Weighty Matters

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Dating Game

on September 13, 2012

I was at the salon earlier this evening getting a manicure and pedicure.  My hairstylist and my nail tech are also friends.  While one worked on my feet, and I enjoyed the massage of the pedi chair, my hairstylist friend was waiting for her next client.  She’s signed up for an online dating service and was asking us for input on what age range she should put in, how much difference there is between “regularly” and “socially” in terms of drinking alcohol, etc.   I’m 20 years older than she is so my idea of an acceptable age range for me is different than for her, but she asked me anyway.

My standard response is that I don’t date any guy I’m old enough to have given birth to.  I honestly don’t know what I consider “too old”.  When I was 39, I dated someone who was 53.   A guy in that age difference range to me now would be on Medicare.  Not that there’s anything wrong.  I know some vibrant, sexy people who are in their mid-to-upper 60s.  It just seems strange to me sometimes to remember that I’m going to be 55 on my next birthday.

Back to the whole dating thing.  I haven’t dated in years.   Yes, I firmly believe that men who truly are attracted to obese women are in short supply.  This does not mean they don’t exist.  There are blog readers and commenters here who could testify to the fact that they do and they’re wonderful guys.

Unfortunately, they’ve been in short supply in my life, even moreso over the last several years.  By and large, I’m okay with this absence of a love relationship.  It is what it is and I refuse to be someone who is miserable, dissatisfied, and unappreciative of the wonderfulness of life because I don’t have a guy.

In the course of the conversation this evening, it dawned that as I lose more weight and shape up more with my fitness regime, I might actually meet someone who is interested in dating me.   If I do, someone else might have to point it out because I’m pretty much oblivious to the cues.  Be that as it may, I’m not sure how I’ll react if someone flirts or asks me out.  I’m not adverse to the idea of dating or even having a relationship.  At least, I don’t think that I am.  It’s been so long since I considered the possibility, that I honestly don’t know what I want.

I’m sure not up for the idea of joining a dating site.

After pondering this tonight, I’ve decided that I honestly don’t have to stress over a hypothetical situation.   Perhaps all I need to do right now is agree to be open to considering the idea if it happens.

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5 responses to “Dating Game

  1. Hope says:

    I think the age rule is half your age plus seven. That’s your lower limit. So, you could date a 36-year-old.

  2. I have never seen the cues either. It’s a good thing my DH was tenacious and obvious or I’m sure I would be still floating along. We are still married but I think I wouldn’t mind being single in some ways. (I say this after an exhausting week of “single motherhood” because DH is out of town).

  3. robenagrant says:

    I’ve been alone for so long, and haven’t dated in years, that I totally miss the cues. Or I get them screwed up. I can remember having two crushes in the past fifteen years, and neither one was remotely interested in me. Ha ha. Other than to be a work related friend.

    When we go out, gal pals will say things like, he was so into you, or he was flirting, etc. I just don’t see it, or feel it, and think I must have blinders on. Not that I’d ever pick up with a total stranger. I love being alone and enjoying my own schedule and company, making my own decisions, and spending my own money. I’m not very trusting about men.

    You sound more open than me to dating again, and I think that’s important. See what happens. Respond to what seems right. The big thing is to embrace the possibility.

  4. Skye says:

    Unlike Lani, I’ve never loved being single. However, it’s better than being with the wrong guy. You are so right that there is much to enjoy about being single (and I should be better at that) and it’s great that you do. That way you aren’t dependent upon whether or not you have someone, whether or not this or that someone likes you; you can be yourself all the time. That’s what’s the most important thing, I think.

  5. Lani says:

    Mary, any man would be lucky to have you. But you’re right; appreciate what you’ve got. I got married again four months after the ink was dry on my divorce, but I honestly wouldn’t have ever gotten married again if it wasn’t him. I have always liked being single, and never much liked being attached until now, and it’s because of the man, not the institution.

    I can tell you this; if he’s the right guy, you’ll know, and if he’s not, it all depends on how much fun dating is for you. Some people love it; me, not so much. So know thyself (as it seems you do) and if your guy is out there, he’ll find you. If not, have fun and enjoy being single. You have such a great life, such tremendous freedom, and it’s to be cherished. There are great things to being single and great things to being with someone, but in my opinion, being with someone is only worth it if it’s the right someone. Do your thing, and he’ll find you, if he’s out there.

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