Weighty Matters

Just another WordPress.com site

Feb 14

Unfocused and Unproductive

by Mary Stella

Ever since Wednesday, I’ve had problems focusing on tasks. I appear to either get distracted by outside forces or manage to distract myself. As a result, I feel unproductive in all areas of my life.

I loathe not being productive. It drives me crazy. I am an efficient, get-it-done person. This doesn’t mean that I can’t kick back and relax. I don’t need to be accomplishing tasks every second, minute and hour of every day. Au contraire, I can spend hours on a warm day lolling on my porch and reading a good book.

So what’s the difference? Why is it roiling me up and emotionally affecting me now? Simple. It’s because I’m not making the conscious choice to relax and let the world spin around without me. I feel like it’s somehow out of my control. That’s the danger zone. When I feel like some area of my life is not within my control, I generally see an increase in my eating impulses. It’s like when one thing’s off kilter, it drives the rest of my life out of balance, too. Or, when one thing’s off kilter, I feel like my life is out of balance which stresses me out and triggers the desire to eat.

Crazy stuff, huh? Conversely, I can have a dozen projects going at once, be in charge of keeping them moving and in balance, and that won’t stress me out in the least. When I set the projects in motion, I’m golden. Now, if someone else has put the plates on the wobbly poles and then made it my responsibility to keep them spinning, that’s different. Again — it’s the balance between what is mine to control and what isn’t.

None of this actually makes good sense to me. You’d think that if I had an area out of my control, I’d work harder to keep other areas in line and functioning according to plan. As I ponder this whole thing, I wonder if I have a knee jerk reaction, decide that lack of perfection is an unbearable character flaw, and then punish myself by compulsively eating.

This is really messed up thinking. Then again, nobody claimed that those of us with disorders are the last bastions of rational thought at all times. Nor do I pretend that rational thought and rational behavior go hand in hand anyway.

So for right now, today, I’m trying to mitigate the damage. I’m telling myself that it’s okay for me to once in a while be unfocused and unproductive. Okay, I can’t accept that completely. Unfocused and not-quite-as-productive-as-I-usually-am will have to do. My life is not going to crash and burn. The sky will not fall. All is and will be well. I’ll get to that “being well” part sooner if I resist the urge to let my eating disorder pile on the pressure. I really don’t have to inappropriately eat over the whole thing.

General Musings

2 Comments »
Jan 26

Jumped In and Cruised

by Mary Stella

Everyone, I’ve been away from home for a week without internet access. I wrote the last few posts before I left and scheduled them to appear while I was on vacation. In the past I’ve said flat out when I’ve been away, but several friends and other stories convinced me to, perhaps, not be quite so open about the absences. I’m sure you understand.

I think I mentioned several months ago that I booked myself as a solo traveler on a Country Music Cruise. I’d mentioned the thing to some friends but either they didn’t have the desire, the time, or the budget to go. I thought about what it would be like to go by myself without knowing anyone else on the ship. I also kept going to the entertainment company’s site and reading about the incredible lineup of performers scheduled to appear, including some of my long time favorites. I really thought about how I would feel on January 19th if I was sitting at home while the ship sailed and decided to jump in and book. I figured that I’m outgoing and sociable enough that I would easily be able to talk to people and have a great time even without friends and family.

Friends, I cannot find adequate enough adjectives to describe how fantastic a week I just enjoyed! Every single day was packed with activity, adventure and abundant fun! I also enjoyed some extra special experiences, felt significant spiritual reconnection, and got in touch with some new or additional awareness.

During the week, I was on total digital disconnect. I turned off my smart phone when we left Ft. Lauderdale rather than invest in an international calling/data plan. My computer remained at home and I never went to the ship’s Internet café to log online. When we reached Puerto Rico on Wednesday and could access my regular mobile plan, I briefly turned on the phone, did a cursory check of personal email, spent five minutes on Facebook, and sent a couple of text messages to family, but that was it.

Instead, to stay connected to my process and journey, I kept a journal. The notes, comments and insights will help me as I share some of what I experienced in future blog posts. I need to go over everything again, but honest to goodness, I’m exhausted tonight from all of the adventure and fun.

