Weighty Matters

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Checking In

on October 30, 2012

Thank you all for your encouragement and support.

Throughout the day, friends and family in New Jersey and Pennsylvania checked in.  Everyone is okay.  My aunt and uncle’s house escaped flooding.  No word yet on whether they can say the same about their cars.  Most of my friends are without power but report no damage to their homes.  A couple of friends who, thank God, evacuated are safe but are not yet permitted to return home so we don’t know whether their house flooded.  My heart aches over the damage and the suffering experienced by so many people and towns.  It’s going to be a long recovery.  I hope they quickly receive whatever help and relief they need.

Hope you don’t mind if I sort of freewrite tonight’s post.  I have lots of thoughts and feelings churning around, too much for one post with a central theme.

Good news!  I made it through yesterday and today without going off of my food plan.  Bonus, I dropped three pounds over the weekend.  I’d been stalled in my actual weight loss for a few weeks.  This was very frustrating, to work so hard and not see the number budge on the scale.  I knew that I’d continued to lose inches because I could feel the difference in my clothes.   Some wise people pointed out that I’ve been building muscle which might have balanced the numbers of any fat loss.  Whatever the case, the number finally moved which is an enormous boost.

If you’d told me a year ago that there would come a day when I would be disappointed that something interfered with my exercise plan, I would have rolled my eyes like dice on a craps table.  However, tonight I was the only participant to show up for Zumba so there wasn’t a class.  I came home and did some time with the in-home walking program so I at least got in some cardio.   One of the things I did yesterday when distracting myself from constant storm coverage was to channel surf.  I happened upon a Zumba Fitness infommercial and, quicker than you can say, charge my credit card, I ordered the DVD set, complete with the toning sticks.  Good to have variety in my at-home exercise options!

The final grades were posted on the first course that I took.  I don’t know if McDaniel uses the letter grades, but in terms of numbers, I scored really high.  This makes me very happy.  Unfortunately, I had a teeny anxiety meltdown tonight because, even though I’m keeping up with the course work,  I’m way behind in the writing of my actual manuscript.  For the first time today I doubted my ability to continue with the current course.  I verbalized this fear in the Discussion Forum and then immediately regretted it.  Unfortunately, there is no “Remove” key.  I sent my concerns to the instructors in email too.  The fabulous Jenny responded to my discussion post with a suggestion.  I’m pondering whether I can do what she suggests.  I think I can.  I’m going to give myself overnight to ponder so that I’m sure.  I truly don’t want to drop the class or defer until the next time it’s offered.

My dogs are reacting to my emotions.  They’ve been high strung all night.  It hasn’t been fun with them barking at the drop of a hat.   More stress!

Part of me thinks it’s ridiculous to let myself get so anxious about school, storms, or anything else.  This is not my regular way.  Writing this out right now helps me to connect the dots.  I was tense because the light brush with Sandy caused damage and income-reducing closings where I work.  That rolled into anxiety over the magnitude of the storm targeting my loved ones.  I think it makes sense that, when one is already anxious, anxiety might become the “go to” reaction when something else comes up.  So, Sandy here to Sandy up North to class performance anxiety.  Yes.  I guess it isn’t that much of a stretch.

Plus, I don’t have the natural buffer of extreme amounts of food to suppress my emotions.  ODing on food can numb you out.  Somewhere along the line I forgot about that effect.  We used to say in OA that the feelings won’t kills us but the food will.  Good saying to remember.

It’s been a long, emotional day.  I think right now, the best way that I can take care and set myself up for a successful day tomorrow is to go to bed and get a good night’s sleep.

Thanks for reading.  Night!

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2 responses to “Checking In

  1. Hope says:

    *Hugs.* I hope you feel better soon!

  2. Skye says:

    That’s great that eventually you could connect the dots and see how your feelings snowballed into something bigger and badder. And you didn’t eat to numb yourself, either, so many gold stars for you! (I like gold stars. I was almost a gold star junkie as a kid.)

    I also think it’s hilarious that you saw a Zumba infomercial and immediately bought the DVD and toning sticks. It beats buying cupcakes! Plus, it’s useful. 🙂

    I’m glad your friends and family are well after the storm. One less thing to worry about.

    Take care!

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