Weighty Matters

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Riding the Buzz

Sorry to have not been around for a few days. I left Wednesday for a business-related trip. Although I had every intention of blogging, my brain was overwhelmed with everything I absorbed and processed at the meetings. By the time I got back to my room each night, I couldn’t do anything more thoughtful than collapse into bed.

I was determined to ride the buzz from the good doctor’s appointment the week before and keep moving full steam ahead. I won’t say that I got derailed, but I wasn’t as perfect as I could have been while away. I ate a few more carbs each day than I should have. As we know from previous experience, carbohydrates act like sponges in my body and suck in pounds of water weight. So I realize that for the first few days this week, my scale number will be higher but I’ll be able to knock them off and flush them away.

On the positive side, I made use of the conference hotel’s excellent fitness center. I got up early enough to do a brisk two miles on the treadmill each morning. The hotel was also huge which meant that I had ample opportunity to add to my total step count just going back and forth between meeting rooms, my room, etc. I believe I definitely counteracted the hours of sitting in the meeting rooms by being as active as possible when I had the time and opportunity.

Now that I’m back home, and have had a lovely day relaxing with Nat and Pyxi, I’m set with my plan. This is how I’m riding the buzz. In years past, after “falling off the wagon”, I would have sulked, emotionally scuffed my feet, and with much internal gnashing of teeth and wailing, decried, “It’s no use! I’ll never make my goal.” That would just lead to more and more days, weeks, months of diseased eating and massive weight gain.

One thing that I have learned, and that I now believe through and through, is that I will always pick myself up and get back to business again. A couple of days out of my routine with more carbs in my diet are not enough to throw me completely off track. I am much stronger. My recovery mindset is much more integrated than ever before.

Living in recovery doesn’t mean always being perfect. It means accepting that I’m not perfect and, even more, I don’t always have to be. I need to remember the little steps and the big picture. Before, I had periods of recovery in an overall diseased eating lifestyle. Life has flipped. I’m now a healthy, living in recovery person. Those intermittent blips are not blockades. They’re only speed bumps that temporarily slow me down but don’t, and won’t stop me.

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Homestretch

Knowing that I “only” need to lose another 25-30 pounds has energized me. It’s like I’d gotten weary of the journey or bored with the food plan but now I’ve perked up and am excited about hitting the homestretch. The happy feeling has stayed with me all day.

For some reason, I had trouble sleeping completely through the night but kept waking up every couple of hours. I’m not sure why since I wasn’t stressing anything in particular. Whatever the case, I finally gave up around 6:30 a.m. The wind wasn’t too bad this morning, so after feeding the dogs I went out for a seven mile ride. Came home, ate breakfast, walked the dogs and then hopping on the bike again to pedal to my Tai Chi class — slightly less than two miles each way. This was an introductory class session where we invite newcomers that might be interested in taking the class. At the tea break we share a little about the society that developed and runs this particular form and some of us shared about our personal experiences with the health benefits.

I shared my story, explaining that other than simple walking, Tai Chi was the first form of exercise that I started after weight loss surgery. Some of my classmates didn’t know the story. There were audible gasps when I said that I used to weight 386 pounds and have lost 182.

The whole class as we worked on the first four moves of the set, and then at the end of class when we did the entire 108 move set, I really enjoyed the grace and ease of my body in motion. I felt balanced, strong and flexible. After that 90 minutes of class, I hopped on the bike for my ride home, still soaring on that strong, ease of movement feeling.

All day long I’ve thought about the weight still to lose. I don’t want to get ahead of myself and start estimating how long it will take me. Sure, I’d rather lose it sooner than later, but I also don’t want to drive myself crazier than I am when it comes to obsessing about the scale number. That obsession leads to me doing dumb stuff like I did the other night.

I just need to focus on eating right and exercising. There’s a difference between staying focused and obsessing. Focusing on the healthy behavior keeps me in recovery. If I do that consistently, I don’t need to obsess. The weight will come off as it’s meant to do.

