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Free Wheeling

Maybe I’m fresh in the honeymoon period with my new bike, but I couldn’t wait to go out for a ride this morning. I slept in a little, then needed to drink my morning protein shake, and then, to be fair to Nat and Pyxi, needed to get them out for a nice walk first. Once those things were accomplished, I strapped on my helmet, grabbed my phone and ID, and pedaled off. (I always take identification, just in case. I probably should also take my health insurance card, also just in case, but that seems like challenging fate or setting myself up for disaster.)

When I shared with some friends about buying a bike, one asked if I’d ridden the Old Seven Mile Bridge yet. Since I only got the bike yesterday I hadn’t yet had the chance, but the idea staying in my mind. That was today’s destination. Before you get totally wowed, no, I was not biking over seven miles of bridge. That would be the “new” Seven Mile Bridge, which was built in the early 1980s. It was built alongside the structure now known as Old Seven. Old Seven is more than 100 years old. It was built by entrepreneur/visionary/business magnate Henry Flagler. His original thought was to connect a railroad down the Keys. There’s a lot of history in that tale. Suffice it to say that the railway did not survive, but his visionary practices opened up the Florida Keys to the rest of the world. (Old Seven was a star of the movie True Lies. That whole chase scene near the movie’s end was filmed on this bridge.)

The old bridge is in a deplorable state of disrepair and everyone is in constant discussion on how to save it, what needs to be done, how many tens of millions of dollars it will cost and, above all, who is going to pay for it. I hope above all that these questions get answered and Old Seven is saved because I think it’s a Florida Keys treasure. It’s great for walking, biking, viewing sunsets and the water with the Atlantic Ocean on one side and the Gulf of Mexico on the other. For safety’s sake, the Dept. of Transportation closed it to vehicular traffic several years ago. We are concerned that they will close it to bikes and people soon, which will be a horrible shame.

Okay, that’s enough of the history, on to the bike ride. I live about a mile and a three quarters from Old Seven and there’s a bike/pedestrian path along the Overseas Highway. This is a good thing because people, mostly tourists, drive crazy in the Keys. I wouldn’t want to be on the actual road. I’m happy to say that already this morning, I’m a little steadier as my bike riding skills return. (Check the update note I tacked on to yesterday’s post about my close encounter with a hedge last night.) I felt more in control of my steering. That said, when I approach another cyclist moving in either direction, I’m quite happy to be the one to yield.

Once I reached the bridge, I knew I had approximately 2.2 miles to reach Pigeon Key, which is as far as one can go from this side. I haven’t done this ride in 20 years. I so enjoyed the warm stretching of my legs as I pedaled and the kiss of breeze on my skin. It was mostly overcast this morning, so I didn’t have the sun beating down on me, but it was warm and I worked up a sweat. Feeling strong and confident, I decided I’d go the distance, and go it I did!

When I reached the end, I stopped and chugged some water before turning around. That’s when the ride became more challenging. It requires significantly more effort to bike ride into the wind, which was blowing about 10 knots per hour in my face. There was a time when I would have internally whined about this, but this morning, I absolutely relished having to work harder, knowing that my body was up for the challenge. I’m pretty sure I broke out in a smile a time or two when I felt my cardio rate rise and my muscles respond!

When I made it back to the parking lot at the bridge’s beginning, I all but cried out, “Wheeeee!” as I allowed myself to coast for a dozen yards. In the grand scheme of biking, this success wasn’t exactly like finishing a segment of the Tour de France, but I was darned happy!

