The stormy seas on which I’ve been sailing lately have significantly calmed. (Pardon the alliteration.) More to the point, I’ve worked hard to reach a place of serenity, determining what I can change, what I can’t and recognizing the difference. A lot of what is going on that was causing me so much stress really is out of my control. I can only manage my actions and reactions, do my best, remember to breathe and kiss the rest to God.
I’m delighted that I’ve reached this point without binge eating through the tumult. I’m doing a steady, consistently good job of sticking to my food plan. Doing so not only makes me feel better physically, but also mentally and emotionally. When I do not get side swiped by my eating disorder, overall I am in a much better place. It’s still a matter of facing this one meal at a time, but I’m working the tools of my program. I make sure that I plan ahead and prepare my foods. I say no to the compulsive thoughts when they hit. I find some other way to alleviate the stress-triggered impulses.
It helps that I’m losing weight again. A little here, a little there. I’ll go several days, even close to a week, without any reduction and then see a couple of pounds have dropped off. I really need to do my measurements again, too, because when I look in the mirror, I see a difference. Having the numbers back up the visual will be good.
I’m going out of town this weekend for a Tai Chi workshop. In addition to the regular set that we do, the Taoist Tai Chi Society also teaches some other sets, including one that includes sabre work. I’ve never done this set and am excited to learn it. I just think it will be a cool addition to my Tai Chi practice. A friend from the society is riding up with me and ordered our sabres for us. (They’re oak, not steel.) It will surely be an interesting experience. Plus workshops usually have more than a 100 participants. Heck, some of them have 700 or 800! Doing Tai Chi in harmony with so many people creates an entirely different energy feel. I love it!
At the same time, I have a little apprehension about the food. Meals are prepared for the workshop participants. I know that I will be able to make choices that suit my food plan. However, in the back of my mind is always the concern that I won’t make those choices. Instead, if a white starch is available, will I take a spoonful out of impulse just because it’s there? Sadly, with this disease, that is always a possibility. So, I’m mentally psyching myself up to remain compliant to the plan and abstinent. I’ve also thought ahead to my particular need to eat something every couple of hours. Rather than put myself at the mercy of the workshop’s meal schedule, I have portable snacks ready that do not need refrigeration. So, I can fuel my needs on time. This will keep me from getting over-hungry which often can lead to poor choices once food is actually available.
So, this is where I am before the three day holiday weekend. I’m looking forward to a good time and keeping myself on an even keel.
Weighty Matters 
I’ve just been catching up on your blog after being absent for awhile, as always thanks for inspiring me to be mentally healthy as well as physically healthy. Especially loved the non-diet mentality post. hope your workshop is fun.
Thanks for checking in!