It’s also important for me to balance my emotions. Right now I’m on a high because it only recently hit me that I’m in the homestretch. I can’t maintain at this level of excitement. That also leads to obsession.

So, everything in moderation, including my emotions and my eating. I’ll get there. The end goal is no longer a far, far off impossible mark. For the first time in my life, it’s within my reach.

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Good Doctor’s Appointment

I just got home from Miami and my doctor’s appointment, with a little retail fun thrown in for good measure. I’m really pleased with my day in general. I had a scale number in mind for this morning and I met that goal. That was for my “morning naked weight”. I automatically add four pounds to that number to estimate what I’ll weigh on my doctor’s scale in the afternoon. So, I felt pretty good, all things considered. I knew I’d lost seven pounds since he last saw me. That’s not a huge weight loss in three months but I get to factor in that those three months included the holidays and the ongoing plateau. I think that plateau is finally over.

You might remember that the last time I saw the doctor I posted my lowest number of pounds lost between appointments since starting the whole journey. His suggestion at that time was that I cut my calorie intake by 25% — a suggestion I rejected because it meant I would be eating only between 600 and 750 calories a day.

I chose instead to strengthen my commitment to exercise and make sure that I worked out at least six days a week and hit my 10,000 step goal the majority of days. That’s when I began getting up an hour early every day and I’ve maintained that through the weeks. I also got more vigilant about hidden sugars in products, started eating more vegetables, and did my best to be less likely to snag a junk carb.

As of today, I feel like I’m really in the home stretch with fewer than 30 pounds to go before I reach goal weight. That sounds so amazing to me as if I’m “only” 30 pounds overweight. To many people, that number would not be any kind of “only”, but remember, I’ve lost more than 180 pounds! To me, it’s not only an “only”, it’s a freaking miracle. I am just a few pounds away from One-derland — that magical, marvelous state of weighing less than 200 pounds. Folks, I passed 200 pounds when I was 13 or 14. I can scarcely believe that I’m soon to weigh less than I did when I was a teenager.

Doctor and I talked at length today about how much more weight I need to lose. Remember, he’s all about the Body Mass Index (BMI). He wants my number to be lower than a 30. I suggested the number in my head of 176. He said 170, then he did his BMI calculations and said that I needed to be down to 180 pounds to be lower than 30. That would mean I was out of the obese category and into the overweight section. He still thought I should aim for 170. I finally suggested that, instead of picking one number, we agree to evaluate it all when I’m somewhere in the range between 175-180. He was good with that idea. I will say that he gave me one other good nugget of information. He told me that I’d have less discomfort after I have skin removal surgery because people with BMI’s lower than 30 have less occurrence of adhesion during the healing time. Something to think about.

He didn’t urge me to drop my calories again, but he also offered up the suggestion that if I really restricted all carbs for two weeks, I could kick start my weight loss. Since I’m already not eating much in the way of bread, potatoes, rice, pasta or other starchy/flour based carbs, he means fruit, beans or other carby veggies. He feels that if I focus mostly on protein from meats, fish, poultry, eggs, Greek yogurt, nuts and, occasionally cheese, plus non-carby vegetables, for even two to three weeks, I could knock off a good chunk of my remaining weight.

I’m a baby. I immediately wanted to whine, “Nooo fruit? No hummus or or other bean protein for variety? Nooooo!”, but I refrained. I told him I’d evaluate my food plans and do my best.

It takes me about two and a half hours to get home, depending on the traffic, so I had a lot of time to think about it. Here’s what I know. I am not willing to completely give up fruit. I am, however, willing to look for ways to cut down. I will switch out my morning fruit/protein smoothie and go back to the straight protein powder and water drink for breakfast. I’ll choose vegetables or nuts for my mid-morning snack. If I have Greek yogurt for lunch, I’ll either mix up some with vanilla extract or use only strawberries or blueberries in it. (The doctor suggested those as better fruit choices than, say, grapes, watermelon or bananas.) There are plenty of lunches when I don’t do Greek yogurt, so that’s only a “sometimes” fruit anyway.

