Different friends have given me much to think about this week. Skye discussed how we tell the stories of our lives and how we view ourselves in those stories. Tracey got me pondering about all the times I’ve lost weight in the past only to eventually backslide and put it all — and more — back on. I’m not sure if I set that pattern simply because I have a disease called compulsive overeating or whether I self-sabotage or have some other unclear reason.
I’m going to need to deeply ponder these things for a while. I don’t have answers yet. Why then, you might ask, did I title this post Clear Thinking? That I can answer. When I’m deep in the disease of compulsive overeating and binging like crazy, it’s a struggle to think clearly about anything. The food and the behavior muddle my mind. They create so many negative feelings and thoughts, that navigating my way through the mental sludge to reach any clarity is nearly impossible.
Now that my head and heart aren’t confuzzled by overeating, I’m largely free of diseased thinking. Sure, I occasionally slip back, but there’s a world of difference between then and now. It’s like I polished up my thought process and can view things as they are, unaltered by the smears and cloudiness caused by overeating behavior.
It’s fabulous to be able to think clearly. Clear thinking leads to greater awareness and, also, clear action. I’m sure this is why I’ve been able to write so much here on the blog.
Hopefully, as I continue to make progress, I’ll be able to delve even deeper into my issues. This will serve me well in the days, weeks, and months ahead. Believe it or not, but getting thinner doesn’t eradicate every issue. In fact, it will no doubt uncover ones that I haven’t needed to face in decades. I’ll need clear thinking even more.
Weighty Matters 
Yay you! I struggled for years with other forms of abuse that muddled clear thinking, and these days it is a relief to be clear headed…other than the days the menopause hormones turn my brain and emotions into mush, that is. You go, girl! (Er, woman.)
Y’know, you’re right about the unclear thinking during an eating binge. I can practically see it right now, very far away from one, but I couldn’t at the time. Hell, I can practically feel it. How very interesting. May you keep your thinking clear and unsmudged. I’ll be putting this into my own mental processes to examine as well.