On the way home, I stopped at a little convenience store to pick up some milk and ran into a couple of serious cyclists. I could tell by their bikes and the way they were outfitted that they were putting in some mileage. It kind of surprised me when the man looked at me and said, “Nice bike.” “Thanks. It’s brand new,” I replied. “You picked a good one. I used to sell them,” he continued and then asked if his wife could take a picture of him posed with the bike that he could send his friends. I agreed and asked if they’d take a picture of me in return. We chatted for a few minutes and I found out that they were biking down to Key West (another 47 miles from where we were stopped) and that their journey had begun in Jacksonville! Holy wow. It takes me eight hours to drive to J’ville! I told you they were serious. I congratulated them on being so close to their destination and then sort of laughed. “It isn’t much in comparison, but this weekend is the first I’ve ridden a bike in about 20 years,” I told them and then explained about my weight loss and how getting a bike is another step in reclaiming my physical health and fitness.

The guy then said something really terrific. “Just keep riding and you’ll get there. You don’t have to go fast, you just have to keep pedaling.” I love hearing that. I don’t have to do this fast, I just have to keep doing it. That’s my new bike riding mantra.

Here’s the picture that the couple snapped of me. The shirt’s about two sizes too big, but loose and comfy felt good on the ride.

Bike

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Like Riding a Bike

You know that old saying when you try to do something you haven’t done in a while? “It’s like riding a bike,” they say, meaning that once you know how, you don’t really forget.

I put that theory to the test today. Literally. I just bought myself a brand new bicycle! It has been at least 15 years since I rode a bike. I know that because I haven’t ridden once since my mother passed away and that’s coming up on 15 years. It might be closer to 20 years, but who’s counting. Clearly it’s a lonnngggg time.

As you know, my doctor and I want to incorporate even more vigorous exercise into my activity. The challenge is how to do more in my already busy days. I already know I hate the idea of going to a gym. There aren’t additional Zumba classes held at times when I’m not working. I can do more at home, but it just seems to lack a little of the oomph I need. So, I’ve been thinking of bike riding which would be good with my weaker knee, fun, and it’s also something that I can incorporate into other activities by just allowing for slightly more time. For example, if I give myself an extra 15 minutes, at least that’s what I’m estimating, I can ride my bike back and forth for Tai Chi classes. On a night after work when I’m not committed to something else, I can take a bike ride. I can even do so and still also take the dogs for a separate walk. We’ve already established that Nat and Pyxi do not like to keep up quite the pace that I need for cardio.

We have a good bike shop in town, so I stopped in today to check things out. I was honest about my long hiatus from bike riding and what I wanted it for. The guy was great and showed me different models that he thought would suit. “Want to take one out for a ride?” he asked. “Sure,” I answered and wheeled out the door. “If crash, my health insurance card is in my wallet.”

Honestly, it really was like I’d just done it yesterday. I immediately found my balance and tooled around the parking lot, confidence growing with every spin of the tires. We adjusted the seat height (Boy is that a lot easier to do than it was when I was a kid.) and I took another test. That quickly, I was sold.

The new bike is beautiful! Sturdy, simple, well-designed. Bonus — I got it in light purple! The bike shop owner was attaching my accessories (lights, bell, water bottle holder, rack for removeable basket) a little while ago and now I’m going to pick it up and ride home. Planning to be smart about this endeavor, I bought a helmet too.

The next phase of fitness has begun and, in this case, spinning my wheels is a good thing!

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So I took my bike out for a spin this evening. I need a little practice because my balance is fine but my steering is a little wobbly. I wasn’t confident when passing someone on the bike path. I sort of overcompensated. I might have crashed, um, closely investigated a hedge. No fall. No harm done. 😜

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Pain Free Mammogram!

I have a couple of NSVs today. First the one of lesser significance. It’s the first full week of the regular football season. As I write this, my Philadelphia Eagles are battling the Washington Redskins. I’m wearing an Eagles T-shirt that I bought for game days a few years ago. When I got it, I ordered a 3X so that it would fit comfortably. It still fits comfortably, but as a nightshirt rather than a regular T-shirt. Seriously, the shoulder seams hit me at the middle of my upper arms and I could step outside my house wearing only the shirt and not worry about compromising my modesty and flashing the neighborhood. That’s how big the shirt hangs on me now.

