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Feb 1

Cruise Day Four – Mindful Eating and San Juan

by Mary Stella

I slept in and missed the morning Wellness Program but still took a good four-five laps around the promenade deck to make up the steps. I’ve focused on mindful eating (reading that again in my journal reminds me that I still need to do this all of the time, whether at home or out) which means that I stop before I eat, close my eyes and remind myself to eat slowly, chew thoroughly, and stop eating when I’ve had enough. Doing this demonstrated to me that it is indeed possible to be satisfied with one small waffle and two skinny sausage links. Yes the waffle is just a carbohydrate and I had a little bit of syrup on it, but I figured that I would more than compensate with the one hour line dancing lesson. Besides, after my deck walk, I’d skipped the elevator and taken the stairs to the buffet restaurant — up six decks!

I believe it’s obligatory to play Bingo at least once when cruising, so I did. Lost but had fun, which was also pretty much my reaction to my less-than-successful visits to the ship’s casino. After Bingo, I ran over to the line dance lesson. Then I went down several flights of steps to take my cowboy boots back to my room. I then went up four flights again to grab a light salad, again eating mindfully. (At this point, those waffle calories were definitely gone!) We were pulling into port in San Juan, Puerto Rico which is an American territory. So, for the first time since leaving Ft. Lauderdale, I turned on my phone and did a quick check of personal email and Facebook. I did not, however, check my work voice mail.

I’d taken my salad outside to the sundeck since it was such a pretty day. On my way to get more water, I ran into country start Jo Dee Messina. In her concert she’d shared that she and her siblings are caring for their ill mother. She’s very nice and we ended up chatting about being caregivers to our parents. I also ended up giving her and her husband a quick tutorial in QR codes and how she could use them in her Facebook marketing. (Yes, you can take me away from work but you can’t take marketing instincts out of my brain. If her soon-to-be-released album has a QR code on it, you’ll know why. 🙂 )

My excursion for San Juan wasn’t scheduled until 3:50, so I simply sat in the sun for awhile, writing in the journal and reflecting on what I terrific time I was enjoying so far. It’s like I carried around this little bubble of happiness. I was having fun and also feeling incredibly good about myself, my eating, my activity level, and everything else.

I had this big realization while sitting on that deck. Nobody on this cruise knew me as a super obese woman. I’m not sure why, but that wowed me. It was both exciting and cool to think about it, even if I’m not exactly sure why it tickled me so much. Maybe it was the complete absence of lingering shame. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn’t doing any of my leftover projecting. Whatever the case, it was extremely freeing.

When it was time to gather for the excursion, I got in line with everyone else and just started meeting the people I’d be with for the next several hours. We’d signed up to go on a night kayaking trip to the bioluminescent bay. To get there we had to first take a 90 minute bus ride from the ship. This meant we had lots of time to get to know each other. I first met a 30-something year old woman named Emily. Since she was also a solo traveler, we paired up to paddle together in the two-person kayak. This cruise was filled with lots of friendly, interesting people. Emily is a project manager for construction companies and had recently quit her job to return to school. her goal is to work for nonprofit organizations, preferably Habitat for Humanity.

Also on the bus was Dave, a sound engineer for the Gatlin Brothers. The three of us talked a lot.

Kayaking at night was fun and I was thrilled beyond measure to discover that I no longer have the slightest bit of discomfort sitting in a kayak. My legs used to go numb after a while, but not anymore. My body has strengthened even more in the last year than I realized, at least for kayaking. We paddled out through a mangrove channel to get to the bay. Emily and I cracked jokes, sang river and water songs, and I did my impression of narrators for BBC nature shows. The bay itself was cool! Dinoflagellates in the water fire off a photon when disturbed — one sparkle of light per 24 hours. When you stick your hand in the water, or your kayak paddle, the water starts to glow. Not so great for pictures, but pretty to see.