I’ve become a big fan of a small apple for my mid-afternoon snack. I’m not willing to give that up. If you compare a cup of apple to a cup of banana, you find that it has less than half the calories, less than half the carbs, and half the sugar. So I’m comfortable with keeping it in my food plan.

I won’t pile on the bean intake. Doesn’t that sound like a goofy sentence? I’m just not willing to give them up completely for two weeks because I need the variety in my food choices, particularly since I don’t eat any seafood.

The longer I drove and thought about it, the more I became willing to try the doctor’s suggestion for two weeks and see how it goes. I’m not starting right away, however. For much of next week, I’ll be involved in a business conference which means that I’ll have less control over when I eat and what’s available. My goal whenever I’m involved in these kinds of meetings is to do the best that I can and make good choices whenever possible. Once the meeting days and events are concluded, I have a solid several weeks with nothing to make my efforts more challenging.

It’s been a long journey to wellness. I’m on a roll. I’d love to see my progress go more quickly from now until I get to that goal weight range! In the meantime, I can do anything as long as I tackle it one day at a time.

Have I mentioned before that my doctor’s office is in the same large building as a Whole Foods Market? I always stop at Whole Foods before heading home. I could have bought lots of fresh, organic fruit. Instead I grabbed some roasted, unsalted pistachio nuts in their shells. I finally found celery root which several people have suggested to me is great steamed and mashed. I also bought a container of “cole slaw” mix — shredded cabbages and carrots. I’m going to experiment with some sort of Greek yogurt dressing for it. I think that will be a flavorful, fun way to get in some veggies and protein.

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Food Isn’t the Problem

I have a cold. I felt like crap all day, bad enough to stay home from work. I stayed home from work but didn’t refrain from working. Considering the sneezing, stuffy head, fuzzy brain and general tiredness, I was actually very productive and got a lot done. I was not, however, physically active. For the first time in months I have gone two days without reaching my minimum commitment of 10,000 steps. I feel sluggish. Even though I have more than enough reason to have not fulfilled my physical fitness goals the last two days, mentally I’m struggling with it. I’m sure that I’ll improve as soon as I get back on the step count, but it does me good to share this stuff. Thanks for listening.

While I was working from home today I had on the television. I sort of half listened during the Dr. Oz show, but in that hour I heard something that struck home. I’m sure I’ve heard it before, but it was excellent timing for me to hear it again today. The doctors were talking about the growing number of heroin addicts and the different prescription drugs that are hydrocodone related in different strengths, the addiction problems, etc. One doctor said that in the lives of addicts, the drugs are not the problem. The drugs are the solution. What a strong, important point. From my perspective, food and my way of previous diseased eating are not the problems. They are what I used to cope or bury the real issues. They’re the ways that I tried to solve my issues.

Sometimes it’s difficult to separate out these things. Even though a drug addict might know that he/she turned to drugs for an emotional reason doesn’t mean their bodies don’t physically become hooked. Same thing with me. I can get hooked on the behavior of stuffing my feelings with food or bingeing on certain foods because of their carb, fat or sugar content. So, I can’t ignore that, while food isn’t the root problem, it became a secondary problem at some point. So, until I “got clean”, I couldn’t clear my head and emotions enough to work on the motivating issues.

Some might think that getting clean is the hard part, but the real work begins after. That’s why it was so important for me to understand that the vertical sleeve gastrectomy — the bariatric surgery — would only be a tool to help me control my overeating behavior, which I’d not been able to sustain control over in the past for any significant amount of time. The hardest work is picking through the emotional and psychological issues that make me run to food. All of the time I need to remember that I cannot rely on food to be anything more than food. It needs to not be a problem or a solution.