I kept it instead of getting rid of it in my clothing purges. It comes in handy as extra sleepwear some nights and can also serve as a bathing suit cover up. Mostly, I just want to hang on to it until I get around to ordering a new Eagles shirt to support my team. Booyah!

The second NSV is brought to you by the letter M, for Mammogram. Given the area of my body that got screened, maybe the topic should be brought to you by the letters DD.

I’ve always been good about going for my regular mammo screenings, even though I hated going when I was my fattest. For one thing, it’s embarrassing to not be able to close the wonderful hospital gowns. What’s more, my upper arms were so big, that the tight sleeves practically cut off my circulation. Then there’s the whole challenge of placing my boobs on the machine and, positioning me correctly in other ways. My large size made the process really difficult for the technician.

Oy, the pain! Older machines called for significant boob compression to obtain acceptable images. My flesh always needed to be compressed even more so that they could get a good read in spite of the fat. Mammaries mashed between the plates, I held my breath and thought of England. Okay, I held my breath and tried not to whine, moan or whimper. It wasn’t the tech’s fault that I was so uncomfortable. I knew she felt bad and didn’t want to make her feel worse.

My friends, I am here to tell you that today was an entirely different experience. Not only am I 170 pounds lighter than I was the last time I had a mammogram (Yes, I’m a few months overdue.), but the hospital upgraded to a new, digital imagine machine! I don’t know if it was all because of my smaller body size or a combo of less flesh and better technology, but the boob compression didn’t hurt at all and it was a lot easier for me to position my arm and the rest of my body. In a much shorter amount of time, the tech was able to obtain clear, good images of my breasts, and I was able to breathe without crying.

I don’t have results yet, of course. The images must be looked at by the radiologist. Honestly, I don’t anticipate a problem. Although a first cousin on my father’s side of the family developed breast cancer in her 40s, that is the only family occurrence that any of us know of. I’m able to self-check much more reliably these days and I haven’t felt any lumps or anything else. I’m a few months overdue, but it’s not like I’ve ignored regular screenings for years. So, I’m sure in a week I’ll get the letter that informs me everything’s okay.

In the meantime, I’m so happy that the experience was so positive. It’s another check in the plus column for losing weight and living a healthier lifestyle. I have my annual appointment in a few months with my primary care physician who also does my pap tests. At that appointment, I’ll be able to tell her that I am officially post-menopausal. It’s now been a year and a half since my last period. Booyah! I know that my doctor will now request that I have a bone mineral density test. She suggested I have one after I turned 50, even though I was still menstruating. I couldn’t because, unfortunately, I was beyond the weight limit for equipment for that test at any of the diagnostic centers in a 100 mile distance of home. No such problem now! Are three Booyahs in one post too many?

Next month, October, is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Have you had your annual mammogram? If not, please schedule your appointment and go. If you’ve gone, please ask your friends and family members if they’ve been screened. If not, encourage them to make their appointments. Tell them from me, that today’s improved equipment doesn’t hurt, but even if it does, they still need to go. Enduring a little pain now may save their lives later.

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Dangerous Curves Ahead

I don’t use this blog to promote books and I know that this post is going to break that guideline, but I can’t help it. I just read a novel that really speaks to every insecurity I’ve ever had or continue to have about my body, how I’m perceived, and how it all relates to guys and relationships. The book is a romance novel called Dangerous Curves Ahead by author Sugar Jamison. I might not ever have heard of it, except that one of my BFFs, Beth Ciotta, talked about it on her FB page. I’m so glad that I did!

The lead character of the book, Ellis, is fat. She refers to herself as fat throughout the book. In most areas of her life, she embraces that she’s overweight and it doesn’t get in her way. She’s given up her career as a lawyer to open a clothing store for hard-to-fit women, whether they’re overweight, taller-than-average, or whatever.