The kayak trip took about 90 minutes and then we had another hour plus back to the ship. We were very late and missed most of the Vince Gill concert. As it was, we ran to the theater in our kayaking clothes. Thankfully, my bathing suit bottoms had mostly dried in the towel I’d wrapped around myself so they didn’t dampen my shorts when I pulled them on. I’m sure I looked like a sticky, salty hot mess, but we just stood in the back of the theater. If anyone gave us funny looks, I didn’t notice.

None of us had eaten any dinner to speak of so we went up to the buffet for the late night offerings. Seriously, if there is food put out, people will eat — even if they don’t normally show down at 11 p.m. when at home. A light snack satisfied me and we spent most of the time chatting some more before calling it a night.

Remember when I said I thought I’d work off the morning waffle? Well, before I went to bed, I looked at my FitBit. For the first time ever, I logged close to 21,000 steps in a single day! 21,000 steps plus 90 minutes of kayaking. Booyah to the nth degree!

Body Matters General Musings NSVs

4 Comments »
Jan 29

Cruise Day Two-Fitness For Sure

by Mary Stella

My room didn’t have a clock and I’d turned off my phone. Thankfully, my internal clock woke me up at 7:10 a.m. This was a full day at sea so I wasn’t rushed to get anywhere. The cruise-related events started later in the morning. I rolled out of bed, ate a banana in my room and headed for the promenade deck for a morning walk. Most cruise ships tell you how many laps equal a mile. On the Eurodam, they said three. I turned on my iPod and walked four laps for good measure. Off to a good start, I took the steps up 8 decks to the buffet restaurant.

Whether one has an eating disorder or not, buffets are a challenge. Buffets on a cruise ship are feasts waiting to be consumed. Everything looked and smelled delicious and temptation was very hard to resist, but I managed. It was also a bit of a challenge to get the servers to accept that I really did want only half a scoop of scrambled eggs. I guess they’re used to people filling their plates and stomachs. I stayed with the half scoop of eggs, a single sausage patty and a mini croissant. I ate slowly and mindfully and realized that I didn’t want everything on my plate. I took my tea and left, heading for the morning Wellness Program.

A trainer from the gym led our group through a series of moves that incorporated stretching, a little aerobic activity, some yoga and Pilates and just plain breathing and moving. I will admit that I was very happy to see that I could do all of the moves without strain but still felt like the routine gave me somewhat of a workout. Just to keep the movement momentum going, after that program, I found space on the aft deck to do a set of Tai Chi. This was my first attempt to do a full set on a moving ship. The gentle roll threw off my balance. The movement of other passengers around me, along with the plain beauty of the sea, distracted me and I messed up the sequence. I feel it was quite possibly the worst set I’ve done in months. I ended up repeating the kick sequence to work on my balance issues.

Like I said, I thought I’d done a terrible set, but when I finished and was putting my socks and sneaks back on, a woman came up and asked if I was a Tai Chi instructor! She’d thought that my moves were beautiful and graceful! We talked a bit about Tai Chi and its health benefits. I gave her the Taoist.org website URL and encouraged her to look for classes. (She and her husband both have issues that Tai Chi could help.) I also pointed out that if she can’t find Taoist classes, she should still ask at local hospitals, senior centers, etc. Many offer classes in some form of Tai Chi.

This was a great lesson for me. I was embarrassed by my mistakes. The woman helped me remember that, errors or not, I was still benefitting myself by practicing. Even more so, I was demonstrating the principle of making Tai Chi available to all by doing the form out in the open and being willing to chat about it later.

After a morning of fitness activity and exercise, I showered and got ready for a full day and evening of cruise activities. First up, the Gospel Hour featuring performances by a young bluegrass duo The Roys, followed by Larry Gatlin and the Gatlin Brothers. I’m a huge Gatlin fan, not only for their music but also for something that I observed more than 20 years ago. I feel like the whole story deserves its own post, so I’ll tell it all tomorrow. I promise!

