Weighty Matters

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To Assess and not Obsess

It’s difficult to not obsess about my weight in terms of the actual number on the scale. Sometimes I think I should simply stop weighing myself, or at least stop weighing myself so often. Other times, I’m in such fear that I’ll grow lax and gain weight that I feel I have to be vigilant and keep a steady check on myself.

Simple truth. As far as I’ve come and as solidly as I’ve worked on the emotional and mental aspects of my disordered eating along with the physical, I still do not trust myself to not eventually screw this up. I prefer to think of this realization as crystal clear self-awareness rather than painful self-flagellation.

My scale number obsession is worse this week because I have an appointment my surgeon on Friday. I had that good weight loss when I did the post-Thanksgiving detox but then I stalled again. So, the total number of pounds lost since I last saw him four months ago is nowhere near where I wanted/hoped. I’m really trying to put the obsession aside and assess my progress in a healthy, rational way. It is what it is.

It is what it is, and I shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that all that it is happens to be pretty damned awesome. In doing the new exercise program that I bought, I’m actually delighted that I can lie on the floor and do abdominal curls/crunches. I can lift my butt and hips off of the floor in a bridge and hold them up there. I can walk for extended periods of time and distance or ride my bike for close to 20 miles. (I can probably pedal even further but I haven’t tried yet.) I’m in smaller size clothes than I’ve worn since probably high school.

I make far healthier food choices, eating more fruit and vegetables than candy, cake, cookies, deep fried foods or fast foods. My attitude is positive and I’ve developed an honest pleasure and enthusiasm about being physically active and fit.

To let a number on the scale cloud all of the good would be a mistake and a real injustice to myself. I need to cultivate the positive assessment. Right now, I feel like the mental fatigue of staying on the reduction part of the program is a bigger threat than anything else. I need to remember that the food program is only one aspect of the entire effort. There’s so much more to it; so much more to me.

I’ll get where I need to go, even if it’s one slow pound at a time.

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Positively Healthy

I started to write a blog post about this topic last night but I was so tired, that my brain began to shut down. I’d look at a sentence I’d just typed and it was disjointed nonsense. This was a good sign that I needed to shut myself down and go to bed. Much better to start on the topic again today.

All month long, I’ve thought about things that I’m grateful for, and there are a lot of them. Today I’m musing about how good it’s been for me to pay attention to this things, to let myself really feel them and also to take the time to acknowledge them. Just like it has helped me recently to say the words out loud that I choose recovery each day, the daily expressions of gratitude are good for me.

I believe that this fosters a positive attitude. Often the bad things that happen, or the situations that upset us, clamor more loudly for attention. They stay more in the forefront. Dwelling in the negative brings us down mentally, emotionally and, I think, physically. I’d rather live in the house of happy.

It’s good to reinforce a positive attitude and approach. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a cheerleader for ourselves in our own lives. We can set our intention and speak our choices aloud. Will there be days that the best intention of maintaining a positive attitude isn’t strong enough to withstand some crap that might get flung in our general direction? Sure. This is life, after all, which is far from always perfect. However, if we start out by trying to boost the positive, we have a better shot at staying ahead of, or being strong than, the negative.

I know for a fact that if I wake up thinking that the day is going to suck, I’ve set myself up for self-fulfilling prophecy. I’d rather concentrate on manifesting good and let that be the self-fulfilling path for the day. This approach makes me stronger and happier. It leads to greater success with my food plan and exercise commitment, helps me rock my job and other commitments. I’m sure it makes me a better friend and family member and overall just a more pleasant person to be around.

All in all, I feel positively healthy and you can bet I’m grateful for that every single day.

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