One important thing that I will report is how incredibly well I did managing my food plan, my eating, and my exercise. My goal was to enjoy the delicious food but not overindulge or overeat. I wanted to get through the cruise without gaining weight. Every morning I woke up and walked the promenade deck for between one to two miles. I took the stairs, going up and down, 98% of the time. I went to the hour-long wellness class four of the seven days, took several hour-long line dancing classes, and walked allll over the ship. How did this activity measure up? Well, on Wednesday I racked up close to 21,000 steps. I also did a 90 minute kayaking excursion.

So you know that I couldn’t resist getting on the scale when I got home. Not only did I not gain weight, I lost a few pounds. In a word, Booyah! It was a true reaffirmation that I can actually be in the presence of massive amounts of delicious food items and not dive into diseased eating disorder mode. That is a huge NSV and source of encouragement to realize. I’m determined to bridge this back into my home life. Granted, I won’t walk around all day long like I seemed to do on the ship. After all, I do need to sit at my desk and work. However, I can continue to focus on my mindful eating, my healthy food choices, and impetus to be active whenever the opportunity presents.

I didn’t take that many pictures, but will share what I can. I’m going to work on downloading them tonight before I crash into bed so that they can accompany the week’s posts.

In the meantime, I hope that you all had a great, strong week. I missed you. I also knew that you’d all be happy for me. Trust me, I carried you and your support with me on my fantastic cruise adventure.

By the way, yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of my weight loss surgery. The journey has been amazing thus far. I can’t wait to experience whatever lies ahead. Thank you for being part of the trip.

Body Matters General Musings My Progress NSVs

4 Comments »
Nov 10

Why Don’t You Just Stop?

by Mary Stella

I was having an intelligent conversation with someone today about eating disorders. I was explaining how with binge eating a person can demonstrate different behaviors. The two behaviors with which I’m personally familiar are eating a lot of food spread out over several hours but with very little time in between eating bouts; and eating a large amount of food in one sitting — i.e. not stopping at all until gorged. It is entirely possible that in both cases the same amount of food is ultimately consumed and that amount is humongous. If that sounds a little abstract, here’s a smaller, simple comparison. Picture a large pizza and someone sitting down and eating all eight pieces before leaving the table. Now picture that large pizza and someone eating two pieces, then walking away. They return within an hour and eat another piece, or two. That behavior gets repeated a couple of more times and, ultimately, all eight pieces of pizza are devoured in maybe three hours.

Anyway you slice it, a person without an eating disorder does not consume an entire, large pizza pie.

The explanation made sense to the person with whom I was speaking — to a point. She seemed to take it all in and then asked, “But why don’t you just stop eating?”

That, my friends, is the bazillion dollar question, why can’t you just stop eating? Here’s my brilliant answer: Damned if I know.

The truth is that I don’t know. I don’t know why the compulsion to binge can be so strong that I can’t stop. At my worst, even if I’d eaten enough to feel physically ill — say if I had a batch of homemade, sugary sweet cake frosting and consumed spoonful after spoonful after spoonful — there was seemingly no shut off switch.

I’m sure that there’s some brain connection or physical analysis that links to the emotional or sensory triggers or something. Unfortunately knowing all that doesn’t really help. Once in progress, stopping a binge is incredibly difficult. It might continue until someone eats so much that they vomit, or at least can’t fit in one more bite. Maybe it continues until there simply isn’t any food left around to eat. At least then there is time and distance between the binge eater and more food and they might be able to convince themselves not to go out and forage for more.

Whatever the case, the very best way to prevent a full scale binge isn’t “just stopping”. No, the answer lies in not starting.

My friends and I in OA used to talk a lot about the fact that alcoholics have a choice which is drink or don’t drink. People with eating disorder diseases do not have the choice to eat or not eat. We called it letting the beast out of the cage at least three times a day. Once the beast is out, it can be a challenge to confine it again.

So, we have to eat, but we don’t have to eat in a compulsive manner. We do have the ability to choose what and how we eat. Non-compulsive eating, i.e. eating to a plan no matter what that plan might be, alters the behavior. It is the closest thing to control that we can practice.

General Musings

2 Comments »
Nov 7

Confidence Thievery

by Mary Stella

Of all the things that I detest most about having an eating disorder, the theft of my self-confidence is the aspect I most loathe. It’s also one of the most puzzling. I bet if you asked most of the people who have known me for the majority of my life, “Is Mary a confident person?”, they would answer yes. They’d probably be surprised to know how much time I spent mired in self-doubt with lousy self-esteem and how often my accomplishments were diminished by the stress and worry that I would fail.