For now I’ll just say that the rest of the day included more exercise via line dancing, taking the stairs and just roaming around the ship. I continued to do well with my food choices at lunch and dinner. I also rewarded myself with a wonderful lime and ginger scrub and massage. Bliss! Andy Griggs performed in one of the smaller lounges. Patty Loveless was the star of the Main Stage show. After that, I called it a night and went to bed.

On this first full day on the ship, I learned, or maybe reconfirmed, that old habits can give way gladly to new, healthier choices. I’ve never tried to be so physically active when cruising. I was never so happy to consistently eat more healthfully and mindfully. Sometimes the old resentful diet mentality can kick in where I feel deprived and whiny about the things or amounts I can’t or shouldn’t eat. When I went to bed I spent some moments just feeling the gratitude that I was happy about how I’d chosen to spend the day being active and eating right. I think this set me up for more success the following day!

Body Matters General Musings

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Jan 26

Jumped In and Cruised

by Mary Stella

Everyone, I’ve been away from home for a week without internet access. I wrote the last few posts before I left and scheduled them to appear while I was on vacation. In the past I’ve said flat out when I’ve been away, but several friends and other stories convinced me to, perhaps, not be quite so open about the absences. I’m sure you understand.

I think I mentioned several months ago that I booked myself as a solo traveler on a Country Music Cruise. I’d mentioned the thing to some friends but either they didn’t have the desire, the time, or the budget to go. I thought about what it would be like to go by myself without knowing anyone else on the ship. I also kept going to the entertainment company’s site and reading about the incredible lineup of performers scheduled to appear, including some of my long time favorites. I really thought about how I would feel on January 19th if I was sitting at home while the ship sailed and decided to jump in and book. I figured that I’m outgoing and sociable enough that I would easily be able to talk to people and have a great time even without friends and family.

Friends, I cannot find adequate enough adjectives to describe how fantastic a week I just enjoyed! Every single day was packed with activity, adventure and abundant fun! I also enjoyed some extra special experiences, felt significant spiritual reconnection, and got in touch with some new or additional awareness.

During the week, I was on total digital disconnect. I turned off my smart phone when we left Ft. Lauderdale rather than invest in an international calling/data plan. My computer remained at home and I never went to the ship’s Internet café to log online. When we reached Puerto Rico on Wednesday and could access my regular mobile plan, I briefly turned on the phone, did a cursory check of personal email, spent five minutes on Facebook, and sent a couple of text messages to family, but that was it.

Instead, to stay connected to my process and journey, I kept a journal. The notes, comments and insights will help me as I share some of what I experienced in future blog posts. I need to go over everything again, but honest to goodness, I’m exhausted tonight from all of the adventure and fun.

One important thing that I will report is how incredibly well I did managing my food plan, my eating, and my exercise. My goal was to enjoy the delicious food but not overindulge or overeat. I wanted to get through the cruise without gaining weight. Every morning I woke up and walked the promenade deck for between one to two miles. I took the stairs, going up and down, 98% of the time. I went to the hour-long wellness class four of the seven days, took several hour-long line dancing classes, and walked allll over the ship. How did this activity measure up? Well, on Wednesday I racked up close to 21,000 steps. I also did a 90 minute kayaking excursion.

So you know that I couldn’t resist getting on the scale when I got home. Not only did I not gain weight, I lost a few pounds. In a word, Booyah! It was a true reaffirmation that I can actually be in the presence of massive amounts of delicious food items and not dive into diseased eating disorder mode. That is a huge NSV and source of encouragement to realize. I’m determined to bridge this back into my home life. Granted, I won’t walk around all day long like I seemed to do on the ship. After all, I do need to sit at my desk and work. However, I can continue to focus on my mindful eating, my healthy food choices, and impetus to be active whenever the opportunity presents.

I didn’t take that many pictures, but will share what I can. I’m going to work on downloading them tonight before I crash into bed so that they can accompany the week’s posts.