I love Ellis. She broke off a two year relationship with a man she’d fallen in love with because she realized that that in everything he said and did, he tore her down. He mocked her, belittled her for her weight. he tried to make her feel fortunate that he was with her because what other man would love her at her size? She hears this from him and from his creepy aunt and she knows that it’s bullshit. She refuses to accept it and dumps him.

However, it still affects her or, rather, the perception and treatment of overweight women affects her. It infuses her with a deep, powerful insecurity when she is faced with the reality of a relationship with a handsome, sexy, detective. She works hard to keep Mike, the detective, at a safe space apart from her. She resists getting involved with him physically and battles like a warrior to protect her heart. She’s positive that he will eventually dump her because great, attractive guys don’t really fall in love with fat women.

She’s nervous inside about a hundred things – like sitting on his lap, or being in the superior position in bed. On some level she is surprised every time he treats her with genuine affection and attraction. Throughout the book you experience how deeply she’s impacted by her weight insecurity, even when she’s a champ in all other areas.

I wanted to cheer her on throughout the story. I wanted to hug Mike every time he told her not to degrade herself because of her weight. I wanted to pulverize the ex-boyfriend and his aunt, Ellis’s bratty sister, and this bitchy random woman for all of their anti-fat bias, meanness and cruelty.

I haven’t talked a lot about my dating or relationship history here on the blog. It’s pretty dismal. At some point in this journey, I’m either going to seek out or run across an opportunity to date. I need to not be wrapped up in the past when that happens. I guess I should drag it out and examine it here. Not today, but someday.

Clearly, based on my own experiences, I emotionally invested in Ellis overcoming her insecurities and other, external struggles, to win her happily every after with Mike. She deserved it. We all do.

I applaud the author Sugar Jamison for this book. In addition to the heroine’s internal conflicts touching me, I also loved the book for the voice, all of the characterizations and Ellis in particular with her wit and humor. I’ll definitely read more by this author.

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Taking Nothing for Granted

I haven’t been to a Zumba class in to weeks because of meetings, renovations to the place where classes are held and then my vacation. I looked forward to tonight’s class ever since I got home from my trip. After work, I took the dogs for a walk, fed them and then went to the bedroom to change into workout clothes. When I balanced on one foot at a time to pull on my exercise shorts, I flashed back to two years ago.

Getting dressed was a challenge. In order to pull on underwear or a pair of pants or shorts, I either had to sit down or I had to hold onto a bed post or table for steadiness. Even with that support, I still need to bend down as far as I could to drag the clothes on over my foot. Putting on sneakers was even more difficult. The easiest way was for me to sit on the bed, bend my leg at the knee and prop it on the bed too so that I could reach my foot. The other option was to again sit in a chair, bend over and sort of contort myself to get my sneaker on. I can remember a time when I had to pause and suck in a breath so I could finish tying the laces.

***** Before I forget, I need to digress a minute. Someone asked me why I share these memories of the way that I used to be when I was at my heaviest, most awkward self. I do it because it’s important that I remember what it was like. It also matters to me in case there’s someone reading who is struggling with morbid obesity. It helps to know that someone has lived what you’re experiencing and understands. I hope it also helps to know that things can be better. *****

Okay, back to the topic. Tonight I changed clothes with balance and ease. Putting on my sneaks was a simple as crossing one leg over the other, slipping on the shoes and tying in a few seconds. No stress or strain, no struggle or shortness of breath. In that moment I thought, “As long as I live, I will never take this for granted.”

I then grabbed my water bottle and hand bag and bopped out the door. Millions of people do this every day without giving the ability a thought. It’s just normal for them. Now it’s normal for me too, but I will never forget the days and decades when it wasn’t.

Zumba kicked my ass tonight. Even though I’ve been doing Tai Chi, brisk walking and that 7 Minute Workout, I could feel a reduction in my ability and endurance. I pushed on through to get the most benefit from the exercise, ignoring the internal whimpering. When we finished the cool down and stretching period, I picked up my water bottle and towel, said goodbye and made my way to the car. For a second I slumped in the seat and just felt the gratitude sweep through me. I thought again, “I will never take this for granted.”

