Weighty Matters

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Embracing Triumphism

Just so you know, I went online to see if there’s an actual opposite word for defeatist. Most Google returns cited optimist. That doesn’t do it for me. One site suggested triumphist or triumphism. Those look a little oddball but they’re easier than victorist or victoryism. I like them. I hereby proclaim that I have a triumphist attitude. I embrace triumphism.

Adopting any attitude and putting it to work for me is a choice. I’m as capable of sinking low as anyone. Stuff bothers me. Emotions get complicated and messy. It’s often easy to throw up my hands and declare, “What’s the use?” It’s harder to say, “Nope, no matter what, I am not going to let this (whatever “this” is at the time) bring me down. I will not permit it to defeat me, derail my effort and keep me from my goals.

No lie, the last eight or nine days have been emotionally difficult. I didn’t go on a single roller coaster while at Disney World, but I feel like I’ve ridden one ever since. As a compulsive overeater, when my emotions thwack around like a silver ball in a pinball machine, I get unbalanced. For some reason, I believe, or have always believed in the past, that food settles me down. It anchors me, or so it feels like. What compulsive eating really does is drag me down like one of those old time ball and chain things attached to my ankle. It doesn’t uplift my spirit or brighten my outlook. Instead, that diseased eating unleashes a torrent of self-criticism which sets me on the path to that “What’s the use? I’ll never lose or keep off the weight.” That, in turn, creates such a defeatist attitude that I’m on my way to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Not any more. I’m learning to guide the roller coaster, not just ride it like a strapped-in passenger who has to finish the ride once it starts. I’m also learning, one day at a time, to fight off the compulsion which helps me stave off the self-criticism so that I can stay strong and determined in my triumphist state of being.

So, emotionally difficult time period and all, I’m not drowning. I’m riding the wave, keeping my balance, and riding the wave. Instead of criticizing, I’m acknowledging the self-care and the fact that I’m choosing healthier ways in which to deal. I’m reminding myself that bumps aren’t blockades. I can continue to make progress, one step at a time.