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Sep 11

Doughnuts are Not Medicinal

by Mary Stella

Okay, gang, I’m mildly freaked-out about something. That reads like an oxymoron, but what I really want to impart is that I have a slight nagging concern emotionally, while logically my brain is saying don’t borrow trouble and odds are everything is fine.

Here’s the thing. I went for my mammogram on Monday, as you know, and had a great experience. I figured in a week or so I’d get the “everything’s fine” letter. Instead, I got a call yesterday from my doctor’s office to tell me that the radiologist identified something called a microcalcification cluster on my right breast. I need to go in for a spot compression to provide additional views.

Mentally, rationally, logically, I know that this happens all of the time and the odds are really, really good that this is not a big deal. Emotionally, of course, I’m going, “Oh my God! I might have breast cancer!!” If you drew me into a cartoon yesterday, there would have been giant letters in a horrified font with a dozen exlamation points. Then I took a deep breath and texted my sister-in-law to see if she had a free moment. She’s a nurse practitioner, experienced in women’s health. I explained the situation to her. We agreed that it was way too soon for me to freak out. She promised to do some additional research.

I wasn’t wound up like a tight spring all last night, but it’s a good thing there wasn’t a handy one-pound bag of M&Ms anywhere around. No sense in tempting a compulsive eater with a favorite drug of choice during an emotional time. A good friend reminded me that women really do get called back for further screenings all of the time that end up being nothing malignant. I slept well and this morning, my s-i-l called me back. It seems that most of the time, these microcalcifications really do turn out to be nothing of concern. She told me that after the spot compression, even if they were pretty sure there wasn’t a cause for concern, they might still want me to have a biopsy procedure just to be completely sure.

Having this information prepares me and, in the long run, helps me remain more calm. I’m working toward a state of “don’t borrow trouble, all will be well, no sense worrying until there’s something to worry about”. Honestly, I’m a lot better than I was yesterday.

The thing is, when I hit an emotional upheaval like this, it triggers me to want food. Whether I’m home or out driving in the car, it’s like I still think I need the food to calm myself down. I have to work through the process so that I don’t compulsively eat. That’s when I remind myself that doughnuts are not medicinal. Candy is not a sedative. I do not need cake to soothe me.

Instead, I need to breathe deeply, do some Tai Chi, take the dogs for a walk, sit on the porch, talk to loved ones. Those honestly help me where food is only a false remedy.

I got for my follow up test tomorrow morning and will probably hear on Friday if anything further needs to be done. I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, please say it with me, “Doughnuts are not medicinal.” 🙂

Body Matters General Musings

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Sep 8

Restorative Weekend

by Mary Stella

I took full advantage of my two days off to do only what I wanted. After the stress and busy packed schedule of last week, and knowing I have another busy week ahead, I needed the time to relax.

Yesterday’s Tai Chi open house went very well. Even though we were demonstrating for people who might be interested in joining the next Beginner’s Class, doing the moves and engaging in the practice at any level definitely relaxes me. A group of us later had lunch together, prepared and served by one of the instructors. He’s a darned good cook. I compensated for having such a full lunch by eating very lightly for the rest of the day — a few snacks of fruit, here and there.

After lunch, I went over to the animal shelter. Have I mentioned previously that I’m on the Board of Directors for the organization that operates the shelter? I can’t remember. Anyway, we all want what’s best for all of the dogs and cats in the shelter’s care, but there is one dog in particular that has stolen my heart. If I didn’t already have two smaller dogs, that big guy would be living here at home with me. He’s a two-year-old mastiff mix that tops 100 pounds. He was surrendered by his owners for questionable reasons. I personally think that as he grew, his size and energy became too much for them to handle. Instead of investing the time and effort in training him, they gave him up.

Staff and volunteers are on a mission to teach him good manners, on and off leash, so that he can be managed by anyone. Honestly, right now he’s so strong that until his leash manners improve, only a few people can walk him, but we’ll get him there. He responds well to training and loves to learn. He still has that two-year-old youngster attitude, but it’s a little more difficult to deal with in a dog his size. Anyway, I am confident that we will eventually find him a great forever home. In the meantime, several of us go in and work with him. I enjoyed seeing him yesterday afternoon and working on some of his manners and training.