In the meantime, I hope that you all had a great, strong week. I missed you. I also knew that you’d all be happy for me. Trust me, I carried you and your support with me on my fantastic cruise adventure.

By the way, yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of my weight loss surgery. The journey has been amazing thus far. I can’t wait to experience whatever lies ahead. Thank you for being part of the trip.

Body Matters General Musings My Progress NSVs

4 Comments »
Jan 24

Not an Introvert

by Mary Stella

I’m really glad that I’m not an introvert. I’m pretty sociable, a good networker, and almost completely comfortable heading into lots of different situations by myself. While I don’t make close friends easily, I am easily friendly and can chat to complete strangers.

This comes in handy in my line of work. It also comes in handy in general. It’s a useful life skill.

It used to be more difficult when I had to overcome self-consciousness over my body size. I often imagined my large body preceding the rest of me into a room. I projected that the people already in the room, automatically judged me with the most negative opinions. I also generally compared myself to others, or rather looked around and noticed that I was usually the heaviest person in the room.

When I think about those decades, I marvel a little that I didn’t become an introvert or seek to hide instead of reaching out to connect with others. If I had, I know that it would have made my life and my job even more difficult. I will admit that I employed a lot of “fake it until you make it” attitude to help me perform in those social and business situations. Even if I dreaded, anticipated, or imagined the judgments, I pretended otherwise. I acted “as if” I was more confident than I felt.

It’s really nice that I don’t do that whole “body size judgment” projection any more. When I walk into a situation, confident and sure, I’m not acting. That’s me all of the way. I know that I really always was an extrovert and now that’s completely unfettered and free of any lingering uncomfortableness.

Body Matters

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Jan 14

Feeling Pretty Good

by Mary Stella

I managed to keep my inefficient worrying under control the last couple of days. I prepared as much as I could and let go of the rest. The meeting I anticipated might contain some uncomfortable conflict went smoothly. I facilitated well and received feedback that supported my self-assessment. It’s behind me now and so is any of the slight stress that I had retained.

Best of all, I did not lose sleep and I didn’t dive into food to manage the worry. That rates a double booyah as far as I’m concerned. I feel good, strong and positive. I actually said a strong, firm “no” to a sweet, sugary treat a couple of hours ago and reminded myself that I could enjoy a frozen fruit treat at home instead.

Did I tell you all about one of my Christmas gifts? One of my nephews gave me a Yonana machine. It takes frozen fruit and blends it into the consistency of frozen yogurt or frozen custard. No added sugar, other than what occurs naturally in the fruit. No fat, no junk, no nothing. After my evening commitment, I came home and thoroughly enjoyed the fruit snack with a small scattering of chopped walnuts on top. Yum.

Find that I still need to educate myself on portions. Even though it’s been almost two years since my surgery, I’m still retraining my brain. The instinct is often to prepare the same size portion as before. That would be fine if I could always trust myself to eat only a half or less of what I prepare. Even if I can only physically eat the smaller amount, if I have the rest in front of me, I’m sometimes tempted to keep going. Forcing the issue is not a good thing for many reasons. For one, eat too much and I not only feel wicked uncomfortable, but I’ll also need to throw up. Forcing larger portions too often over time could eventually stretch out the stomach pouch. If I increase my stomach capacity, I will lose the terrific tool that the smaller sleeve provides. Don’t want to go there, not one bit! Forcing the issue also doesn’t help me learn anything useful to encourage long term success.

Stopping before I serve myself helps me think it through, rather than just plopping too big a portion on my plate. “Stop before I serve” makes for a good mantra, I think. Like tonight. I had a change of plans today when a dinner date was rescheduled for Thursday. I thought about what starches I’d eaten during the day and realized that I had two plain saltine crackers with my soup at lunch. That was all. I didn’t have a lot of food in the house but thought that I could make a simple grilled cheese sandwich. I’ve learned to keep bread in the freezer so that I am not tempted to eat it frequently just because I think I’m hungry and it’s available. It takes more effort to pull a slice from the freezer, defrost it and then do something with it before eating.