It’s the kind of emotional and mental garbage that eats at your strength. Even when there is lots of evidence around that one is a strong, capable, talented person, when something steals your self-confidence, cracks and instability appear in your foundation. A weakened foundations means you never feel 100% secure.

It was the worst in the years before I first started going to a therapist who specialized in eating disorders back around the beginning of 1992. I learned a lot from that point, both in therapy and the ten plus years that I regularly attended OA meetings. Most of all, I learned that my outside persona — the strong, capable, confident woman — was not fakery. I was not a sham. I really was, and am, that woman.

So, if I am that woman, why does the eating disorder have the power to convince me otherwise? I don’t know that I’ve ever explored the why of it before. Sometimes, I’m black and white in my approach to issues. What is, is. What isn’t, isn’t. Knowing why can be a booby prize in that it doesn’t change what is or what isn’t. Tonight, I think it’s important that I understand the why. I’m feeling my self-confidence get a little shaky and it makes sense that this erosion is connected to feeling like I’m not doing a good job of controlling what and how I eat. Disease behavior leads to diseased thinking. The disease is once more doing it’s best to steal away my confidence.

Anyway, I believe the disease gains its power from my poor choices. Every time I eat something that isn’t on my plan, I’m making a choice to be in disease instead of health. I equate that as not being a wise choice. So, if I’m not wise about my food and my health, if I’m actually choosing to be sick, then how smart and capable a woman can I be? That takes away a little more self-confidence, which then makes me feel worse, which leads to me wanting to eat to suppress the bad feelings and so on and so on.

See how that disease thinking works? It’s like I become my own self-fulfilling prophecy, or more to the point, it becomes a form of self-sabotage. This is only a rough thought-outline at this point. Like I said, I haven’t gone deep into this evaluation before and it needs some more thinking. I want to pin down this “why” because I think this time that it doesn’t have to be just a booby prize. I think if I get a handle on this, then I can stop sabotaging my effort and get more consistently back on track.

I also need to remind myself of what I learned long ago. I’m not a sham. Absolutely, unequivocally, I am a powerful, talented, successful woman. It is not bragging to say that I totally rock my job. I’m not just good at what I do. I’m awesome. The disease is not taking that away from me, but it’s taking shots at me on other matters — such as my volunteer involvement with another organization and, tonight, on something as little as cupcake baking. Yes, I had cupcake anxiety tonight, worrying that the 36 cupcakes I baked for an event are too domed. I’m fully aware that this sounds ridiculous. It is.

It’s just another sign that the confidence thievery needs to end.

General Musings The Past is the Past

3 Comments »
Nov 4

The Disease Never Goes Away

by Mary Stella

I had a bad disease day. Lots of compulsive eating, despite the fact that I’d psyched myself up to have a really great day. It’s not good to blame anything for going off of the rails, but I may as well as share about how a good start in the morning suddenly turned sucky.

I got up early — around 6 a.m. and decided to take advantage of the early start by doing a quick segment of my in-home walking DVD. I did the 15 minute one mile walk, which energized me. By doing so, I figured out that my Fitbit doesn’t log every single step. I think you have to have full forward motion. I don’t believe it caught the kicks. However, that doesn’t matter so much. The point was to exercise.

Okay, so I exercised, showered, got dressed, fed the dogs, and got out the ingredients for a pumpkin smoothie. I put all of the ingredients in the blender, hit the button and — Holy crapola! — ice came flying out the top, the machine made a horrible noise and then it stopped working.

Blenders don’t behave well when you leave the spoon in the container. Dopey move! I salvaged the mixture and poured it into my glass for sipping. I’d left a grill pan soaking overnight in the sink by accident, so I wanted to clean it up. All was fine until I put the pan up to drain and knocked a glass vase into the sink where it promptly shattered. I felt a piece of glass fly into my eye and froze in place, telling myself, “Don’t blink! Don’t blink! Don’t blink!”

I couldn’t feel anything touching my eyeball but I didn’t want to take any chances. Still forcing myself to keep my lid open, I ran to my bathroom, very carefully removed my contact lens, grabbed the eye wash and rinsed out the eye. I think that the piece of glass must have bounced from my eye as soon as it hit, because nothing came out when I rinsed. I gingerly felt around and was mighty darned relieved to realize that everything was okay.

