I’m back from my fun-filled road trip. It was a long day, with the long drive and all, but fun too. I’m tired but I just had this great realization. I’m afraid that I’ll lose it out of my brain if I wait to write this post tomorrow.
I posed my sea lion picture so some family and friends could see it. A cousin that lives across the country sent me this wonderful email of congratulations and love and also some of the things he realizes. He talked about being inspired to witness my “slow and steady commitment in a world where immediacy is pitched, pawned and prevalent”.
I’ve read his email a few times and just now, when finally having a chance to respond, I had a big “aha” moment. I need to stop whining and bitching complaining about how long it’s taking me to lose these remaining 30-40 pounds.
These months have been incredibly important, I would even call them vital, to my overall recovery. They are giving me the time I need to really learn how to consistently live a life in recovery from my eating disorder. Because I continue with this effort day after day; because my journey hits speed bumps sometimes; I am fully integrating the techniques, the mindset, the tools that I need in order to sustain the weight loss and overall healthy lifestyle.
What if I’d lost all 200 plus pounds non-stop without ever hitting a slow down? I don’t know if I would have developed the new habit of consistently exercising. The commitment to creating a physically fit body might not have grown. It could have been one of those temporary efforts like I’ve made so many times in the past. Instead it feels real. It feels part of me.
Same thing with gradually learning to make healthier food choices — not just in the small stomach restriction of quantity and volume, but the slow experimentation with different foods, with different ways of cooking, with embracing healthy meals.
Tonight’s realization is so amazingly healthy for me. I love it. For the first time, I am free of resenting the plateau and the slow weight loss. Each day is a day of progress. Each day makes me stronger. I am so grateful!
Weighty Matters 
I am a member of an online community that has a weight loss thread. Whenever newcomers to the thread ask what they should do to lose weight, I tell them to start with one or two unhealthy habits, work on breaking them completely, and then find some new unhealthy habits to kill. If you make a bunch of drastic changes, it’s way too easy to lose all the weight, and then go back to your old habits and gain it back.
I guess you could say that surgery is a drastic change, but a lot of your mental changes have happened gradually. After reading your blog, I can see how you’ve added more and more exercise to your life. I also see how you’ve come to embrace all sorts of healthy foods and habits. Sure, you started off with a liquid diet. But your faithful readers have seen how you’ve learned to stop worrying and love kale. 😉
“Stop worrying and love kale”. Hope, we could make that a shirt: Keep Calm and Eat Kale”.
Ever since that realization yesterday, I’ve had this serenity that’s been missing in this area. I’m much more at peace with this phase of the journey taking however long it takes. I’ll continue to learn and integrate the changes.
My recovery is not a journey that ends when I get to a certain weight. Recovery is forever.
That’s an awesome way to view things! It’s so easy to want something NOW (not like I’d know that feeling or anything …), that discovering the value of slow is a gift. How wonderful!