While I was opening the bag to take out two slices, which would be the automatic portion in the past, I stopped and thought, “No. You don’t need that big a sandwich. Half is plenty.” That’s what I did. One slice of bread, split into two smaller pieces with some good quality cheddar, toasted in a non-stick pan coated with cooking spray.

It was delicious and satisfying. I reduced the fat, carbs and overall calories by stopping and thinking. It’s important to transfer this kind of behavior to as many food and eating situations as possible. Even when I go out to dinner, it’s good to separate the portions on my plate so that I don’t keep picking at the food in front of me and end up eating more than I want or need. I haven’t quite gotten to the point of getting a To-Go box right at the meal’s outset, although I’m sure if I try that a few times I won’t feel conspicuous — or at least won’t care if I am. In the interim, it’s easy enough to physically push some, often most, of the food to the side of the plate and focus solely on the appropriate size portion that remains. If I’m at a buffet, I need to remember that I can still sample a wide variety of dishes as long as I limit myself to dabs and not load up the spoon or stab a huge forkful.

In other things, I’ve noticed that if I do indulge in carbs a little, my body reacts. I might have mentioned this before but, honestly, after 500 plus posts I don’t always remember everything I’ve ever discussed. Back over Christmas week, I know that I ate more carbs on more days than I do in probably a month. My body reacted my putting on some water weight and bloated pounds. I almost want to call them fauxpounds. I know the math of calories. In order for me to gain five real pounds, I’d have to eat 18,000 more calories than I burn. Over a week, that would be more than 2500 calories more a day! Folks, I’d have to drink multiple milkshakes to consume that many more calories. Plus, I was also walking every day and keeping up with my 10K plus steps for calorie burn.

Even fauxpounds can be a little stubborn about giving up their grip on my body. It got to the point where getting on the scale in the morning started messing with my head. Even though I knew it was water weight, the number can upset me. I decided not to weight myself for a few days while I carefully stayed on track. This worked. I finally vanquished the fauxpounds. My body’s back to an authentic weight. I’m starting to see some additional definition (underneath the sagging skin that will only disappear with surgery) from the strength training routine with hand weights.

All in all, I feel pretty good!

Body Matters General Musings My Progress NSVs

2 Comments »
Jan 11

The Ability to Change

by Mary Stella

Sorry to have been absent for a few days. I’ve been super busy at work and after. It’s all good, just busy. How are you?

Yesterday, we welcomed the Wounded Warrior Project where more than 50 soldiers who are recovering and/or coping with often life-altering injuries enjoyed a complimentary dolphin swim. My heart is full of joy and awe after seeing these men and women leave their “mind chatter” on land and enter the moment of fun and laughter in the water with the amazing dolphins.

It really makes me think. Sure, I have an eating disorder. I struggle with food issues and weight loss. These are a big deal — to me. I’m not belittling myself or comparing myself and coming up short. I’m just thinking about the impact that I’ve let these things have on my life when they were always within my ability to change.

I think back to the Serenity Prayer. God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Those soldiers who have been injured during their military service can’t change that they’ve lost limbs, or are paralyzed. They can’t ignore their traumatic brain injuries or other impacts of battle and injury. However, having suffered these injuries and conditions, they can choose to move forward, make the adjustments, learn how to live their best quality lives in spite of the challenges.

Learning to walk on prosthetics must be physically daunting. I can’t even begin to imagine. I do know, in my heart, that it has to be a whole lot easier for me to not pick up that food item that isn’t on my plan or to get up and exercise even when I don’t feel like it.

On any given day at any given moment, I have the ability to change. Today I choose to focus on the inspiration I received from the WWP Soldier Ride participants and make the choice to change whenever the choice is present.