After that, I came home and spent time with my own furballs, Nat and Pyxi. Lots of brushing and petting took up a good part of the late afternoon. It is incredibly soothing to pet and cuddle a dog. The stress of last week never ran through my mind.

Today, I enjoyed a relaxing morning, sitting out on the porch with the newspaper and my cup of tea and completing a set of Tai Chi. I then went up to work to swim with some of the dolphins. Today, I got to hang out with Santini and her 9 month old son, Reese. She and I have been friends since I first volunteered there in 2000 but I haven’t done a swim with her in a while. This was the first time I’ve really played with the little guy. I don’t care how many years I’ve been there or how many chances I get to swim, it never ever gets old and it’s always fun! Today was particularly special because little Reese kept coming over to get backrubs or rest his little rostrum in my hand. He’s also learning a behavior we call dance. He’d swim over to me and shake his head back and forth. If I danced too, he’d keep up with the behavior. Too, too cute!

On the way home, I accomplished a couple of simple errands, but that was about it for the afternoon. I took it easy, watched football and tennis on television, went for a walk with Nat and Pyxi shortly before sunset and just, in general, let the peacefulness continue to restore my spirit.

Just like it’s important to balance my food intake and my physical activity, it matters that I balance my emotions and spirit. Everything adds up to a healthier me.

Here are a couple of photos from today’s dolphin swim. Enjoy!

Reese Backrub-3

Reese and Santini

Tina Smooch 1

Flippershake

General Musings

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Sep 3

Emotional Eating

by Mary Stella

I’m having an emotional day. Nothing specifically happened to cause it, but I’m a little moody and reacting less reasonably to somewhat minor things. Most people would shrug it off and go on. It’s a little more challenging for those who are emotional eaters.

Does that sound as much like whining as I think it does? I typed it, re-read it and all I hear in my head is “Wah wah wah, nanny nanny boo hoo.” Okay, that might just be more evidence of me being moody and out of sorts. Anyway, the thing is that when I’m emotionally off-kilter, I instinctively want to eat. It has nothing to do with physical hunger. Instead, I’m trying to feed another need. It’s like I know that I’m being irrational so I want to squelch it and the reflex behavior for me when I need to squelch is to smother the feelings with food.

I have peanuts in the house and I was just going back to the cabinet for another snack-sized serving when I realized that the action doesn’t really stop the feelings. Instead, it merely gives me something else to do in that moment. I engage in another activity rather than interact with my own emotions. That could sound a little twisted, but what resembles pretzel logic to some makes perfect sense on some level to me.

What really makes perfect sense is substituting some other behavior than eating. By the way, it doesn’t matter if I only took a snack-sized portion. It’s the behavior, the action of choosing to eat compulsively, that causes the problems. There are at least a dozen other things I could do at any given time rather than reach for food. Here’s a preliminary list of alternative behaviors the next time I’m tempted to compulsively eat over my emotions:

Pet a dog (I have two. One is always within reach.)
Do a Tai Chi move, or series of moves, or entire set depending on the strength of the compulsion at the time
Do a few squats, leg lifts, triceps dip or bicep curls
Sing out loud to whatever song is on the radio
Play air drums or air guitar to whatever song is on the radio (Mary trivia: I once broke a finger playing air guitar.)
Walk outside onto the porch and look at the stars (Night time.)
Walk outside and look at the water, count how many different birds I see (Day time.)
Drink a glass of water
Write haiku
Phone a friend
File something (My nails, something from the mountains of unfiled papers in my office, anything!)
Pamper myself in some way – apply cuticle oil, rub scented lotion into my hands
Take a hot bath with a good book

Looking back on the last hour or so, I’m sorry I didn’t think of this list sooner. On the other hand, at least I’ve made it up now so I can call on it if I get another urge between now and bedtime. In fact, after I hit Publish, I’m going to do some Tai Chi and then take a bath. That will put an end to any more emotional eating tonight!

General Musings

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Sep 2

Never, Ever Give Up

by Mary Stella

“Never, ever give up,” said swimming legend Diana Nyad after completing a swim of around 110 miles from Cuba to Key West in around 53 hours, without the protection of a shark cage and while wearing a special mask to protect her face and eyes from jellyfish stings.

She’s 64 years old and this was her fifth try at accomplishing this marathon feat. She’s living proof of something else she said. “You’re never too old to chase your dream.”