I need to appreciate every day, every pound lost, every time I walk or dance or move with control and balance through the 108 moves in the Tai Chi set. I want to remember the times that I say no to eating the wrong thing and yes to healthy choices. It’s all hard work and I’m grateful for the willingness to put in the time, energy, effort and determination.

Recovery is precious. It also isn’t automatically permanent. I have to keep nurturing my progress, reinforcing the healthier practices, and maintaining my determination. I don’t want to lose what I’ve fought so hard to achieve so I can never, ever, take it for granted.

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90% Mental, The Other Half Physical

Vacation is officially over and with it my brief foray into eating too many carbs and veering from my food plan. I am focused on my goals and absolutely excited about doing what I need to do to attain the desired weight loss.

I’m about to put together my lunch and snacks for tomorrow. That tip about measuring out even the mid-morning and mid-afternoon snacks is a great one. It protects me from mindless eating. One cannot eat food that isn’t accessible! I have some of my yummy kale soup on hand for dinner tomorrow night. In fact, I’m good through Tuesday because I have a lot of leftover grilled rib eye steak around too.

I did pretty good this weekend on getting in my exercise. Thankfully, my cold quickly moved through my system. The chest congestion that clogged my breathing on Friday eased up that evening and was virtually gone by yesterday. Yesterday morning we had a three hour extended Tai Chi class. We didn’t do the moves for the entire three hours, but even if I generously factor in the big and small breaks and the time when we observed the instructor, I think I can claim at least 90 minutes of movement. Today I not only did the 7 Minute Workout, but I also did my half hour brisk in home walking program (30 minutes of approx. 4 mph). After dinner I walked the dogs for about 25 minutes.

The title of today’s post comes from an old Yogi Berra quote. If you don’t know Yogi, he’s a baseball institution. A terrific player, with multiple MVP awards, appearances as an All Star, World Series play and awards and also a manager. Over the decades of his career, he also became known for “Yogi-isms”, funny messed up pieces of advice and commentary. The actual quote goes something like, “Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.”

It strikes me that the same can be said of my weight loss journey. Yes, I know that 90% and 50% add up to more than 100%, but sometimes I need that extra effort. I can’t split the necessary elements of physical and mental into even halves. Eating right and exercising are half the battle, but they aren’t possible if my head isn’t in the game and, very often, I need to be borderline obsessive about the mental preparation and consistently psyching myself up for success. Sometimes it feels like all that I do is think about food, although the thought process is different. When in the grip of my compulsion, I’d think constantly about food, specifically what I had, when I could get some, how much I had around me to eat, and what foods I craved at any point in time. Now I have to think about having the appropriate foods in the appropriate amounts and then think about when it’s time to eat those foods. It’s also important to think about food when it’s not time for me to eat, so that I can stand firm against impulse, compulsion and “mental hunger”.

It really does sound 90% mental. I’m okay with that. 🙂 If focusing on this aspect of my journey keeps me on track, then I will wholly embrace it. It doesn’t really throw me out of balance. After all, I can do some of that 90% thinking while I’m also involved in the 50% physical efforts.

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Promise List Item Accomplished

I’m away on an annual vacation on Cape Cod. I love this trip where a large group of friends and family rent a property and spend great quality time together. We cook great meals, have a book club chat, and play various outdoor or indoor games. We also have a spaghetti sauce match and other new and old traditions.

One of the Pastafarians is a young woman I’ve known since she was born. Her dad and my older brother became friends in college. You all also know her from her regular comments here on the blog. Hi, Hope!

Hope has read this blog pretty much from the beginning. She knows about my NSVs and Promise List. Yesterday, she was instrumental in making it possible for me to accomplish one of the goals from my Promise List. Paddleboarding!

I will have photos at some point but I didn’t bring the cord to transfer images from my camera to my computer. Be patient. I will share after I get home.

