Weighty Matters

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Frustrated

I’ve been absent from the blog for a few days. I didn’t realize just how many until I looked at the calendar today and the date of the last post. Yes, I’ve had the normal busy life at work and yesterday I took a great day away from everything and took a boat ride out to Ft. Jefferson in the Dry Tortugas (about 70 miles west of Key West). No phone service no high tech anything. Just miles and miles of clear, jewel-toned water and endless blue skies. I’ll share some photos later, but I wanted to get this written part of the post up while it’s on my mind.

Folks, I’m eating the way that I’m supposed to. I’m exercising the way I’m supposed to and have even ramped it up with the bike. I cannot get the scale to move down. I’m frustrated, annoyed and frustrated again. This is not a good place for me to be in emotionally. It absolutely makes me want to eat. How contrary is that?

Compulsive overeating is, indeed, a contrary disorder.

I know intellectually that I simply need to keep doing what I’m supposed to do and, eventually, the weight will drop. I know this, but often emotions are stronger than intellect. At the very least, they’re more dramatic.

So, I’ve now dumped it out here and hope to leave the emotions on the page, so to speak. I’m about to go out for an 8-10 mile bike ride and then come home and spend the day doing things around the house. I’m also going to whisper affirmations in my head and remind myself that eating inappropriately will not advance me to my goal. While I pedal, I’ll think of something delicious and healthy that I can make for dinner tonight. I need to stay on track. That’s the bottom line.

Thanks for listening reading!

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If It Doesn’t Fit

Crazy busy stuff going on again, folks. The last two nights, I’ve been exhausted when I’m finally home and able to relax. Lots of stress involved in everything. It’s amazing that I’m not flinging myself headlong into a tub of double chocolate fudge brownie ice cream.

I’m happy to say that while I might think about doing that as a fake coping strategy, I’m not putting the thought into action. I call it a fake coping strategy because opening up to a binge of compulsive eating is not coping. It’s a distraction. I sometimes think of it as the principle of the counter-irritant. When I used to binge and overeat mass quantities, I’d then feel so bad about the overeating that it would distract me, temporarily at best, from whatever situation was causing me the stress and upset in the first place.

I digress. The bottom line is that I’m stressed and overwhelmed, but I’m not overeating because of it. Points for me.

Today I was at my desk at work by 7:30 a.m. We had a media shoot from 8:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. All great stuff, but it was hot, humid and endless. I felt like a salt block when we were finished. I left work early, vegged at home for an hour and then went to Zumba. Seriously. I could have seasoned a movie theater full of popcorn with the salt on my skin from sweating. Thank goodness I sucked down water all day to remain hydrated.

Okay. Enough complaining.

My thoughts these days are very much focused on whether I need to make some changes in my activities. Not my exercise. I’m talking about the other things and organizations in which I’m involved outside of work. There are a couple of things that I don’t think are a good fit for me and vice versa. I’m paraphrasing an old defense strategy when I wonder, “If it doesn’t fit, should I quit?” If I’m not the person that’s truly what’s needed in this one circumstance, then I should step aside and let the role be filled by someone who will more effectively fit the situation. This is better for all concerned.

If I’m a square peg in this situation, then trying to shove myself into the round hole is uncomfortable and way too stressful. I get bitchy when I’m stressed and overwhelmed and that’s not effective or desirable either.

It’s going to take me a few days to reach a decision. In the meantime, I will not let the emotional turmoil kick me into a binge. The disease and the binge behavior doesn’t fit my lifestyle now either!

Wow, I just dozed off while typing the above sentence. Sorry, folks. That’s a sure sign that I need to get to bed!

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Finding New Ways

I just realized that I last posted on the 9th and it’s the 11th.  The last couple of days are a blur of work, commitments, stress-inducing crisis, and more work.  I’m physically and emotionally exhausted.  I can’t speak in depth about the stress-inducing crisis because it involves an organization with which I’m involved, but I can assure you that it isn’t the one where I work.  I feel a tad overcommitted this week, and by tad I’m underexaggerating.  Not only did I work every day but I had evening meetings on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.  Even Tai Chi on Wednesday wasn’t its usual relaxing self but something else I needed to do, somewhere I needed to be.

I am so glad to be home tonight just puttering around the house, cuddling the dogs and watching my Phillies play the Miami Marlins.

Whenever I had weeks like this in the past, I used food and overeating to help me deal.  There is no empirical evidence that compulsive eating every actually helped me deal with anything even once, but it was my crutch so, excuse or no, I used it.  That’s not my way anymore.

Recovering from any addictive disorder means not falling back into the addicting substance or behavior.  When the going gets tough, the tough need to develop new coping mechanisms.  This week, I decided that I would treat myself well with a massage.  I earned it, I deserved it, and, most of all, I needed it.  I went this afternoon after leaving work and it was worth every minute of time and every dollar I spent.  My body feels so much better and I’m definitely not physically holding onto the stress any more.

I passed the cupcake bakery on my way to and from the massage therapist but I didn’t stop in and buy something with too many calories to console me for my tough week.  Although I thought about it, I decided that the best tasting cupcake in the world wasn’t worth eating when I’d worked so hard to lose weight this week.

Food wise, I had an excellent week.  Yes, even with all of the crap going on and my general, over-extended busy-ness, I stuck to my plan to eat mostly “full” liquids for breakfast and lunch and then low carb meals for dinner.  Honestly, I didn’t eat very substantial meals for dinner either, often having some yogurt or fruit or something light.  Tonight I could have put together a salad (see recipe that appears below) but I wasn’t all that hungry when I got home and had a couple of carrots and some hummus for dinner instead.

It isn’t always easy to find new ways to deal with the random stuff that often comes with life.  I’m glad when I can pick a substitute behavior instead of eating, and that’s honestly the key thing to remember.  What I do is not as important as what I choose not to do.  Whichever coping mechanism or coping assistance I employ, the only sure thing that I need to lock onto is that I need to choose not to overeat.  Everything else is secondary.

Now for the recipe, that I absolutely plan to make for dinner tomorrow.  I have the ingredients prepped and ready to go.  This recipe comes courtesy of Karen (Betty Bear).  Many thanks!

Kale Salad

1 bunch of kale (the original recipe asked for lacinato, aka elephant, kale, but curly is easier to find and tastes just as good)

⅓ c. pine nuts, toasted

⅓ c. dried cranberries or cherries

3 oz. ricotta salada cheese, grated (mild feta works fine)

1 T. minced shallot

1 ½ T. lemon juice

5 T. extra virgin olive oil

Whisk together lemon juice, olive oil and shallot. Wash kale and remove stems. Slice horizontally VERY thinly. Toss kale, pine nuts, cranberries and cheese. Toss with dressing.

Notes: this makes a LOT of salad, enough for 5 or 6 people. If you’re making for yourself, prep everything else but only do as much kale as you want for your salad and add other stuff accordingly.

 

 

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