The work is hard, but it’s important. It’s also possible as long as I keep at it.

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Pre-Stressing the Scale

This Friday is my next appointment with my surgeon. I almost called this blog post Day of Reckoning, then I thought it should be Getting Called on the Carpet. Both of those seemed negative. I don’t know why I get stressed over these appointments. Scratch that, yes I do. In my twisted lil psyche, regardless of the fact that I’m a grown woman of 56, I sometimes feel like I did when I was a little kid and had to speak to an authority figure. I also have a long, long, long history of doctors’ appointments when getting on the scale to get weighed was anything but a joyful experience.

Most of the time they were more like harbingers of shame. Get on the scale; get scolded for my weight. Get told to lose weight. Get scolded some more. It just sucked. The only times I didn’t suffer heavy duty stress and emotional trauma prior to a doctor’s appointment and weight check were those when I was in the middle of a semi-successful weight loss. Then I could celebrate how well I was doing, until such time as I was no longer doing well.

For the year, year and a half after my bariatric surgery, I loved going each month, then every three months, to the surgeon’s for my check up. Who wouldn’t when weight melted off of me like ice cream off a cone on a hot summer day? When my rate slowed to more like one, one and a half pounds a week, it didn’t matter how much I told you that this was to be expected, I still felt like I was wrong. The old shame began to well up again. That’s how locked in my emotional well-being can be to my scale successes.

Last December’s appointment was the worst of this whole journey because I’d lost the least amount of weight in the three month period and I reacted poorly to the doctor’s suggestion that I cut my calorie intake by 25%.

I’m concerned about my emotions this week as I countdown to the check in on Friday. I’ve been doing really well. My head and emotions are in a great place without lots of conflicts or issues about my food plan. I’ve lost weight and stepped up my exercise. I’m in a good place, damn it, and yet I feel myself beginning to fret about what I’ll weigh when I step on my doctor’s scale on Friday afternoon.

Tonight, I’m so glad that I was inspired to write about this topic. Facing the issue, and my unreasonable fears, will help me stay strong and on track. The last thing I want to do is go into a tail spin and start eating over the scale stress. This is not the time to attempt to use carbohydrates to smother the stress. That would jeopardize the good progress I’ve made. I need to stick to the food and fitness plan, taking each day as it comes, one day at a time. As long as I don’t go off the rails, I will feel emotionally and mentally strong and in recovery which will bolster the physical effort.

I’m psyching myself up for another good week. Each morning when I wake up and then throughout my days, I will choose serenity over stress. When I walk into the doctor’s office on Friday it will be with a light step and a happy smile. The number on the scale is not the only indication of how well I’m doing, how far I’ve come, and how committed I am to continuing with my progress and my recovery.

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Clothing Coolness – an NSV

I have a special event coming up in a couple of weeks and needed a new dress. The beautiful dress I bought for last fall’s wedding will be too warm to wear in the Florida Keys in mid-April. Besides, I’ve worn it for a family wedding, an evening event for work, and formal night on the cruise. Double besides, I don’t really need to justify getting a new dress. 😉

I’ve already discussed the wonderful non-scale victory (NSV) of being able to go into a local women’s clothing store and find sizes that I can wear. I used to have to scour the catalogs from plus-sized clothing companies, go online, or hope that I’d have a trip somewhere where plus sized clothing stores were located. Not just any plus-sized clothing store, but ones that had plus-plus-plus sizes and, even then, I’d have to pray that I would find something that not only fit but that also had some snap and style. Something that didn’t better suit someone 30 years older than me. Something that didn’t feel made of plastic.