For some reason, this all just through me off. I returned to the kitchen, drank my smoothie, managed to fix the blender, and then took the dogs for a walk. Although relieved, I was still tense and this stayed with me.

Honestly, writing this recap, it feels a lot like I’m whining. Sorry.

Anyway, I was doing okay at work food wise through the morning. I walked past a huge bowl of leftover Halloween candy and told myself “No”. I savored tea, drank water and even made it through my yogurt for lunch. Then someone brought out a plate of homemade truffles. That quickly, the compulsive eating disease stampeded right over my good intentions and determination. I had to have one, and then another.

This not only didn’t satisfy the chocolate craving, but it kicked up an overall desire to eat and continue eating. Unfortunately, someone had already put out a platter of veggie lasagna. Seriously, when I’m in disease-eating mode, the only safe place for me is a locked room without any food within reach. I am so incredibly resentful and pissed off right now. I. Hate. Being. A. Compulsive. Eater.

Saying that is akin to a child crying. Hating the disease doesn’t change one damned thing. I need to suck it up and move on, rebuilding my determination to be abstinent for the rest of tonight and start fresh again tomorrow. I get it.

So I really want other compulsive eaters, or others who are contemplating weight loss surgery, to remember this. Having bariatric surgery does not cure you of an eating disorder. It’s really important to realize that there comes a time when even small, inappropriate bites can throw you off track. The disease never goes away. Each of us still needs to deal with the compulsion every day.

I can’t reshape today. I can only do better tomorrow. That’s the plan.

General Musings

4 Comments »
Oct 23

Done in by a Cupcake

by Mary Stella

Day Two is over and I broke my abstinence. Right now I’ve defined my abstinence as eating only what I plan to consume and not giving into food impulses that lead me to compulsively eat.

I was doing okay until after lunch when a co-worker came into my office and told me that the company that designed our new website sent us cupcakes as thanks for continuing our association via a service contract. Since I do a lot with the website, she wanted to make sure I got one before they were all gone.

There was plenty of time and space between my office and the kitchen when I could have stopped myself. I could have smiled and said, “No thank you.” I absolutely did not have to get up from my chair and go into the kitchen, take the cupcakes out of the fridge, grab one and take it back to my office. Right up until the moments when I ate the damn thing I could have said no. But I didn’t.

Sounds pretty damned lame of me, doesn’t it? No, it’s okay for you to agree. It WAS lame. I’m stronger than the cupcake and the urges. That said, there are also way too many times when I just want to have the cupcake and not have it be a major issue.

Can you tell that I sometimes have issues about my issues? I resent my compulsive overeating disease. It pisses me off that I have it with all the accompanying negative emotional stuff and physical impacts that come with it. Part of me wants to go outside right now and scream into the night, “IT WAS ONLY A FREAKING CUPCAKE!!!”

Whew. Okay. Rant over. Now let’s look at the facts. I had a cupcake with icing. It wasn’t the biggest cupcake in the world. I looked at a bunch of different cupcake ratings online which ranged in calorie counts from 150 to 450. I’m going to rate this at a solid 280 calories with 16 grams of carbohydrates and 40 grams of sugar. (I’m pretty sure that I’m over estimating but I’d rather do that than underestimate.)

I logged everything into MyFitnessPal. Even with the cupcake putting me far over the daily sugar grams, I was so good with every other thing that I ate today that I’m still below my carb and fat allotment and good on my total calorie intake for the day. Between riding my bike and Tai Chi class, I also burned about 400 calories. Overall, it could have been a lot worse.

The real damage is to my emotions. I haven’t quite tipped over into sackcloth and ashes over the lapse. Mostly I’m ticked off at myself. In the comments of yesterday’s post, Cathy talked about my desire to be healthy being stronger than the food. I wish I could say that was the case all of the time. It was yesterday. Today, there were a few moments when I ignored the desire to be healthy. It happens. It sucks. I need to put it aside now and move on.

I’m happy that I didn’t let it trash the rest of my effort for the day and night. Hopefully this will help me set myself up for a successful day tomorrow. I will not let a single cupcake derail me permanently. That is all.

General Musings

4 Comments »
Sep 3

Emotional Eating

by Mary Stella

I’m having an emotional day. Nothing specifically happened to cause it, but I’m a little moody and reacting less reasonably to somewhat minor things. Most people would shrug it off and go on. It’s a little more challenging for those who are emotional eaters.