Body Matters My Progress The Past is the Past

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Jan 7

It Isn’t a Diet. It’s My Life.

by Mary Stella

Yesterdays comments by Skye and June resonate a lot with me. Skye talks about needing to change her thinking. I know changing the way I think about myself, about my body, about my choices and, most of all, about my physical activity, has really made a difference. Unfortunately, I’m also well aware that I am not guaranteed that these changes are forever.

I could change back. The disease is that insidious. A little laziness for a couple of days and some, “I’ll make it up tomorrow” thinking could start my slide down the slippery slope of not keeping up with my fitness routines.

I absolutely already know that I’ve given myself permission to eat off of my plan too frequently lately. It’s okay once in awhile but the danger lies in grouping those once-in-awhiles so closely together that they are no longer “in a while” but every day. Like Skye, I need to again change my thinking. In this case I need to change my thinking back to where I was right after the surgery.

June, I hear you on the boredom and the just being tired of thinking about it all of the time. Oh sweet goodness do I know how that feels. Sometimes I am sick to death of thinking about calories and carbs, what to eat, what not to eat, how much to eat of what I should eat. Ayyyyieeeeee! Honestly, I don’t know how to keep it fresh and interesting. I wish I could say that there’s a magic technique but if there is, I haven’t learned it yet.

When it comes right down to it, it doesn’t matter how bored, fed up, tired or frustrated I am with the program. Regardless of the feelings, I just need to stay with the program anyway. I need to fight my own thinking when my thought patterns tell me I’m doing fine but my progress doesn’t reflect that in reality.

I watched a little more about the Super Dieters and read some other articles and commentary. The real thing that I not only need to mouth but need to grasp and hold on to — tightly with both hands — is that this isn’t really a program. What I’m doing isn’t a diet. It’s my new lifestyle. It’s my life.

It’s my life. Embracing this in my heart, mind, and body, is the key to continuing in a life of recovery versus a life of diseased eating. Understanding and living like this is my life equals acceptance.

Acceptance is always the answer. It’s right there in the Serenity Prayer — grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I can’t change the fact that I have an eating disorder. The disease is chronic. Given the opportunity, it will always mess me up. When I make bad choices with food, I’m living in disease. I can, however, manifest the courage to change what I can. Just because I have the disease doesn’t mean that I can’t be stronger than it and continue to make the good choices.

I need to accept that I’m not going to reach goal weight and be done. The clock doesn’t run out. A buzzer doesn’t sound. Nobody declares game over. Goal weight is not the end of the journey. It’s the next important, big time milestone. Goal weight means that I then transition from the “losing” part of the journey to the “maintenance” phase. That phase is forever. Just like right now, losing weight is my life. Later on, maintaining my healthy weight and physical fitness regime will be my life.

So, these are good things for me to work on: Changing my thinking again and accepting that this is life. As I typed that, I had a flash of inspiration with a shift. When I start being ever loving tired of this routine and start complaining about this being my life, I need to affectionately give myself a mental head slap and say, “Hey. This is your life! This wonderful, more physically fit, able to move, able to breathe existence with all of the happiness and joy is your life!! Celebrate. You are one, lucky woman!”

You know what. I really am one lucky woman. I’m going to celebrate that with some exercise because I can! Today was supposed to be a weight training day. Instead, when I woke up I opted for the cardio walk DVD and told myself that I would do the weight training this evening. Then I got home, saw that I was over 10,000 steps already and sort of got more involved in chatting on the phone with various people and doing other things. Not doing my strength training is a poor choice. Two years ago, I wouldn’t have physically been able to do this routine, simple as it might be. I’m not going to pass up the opportunity to stay on track because, hey, this is my life!