Hope, one of her sisters and brothers in law and I went down to the bay yesterday. Hope demonstrated the technique of strapping the leash to the ankle, starting off on her knees and getting to stand upright to paddle. After she took her turn, it was time for me to try.

I was really wobbly at first, trying to find my balance point even while still on my knees. Then I slowly got to my feet, still wobbly on the board, and carefully started to paddle in short strokes. I called on my Tai Chi techniques to center myself.

Hope called out, “Mary, your left foot is offline. If you move it in line your balance will be better.”

“If I move, I’ll fall over!” I answered. It felt like I would.

Triumphant, I stayed upright for my first foray and maneuvered back to shore. When the others took their turns, I thought I’d try again. This time I found my balance faster and kept it without wobbling. This helped my confidence so I paddled in longer strokes and was better able to navigate a turn or two.

Feeling downright celebratory, I returned to shore. My friends celebrated with me. Hope in particular knew what it meant for me to try this out. I now have it in my head that getting my own paddleboard will be a very cool thing. I could launch right from my sea wall and paddle around the harbor for good core and upper body work.

I might practice in shallow water a bit before venturing out too far. On my own I’ll wear a life vest for safety too.

While I work on this plan, I’m going to bask a bit in the pure glow of marking Done next to another item on my list.

Thanks, Hope!

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We went out again today so I added photos of me and Hope in action.

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Doctor Confirmation

My surgeon and the PA confirmed what my sister-in-law said that a pound a week is about right at this stage of the game. I shouldn’t worry about adjusting my food plan unless I can increase the protein grams a bit without adding volume.

The PA suggested a few things that might help like making sure I don’t eat anything later in the evening and, if I want to, using some meal replacement shakes more often. The doctor suggested upping the intensity of my exercise.

I guess I was on track with that idea. Even though I walk everyday, when I’m with the dogs we don’t sustain a fat-burning cardio pace throughout. So I’m going to keep walking them but also do the more intense in-home DVD program that I have. The doctor suggested running (not something I want to try.) or stationary bike. That would require going to a gym.

I don’t want to sound resistant but I don’t know how I can fit one more thing into my schedule three times a week. I’ve been trying to get in a second Zumba class. The only other one that doesn’t conflict with work is Saturdays. I’m going to at least see how often I can leave Tai Chi after an hour and make that class.

I also asked about skin removal surgery, specifically how long I have to wait after making goal weight. My surgeon doesn’t have a designated wait time but said that some plastic surgeons may recommend waiting a period of time. Whatever the case, it does not seem that I’ll have to wait a year after hitting goal. That makes me very happy.

So, some adjusted goals in my head. I will continue to lose a minimum of a pound a week. If I lose more that will be extra special but I won’t be disappointed as long as I decrease by at least a pound. I will add more intense cardio work of 30 to 45 minutes to my current exercise at least three times a week. (For starters, even if I have to break it into two sessions in the day.). I will not eat after 8 pm whenever possible.

All doable. Onward and upward (in pounds lost, not current weight)!

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Sisterly Perspective

I have my three month appointment with my surgeon tomorrow.  As overall pleased as I am that I am still losing, being contrary is somewhat in my nature.  (Mary, Mary quite contrary, ring a bell? 🙂 )  I can’t help but be a wee disappointed that in the grand scheme of things and over the course of the last 12 or so weeks, I haven’t lost the amount of weight that I’d planned.

When I need a good healthy shot of cut-to-the-bottom-line perspective, one of the best people to go to in the world is my sister-in-law.  I groused to her on the phone about my slower pace a short time ago.  “How much have you lost?” she asked.  “Only about 13 pounds in the last three or so months,” I complained.

“That’s great,” she stated without hesitation, doing the math and reminding me that it’s still a half pound to a pound a week.  When I whined a little that I was hoping for three pounds a week, she laughed.  “You lost faster in the beginning because you had more to lose.”   It makes perfect sense to her that my rate of loss is slower.