I’m a little sorry that I didn’t drive to Key West to join the crowd that welcomed her when she reached Smathers Beach. I bet everyone felt an exhilarating, joyous energy when they saw her leave the water and walk ashore. The woman had just completed swimming for more than two days. How the hell she was able to walk is beyond me.

Instead of driving to the southernmost city, I went out on my boat with a friend. (After taking advantage of my day off to go to a Monday morning Zumba class.) We had a beautiful day on the water. Although I didn’t get to snorkel due to a massive number of moon jellyfish, it was lovely to be out on the salty sea. We hung out for awhile looking at the jellies, which are quite zen and beautiful, and then cruised over to the sandbar for a couple of hours. Very relaxing. I thought about Diana a lot during the day and swam around my boat a few times in her honor. (Okay, I also figured it was a good way to incorporate extra exercise since I was in the water anyway at the sandbar.) When I heard that she’d finished the swim, I cheered and I very much took her words to heart. “Never, ever give up. You’re never too old to chase your dreams.”

Sometimes I get angry with myself for not having weight loss surgery years ago. I wasted so much time and so squandered so much quality of life.

When those times hit, I do my best not to wallow, but instead try to cancel the thoughts from my head and heart. Regret is a wasted emotion to some extent. I can’t rewind and relive those years. I can only continue to make today, and all of the future todays, the best. Living my best life is the most important thing, no matter what the challenge.

For today, I’m not going to dwell on the fact that I’m already in my 50s. Instead, I’m going to focus on Diana’s message. I’m never too old to chase my dreams. In my case that means living my best life. I’m never, ever going to give up my recovery.

Thanks, Diana. Congratulations.

General Musings The Past is the Past

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Aug 22

Achoo

by Mary Stella

Quick.  Anyone have low carb crackers and cheese to go with my whine?  I developed a cold while away on my trip.  Now I’m home to finish out with a little staycation but I feel like crap on a half shell.  Every hour or so I experience a sneezing fit.  I’m concerned that by tomorrow it will have moved from my nose into my chest and the congestion will clog my breathing somewhat which will make it damned difficult to do Zumba as planned.

Yes, I believe I just poured another glass of whine.

Oh well.  It could be worse.  At least I had a really good time while away and, when I’m sick, I don’t have as much of an appetite.  On the drive home this morning, I stopped at a famous fruit/vegetable market and picked up some yummy produce.  In addition to strawberries and pineapple, I picked up a mamey sapote, Asian dragonfruit, and something called a black sapote which I’ve never had.  I have to wait for it to develop before I can taste it but I promise to report back after sampling it for the first time.  The kale was fresh and bright so I bought two bunches.  They also have an incredible selection of Florida-harvested honey in different varieties with a tasting bar.  After much deliberation, I chose the Tupelo honey to bring home.

This place makes fruit shakes and smoothies too, so I treated myself to an absolutely scrumptious strawberry-banana-dragon fruit smoothie for the ride home.   This drink was a bright, lovely magenta color from the dragon fruit.  Ever hear the expression that we eat with our eyes?  Well, I love love love that color, so maybe it tasted extra yummy.

Now I have fruit for smoothies and to make a platter for our extended Tai Chi class on Saturday morning.  (Surely I’ll have stopped sneezing by then!)  I am also determined to make a kale soup this weekend.  While up on the Cape earlier this week, we all went out to a beachside seafood shack.  I ordered the Portuguese kale soup. While the flavor was good, the soup lacked oomph.  For one thing, there wasn’t as much kale in it as I expected and it was heavier on the broth than it was on other filling ingredients.   I’ve decided that, surely I can do better.  I’m thinking something with white beans, parsnip or rutabaga, onion and plenty of kale in a vegetable stock, perhaps with some diced tomatoes.  Sometimes I like to wing my recipes.  Other times I’ll research at Epicurious.com or Foodnetwork.com.  If  find a recipe that really rings my bell, I’ll use it but I often use one as a starting point and go from there.  We’ll see.

I’m totally focused on eating healthy and on plan now that I’m home.  It isn’t that I ate unhealthily while away, except for the overabundance of carbs, but I feel like I’m rejuvenating.  I have a goal to absolutely lose a minimum of a pound a week and shoot for more.  I might have to wait a couple of days to get over the cold before I can jump on the increased intensity of my exercise efforts, but I’ll get to it as soon as I can.