Body Matters General Musings My Progress

2 Comments »
Jan 6

Super Dieters and the Other 85%

by Mary Stella

Have you ever noticed how January is a virtual diet-fest, or is that diet feast, on television? Weight Watchers starts their newest program in January. Talk shows all have stories about diets, getting healthy, all this kind of important stuff. I think it has to do with the whole “new year, new you” approach when the calendar flips over. There was a story recently on Good Morning America about a guy who lost 392 pounds! Today, Dr. Oz devoted a big part of his show to his two week rapid weight loss plan. People Magazine’s current issue profiles people who lost half their body size on various plans, but without bariatric surgery. I’m sure across the various forms of media there have been any number of other stories to help us all lose weight.

Do any of you watch World News Tonight with Diane Sawyer in the evening? I had it on tonight, waiting for their story on Super Dieters. They opened up with a fact that floored me. They said that 85% of people who diet and lose weight, regain the pounds. 85%! As a nation, are we simply doomed to fail?

The news story talked about an organization call the National Weight Control Registry that tracks more than 10,000 people who have lost weight and are succeeding in keeping it off. I went to the website and saw that they operate with an address associated with Brown University and a Weight Control and Diabetes Research Center. They’ve published a number of research papers in what appear to be reputable publications and they post some interesting data gleaned from the participants. For example, here’s one bullet point with some percentages:

There is variety in how NWCR members keep the weight off. Most report continuing to maintain a low calorie, low fat diet and doing high levels of activity.

78% eat breakfast every day.
75% weigh themselves at least once a week.
62% watch less than 10 hours of TV per week.
90% exercise, on average, about 1 hour per day.

Back to the concept of Super Dieters. It appears that World News is going to stretch out the info over multiple nights but tonight they gave the first two tips that I guess are used by a high percentage of the Super Dieters who provide their information to the NWCR. Tip One: Don’t Cheat. By that they explained that the successful maintainers don’t deviate from their plans, not even to treat themselves on holidays. Tip Two: Eat Breakfast.

There are some success stories posted in which people describe how they lost and what they’re doing now. I haven’t read them all but the ones I did seemed infused with strong common sense and knowledge that, at heart, we all really know. Eat fewer calories. Eat better quality food as in fruits and vegetables over sugary junk food snacks, etc. Exercise more.

Oh jeez. Is that all?

Okay, that was cynical. I apologize. I’m harkening back to the fact that I know all of this and it does all make sense. Consume less, burn more. I get it. I’m doing it. What I want to understand is why these people are in the 15% who are able to continue to make these good, positive, successful choices day after day after week after month after year.

I honestly believe that all of us know what it takes. Where we run into trouble is consistently making the healthy, successful choices. That’s what I want to know. Is there research on how one keeps themselves motivated? How one always says “No” to the stuff that isn’t on their plan?

As I approach the two year anniversary of my bariatric surgery, I’m happy that even if I haven’t yet hit goal weight, I continue to live healthy, make better choices, and keep off the weight that I’ve already lost. This is longer than I have maintained an effort ever before. I guess despite my commitment to myself, to my healthy eating, to my consistent exercise, I’m still afraid that one day that motivation switch will have flipped to “off”. To guard against that happening, I want to know more from the people who succeed long term.

I want to be one of the 15%.

Body Matters General Musings My Progress The Past is the Past

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Jan 3

Clothing Convenience

by Mary Stella

I’m going on a cruise in a few weeks. I’ve been looking forward to it for months, but I’ve been so darned busy that I haven’t gotten down to the important preparation. This means that I have no idea what I’m packing for the trip, other than my bathing suit and snorkel gear.

That will make for a very casual outfit on formal night with a very strange accessory.

I’ve purged so many clothes from my closet because they were much too big to wear, but I’ve been careful not to buy too many new clothes while I’m still losing. Sitting here writing this, I honestly don’t know if I have enough appropriate outfits to cover all the events. Oh wait. In addition to the bathing suit and snorkel, I do have that great dress I bought for the wedding. That covers me for the “formal” dressy night. Whew. One night down, six others to cover.