Isn’t it funny how we can know such things intellectually but not assimilate them emotionally until someone else latches onto the logic and points it out to us?   My sister-in-law is a nurse practitioner.  She also gets battling snacking cravings, needing to lose weight, being diligent about exercise and everything else that goes along with taking care of ourselves and being healthy.  With her, I get real solid understanding with that terrific perspective.

I’m less disappointed with my progress now that I had that phone chat.  I’m still impatient to lose the rest of my excess weight, but I’m not down about it.  My s-in-l also reminded me that I’m doing great and continuing to make progress in the right direction. I need to hear that from others from time to time.  It reinforces it in my head and emotions.  After hearing it tonight, I again wholeheartedly agree.  Stalled or slow, at least I’m losing and not gaining.  With every day that passes, I reach a new milestone because it’s absolutely the longest that I’ve ever sustained a weight loss effort.  Every day makes it that much stronger and even more sustainable.  It’s all good.

Tonight I’m happy with my mindset and very grateful to my sister-in-law for the much-needed perspective.

I’m so fortunate to have such a loving family.  Can’t wait to see them this weekend!

 

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Feeling Graceful and in Control

When I was my heaviest weight and my right knee was its weakest, I always felt so damned awkward.  I hated feeling like at any minute I could overshift one way or the other and simply lose my balance and have to catch myself with a hand against a wall or stagger my feet.

Doing anything the least bit physical took extra effort.  It’s a good thing that I’ve always been pretty strong because I’ve had to compensate a lot for the extra pounds.

In addition to the weight loss providing a general, overall improvement, I’ve been studying and practicing Tai Chi for about 18 months.  This has been a huge help.  As my body size reduced, my leg strength increased.  Gradually, my balance improved.  I’m more flexible.  My knee is greatly improved.  I have much better control over my movements.

I can feel it when I do the moves of the Tai Chi set.  We pay attention to weight shifts, the way that our hips move, the rotation of our bodies around our spines.  The instructor reminds us that there isn’t any momentum in Tai Chi.  Moves are done with intention.  Our arms don’t just flop around or our feet fall where they may.   For example, if I start with my weight all on my left leg, raise my right leg for a kick and then place the right foot back down, I don’t fall forward onto that right foot.  Instead, I put it down to the floor in an “empty” step, meaning no weight until I deliberately shift forward.

It takes control, balance, flexibility and strength, particularly when we slowly proceed through the 108 moves of the set.  I’m so much better at it than I was 18 months, a year, or even six months ago.  My joints are much more flexible.  I can pretty much pivot a full 180 degrees now, which demands cooperation from my ankle, knee and hip.  Even my right knee agrees.  Trust me.  It was not participating in that full pivot when I first began.

I’m one of the three most experienced students in the class now.  All three of us take turns serving as “set leaders” for the instructor.  Tonight, I was in the front left corner.  This means that I open and close the set and establish the pace the class is supposed to follow.  When everyone’s facing “front”, they follow my timing.  When the moves turn us in the other direction, we follow the set leader in the back right corner.

There are many beautiful series of moves throughout the set.  One of my favorites is called Wave Hands Like Clouds.  We repeat this move in three series (five times, seven times, three times) throughout the set.  Tonight we also did extra practice on it to work on the timing of the side steps, coordinated with the movement of the arms, moving our shoulders and hands, shifting weight from leg to leg.

After we were done practicing that section, before we realigned ourselves to do a full set for the end of class, the instructor made a point of telling me that he could tell I’ve worked on the move.  “You were very graceful, with a beautiful flow,” he said.  That was high praise indeed.

It made me think of all of my movement, whether doing Tai Chi, walking the dogs, climbing in or out of the boat, or just getting up from a chair.   Nothing’s a struggle.  I’m in control.   I no longer feel like a lumbering bear, but envision myself moving with strength and grace.

When I was younger, my parents used to tell me that I carried myself well.  Finally, after many years of not experiencing that anymore, I once more believe it.

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