Does that sound as much like whining as I think it does? I typed it, re-read it and all I hear in my head is “Wah wah wah, nanny nanny boo hoo.” Okay, that might just be more evidence of me being moody and out of sorts. Anyway, the thing is that when I’m emotionally off-kilter, I instinctively want to eat. It has nothing to do with physical hunger. Instead, I’m trying to feed another need. It’s like I know that I’m being irrational so I want to squelch it and the reflex behavior for me when I need to squelch is to smother the feelings with food.

I have peanuts in the house and I was just going back to the cabinet for another snack-sized serving when I realized that the action doesn’t really stop the feelings. Instead, it merely gives me something else to do in that moment. I engage in another activity rather than interact with my own emotions. That could sound a little twisted, but what resembles pretzel logic to some makes perfect sense on some level to me.

What really makes perfect sense is substituting some other behavior than eating. By the way, it doesn’t matter if I only took a snack-sized portion. It’s the behavior, the action of choosing to eat compulsively, that causes the problems. There are at least a dozen other things I could do at any given time rather than reach for food. Here’s a preliminary list of alternative behaviors the next time I’m tempted to compulsively eat over my emotions:

Pet a dog (I have two. One is always within reach.)
Do a Tai Chi move, or series of moves, or entire set depending on the strength of the compulsion at the time
Do a few squats, leg lifts, triceps dip or bicep curls
Sing out loud to whatever song is on the radio
Play air drums or air guitar to whatever song is on the radio (Mary trivia: I once broke a finger playing air guitar.)
Walk outside onto the porch and look at the stars (Night time.)
Walk outside and look at the water, count how many different birds I see (Day time.)
Drink a glass of water
Write haiku
Phone a friend
File something (My nails, something from the mountains of unfiled papers in my office, anything!)
Pamper myself in some way – apply cuticle oil, rub scented lotion into my hands
Take a hot bath with a good book

Looking back on the last hour or so, I’m sorry I didn’t think of this list sooner. On the other hand, at least I’ve made it up now so I can call on it if I get another urge between now and bedtime. In fact, after I hit Publish, I’m going to do some Tai Chi and then take a bath. That will put an end to any more emotional eating tonight!

General Musings

2 Comments »
Apr 8

Food Anxiety

by Mary Stella

Before I get all of the way into the topic, here’s a recap.  The weekend was terrific.  I loved how I looked and felt in my little black dress.  I didn’t mind the panty hose at all, except that they were supposed to be sandal foot and weren’t which annoyed me.  I should have folded the toes of the hose under my foot and taped them there, but I ended up just saying f*&k it, it is what it is and went about enjoying the celebration.

I realized when I looked at the photo, I no longer automatically think, “You’re fat.”  I look at that photo I posted yesterday and others from the night and think, “Wow, I’m totally rocking that dress.”

Yesterday I did my planned shopping trip.  I bought a new  scale, under the brand of Weight Watchers.  It not only does my weight but claims to measure my body fat percentage, the number of pounds of my overall weight that are made up of fat, my hydration and bone weight.  The rest of those things are superfluous to me on a daily basis but they’re nice to know.  I guess if I keep stalling but see the number of fat pounds reduce, which means that my muscle weight is growing, it will be a good mental boost.  We’ll see.

Since I was “off the rock” and shopping, I ventured into Kohl’s.  This was a first time visit.  What a nice store.  Even the restrooms and dressing rooms are nicely decorated.  The Woman’s Department could have been a little bigger and I didn’t love a lot of the styles.  Many seemed to me to be more “plus sized for older women” rather than “plus sized for fashionable not-quite-as-old women”.  (If that makes any sense.)  Don’t get me wrong.  I believe in dressing age-appropriate.  I just don’t think that, at 55, I should wear clothes that someone even older might find appropriate.

Whatever the case, I found two pairs of size 18W shorts, which I badly need because my other shorts are bagging off of me and I wear shorts to work pretty much every day.  I added a pair of navy capri length pants which will go with so many things.  Then I picked up some stone cropped pants and a single top.  All on sale.  I’m now done.  Even with weight that I plan to lose in the next three weeks, I have enough variety between yesterday and a few weeks ago to get me through an upcoming conference.  I’ll be able to wear clothes that fit well and are stylish and I didn’t break the bank.  Plus, they’re freaking 18Ws!  This adds weight, pardon the pun, to my belief that even though my total weight is taking it’s own damn sweet time to go down, overall my body is, indeed, getting smaller in inches.  This helps keep me from getting discouraged.