So, here’s the really great realization that I had while musing over all of this. In the past, when I needed clothes, I had to plan several weeks in advance so that I could order from catalogues or online. Ten years ago, when I needed a dress for my nephew’s Bar Mitzvah, I actually drove more than four hours away to get to the closest location of my favorite plus-size women’s clothing store. Come to think of it, I made the drive the morning after a sleep dentistry session for a tooth extraction.

If this was two or three years ago and I was unprepared wardrobe-wise just a short few weeks before a major trip, I’d be a stressed out mess, frantically browsing websites and paying extra for rush shipping. Tonight I’m just thinking that I can hit that local clothing store on Sunday and pick up a few things. I’m that confident that I can find enough choices locally in my current size to satisfy what I need. How abso-freaking-lutely cool!

I also know that if push comes to shove, and I still need a couple of things after shopping local stores, I can go up to the mainland a day early and hit one of the area malls I love knowing this is the new reality. Being thinner is not only healthier, it makes so many aspects of live simply more convenient!

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Just wanted to let everyone know that Nat is greatly improved. He enjoyed going to the office with me today and was perfectly behaved. I suspect he dearly loved all of the attention, petting, and sympathy he got from the many co-workers who stopped by my office to ask him how he was feeling. Oh, let’s be honest. He looked up at them with his soulful, slightly droopy, spaniel-eyes and milked it for all it was worth.

Body Matters General Musings My Progress NSVs

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Dec 26

Holiday Week Eating

by Mary Stella

Good morning, everyone. It’s the morning after Christmas and I’m at my brother and sister-in-law’s home in the Northeast. Spare at least a slightly sympathetic thought for me with my Keys-acclimated blood. It’s 28 degrees Fahrenheit outside right now which is, of course, significantly colder than I’m used to! Thankfully I can bundle up.

I’m having a wonderful week with family and friends. We had a lovely Christmas, although it was not without drama. My younger nephew was only going to be with us for 30 hours, due to his work schedule. His missed his flight up on Tuesday and we scrambled to get him on another flight. Successful, we thought the drama was over. After a great holiday morning, including a delicious early lunch, we took him back to the airport for his return flight. Here’s a hint: If you miss your flight on U.S. Air, they automatically cancel your return flight and don’t tell you. No email. No phone call. He found out when he arrived at the airport and tried to check in. We got him on another flight this morning but, oh, the stress. On the bright side, we had him another night.

I’ve already seen some other family and friends. Today I’m meeting Chrissy (She comments here.) for lunch. Tomorrow, more friends and family. This is how I do Christmas and I couldn’t be happier.

I’m well aware that I’m out of my normal routine, but I’m not stressing about it. I’m not hitting my 10,000 steps a day, but I am getting in some physical activity by walking Aki a couple of times a day. I’m not strictly adhering to low carbs, but I’m not horribly overdoing them either, nor am I overeating. I feel very balanced in body and mind.

In the past, I treated holidays as license to indulge in an eating free-for-all. If anyone disapproved or worried about what and how much I consumed, they kept it to themselves rather than critique on the holidays. Some would call this enabling but it was never anyone else’s responsibility to monitor my eating. It was all up to me. I can remember that I relished the holidays because I felt like I could “eat like a normal person”. To me, this meant eating what I wanted when I wanted without getting hassled for it, or hassling myself. That shows how eating habits have always been a source of great stress and emotional upheaval. It also demonstrates that my concept of “normal” was greatly skewed.

Now my viewpoint is much healthier. It means I can enjoy delicious food in appropriate-for-me quantities. Food is not inherently harmful unless we overindulge. The same can be said of alcohol. Hoovering up a dozen cookies would be a bad thing. Enjoying one or two over tea and conversation is okay.

I like this approach and attitude. It feels healthier, for one thing. For another, it continues to form a good foundation for the future. Managing holiday week eating in a healthy, positive manner is a great indication how far I’ve come and increases my confidence going forward.

Body Matters General Musings My Progress

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