Over on Reinventing Fabulous, the Sunday post always asks us to share examples of things or experiences when we were happy in the prior week. I think it’s good to get in touch with our feelings on a regular basis. Lots of times we can get numb to what’s really going on. I used vast quantities of food to numb me out a lot of the time when I was upset, angry, lonely, frustrated, sad — you name it.
But that’s not really the point of this post. I’m experiencing a strangely wonderful feeling today and, by contrast, realizing just how not wonderful I’ve been feeling below the surface for a couple of weeks. To pull out the onion analogy, we’re like onions and sometimes you have to peel down layer by layer to get a true sense of what’s going on. On the top layer, I’ve felt like I’ve been chugging along, looking at my positive changes, happy with the big picture progress of the last year and a half. All the good stuff that I share here on the blog. Honestly, my life and health are so greatly improved that I can’t help but be happy. It almost seems small-minded, or shrunken-hearted, of me to be any other way, right?
Yes, and no. Today I realized that while overall I’ve been super happy, the slower progress and frequent stalls where I haven’t lost as much at all, have upset me on a deeper level. I haven’t been as much in touch with the frustration, the concern, the “what am I doing wrong or not doing right enough” feelings. Those not so bright and cheerful emotions have weighed on me and I haven’t allowed myself to really admit they were there and then dig through them. It’s sort of like if I didn’t acknowledge them, they didn’t exist. In retrospect, this was a form of denial.
So how come I’m realizing this all today? No, the dam didn’t suddenly break, leaving all of the negative thoughts and feelings to freely flood until I was drowning in the emotional morass. Far from it. At some point over the weekend, I reconnected, or made a stronger connection, back to the big picture but broken down to the day by day. My energy and commitment rekindled. I feel stronger and more capable, ready to plow through the remaining pounds that stand in the way.
I’ve been almost goofy inside all day long. It’s a great feeling. I’m happier, not only on the top layer, but several levels deep. Each meal and snack, planned for and eaten on target, reinforces the happiness. The contrast illustrated to me that while I was happy, I wasn’t happy. As soon as I got the big “Aha!” moment, I knew that I had to blog it and lock it down in my conscious and on the virtual page. This is something on which to build and keep me powering through to the end.
Weighty Matters 
What Skye said! You’ve brought a happy smile to my face and made me realize I should probably slow down a bit and take a close look at my layers. I’m afraid they’ve been avoided as well.
Excellent!
Let’s face it: we ALL want to avoid unpleasant feelings; thus my ignoring my depression. We want them to just go away on their own. I’m glad you made this reconnection without any dam-breaking kind of event. I’m glad you are happy!