skye says:

    Wonderful for you! It’s good that you describe how your food addiction affects you. I was talking with one of my very good friends who is a recovered (recovering?) alcoholic about how she can’t take many meds because she is an addict and these drugs would trigger her addiction. I had not known that to be an alcoholic is to be basically a global addict. I had not understood about addiction truly until she told me about feelings she has that she won’t act on, things she cannot have or do, etc. Learning about your food addiction is educating me in the same way. It’s good to know about this.

    I’m very happy for you having four very stressful days that did not trigger your obsessive thinking!

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