Anyway, I went into a nice local store today. When I shopped there before my cruise, I’d seen a really snappy black and white dress but hadn’t tried it on. They still had the dress, but in a size smaller than I thought I could wear — a straight 16, not a 16 W. I figured I’d try it anyway, but also picked out a couple of other pretty ones too. I fell instantly in adoration with a really cute, fun, playful dress with tiered light ruffles in modern splashes of pink, gray and black. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever owned before and, while I wouldn’t wear it to the event in a couple of weeks, I thought it would be perfect for my trip to New Orleans in May.

In the dressing room, I first tried on the black and white dress. This was a sleek, form fitting dress with black panels down the sides and white, skinny ruchy (is that word) sort of striping in the center of the front and back. The good news first: Even in a straight 16, the dress fit. That was cool. Looking at myself in the mirror, I knew I’d need a really good Spanx undergarment (Because of the weight loss, I now have a significant sag of skin in the belly area, so compression garments in some outfits are my friend.) The not as good, but it’s my reality right now news: The dress made my ass look humongous. Seriously. I’m not being picky or regarding myself with “fat” eyes. It really wasn’t flattering.

That happens. Not every style is good on every figure, regardless on how good that figure might be. I’m okay with that. It’s real.

I tried on the second dress, which was not form fitting but has a nice cut and swing to it. There are some vertical navy panels alternating with a pretty navy and gray print pattern. It also had a short bolero-ish/shrug jacket which covered my also-sagging upper arms. I knew immediately that this dress would be perfect for the event in a couple of weeks and I am thrilled with how it looked on me and how I look in it. Score!

Finally, I slipped on the fun/flirty dress and, oh my stars, it also looks great and just made me smile. Even though I’m losing weight, it will not be too big on me in a month and a half. I already know that I’m really going to enjoy wearing it in NOLA, for sure. If I can find some sassy pink, comfortable sandals, I’ll be set.

Bonus for the shopping excursion was the terrific spring sale. 40% off the regular priced dress and an extra $25% off of the two already-on-sale garments. Woo hoo!

The clothing coolness NSV didn’t end with the shopping trip. I went off to an afternoon outdoor fundraising event for local pet rescues/shelters. When I arrived home later in the afternoon, I got my mail and flipped through it. I’d received a marketing piece from one of my favorite plus size clothing stores. We’ve never had one of the stores here in the Keys or in South Florida, but for more than 15 years I sought them out whenever I traveled. Seriously, if I knew I was going somewhere else in Florida, I went to their website’s store locator to find the nearest store. I knew where one was located in my home area in New Jersey too and always shopped there on my trips up home. This store was my mainstay for cocktail dresses, suits, sportswear — you name it and I could find it there pretty much any time. I once planned a six hour driving trip in Florida just to seek out the closest store because I needed a fancy dress for an event.

Today I pulled out the marketing flyer and suddenly realized something. A couple of weeks ago when I went to Clearwater for the spring training game, I drove right past the exit for the store that I’d gone too whenever I was up in that area. I never even gave it a thought that I should stop in and browse for clothes.

Now this is the big NSV. The store that I could not do without isn’t one that I need anymore! I’m jazzed beyond belief. Again this shows how far I’ve come and I couldn’t be happier.

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Breaking Through the Plateau

I have a theory. As you know, after a year and a half of stellar, fairly rapid weight loss, I entered a lengthy period of plateau sometime last fall. It was agonizing to me emotionally. So frustrating to work so hard at being clean with my food plan and physical fitness and achieve only painfully slow, small results. I really hit a low last December when I’d only lost a ridiculous four or five pounds in three months! That’s when my surgeon recommended I cut my calorie intake by 25%, which would have put me somewhere in the 600-750 calorie range per day.

I certainly whined and complained about it here often enough. I engaged in some periodic small rebellions, ate more sugar and carb things than usual from time to time. Bitched a little more about the plateau and so on. From October to mid-January, my weight fluctuated from 211 to 216, depending on if I’d eaten more carbs. My body really likes to hold onto carb-induced weight gain.

