I know I still need to get some pictures up and I promise that’s one of my goals for this weekend. I have some fun ones from the RT Convention. I am finally, finally, really seeing the weight loss in myself. Friends and family who haven’t seen me since the surgery can really notice the difference, too.
Obviously, I’m thrilled with the positive progress. At the same time, I’ve reached the point where the loss is beginning to get a lot of attention. To an extent, too much attention makes me uncomfortable. There’s a fine line to walk. The positive reinforcement is helpful, but when someone goes too far overboard with their enthusiasm, I cringe inside because I feel like the reaction focuses everyone’s attention on me — even people I don’t know but who happen to be around at the time.
I’ve tried to gently draw some guidelines and boundaries. My friends at work know that I’ve designated Friday as the day when I’ll report how much weight I’ve lost. So, they don’t ask me all of the time and that’s really helpful. I’ve tried to gently explain to one person that I appreciate her exuberance and joy for me, but could she please not express it in front of a large group of strangers. Unfortunately, she forgets and has been known to call out, “You’re just melting away” from a distance of ten feet when she sees me.
It’s hard because I really, really, really do appreciate how terrific everyone is toward me. I don’t want to be rude or ungracious.
I need to accept that this might be something that I can never change and instead work on why I cringe and get uncomfortable. This could be more negative effect from my rotten body image. See, although I’m 65 pounds lighter, I’m still obese. I can’t help but imagine strangers looking at me and wondering why people are complimenting me for looking good. If that’s truly the root of the reaction, then it should improve as I lose more and more weight, right? Eventually, even I’ll agree that I look good instead of always qualifying it in my head as, “I look better than I did, but I still have a long way to go”.
In the meantime, I guess I can try again to establish what type of support is most helpful, but if someone doesn’t get it, I just need to work on smiling and saying “Thank you”.