I’m pretty much convinced that my emotional state this week has been fueled or affected by hormonal fluctuations. The food cravings, the susceptibility to stress, getting overwhelmed and weepy, plus a few significant physical twinges all add up to my conclusion.
Let me state for the record that if I end up having my period this week, I’m going to be royally pissed off. Stupid, I know, to get pissed off about something I can’t control, but that’s the way I feel. I’ve been perimenopausal for a couple of years. I want the whole thing over. I thought I was on my way to the final countdown last year when I went six months without a period. Then last September it returned with a vengeance. I then skipped four months, had it again a couple of months in a row and now I’m on month seven sans period. I do not want to get it now and have to start the count back at one.
Enough of my bitching. This post is about hope and dreams. I stole the title from a Springsteen song. If it sounds familiar and you aren’t particularly a Boss fan, you might have heard it in the promos for the World Series. Anyway, a long time friend emailed me tonight that she had weight loss surgery last week. She and I had talked about it a few months ago and I knew she was investigating the possibility, but we hadn’t spoken in several weeks and I didn’t know that she’d completed all of the pre-evaluations and actually had the procedure. I called her and said, “I’m so proud of you for moving forward and a little mad that you didn’t tell me so that I could keep good thoughts for you on the day.”
Then, it not being about me, I listened while she caught me up on the details and how she’s doing. I’ve known her since ’94 or ’95 and we’ve shared a lot about our eating diseases, OA experiences, weight loss/gain yo-yoing and the increasing problems excess weight causes, etc. We speak the same language and understand each other.
Throughout the conversation, we kept talking about having hope and dreaming of our improved lives. Experiencing hope and daring to dream are powerful acts. They got me where I needed to be so that I could choose to have the surgery and rescue my life. They’re what get me through and keep me moving. I’m so proud of my friend and excited for her, too. She’s already lost 46 pounds with the pre-op liquid diet and the week post-surgery. She knows that she’s at the beginning of her journey, but she is already looking ahead and planning for her fabulous future.
When you’ve lived for years in dark despair, feeling your life and your body crumble under your own weight, feeling hope transforms your spirit.
Yeah, my week’s been crappy. I’ve eaten shit today that slows my progress on my journey. Slowed, but didn’t stop me.
There are lines in the Bruce song that I love. Dreams will not be thwarted. Faith will be rewarded. No stressful situation, hormonal, emotional upheaval, momentary relapse into compulsive eating or unplanned food will thwart my dreams. I’ve grown too strong these past nine or so months. Each day is another step in my fabulous future.
I’m really happy for this friend and the one I spoke about the other week. I know where they were emotionally and physically before their surgeries. I know what’s happening for them, and me, now. They’ve met me in the land of hope and dreams.