I did great on my cruise, then hit the fluctuation pattern again for a while. I also got a temporary, “Screw it” mentality and stopped worrying about whether I ate some freaking carbohydrates or good chocolate. As long as I stayed in that five pound range and continued to exercise, I wasn’t going to agonize.

About two weeks ago, I took a deep breath and told myself that playtime was over. I’d reached the allowed time limit on the “Screw it” mentality and knew it was time to bear down again. With a better quality of cleanness in my food plan, including fewer carbs and higher quality in the ones I do it, plus the continued commitment to exercise, I’m now seeing weight loss at a good rate. I’m down from 215 to 208. I feel great not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally. It isn’t a struggle to eat a balanced food plan with the appropriate amount of protein and allowable carbs, even that treat of high quality chocolate when I need some. Recovery is alive and strong.

Here’s my theory. I think that after losing so much weight so fast in the first year and a half after weight loss surgery, my body put on the brakes. Maybe it got too used to the high protein/low carb intake and stopped responding. Maybe I developed a new set point. I don’t know, but the body wouldn’t budge. I theorize that taking the break from the strict adherence for a more extended period, helped me readjust. Now my body is responding again to the formula of low calorie/low carb/higher protein/ample exercise and is giving up the pounds.

I don’t know if any of you have experienced something similar. If you have, I’d love to hear about it from you. I only know that I feel that I’ve truly broken through the plateau and am once more on a great losing pattern.

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Success Breeds Success

The better that I do with my recovery, the better that I do. Profound today, aren’t I? 😉 This goes along with a couple of other old saws such as it’s easier to stay on the wagon than to climb back up, better to stay on top of the pain than try to catch up to it, and, what the heck, I’ll throw in that it’s harder to hit a moving target.

Okay, perhaps I have some silliness mixing in with the profundity. Here’s what’s going on. I’ve have several really good days, back to back, with both my eating and my exercise. My body is responding by not sticking to its plateau so I’ve had great weight loss over the last four days. This success helps my mindset when I’m tempted to indulge in carbs or overeat chocolate. Temptation is always all around me. What differs is my response and resistance. When faced with the opportunity to eat inappropriately, if I stop and say to myself, “Self, you’re on a roll. Don’t stop the momentum. Stay on track”, I can usually keep from indulging. That helps me build another successful day which can lead to more positive emotions and additional weight loss. And so it goes.

The better I do today, the more likely I am to see results which motivates me to do well tomorrow which leads to… you get the idea.

Recovery really is achieved one day at a time or, sometimes, one meal at a time. I want to stay on the wagon rolling forward so that I can lose the remaining weight and transition to maintenance. At this point in the progress, pounds come off in fits and starts instead of one long, lovely, constant progression. Better to keep fueling the momentum and let success continue to breed success.

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Food Judgment

I have a hang up about people judging my food — what and how much I might put on my plate and choose to eat. Even if people don’t notice and couldn’t care less, I imagine that they do and, in judging my food are also judging me.

No, I’m not just paranoid. In the past, people did indeed judge what I was eating. Not everyone, probably, but enough that I noticed. Still others actually verbalized their judgments. One instance stands out in my memory. Mom and I were having dinner with another family member at our house who’d brought a home baked pie with her for dessert. After we finished eating the main dish, the family member offered each of us a slice of pie. She specifically asked me if I wanted a piece. It was good pie and I said yes, please.

I went out to the kitchen to bring in coffee and tea. I plainly heard the family member say, “I can’t believe Mary’s going to eat dessert.”

Is it any wonder that I was such an accomplished sneak eater? I developed that ability at a very early age. It didn’t matter if people were right in the next room, I could open the refrigerator, a cabinet, or a squeaky drawer, open a package, and eat with nobody else hearing me.

But I digress.

