. . . always a food addict.
That reminder’s been bouncing around in my head over the weekend. It’s really important that I remember. Forgetting or pretending otherwise leads to relapse.
Just because I’ve been doing so well is no reason to get cocky and think I have this disease of compulsive overeating under control. I had a lot of time to think about it while driving up and back to the mainland this weekend. (Two hours plus each way.) I evaluated my eating choices over the last few weeks with the intent of performing a brutally honest inventory on myself.
Here’s what I decided. I’ve been slacking sometimes on the food plan. Not a lot, mind you, but enough. I started eyeballing portions instead of measuring. There were a few too many carbs, sometimes. Too frequent an inclination to indulge in sweets if they were present at the office, even if my new definition of indluging means a tiny slice. The snacks I kept at the office, like nuts, were on the plan, but I ate them compulsively instead of measuring or only eating at the time that I planned.
I got a little lazy tracking my food on my handy little food app on my phone, too. Not listing it in digital black and white was a way of skating around my own accountability.
You might ask yourself why these things are bad or risky. I mean, how much damage can I do to myself with 30% stomach capacity. Plenty. I’m told that it’s possible to keep pushing the boundaries and eventually stretch the stomach.
That would suck.
I can prevent that from ever happening. I will prevent it. My inventory examination showed me what steps I need to take to get back on track. It really isn’t difficult and it’s all stuff that I know works for me. Even though it concerns the food that I eat, the focus is on my behavior and how I eat as much as what I eat and how much of it.
Measure out the foods I plan to eat. 60 to 80 grams of protein daily. I can include some fruit and veggies but the protein goal is the most important. Limit carbs like bread, potatoes and rice. Eat only the three meals and three snacks. No compulsively reaching for food that happens to be around. Stay hydrated with at least 60 ounces of water a day. Those are the basic steps to success.
I also need to do better about eating every meal and snack slowly, thoughtfully, and with lots of chewing.
It’s pretty simple, really, particularly when one is willing. I’m willing.
Hell, if I wasn’t willing I wouldn’t have had the surgery in the first place.
This is not me beating myself up, by the way. It’s me supporting myself and my recovery. Continuing to take personal inventory is an important step. I don’t need to only do this now or three weeks or three months. I need to support my own recovery with the steps that I know make me successful all of the time — whether I’m in the losing stage or at goal weight and have transitioned to maintenance. Even if I look in the mirror and a healthy-weight person looks back at me, I will still need to support my recovery.
Because I’ll still be a food addict and compulsive overeater. Once a food addict, always a food addict.
It’s that simple.
Weighty Matters 
Skye, you have a good healthy amount of self-awareness simply to realize the comfort and protection aspects of how we eat. I bet you’ll be able to manifest exactly the results you want as you continue to do the work.
Like alcohol and drug addictions. I’m hoping that my food issues are depression and anxiety related and that they will resolve as I resolve the mental issues. I didn’t have any food issues as a child or a teen: it all developed when I broke up with my ex-bf who I lived with and I lived alone in my own house. I think I developed it for comfort, then to protect me from the world. As I develop myself so I don’t need food for comfort and fat to protect me from the world, I’m hoping I’ll develop a healthy relationship with food once again. it’s good to have hope at any rate.
I think it’s great how you did a check in, saw where you needed to make changes, and then made the changes. You are a rock, honestly. You are totally going to make this work for the long haul.