I’m giving up on the home Pilates machine.  I’ve tried it and it just isn’t for me.  I posted an announcement on Facebook today offering it at a reduced price to any of my local friends.  If I don’t get any takers, I’ll ask one of the guys I know if he’ll list it for me on Craigslist.  (I’m leery of doing it myself and then having to set up potential meetings with strangers.)

In the meantime, while away, a friend told us about the 7 Minute Workout that was written up in the NY Times.  It includes 12 exercises, each of which you do for 30 seconds with 10 second breaks in between.   I walked in when two friends and my sister-in-law were in the middle of it so I didn’t do it, but four of the exercises are the ones I’ve been doing from that “Four Essential Exercises” article that I read.  The beauty of this 7 Minute deal is that the only equipment you need other than your body is a chair and a wall.  I don’t need a lot of extra room either.  I’m not sure about the jumping jacks.  I haven’t been able to do them great at Zumba, but I’ll give them my best shot for 30 seconds.  As far as the step up onto a chair, I might need to start with a footstool instead and work my way up.  Whatever the case, I am more determined than I am discouraged.

I even found a free app for it for my phone and a short time ago, found a website that offers a timer so that I don’t need to keep resetting the timer on my phone.  Honestly, the tools are all available to make this as easy as possible.  All I need to do is supply the body, the coordination, and the actual willingness!

This makes a few things that I need to try and report back to you on.  Stay tuned!

General Musings

4 Comments »
Apr 4

I Need a New Scale

by Mary Stella

I don’t want to complain (much) but these last 60 pounds are kicking my ass.  The weight came off soooo much more quickly and easily in the first months after weight loss surgery.  Now I feel like it’s all stop/start, lose a little then plateau, lose a little, flatten out.  At least I know from the changes in my clothing that I’m still losing inches and building muscle, but really.  It just plain sucks.  I want it gone and I want it gone now

For the next two weeks, I’m going to try to shake up my metabolism a bit by consuming more of a “full liquids” diet with less bulk solid food in meals.  Protein drinks, smoothies, no fat Greek yogurt, soups, sugar free gelatin — that kind of stuff which will still deliver the protein that I need without lots of carbs, sugar or fat.   This starts on Monday.  I’d start today but I’m involved in two days of business related functions away from home this weekend and I can’t control my food choices to this degree until I get back.

Before I start, I also need to break down and buy a new scale.  Mine is driving my nuts because it can vary two to six pounds depending on where I place my feet or if my weight is accurately centered.  I end up weighing myself three times in the morning and then taking whatever is the heaviest weight.   I bought the scale several years ago from a company that specialized in all sorts of products for obese and super obese people.  They had everything from airplane and car seat belt extenders to foot stools and beach chairs that bore more than 400 pounds without buckling to tools that assisted with maintaining good personal hygiene and dozens of other products that you probably don’t even think of needing unless you’re really, really overweight.

There are many scales on the market.  Many of them are not at all accurate if the person weighs more than 200 pounds.

I have many more options now and I think I can find a new scale at Bed, Bath and Beyond.  So I’m going to take a little shopping trip after my official activities are over.  This is the Florida Keys.  We have very few big box chain stores.  There isn’t even a BB&B in Key West where they at least have a Ross, Sears, Champs, and Pier One.  I have to go to Florida City, about 90 minutes away to find the BB&B, but that’s okay.  They also have a Petco so I can pick up some special stuff for the pups.  I might even stop into Kohl’s and entertain myself by seeing if there are clothes in their that I can fit into.  I’ve never shopped at Kohl’s before.

Saturday night is my graduation party from a seven month business-related program.  I have a sassy little black dress to wear that hits slightly above my knee and has a belt at the waist.  I’m psyched.  I bought the panty hose that I need to mask my “shrinkles” (Love that term, courtesy of Pink Pelican.)  I’m not even dressed in the outfit yet, but I feel excited and terrific.

Onward and upward, my friends!  I might be stalled in my efforts right now, but I am nowhere near defeated.  I will be victorious against these last 60 pounds.  On this I am determined!

Body Matters General Musings My Progress

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