During every diet I’ve ever been on, I know I ran into times when people monitored what I was eating or just looked to see if I was on track. I think when I wasn’t on diets, people probably looked at my plates. Maybe they wanted to understand how much food it took for a woman to get to my size. I don’t know, but trust me, no matter how subtle they might have tried to be, I was hypersensitive to it, so I picked up on the glances or outright looks. I also automatically assumed that they were critiquing my food choices, or my amounts. Whatever the case, these were not positive experiences. As a result, I rarely ate openly in front of other people. I took what I believed to be a “normal” amount of “proper” food and consumed it at the table and then pigged out when I was alone.

Ever since I had my weight loss surgery, I’ve noticed that I still wonder whether people are watching my food. I imagine that now they’re curious about how much I can physically eat and that they’re also assessing whether I’m eating what I “should” or eating stuff that I “shouldn’t”. If I’m out at a gathering and there are sweets, I assume that people will think I’m being bad if I take a cookie.

I’m much better off at work around my friends and people who know me well. They understand that, sometimes, a person just needs to have a small piece of chocolate. Nobody scolds me or smacks my hand. Nobody gives me disapproving looks. It’s safe.

Honestly, the whole question of whether people around me continue to make judgments about my food and eating could be an entirely false issue. I likely stress myself out about this without reading. Maybe my fear of being judged breaks down into False Evidence Appearing Real. At this point, I don’t know, but I realize that it’s better to live with less stress.

So, I need to be aware of my thought process and call myself on it. When it comes right down to it, my choices are my choices and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, does or says. Probably what I need to work on is to stop categorizing food choices as bad or good, inappropriate, or appropriate, etc. It’s like I’m the one that starts the judgment process and then anticipate that everyone else will do the same.

No matter what I choose to eat, I need to make it okay. My choices are my choices.

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The Shortest Distance

We all know the truism that the shortest distance between two points is the length of a straight line between them. I find this to be logical, practical and also a calming approach to more than just traveling distances. In fact, I’m embracing it in my attitude toward a stress-inducing situation at work. I was asked to coordinate a project that involves collecting information and articles from a whole bunch of other people, proofing/editing them, and getting to a designer for layout in a very short amount of time.

The clock is ticking on our deadline. While I have some of the material, I’m still waiting for a number of articles from various other people who are scattered around the country. These people don’t work for me. They don’t work for the organization that’s producing the report. They volunteer for committees for that organization. It’s not like I can crack a whip on them to get the material written, finished and submitted. So, there is a lot about this project over which I have no control and no power.

Enter the Serenity Prayer — Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Every time I start to get tense, fretful and stressed over what material is still outstanding, I’m trying to step back, breathe and stay calm.

Some of the material comes to me in rough form, or in forms that I can’t use verbatim because the items are too long. Now, I could send it back to the writers and say, “That’s great, but could you cut it down, please?” However, mindful of that deadline, I decided to enact step two from the Serenity Prayer and incorporate the shortest distance-straight line approach. I find the courage (and the will) to change what I can, and take the shortest path to accomplishing what I need. In other words, I extrapolate information, shape it into the length we can use, and send it back to the writer with a nice, “This is great information. We needed it a little shorter. Is this okay?” message. I’m respectful of their original material and, let’s be honest, I’m saving them extra work to boot.

Judging from the response, this approach is working. I feel that I’ve struck a good balance. The extra work for me is offset by the reduced time needed to end up with a useable piece. This means less stress overall. It’s a win.

As I write this, it occurs to me that the Serenity Prayer is pretty linear and matter-of-fact. Accept what you can’t change; change what you can; be wise enough to discern the difference. This all serves to clear out the mind clutter. I don’t have time to worry. I just need to get the project done to the best of my ability. I also don’t have either the time nor the inclination to doubt that ability. Self-confidence is not the issue although that could get undermined by stress if I allow it to happen. I’m not. I’m just staying on the straight, A to B path from project inception to project completion. No detours.

Since I’m doing such a good job of not letting stress block the road, I’m also having good food days. This means that my recovery is also on that straight direct path.

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