Weighty Matters

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Not an Introvert

I’m really glad that I’m not an introvert. I’m pretty sociable, a good networker, and almost completely comfortable heading into lots of different situations by myself. While I don’t make close friends easily, I am easily friendly and can chat to complete strangers.

This comes in handy in my line of work. It also comes in handy in general. It’s a useful life skill.

It used to be more difficult when I had to overcome self-consciousness over my body size. I often imagined my large body preceding the rest of me into a room. I projected that the people already in the room, automatically judged me with the most negative opinions. I also generally compared myself to others, or rather looked around and noticed that I was usually the heaviest person in the room.

When I think about those decades, I marvel a little that I didn’t become an introvert or seek to hide instead of reaching out to connect with others. If I had, I know that it would have made my life and my job even more difficult. I will admit that I employed a lot of “fake it until you make it” attitude to help me perform in those social and business situations. Even if I dreaded, anticipated, or imagined the judgments, I pretended otherwise. I acted “as if” I was more confident than I felt.

It’s really nice that I don’t do that whole “body size judgment” projection any more. When I walk into a situation, confident and sure, I’m not acting. That’s me all of the way. I know that I really always was an extrovert and now that’s completely unfettered and free of any lingering uncomfortableness.