Now on to the actual topic.  Food Anxiety.  I know I discussed this last summer when the hurricane was approaching, but that was in a different context.  Then, I talked about how I’d always want to horde food ahead of a storm because I always got anxious about being able to get to my binge foods during storm events, or about running out of food.

Right now, I’m experiencing a different kind of food anxiety.  Last week I decided to jump start my metabolism by taking in more of my nutrition in full liquid form for a couple of weeks.  I realize that some of my motivation for this is a flashback to whenever I’d need to go to the doctor’s appointment.  I would want to produce the best weight loss number possible to avoid getting scolded by the doctor.  It’s almost like I needed to produce a false positive.  Speaking of flashbacks, wow, I just had a big one!  Pardon me while I digress.  When I was 15 or 16 and working for my Dad’s medical practice, there were two good looking resident doctors training with him.  They decided that they were going to put me and the radiation tech on diets.

This was humiliating and painful, particularly because I had a huge teenage crush on one of the doctors.  I can’t remember how long the effort lasted before they gave up, but the weekly weigh-ins were agonizing.  One week, in a desperate attempt to produce a better number, I biked to my grandparents’ condo a day or two before the weigh-in and stole a water pill/diuretic from my grandmother’s prescription bottle.  Wow, again.  I haven’t thought about that in decades.

Back to the present.  I know that I want a good weight loss before I next see my surgeon on April 26th, and that’s part of this “full liquids” effort, but there’s more to my motivation.  I Just. Want. These. Last. 60ish. Pounds. Gone.  If taking my nutrition in more liquid form for a couple of weeks can help me knock off a bunch of pounds more quickly than I’ve been doing, then so what?  I’m monitoring my protein intake and deliberately not putting myself into “starving” mode.

Some of this is about reducing my choices by defining the boundaries of what I will take in.  For some reason, this is easier for me to do in this way.  Smoothies, protein drinks, and blended soups satisfy me without making me want to instinctively round out the meal with potato, rice, bread or pasta.  I do not expect to lose 20 pounds in two weeks, the way that I did when I went onto full liquids and only full liquids before the surgery.  I just want to lose as much as my body will reasonably, and healthfully tolerate.

But I’m anxious.  I’ve had some doubt creep in about my ability to see this through to the end.  I don’t know where it’s coming from and I don’t even think the fear and doubt are particularly valid.  They’re like false negatives, if that’s even a term.   However, every once in a while they show up and make me anxious.

Take today for instance.  I planned everything in advance.  Smoothie with protein powder for breakfast.  Small serving of classic tomato soup in late morning.  Protein drink mid-afternoon.  Some green tea a couple of times throughout the day.  An appropriate serving of flat iron steak with veggies for dinner.  Some grapefruit sections tonight.  For the record, I’ve been right on the money with the plan all day.

But I’ve stressed about it here and there.  Mostly, I worried as I sipped the soup that it wouldn’t be enough to satisfy me and then I would jump the gun and have the protein drink too early which would throw me off schedule.  Anxious, worrisome thoughts spinning in my brain like a hepped-up hamster.  I started wishing that I’d brought in my snack mix or a cheese stick, just something that would calm me down because I’d know that I had the food if I needed it — even if I never ate them.

Even when I wished those things I had to call bullshit on myself.  I know damn well that if I bring in snack mix, a cheese stick, a protein bar or anything else on a “just in case” basis, I will eat them “just because” they’re present.

I’m so grateful to have established this blog so I can come here and work out this process instead of giving into the anxiety and old food patterns.  Because I’m thinking and writing about the issue instead of eating off the plan, I believe that I will be stronger and calmer tomorrow.

Tonight I am turning over the anxiety to the Universe and my Higher Power and letting go.  I also firmly resolve that I will not take the anxiety back tomorrow. 🙂

I have my plan in place for tomorrow and will follow it for the day.  Whether I experience anxiety is irrelevant.  I can experience it throughout the day but not need to eat over it.

General Musings The Past is the Past

5 Comments »
Newer Entries »
Blog at WordPress.com.